May 182016

William slammed his crowbar into the back of the zombie’s knee. After the zombie fell to the ground, William planted his hiking boot on the undead thing’s back. The creature snarled but couldn’t roll over. William swung his crowbar into the creature’s skull and the head collapsed like a desiccated pumpkin.

It was a good kill. The zombie never fought back, there was very little splatter and it was over in a few seconds. Fast and simple were the best kills.

William wondered if he could do it faster. He replayed the short fight in his head. There was always room for improvement but he didn’t see any here.

There was a growl and William jumped. It was just his stomach.

He looked around the apartment complex. Rows and rows of kicked opened doors stretched out before him. So far he had searched seven of the apartments and found they had already been looted. It was likely the rest of the complex was just as empty.

The sun bore down on him. William took off his firefighter’s helmet with the very convenient face shield. He wiped the sweat from his dark forehead and scratched the stubble on his head. Damn, he hadn’t even found a fucking razor today.

Something caught his eye. One door hadn’t been kicked in. In fact, it looked modified with an expanded peephole and another small door located halfway up the door. The windows next to it were boarded up.

Someone lived there. That someone probably had looted the other apartments. Maybe they had some food.

William cleaned his crowbar and discarded the rag. He kept his helmet off and tucked it under his arm. His mouth tried to smile but he couldn’t keep it up in a way that seemed natural so he stopped.

He walked over to the door. There was a small sign by the window. He lost his reading glasses weeks ago so he had to get really close to read it.

“Will Trade Food For Work”

“Thank Jesus,” William said. He didn’t know what kind of work they needed but whatever it was, he would do it.

“Hello?” William said as he knocked gently on the door. He didn’t want to attract any slumbering undead.

He heard movement behind the door. The sound proofing on these apartments sucked. A shadow passed behind the peephole. William thought he saw faded red hair.

“What do you want?” a voice said. It was a woman.

“The sign said you will trade food for work?” William said. “I could really use some food. I ate my last can of peas yesterday.”

“Step back so I can see you better,” the woman said.

William did as she said. He put down his crowbar and helmet. His shoulders slumped so that she wouldn’t be intimidated by his height or his muscles. He almost smiled but thought better of it.

“Hmmm,” the woman said. “I have got one bag of beef jerky and a can of peaches. Do you want it?”

William’s stomach growled. “Yes, ma’am,” he said. Oh man, meat! The fruit sounded nice too.

“Alright, take off your pants,” the woman said.

“Excuse me?” William said.

“You heard me,” the woman said. “You want the food, you got to work for it but first I got to see your cock.”

This was new. Well, not entirely. William remembered the time those biologists fucked him silly to gather sperm samples. And there was also that nymphomaniac in the cabin who traded him that sweet rifle for a week of fucking. Not to mention those really nice redneck sisters who had a threesome with him in exchange for the helmet he was carrying now. Still, no one ever made him pull his pants down outside a locked door.

“Fine,” William said. He unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. When he pulled his pants down, his thick cock was already poking against the boxers he wore. The boxers went down next and his cock sprung to attention.

“Good lord,” the woman said.

Heat rose to William’s face. The zombie apocalypse might have changed a lot about him but he still had his shyness. The woman’s appreciation made his cock throb and bounce like a twitching arm.

The small panel halfway up the door opened. The opening was just large enough for a can.

“Alright, now put your cock in here so I can inspect it,” the woman said.

“What?” William said. He might be shy but this was his dick she was talking about. “You want me to put my dick in a hole in a door, where you can do anything you want to it?”

“That’s right,” the woman said. “I sure as fuck am not letting you in. You’re bigger than me and could overpower me.”

“Yeah, and you could cut my dick off!” William said.

“I don’t want to cut your dick off!” the woman said. “You ain’t got shit that I want except that cock! Don’t be a pussy about this!”

He was about to say something else when his stomach growled.

“Shit, is that a zombie?” the woman asked.

“No,” William snapped. He was angry at himself because he knew what he was going to do. This was a stupid idea but damn it, beef jerky AND peaches!

He stepped up to the door. There were no blood stains on the door so he took that as a good sign. Dick in hand, he guided it through the hole.

There was silence on the other side of the door. Fingers touched his dick. They poked and squeezed. Hot breath brushed his tip.

William let out a sigh of relief. Nothing sharp touched his dick.

“Okay, one moment,” the woman said. “Don’t go anywhere.”

William waited. He leaned against the door with his dick through the hole. His head kept moving to keep an eye out for zombies.

Time passed. What was she doing, painting a picture?

“Shit, get hard again,” the woman said. Fingers wrapped around his cock and stroked.

William groaned. The fingers were quick and rough but it had been awhile. He hardened instantly.

“Where did you go?” he said.

“Had to find the jumbo size,” the woman said. Something stretched across the tip of his dick and slowly rolled along his thick length. It was a condom.

William laughed. They were doing this. He was fucking a woman through a hole in a door. The things one does in a zombie apocalypse.

“Hold still,” the woman said. A moment later, something hot, wet and perfect slid onto his cock.

“Ohhh,” William groaned. Pussy, it had been awhile. He closed his eyes and focused on the wonderful clenching of his dick.

“Don’t move,” the woman said. She began to move, a short slide back and forth across his thick length.

William shuddered. His hands curled into fists. He wanted to thrust but he fought it. All he had to do was stand here and by God, that was what he was going to do.

The woman slow fucked him. Her wet pussy tugged at him.

A hot wind blew across William’s ass. He looked around and the area was still clear. There were no zombies and even better, there were no other living people. Zombies he could handle but he doubted that he could explain why he was bare-assed and sticking his dick in a hole.

“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,” the woman groaned. She fucked him a little bit faster. The door shuddered as her ass backed into it.

William wondered what she looked like. Did he really see red hair? Was she old or young? Was she big or small? All he knew of her was her pussy and her pussy was fucking perfect.

His stomach growled. He tried to ignore it but it kept growling. An idea came to mind.

William pulled out of the hole. His dick was slick with juices.

“What’s wrong?” the woman yelled.

“I want three bags of beef jerky,” he said. “I’m sorry, but I am really hungry and you’ve picked this place clean.”

“God damn it!” the woman yelled. The door shuddered as she punched it.

Silence hung in the air. William gripped his cock tightly to keep his erection. A shiver ran through him and he idly stroked his cock.

“Two bags of beef jerky,” the woman said. “They are decent size bags. I’ll also give you a can of peaches, a can of pears and an unopened bottle of water.”

“Deal,” William said.

“Well, put that cock back in here!” the woman said.

He did and her pussy was waiting for him. His dick entered her wet tightness. She clenched down hard on him.

“Fuck me,” she said. “You’re taking my food; you can do more of the work!”

“Throw in a razor and you got a deal,” he said.

“Yes!” the woman yelled back.

William grabbed door frame for balance and his hips went to pumping. His balls slapped against the door but he was too horny to care.

“Oh shit!” the woman cried.

He kept fucking. The door shook. His thick cock pounded her tight sex.

The wind blew again. Sweat slid down his broad back. His head itched but he was going to fix that with the razor.

He pushed those thoughts away. There was a job to do and William always did a job well. He paid more attention to his knees so he could get a deeper thrust. His hands got a better grip on the doorframe. He added a little twist to his hips just to make it interesting for her.

“Just like that!” the woman cried.

William did what she demanded. He pictured her on the other side of the door. Was she grabbing her tits? Did she keep her eyes closed? Was her mouth open, panting as he fucked her?

She screamed. Quivering spasms engulfed his cock.

It was too much. William climaxed. He filled the condom as his seed burst forth. Because he was outside, he bit down hard on his lip to keep from making a noise.

Coming was so good. Sex partners that weren’t crazy or suspicious were damn hard to find. Out on his own, it was unsafe to masturbate in case a zombie snuck up on you. It felt like he had a lifetime of seed in his balls just aching to get out.

She dismounted and William pulled out of the hole. The condom was mess. He pulled it off and looked around for a place to throw it. The bush would have to do. It didn’t surprise him to see six other condoms there.

“Here,” a much more subdued voice said. A jerky bag emerged from the hole.

William took two bags of barbecue flavored jerky, two cans of pears, a can of peaches, a bottle of water and a razor. It was only supposed to be one can of pears but he didn’t say anything. Maybe she was tipping his cock.

“If you go back to the road and hang a left, you’ll see another apartment complex,” the woman said. “I’d rather you left those alone. If you go a mile, you’ll come across a strip mall. There used to be a gas station and a pizza place.”

“Sure,” William said as he put his pants back on. “I can skip those apartments. Thanks for the tip. Gas stations have interesting stuff.”

“Good luck,” the woman said. “If you get hungry again, wait a day before coming back.”

William laughed. “Yeah, I’ll need a day or two as well.”

Sep 022009

I took aim. There was a zombie. He looked like he might have been a lawyer when he was alive. I like that idea. My brother-in-law was a lawyer.

I shot him. One clean shot through the head. He fell just like they do in the videogames: straight down like someone cut his strings. Man, if my old clan from Team Fortress could see me now.

There was nothing else to do. I was safe. They weren’t getting into the church since I barricaded it. I had shitloads of ammo. Robbing that ammo store was the smartest thing I ever did. The second smartest thing I did was raid that Costco. I had enough canned food to last me 80 years. The third smartest thing I did was rig up that rainwater catcher. I was a god damn survival genius. All that science fiction horror shit I read was finally put to use.

Course, the dumbest thing I did was not rob a fucking porn store before locking myself up. Mother fucking god damn bastard fuck! I was so worry about surviving; I forgot to get some damn porn!

I took aim again. The zombies mulled around the church. The dumb fucks walked back and forth like they were caught in a tide. I see some walk by and a week later, the same ones are walking back the other direction. I don’t know where the fuck they are going, but they go somewhere.

I saw a woman zombie. Oh man. Her shirt was ripped open. She had a big floppy breast just hanging out. It was flat. Really amazing how flat a tit gets when you’re dead. My mouth watered.

Oh sweet Jesus, I miss breasts. I miss what they looked like when they were alive. I miss how hot they were when you have just pulled them out of a bra. I miss how the nipple would feel between your teeth. Oh dear god in heaven, I miss licking a nipple while it got hard in my mouth.

The zombie I was looking at had hard nipples. Hard as death. I couldn’t shoot her. I shot a guy who was behind her instead. He looked like a lawyer too.

At first I was too scared to jack off. Then after a week, I started dreaming about sex. Oh man. I dreamed about my bitch wife who left me behind as she jumped on the evacuation train. I dreamed about my first girlfriend, with sixteen year old tits the size of my head. I dreamed about everyone. I dreamed once about fucking Gladys, the damn secretary at my company who must have been seventy years old.

The second week I masturbated. Oh shit, did I masturbate. I was a teenager again; whacking my dick. Three, four and even five times a day. Sometimes I would just sit here on the roof, whacking my dick like a damn pervert in the sun.

The third week, I started to forget how women looked. I mean, I sort of remember. They looked pretty. They were soft. I liked the big girls the best. Oh fuck, I loved a big girl who could climb on top of you and her big breasts would swing down in your face like two moons in the sky.

But I can’t stop thinking. When I got my dick in my hand and I’m grinding away, that’s when I have trouble. I close my eyes and I don’t see my bitch wife. I see the zombie with the bleach blonde hair who almost ate my goddamn hand the first day of the outbreak. I see the shambling cheerleader squad who walked by in their fucking uniforms. I see blood and dead flesh.

God, I would give my right nut for a Playboy. I would give up my supply of chocolate bars for a fucking Victoria Secret’s catalog.

I would murder my own mother if I could get the Internet back.

I line up another shot. I go looking for a zombie. It’s like dating. Plenty of fish but you want the right one. I skip over zombies that are too old. I skip the ones that are too young. I look for a pretty one. One that maybe died of the flu. One that isn’t missing half their face.

One with really big breasts.

I find her. She’s a big lovely black woman. Oh God, her breasts shift underneath her big red shirt. Oh Jesus and all of your pecker sucking disciples, she has sunglasses on and it makes her almost look alive. She’s beautiful.

I want to shoot. I want to nail her. I can’t fuck her, but I can fuck her over. It would be a release. Instead of seed, I would shoot a bullet.

I don’t. She might one day try to eat my face off, but I can’t do it. I found her. That was enough. I found her and now I spare her. It’s like I did her a favor. If she was alive, she might let me kiss her tits in gratitude.

I shoot a zombie who looks like a doctor instead. Fucking doctors.

God, I wish I had brought some porn.