Jun 132012

Isaac Cox held his hand up.  It was shaking.  At six and a half feet tall, that was a lot of arm to be shaking.  The black man looked at his hand in a sort of wonder.  He had been scared plenty of times in his career as a bounty hunter and even more in his earlier time as a male stripper, but he had never been this scared.  It was fascinating.

“What’s the matter, Sweetballs?” Olivia asked.  Sweetballs was her new nickname for him.  She usually came up with a new one every other month.  It was one of the reasons he loved her so much.

Olivia Pusse’ was his fantastic girlfriend, even more fantastic lover and even better partner.  For a college cheerleader turned private detective, she was a hell of woman.  The only thing bigger than her gorgeous tits and blonde hair was her heart.

He flashed her smile #21, the one that said loved every second that he was with her.  “Maybe we should call for backup,” Isaac said.  “The NRKKK will all be packing and we know there will be at least fifty of them.  I know they’re having a meeting in a church but to these Bible humpers, that just means they want Jesus to bless their bullets.”

Olivia shook her head.  “You really think the police will just arrest them?  We’re in Arizona.  You’ve had to show the police your birth certificate four times since we got here.  For all we know, the NRKKK is made of police.  Either we get them now, or this cock-regation is going to break up and go back underground.  Remember what these hood fuckers did to that adult toy store?”

Isaac remembered.  The National Rifle Klu Klux Klan was targeting any adult businesses that were operated by minorities.  Not content with a simple drive by, these paramilitary fuckers were taking their time to capture, torture and execute the employees.  That usually took an hour and Olivia was right, not a single policeman had shown up in time to stop it.  It was up to them.

“I’m not afraid for me,” Isaac said.  “I just don’t them to get their hands on you.  You know what they would do with a white woman who worked with a black man?  You saw the kind of sick shit they do.”

Olivia shook her head.  “It’s sweet that you’re worried about me, Sweetballs, but you got to girl up and deal with it.  Either we kill these fuckers tonight or they might get away clean. “

“Yeah, you’re right,” Isaac said.  He looked at his hand and tried to will it to be still.  It wasn’t working.

“Hey, I have an idea,” Olivia said.  “Back when I was a cheerleader, I would get nervous before a game.”

“Oh God, you’re not going to tell me picture all those pale white rednecks naked are you?” Isaac said.

“Great, make me throw up before we go in there,” Olivia said.  “No, I was going to tell you how before a game, I would go to my Happy Place.  You know, a mental place where everything is perfect.  I used to fantasize about being in a shoe store and naked Olympic swimmers would wait on me.”

Isaac laughed.  “My happy place is balls deep in you while we watch cop shows.”

Olivia laughed.  “I am pretty sure that is your Happy Fucking Place.”

She kissed him.  It was out of the blue and unexpected.  Their tongues danced with each other as if they knew this might be their last kiss.  When they came up for air, Olivia spoke first.

“Now go to your Happy Killing Place,” she said.

Isaac picked up his twin steel pistols.   He took a look at Olivia as she unzipped her leather jacket to reveal more cleavage.  He heard laughter coming from the church.  He was with his girlfriend about to hurt some very bad people.  Yes, a Happy Killing Place.  He could do that.

Isaac imagined Olivia getting ready this morning.  She had put on a blue thong because few things made her want to shot something more than having a thong up her crack all day.  She put on black jeans and then strapped on four guns along her thighs.  A blue sports bra went on top of her lovely breasts.  Olivia was a firm believer that a lot of cleavage distracted people trying to kill her.  She was also a firm believer in proper tit support during a fight.  She put a leather jacket over them and then filled her pockets with bullets.  Her long blonde hair went into a tight bun so her enemies would have less to grab.  She was a murderous beauty queen.

Isaac kicked the church doors open.  A mass of rednecks wearing their white hunting cap hoods turned around.  Isaac raised his pistols and didn’t bother to aim.  He just pointed in the direction of the crowd and pulled the trigger.

Racists started screaming.  Wet spots appeared on dozens of pants.  A black guy with a gun was their worse nightmare come to life.

Olivia made the nightmare worse.  She walked out from behind Isaac and leveled her shotgun at the racists.  The ones in front ducked behind pews and the ones behind them were cut down by the spread of her shotgun rounds.  Racist slurs turned into screams of mercy.

The surprise lasted for only a few seconds.  Hundreds of guns were drawn from holsters, carrying cases and portable gun racks.  Confronted with a black man and a white woman, the racists’ fears gave way to unspeakable rage.  The looks of hatred were more intense than the look of hundreds of guns pointed at them.

Isaac moved to the left.  Olivia went to the right.  He couldn’t watch her as he fought but she was on his mind.  He thought about Olivia going down on him.  He pictured his cock disappearing in slow motion between Olivia’s hungry lips.  The flicks of her tongue were burned into his memory.  The fear melted away as his cock hardened.

He kept shooting as he walked.  His old stripper moves kicked in and his body twisted, turned and move in a rhythm that the racists found impossible to draw a bead on.  They were used to shooting cardboard targets, running immigrants and crying victims.  Shooting someone who moved was a challenge that most couldn’t handle.  Their bullets missed as the walls around Isaac disintegrated.  A tremor of fear ran up his leg.

Isaac thought of Olivia punching a drunk last night.  The guy was kicked out of the NRKKK for dating a Hispanic and he had some information.  Olivia had put the guy’s head between her thighs and squeezed.  The poor bastard started crying for his momma and said that his skull was cracking.  He told them everything. 

He holstered his pistols when they ran out of bullets.  He pulled out an Uzi from his trench coat without even breaking stride.  He aimed low and kneecaps disintegrated.  Racists blacked out from the pain while their friends used their fallen bodies for cover.

Isaac thought of Olivia on her laptop.  She was one hell of a researcher when it came to tracking gun sales.  College must be good for something after all.  Isaac loved to see a smart woman work.  The fact that the blonde liked to work naked on her laptop was just the cream in the pastry filling.

He pulled a grenade from his belt and lobbed it at the back door.  A crowd of cowardly NRKKK members were trying their best to make a strategic bug out.  Too bad for them that Isaac and Olivia had chained the door shut just a few minutes ago.  The grenade bounced into the crowd and reduced them to hamburger paste.

The bullets were coming closer.  Either the NRKKK were becoming better shots or Isaac was slowing down.  A single bullet could cripple him and with him down, Olivia would have a much harder time.  She might even get captured.  The terrible things they would do to her were enough to turn Isaac white. 

A group of NRKKK members rushed him.  Maybe they smelled fear.  Maybe they just couldn’t resist putting a boot to a black man.  More than likely, they knew what awful shots they were and needed to get in point blank range.

Isaac thought of Olivia.  He thought of her perfect bouncing tits when she rode his cock.  He thought of the way her lips get tight when she fired her guns.  He thought of the way Olivia smiled at him when he said something nice about her.  He thought about how much he loved that crazy white girl.

He stuck his leg up and the closest NRKKK member ran face first into his boot.  He used the grip of his Uzi to smash in the skull of the second closest racist.  He grabbed the hood of the third closest asshole and slammed his head into the nearest pew.

The fourth fuckwad lost his courage.  He turned to run but Isaac hooked an arm around his neck and dragged him close to him.  His new human shield screamed as Isaac fired his Uzi into the racists.  When the racist felt Isaac’s erection pressing into his back, the NRKKK member wept like a baby.

Unable to dodge, Isaac was an easy target for the NRKKK.  They had no hesitation to shooting his meat shield because they were damn happy to at least be hitting something.  Isaac used that opportunity to get a better aim on the rapidly shrinking group of racists. 

Ten seconds later, it was over.  The entire NRKKK was dead.  Isaac dropped the dead weight he was carrying.  The smell of gunpowder and blood was strong but not nearly as strong as the overwhelming smell of piss.

Olivia walked over to him.  She had changed out her shotgun for a nasty looking assault rifle that Isaac didn’t recognize.  Her jacket was open and her blue sports bra was exposed. 

“What do you think of my new gun, Sweetballs?” Olivia said.  “The thing punched a hole through a guy deeper than when you ass fuck me!”

“Oh yeah?” Isaac said.  He flashed her smile #76, the one that said everything is right in the world because she was here.  That smile was easier and easier to do every day. “Why don’t you drop your pants and we’ll do a comparison right here?”

Olivia wiggled out of her jeans.   Now it was time for Isaac to go to his Happy Fucking Place.

Dec 142011

Olivia Pusse’ groaned as they pulled into the mall parking lot. Cars stretched into the horizon. There must be hundreds of people here, if not a thousand. The place was going to be packed tighter than Olivia’s ass when Isaac was inside her last night.

“Now there is going to be kids here, so no guns,” Isaac Cox said.

“Right,” Olivia said. She looked at her partner. At six and half feet tall of black muscle and a gorgeous body, Isaac didn’t need a gun to fuck someone over. Just one swing of his fist was usually enough to break a jaw or an arm.

He looked at her and flashed a smile that made her wet between the thighs. It was the kind of smile that made Olivia feel like the prettiest girl in the whole world. Fuck, it only took him one smile to melt her heart.

She really wished that she knew what the fuck she was getting him for Christmas. It was their first Christmas together and she just knew that his wonderful ass had bought her something special. Olivia usually just got her boyfriends blowjobs for Christmas but that didn’t seem enough this year. Olivia just wished that she could come up with something half as special as she felt for him.

“I’ll try to blend in with the crowd,” Isaac said. Her bounty hunter boyfriend was as focused as a laser for this job.

“I’ll slip in with the Santa attraction and try to confirm that he’s our target,” Olivia said.

Isaac looked at her outfit. “Are you carrying any weapons?”

“Does it look like I am can hide any weapons?” Olivia said. The red Santa coat she was wearing didn’t even come down to her midriff and it had a cleavage that was far more naughty than nice. The red skirt she wore barely covered her ass but the white stockings prevented any unexpected chimney entries. The leather boots she wore were thigh high but they did have little jingle bells on them. Her long blonde hair spilled out from under a Santa hat.

“From what Dr. Von Madd said, this robot can easily kill a man with its bare hands,” Isaac said.

“Right, and I used to be a cheerleader,” Olivia said, “and before that, a teenage girl detective. I have broken more hands than a crazy robot ever has. I’ll be fine.”

Isaac smiled again. “Baby, you are always more than fine.”

From anyone else, it would have sounded like a cheesy line. The reason Olivia felt her thighs clench was because when Isaac said it, he genuinely meant it.

She really needed to find him something awesome for a Christmas gift.

“Let’s move out,” Isaac said.

They entered the mall at different entrances. Olivia saw the stunned looks of shoppers as she walked by. Yeah, she knew that she had dressed too sexy to work in a mall but she also knew that a sexy woman could cut through a crowd faster than anybody. Guys pushed wives out of the way to let her through. Small children looked in awe at her busty blonde body and wondered at the strange feelings in their pants.

It gave her a clear view of what everyone was selling. She walked at a brisk pace but she was still looking for anything to buy Isaac. Ever since they had gotten together, they had been working jobs tracking down bad people for Dr. Von Madd. They rarely had recreation time and when they did, they spent all of that time fucking. Sure, they are and watched a few movies, but mostly that was to rest between fuckings.

Mp3 players seemed pointless. Fancy electronic book reading machines were silly when the only books they read now were dirty books to each other. Isaac had his two favorite chrome pistols so buying him another gun wouldn’t be special. Shit, there just wasn’t anything that she knew that he wanted.

Olivia was seriously considering calling one of her sorority sisters from college and seeing if she could work out a Christmas threesome. The only problem with that is that Isaac hadn’t even glanced at another woman since they had been together. An extra woman might just be work to him.

It was times like these that she wished her boyfriend was a little less awesome. It would certainly take the pressure off her.

It took her no time to reach Santa’s Village. Santa’s seat was empty. Beside the chair stood two very bored looking male staff dressed as elves. A long line of children and their parents had already formed. The poor bastards.

Only Olivia and Isaac knew that the insane inventor, Dr. Gedo, had created a sex robot to take Santa’s place this year. The sick inventor had a thing for children but due to a very fortunate electrical accident, he didn’t have any working equipment below the belt. The perverted fuck created a pedophile sex robot to enjoy the twisted fantasies that Dr. Gedo himself could not enjoy. By disguising the vile robot as Santa, he guaranteed that his victims would come to him.

The bad Dr. Gedo was rotting in a jail cell but his creation was missing. Olivia and Isaac could only hope to stop the bad Santa before Santa’s Village opened for business.

“Hey guys!” Olivia said to the two mall elves. “I’m new here!”

“Holy mistletoe!” one guy said. The other guy was too busy staring at the tanned slope of Olivia’s breasts.

“Is Santa here, yet?” she asked. She pounded her fist into her hand as she asked the question.

“Uh, yeah,” the speaking guy said. Staring guy said nothing. “He should be coming out right about now.”

“Ho, ho, ho!” Santa boomed. He stepped out from behind a Christmas tree. He was a bit taller than Isaac, which concerned Olivia a bit. When he moved, his thick bulk didn’t jiggle with fat or stuffing. He was rock solid.

“Which one of you boys and girls want to ride Santa’s lap first?” Santa said. “I got a candy cane for you if you can find it! Ho, ho ho-erk!”

Santa’s lewd comment was interrupted by Olivia’s leather boot colliding with his face. His bright red nose crumpled and exploded in a shower of sparks.

“SHE NINJA KICKED SANTA!” a horrified child screamed.

“Power down, Santa!” Olivia yelled. “Dr. Gedo is back in prison!”

“Swallow this!” Santa replied. He opened his mouth and a thick spray of white and pink liquid flew from his mouth.

Olivia dodged it with an easy somersault over a fake bag of toys. The two mall elves behind her were not so lucky. The spray hit them in their face and they screamed in pain. They clutched their eyes and rolled on the ground. The smell of peppermint hung in the air.

“Was that a peppermint pepper spray?” Olivia asked. That Dr. Gedo was an evil bastard.

“Someone’s been naughty!” Santa yelled. He yanked off his black belt and cracked it like a whip in the air. Sharp blades emerged from the end of the belt. Some of the more violent kids applauded this new development.

Santa whipped his belt at Olivia and cleaved the top of a Christmas tree beside her. As Olivia dodged to the right, his belt snapped out and tore off the top of a plastic Christmas tree. Olivia was fine but her sudden movement was too much for her sexy top. Her right breast almost fell out and she clutched it with her hand to protect the innocence of the children.

“Tits!” a kid yelled. He was soon smacked by his mom.

“Where the fuck is Isaac?” Olivia wondered. She looked into the crowd but all she saw were smiling kids and their staring parents. Shit, even Isaac would have a hard time fighting through that crowd.

Fine, she’ll handle this on her own.

She made a run for Santa. The laughing robot held out his arms and extended robots fingers an extra seven inches. Olivia tried not to think about why a sex robot needed extra long fingers and focused on the fake reindeer in front of her. She jumped on the reindeer with a perfect cheerleader leap and sailed through the air feet first.

Olivia kicked Santa in the head so hard that his face spun around one hundred and eighty degrees. Several children screamed at the grotesque act of near decapitation. Olivia landed on the ground beside Santa and paused a moment to see which way he would fall.

The children began to applaud and Olivia knew something bad had happened. She dodged just in time as backwards facing Santa made a grab for her head. He grabbed her hat instead and he stuffed it into his mouth. In seconds, he had shredded the hat with chainsaw teeth.

“Not as nice as your panties would be, but it better than cookies!” Santa said. His head turned around and snapped back into the right place.

“Well fuck,” Olivia said.

Santa took a step towards her when a reindeer crashed into him from behind. As Santa staggered, a tree slammed into him followed by a sleigh. Olivia smiled when she saw Isaac picking up a giant nutcracker soldier to throw at Santa next.

Olivia realized that she really needed to get her boyfriend a great Christmas gift.

“That black man is hurting Santa!” a kid cried.

The more racist kids charged away from their parents and ran right into Isaac. The giant black man had no idea how to disengage small children from his legs. Olivia knew that if those were horny adult women, his stripper training would kick in and he would have no trouble. To an adult entertainer like Isaac, children were an entirely foreign experience.

“Good children!” Santa yelled. “I am going to give each of you a treat for being a good! Right up your asses!”

A shocked gasp rippled through the crowd of parents. They kept watching though.

Santa opened his pants and a large steel contraption emerged from his crotch. It looked like some sort of gun. It might be some kind of sex toy.

“Shit,” Olivia said. “It is probably both.”

And it was aimed at her boyfriend.

“Hell no!” Olivia yelled. She planted a kick right into Santa’s knee. The sound of tortured metal squealed as Santa’s leg gave out.

As Santa stumbled, Olivia jumped and locked her thighs around Santa’s head. She was careful to avoid his mouth as she fell back with her body weight. Olivia hit the fake snow hard but Santa fell with her and they were both on the ground.

Olivia squeezed. The kids and parents looked on as she squeezed her thighs around Santa’s head. She didn’t care. The dumb fuckers should be moving since Santa’s metal extension was now pointing at them.

“Drink my eggnog!” Santa cried as his head began to collapse.

Olivia squeezed tighter. She tried to imagine that Isaac was between her thighs licking her cunt and he was thinking of stopping.

Sparks flew from Santa’s head. “Who’s your Father Christmas?”

Olivia clenched her thighs even tighter. She had one chance to kill this Santa and it would be up to the power of her thighs.

Santa’s legs twitched as major malfunctions rippled through his body. “I will make you ride my North Pole!”

Olivia squeezed.

Santa’s head crumpled under the tremendous stress. His body stopped moving and his strange metal cock retracted back into his body. The evil robot was dead.

“Olivia, are you okay!” Isaac said. He stood over her and held out his hand. He still had a racist kid clinging to one of his legs.

Olivia took his hand and let him help her up. She then grabbed the ear of the racist kid and twisted until he let go. The racist kid went crying to his mom.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Olivia said. “Turns out that a pedophile robot Santa can’t handle an adult woman’ thighs.”

“Shit, I can barely handle them,” Isaac said. He took of his black duster and wrapped it around Olivia’s body. “Let’s get the fuck out of here. Mall Security will be here any minute now that it is safe.”

They hurried towards an exit. Psychologically traumatized children lingered near Santa and tried to steal bits off of him. Mall Security guards ran past Olivia and Isaac in a valiant attempt to appear useful.

“Isaac?” Olivia said. “What the fuck do you want for Christmas? I know you got me something awesome because you are a sweet guy but damn it, I just can’t think of anything to get you.”

Isaac stopped walking and he looked at her. “Olivia, all I want for Christmas is to wake up next to you. You are the greatest gift I have in my life and honestly, that is all I could ever want much less needed.”

Olivia reached up and pulled his bald head down to her for a kiss. When they both ran out of air, she hugged him in the busy mall.

“Although I have to say,” Isaac added. “If you were wearing this outfit when I woke up, that would be pretty nice too.”

Olivia hugged him tighter. “Okay, but I won’t be wearing it for long.”

Apr 292011

Isaac Cox stood outside the headquarters of Right Thinking Publishing. In front of him was Jamaica Vegas’s car. He had tracked the crazed scientist to this location and Isaac had a bad feeling that he knew what she was up to. He had to get in there and stop her before it got out of hand. That was going to be tricky.

For one thing, Isaac was a six and half foot tall giant of ebony muscle. Because he was working, he was wearing his long black duster and matching bad-ass sunglasses. He wore a shirt and a tie underneath the duster but anyone looking at him could see how powerfully ripped he was.

“I do not look like a person who might have business with Right Thinking Publishing,” he muttered to himself. He debated trying to pass himself off as a delivery guy but ruled it out. As a bounty hunter, he had developed a sense for when to fake it and when to just go right in. Lately he had been favoring the go right in method. He suspected it had something to do with not getting laid for awhile. One doesn’t really meet a lot of nice people in this job.

He headed for the back. The telltale scent of tobacco told him where to go. These buildings might have great protection but security always looses out to workers on their smoke break.

It was a woman smoking. Isaac smiled. Women he could handle.

He took off his duster and folded it over his arm. He rolled up his sleeves to show as much of his biceps as possible. He broke into nice smile #80. That was the smile that made women feel like they were the prettiest girl in the entire strip club.

“Hey!” he said in his deep voice. “Oh man I am glad to see you!”

The woman stared at his arms. “Oh yeah?” she said. She took a long drag on her cigarette. Her eyes took in the rest of him and lingered. Isaac noticed that she tried to casually run her fingers through her short brown hair to make sure she was presentable.

“I think I left my badge in the office,” Isaac said. “Could you let me back in?”

He flashed innocent smile #4. That was the smile that told the ladies at the strip club that he was new at this and was so completely innocent that he might let them touch him a bit more than the club standards would allow.

“I haven’t seen you before,” the short brunette said. She stood a little straighter and pushed her breasts out a bit more.

“I just started,” Isaac lied. He took a stab in the dark and came up with a story. “They wanted me to help branch into African American markets.”

She took out the cigarette and frowned. “Really?”

Isaac wasn’t buying his own lie. He tried another tactic. “Oh yeah. Hey, has anyone ever told you that you look like a younger Sarah Palin?”

The woman beamed. “I do?”

Isaac nodded. “You both have that sexy smart look, you know? Oh, I better get back to work. Can you let me in?”

“No problem,” she said. “Just don’t steal anything.”

She meant it as a joke and Isaac laughed with her. “I’ll try!” he said cheerfully.

The woman pressed her badge against the door scanner and it unlocked. She tried to look casual as she did it but Isaac knew. Tonight the lady would be thinking of him sliding between her ivory thighs. He didn’t need a twenty stuffed into his g-string to know that.

“Thanks,” he said and moved into the building. He prided himself on not knocking the racist bitch out.

The first thing he did was put in the special ear plugs he had been given for this job. The earplugs looked transparent and when he put them in, he couldn’t tell any drop in sound. He just hoped they worked like they were supposed to.

“Now, if I was a crazy woman with a crazier weapon, where would I be?” Isaac asked himself.

He walked the halls. He put his duster back on because he knew he looked more intimidating that way. The trick to walking inside a place you don’t belong is to act like you belong. Isaac walked with purpose; as if he was late for a meeting and he did not have time for your bullshit, thank you very much.

Jamaica Vegas was a brown Hispanic woman so Isaac knew she would stand out in this crowd of white bread office workers. He peeked into doorways and open offices as he walked. He would already be at the next door before his brain would process what he glimpsed inside.

Two white guys talking around a water cooler.

One redhead talking on the phone.

An older guy working on his computer.

A guy and a woman kissing.

Two guys writing on a board.

A woman fanning herself with a folder.

Isaac frowned and paused. He peeked back into the room where the two guys were working on the board. They were drawing stick figures with giant breasts.

“Oh shit,” Isaac said. It was starting.

He walked faster. He walked past a man pressing his crotch against a copier as it printed pages. He passed another man talking on the phone while suggestively fingering a lamp. When he walked by two women kissing, Isaac knew his time was up.

“Hey baby,” a middle aged blonde said to him. “Want to come to my office?”

“No thank you, ma’am,” he said. “I am looking for a Hispanic woman. Have you seen her?”

The blond pouted. She reached for her blouse and ripped it open. Two enormous breasts were barely held in by her white bra. The purple tint was already appearing on her skin.

“Why do you want some Mexican slut when you can upgrade to white chocolate?” she asked.

“Wow, ma’am,” Isaac said. “Your racist argument is quite offensive on so many levels that I am not sure how to respond in a suitably nasty manner.”

The woman bit her lip. “You could punish me. Want to spank me? Want to force me to eat your huge black cock?”

Isaac shook his head. “Can’t you fuck a secretary like everyone else?”

“Great idea!” she said. “Lisa! Get your pretty mouth over here!”

Isaac kept walking. He reached an intersection of halls and looked each way.

“Where is she?” Isaac said out loud. It was a bad habit he was picking up. After working two years in a strip club, Isaac found that he hated silence. He started talking to himself just to have some noise.

That was when he saw her. She was at the end of the hall. She had long black hair pulled into a tight ponytail. Bizarrely, she was wearing the same white lab coat that she had on in the picture Isaac had of her. The scientist looked right at him and smiled at him.

“You’re too late!” she yelled.

Isaac reached into his duster. Twin chrome plated 45 revolvers appeared in his hands. They were heavy as shit but most people pissed themselves with fear when Isaac pointed them.

Jamaica Vegas didn’t even blink. She spun around and went into the staircase.

“Bitch has no idea how much I work out on the Stairmaster,” Isaac said. Although he wasn’t a stripper anymore, Isaac never gave up his fitness routine. Once you are a magnificent hunk of beefcake, it is kind of hard to let go.

Inside the stair well, Isaac could hear the clack-clack-clack of Dr. Vegas’s heels as she ran. He stuffed the guns back into his duster. Isaac took the stairs two at a time. As fast as he was, Dr. Vegas was faster. The fugitive managed to stay one flight of stairs ahead of him.

Dr. Vegas ducked into a door on the third floor. Isaac ran through the same door less than three seconds later. He burst through and promptly tripped over a five person orgy.

He fell to the ground and somebody crawled on top of him. Naked purple breasts pressed against his bald head. A large hand grabbed his ass. A mouth took his thumb and started sucking.

“Poor bastards,” Isaac moaned. It was too late for them. Their brains had been permanently altered into a state of perpetual lust. He guessed the earplugs worked after all. All he had to do now was make sure these people didn’t fuck him to death.

Isaac shrugged off the woman on his back. He kicked the guy grabbing his ass and backhanded the woman sucking his thumb. A man grabbed his pants and Isaac calmly punched him out. A woman clung to each of his legs and he casually slapped them off.

Once he was standing back up, Isaac really appreciated how fucked he was. The hallway was jammed with humping bodies. The smell of cock and pussy was everywhere. Isaac had never seen so many pale bodies fucking. At the end of the hall, he saw Dr. Vegas waving at him.

“Freeze!” he yelled. He ran after her. He jumped over one humping couple and shoulder blocked a guy masturbating.

“Check out the black stud!” Dr. Vegas yelled. “I bet he has a foot long cock!”

Every one of those humping fuckers turned and looked at Isaac. He was used to being the center of attention. He just wasn’t used to watching nearly a hundred people suddenly decide to give in to their forbidden lusts and fuck a black man. With a screaming howl of desire, the whorish horde came running at him.

A young woman barely in her twenties threw herself at Isaac. With one hand he grabbed her throat and threw her into a wall. A naked man grabbed him from behind and started humping his back. Two elbows from Isaac later and the man was unconscious on the floor. It was getting ugly fast.

Isaac looked back at the stairway door. It seemed a mile away with all the crazy fuckers between him and the door. With a sigh, he drew his guns back out.

The crowd didn’t even notice his guns. He fired a warning shot into the air and they still lunged at him. A fat man with a tiny cock jumped at Isaac and he was forced to shoot. The big man went down and Isaac’s hesitation faded away. It was going to be them or him.

“You best believe, it is not going to be me,” Isaac said out loud. He noticed that sounded pretty cool. He wished he had a partner who could appreciate his witty one-liners.

He placed his shots carefully. He might be strong but not even he could push past twenty people trying to fuck him. The fact that there was no cure did not make it any easier to shoot naked people in the chest.

There was a poster on the wall for one of the books they printed. It had a black man on the cover dressed in bad hip hop clothes. The title was ‘Are Blacks Holding America Back?’

It became a lot easier to shoot naked white people.

Step by step, Isaac made it closer to the door to the stairway. The pistols thundered in his hands as he fired. The kickback was a bitch and he knew his wrists would be killing him in the morning but he didn’t let up shooting.

“I want to go black!” a woman yelled from behind him. He turned around just in time to dodge her diving at his legs. She hit the ground hard and reached up for his leg.

“Please!” she cried. “I want that cock in my ass!”

“Get in line,” Isaac said.

He moved more carefully and kept an eye on his back. He was lucky that he didn’t get tackled by that woman. He had to stay on his feet and keep moving.

Two women came running at him. They were both topless and both of them were stacked. Their breasts bounced in synchronicity with each other. The four breasts almost hypnotized him as he watched.

He shook his head and opened fired. Their faces exploded at the same time too. Weird.

Isaac walked carefully and chose his targets. He didn’t let anyone sneak up behind him and it made for slow going. Step, shoot, turn, check, step and shoot again. At this rate it would be dawn before he got out of here.

“What I need is a partner,” he said to himself. “Some hot sexy woman that can cover my back while telling me how good my abs look.”

A thin old man with an erection hobbled towards him. The man’s erection was thicker than his pencil arms. Isaac conserved ammunition and merely punched the guy in his chest. The cracking of ribs would keep him down.

“And while I am on the subject,” Isaac continued to himself. “I need a woman who is secure in herself and doesn’t think I prefer other women to her.”

“I will give you everything you need!” a woman screamed at him.

“Aw, that’s sweet,” Isaac said. He punched her in the head rather than shoot her.

“And is it too much to ask for a woman who reads something other than damn vampire books?” Isaac yelled.

“I love porn!” a man yelled as charged Isaac.

Isaac nodded as he shot him. “We all do, man. I wish I could meet a girl who really likes porn and not just the artsy tattooed alternative shit.”

“Fuck me!” a woman screamed as she crawled towards him.

“Yeah,” Isaac said. He lowered his aim so he could get the crawling woman with one shot. “And I want a woman who tells me what she likes instead of hinting around and being all fucking mysterious.”

His way was blocked by five people fucking on the floor. On the one hand he was glad that they were more interested in their tangle of limbs than they were in attacking him. On the other hand, they were in his fucking way.


“But I don’t want a fucking doormat,” he said as stepped over the dead bodies. “I want a woman strong enough to tell me when I am being an asshole. I know I’m not perfect.”

“You are perfect to me!” a woman yelled. She had both hands between her legs as she ran. Isaac admired her coordination.

“It was easier to shoot you when you weren’t saying nice things about me,” he said as he shot her.

He kept talking to himself. He was closer to the door but he still had a way to go. If he stopped talking then he would start doing math. He would think about the minimum number of people it would take to hold him down. He would think about how few bullets he had left in his guns. If he started thinking about things like that, he would get a bit discouraged.

“Shit, all I really want is a partner that gets me, you know? Being an ex-stripper turned bounty hunter sounds like some sort of cheesy late night movie. I need a woman who thinks that shit is cool.”

He was ten feet away from the door when it burst open.

To be continued when you buy the book at Lulu.

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Apr 272011

“I’m not so sure I should let you in, Ma’am,” the security guard said.

“Aw,” Olivia Pussé said in that sad tone that melted the hearts of men. She didn’t say anything else out loud but she was thinking plenty to herself.

“Check out my awesome tits,” Olivia didn’t say. “Take a good look at my delivery girl uniform that is missing a few too many buttons at the top. Check out my long gorgeous blonde hair that you want to run your fingers through. Check out my pretty red lips you want around your cock. Check out my cool sunglasses that hint at mysteries and secret affairs. Check out my tight little waist that you want to put your hands around.”

“Just don’t notice the bulge in my pocket,” Olivia thought as she smiled for the security guard. “Don’t make me pull out my 38 caliber Island Hawk automatic pistol with custom hollow point rounds. Don’t check out the six inch knife I have strapped around my ankle. Do not under any circumstances guess that I have a homemade silenced Uzi in this box I am carrying.”

The guard kept looking at her impressive cleavage and seemed to be on the verge of making a decision. Olivia made it easy for him.

“Okay, I know I am supposed to leave the package at the front desk,” Olivia said.

“But I have been a big fan of Right Thinking publishing for a long time. I would love to see inside the offices where all the best books about conservative political philosophy are written! It makes my heart race just to think about it. Here, see?”

She took his hand and placed it on her chest. The fact that there was a breast between his hand and her heart was completely intentional. She didn’t think the guard needed to squeeze in order to feel her heartbeat but she let it slide.

“See how fast my heart is beating?” she asked.

“Oh yeah,” the guard said.

“And if you just let me deliver this package to the CEO personally, I would be so grateful,” she said.

“How grateful?” the guard asked. He squeezed again.

Olivia pulled her sunglasses down just enough so he could see her pretty blue eyes. “Very,” she said.

He pulled his hand away. “Go right in, ma’am. Take as long as you like. My lunch break is in two hours if you want to show your appreciation then.”

“Good, maybe I’ll have a bite too,” she said.

The guard was checking out her ass as she walked by. That was fine. As long as he was looking at her tight ass, he wasn’t paying attention to the grim smile on her lips.

Now it was time to find the bitch that killed her father.

She was alone in the elevator. The time it took to go up four floors was barely a minute. For Olivia that was plenty of time to think. She thought about her father, John Pussé, a private eye who had been hired to find a runaway teen. Olivia didn’t know how her dad tracked the teenager down to a Dr. Jamaica Vegas but when he did, Dr. Vegas put four bullets in his chest.

Olivia bit her lip as she tried not to think of what Dr. Vegas did next. She couldn’t though. The coroner Olivia sucked for the report was very clear on what had happened. Dr. Vegas had shot Olivia’s father and then sat on his face as he died. Judging from the large amounts of sexual fluid on his face, Dr. Vegas more than likely climaxed. The crazy slut had facefucked Olivia’s father to death.
A bitch like that has to pay.

The elevator doors opened. Olivia stepped out and looked around. Posters of published books decorated the hallway. Olivia smirked as she read each title.

‘Black Helicopters of the Chinese Mexican Alliance’

‘Welfare Millionaires’

‘Evolution: The Plot of Satan’

‘The Hollywood Abortion Conspiracy’

It was the last place Olivia expected to find Dr. Vegas but there was no arguing with the evidence. Olivia had broken into the woman’s motel room this morning. Among the dildos, ripped panties and pizza boxes, Olivia had discovered floor plans for the Right Thinking Publishing building. Notes had been written in a code that Olivia didn’t understand but one important fact wasn’t in code: today’s date.

Olivia sighed. She was going to have to start asking around. She picked a door at random and was about to knock.

A noise behind the door made her pause. It was the sound of a desk squeaking. Olivia was very familiar with that sound. It was the same sound of a desk that was being fucked on. The sound brought back happy memories of her cheerleading coach. Someone was getting fucked in there.

“I guess even paranoid freaks need to fuck,” Olivia whispered. She went to another door and was about knock on it.

This time she heard the sounds of a man moaning loudly. Considering how fucking happy he sounded, Olivia guessed he was getting a blowjob.

“This is just weird,” she said.

She checked another door. This time she heard the sounds of an ass getting spanked.

She went to another door. This door was shaking as if someone was fucking right against it on the other side.

“A bunch of horny mother-fuckers,” Olivia whispered.

“Hey baby,” she heard behind her. “Here to deliver a package?”

The guy looked to be in his fifties. His shirt was unbuttoned and was revealing as much of his chest as Olivia was. He was also sweating awfully hard for the interior of the cool building.

“Ah yes,” Olivia said. She put on her best dumb blonde routine. “I must have gotten turned around. Can you help me?”

He nodded and came closer. He was looking right at her chest. “How about I deliver a package for you? Maybe in my office?”

Olivia smelled pussy on his breath. “Do you work here?”

“Do I work here?” the man laughed. “Woman, I am the Vice-President of Sales. I haven’t had an erection in two years but I got one now. Want to go celebrate it with me?”

“Wow, that is very generous of you,” Olivia said. “But I should really deliver this. I think it might be down this way.”

“It is okay,” the Vice-President of Sales said. “I suspect I might prefer men.”

Olivia left him and headed down another hallway.

“I always knew conservative freaks were hypocrites but this is ridiculous,” she said to herself. “I just need to find Dr. Vegas and get the fuck out of here.”

A man stumbled into the hallway. From the waist up he was a perfect picture of conservative thinking. He had a nice jacket with a flag pin on his collar. His simple red tie looked expensive. He even had the quasi military crew cut that was so popular among older conservative thinkers these days.

The only thing that ruined his professional image was his complete lack of pants or underwear. His lipstick smeared cock was at full salute. It also didn’t help that he appeared to have an office lamp sticking out of his ass.

“Tits!” he yelled.

Olivia watched as the guy ran towards her. She was hypnotized by the way the office lamp bobbed back and forth between his legs. He wasn’t running very fast but damn if he wasn’t trying.

“Slow down there, boy,” Olivia yelled. She took a step back.

“Tits!” the man yelled again. He put his hands out as if he was practicing groping her.

Olivia shook her head and then acted. You don’t get to be head cheerleader for a college football team without knowing how to defend yourself. A single open palm thrust to his face knocked him off his feet. He landed on the lamp in his ass. Olivia winced as he made a funny sort of whimpering sound.

Now that he was incapacitated, she took a moment to study him. There was a strange purple tint to his skin. Although he was grimacing with pain, his cock was oozing pre-cum. The white of his eyes were turning purple as she watched.

“This is some fucked up shit,” Olivia concluded.

The doors at the end of the hall burst open. Four naked women stumbled out into the hallway. The oldest was in her sixties while the youngest looked to be Olivia’s age. All four of them were covered in bite marks and love scratches. They appeared to be covered in purple bruises but Olivia realized that was just the way their skin was pigmented. Every one of them was stroking themselves as they walked.

“I want your pussy!” the old lady screamed at Olivia. The other women howled in agreement. Like a pack of wild animals, they charged at Olivia. As they ran, none of them pulled their hands out of their cunts.

“God damn,” Olivia muttered. She swung the package at the first woman to reach her. She hit her so hard that the woman spun around twice before hitting the ground. She landed on her big breasts so Olivia had a feeling she would be okay.
Olivia dodged the second woman and kicked her in the back of the knee as she ran past. As the woman collapsed, Olivia slammed an elbow into the face of the third woman. An explosion of blood was followed by the muffled cry of the woman. She clutched her broken nose as Olivia shoved her down.

The last woman to reach her was the old lady. Olivia swung the package and Olivia was amazed to see the old woman dodge her. The woman fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around Olivia’s waist. Olivia cried out as she felt the old lady’s teeth clamp onto her zipper.

“Give me your pussy!” the old lady screamed from Olivia’s crotch. The bitch was trying to chew her way through Olivia’s pants!

“No means no, Grandma!” Olivia yelled. She brought the package down on the old lady’s head.

The old woman kept chewing. She looked up at Olivia with purple tinged eyes.

Olivia swung the box down much harder on the old woman’s skull. The sickening sound of bone crunching echoed in the hall.

The old woman kept chewing.

Olivia shredded the package and took out the Uzi. She slammed the grip as hard as she could into the old woman’s head. Finally, the old woman let go. She fell back with a mouthful of Olivia’s pants still in her mouth. Her head was horribly deformed but she kept stroking herself with her hands.

“I am starting to suspect that this shit is fucked up,” Olivia said. “What is wrong with you fuckers?”

The moaning women gave her no answer. One of the women, the one with the knee that Olivia had kicked, was savagely humping a plastic hall plant. She was humping it so hard that her entire body was shaking.

The woman climaxed. She screamed a primal cry of pleasure and desire. The scream was so loud that Olivia slapped her hands over her ears and she could still hear it. The screaming orgasm lasted a full minute.

When the scream ended, Olivia heard other people answering. All around her, men and women were screaming their heads off. They were screaming their orgasms. They were screaming with pure need. They were some loud mother fuckers.

Doors sprang open all along the hallway. Out of the doors stumbled naked moaning people. Men and women were pawing at each other as they flooded the hallway. At first they seemed to be looking for the woman who screamed her orgasm but they forgot about her as soon as they saw Olivia. Like they were sharing the same libido, all of them stopped and leered at Olivia.

“I picked a bad day to not wear panties,” Olivia said. The woman had chewed a gaping hole in Olivia’s pants.. “It looks like I am wearing some sort of delivery girl chaps.”

The sex crazed crowd surged towards her. Olivia popped the safety of her Uzi and let rip. Normally she wouldn’t shoot at unarmed civilians but these fuckers were insane with lust. As a sort of compromise, she aimed for their legs and tried to hobble them. She knew that some of them might bleed out and die but fuck, what choice did she have? If they were half as tough as Grandma there, she was in trouble.

QUIP! QUIP! QUIP! The silencer made the Uzi sound like the world’s angriest stapler. The Uzi’s bullets punctured their legs and sent the crowd in front of her falling to the ground. Most of them moaned as they fell on top of each other. Distracted by the pressing of bodies, the sex crazed fuckers groped and mauled each other’s broken bodies.

Olivia spun around to take down the horny mob that was behind her. One excited man was already at her. He grabbed her shoulders and snapped his head towards her breasts. His purple tongue stretched out as he sought to dive into her cleavage.

“You wish!” Olivia yelled. She kicked him in the nuts. To her surprise, it didn’t even slow him down.

The lusty naked man jammed his face in her tits. His tongue lapped at her skin as he buried his face deeper into her abundant mounds. Olivia tried to push him off but he had a death grip on her shoulders. He wasn’t going anywhere.

There was at least seven other naked people behind him. Olivia realized that if they reached her, they could bring her down easily with their weight alone. She had to act fast.

With Tit-Man’s face still attached to her chest, Olivia turned her body around and aimed her Uzi. A ten second burst of bullets later, and the moaning crowd was on the ground. Just like the other crowd, they soon turned into a mass of orgiastic bodies as they came in contact with one another.

“Fuck!” Olivia screamed. Tit-Man’s teeth were clamping down hard on her right breast.

Olivia’s knee came up again between his legs. This time she had the rage of a woman with an unwanted breast hickey. She lifted the man off his feet and dislodged his face from her chest. His leering grin was replaced with a small gasp of painful disbelief. Olivia slammed her head into his face. He crumpled to the ground.
He looked unconscious but Olivia shot him in the legs anyway.

She had to get out of here. Olivia didn’t understand what was going on but she knew it couldn’t be natural. It was a pretty good bet that Jamaica Vegas was involved but how? Was it some sort of virus? Maybe some sort of super aphrodisiac? More importantly, could Olivia catch it?

The hall was choked with bodies but Olivia didn’t care. She climbed on a humping back and ran across the fucking people. It was a lot like trying to get to the bathroom during one of the orgies at her sorority. As long as she moved fast, people didn’t notice as her foot used their sweaty backs as a stepping stone.
She ran to the elevator and hit the button. The doors opened to reveal a smaller orgy. It was four guys and a single woman. Olivia had no interest in evening those odds.

Olivia went to the stairs. She swapped out the clip in her Uzi as she went down a floor. As she turned the corner at the landing, she saw that second floor door was open. A pile of bodies were savagely humping each other. One of the fuckers was easily three hundred pounds and Olivia knew she wouldn’t get through there. She turned around and went back up to the third floor.

“God, what I need now is some big mother fucker on my side to plow my way through these fucks,” Olivia said.

As she turned the knob to the third floor door, she heard the sound of gunfire. It was the loud powerful whomp of a nasty pistol. It sounded like the kind of gun that would hit a person so hard their organs would become a postmodern painting.

“That’s what I am talking about,” Olivia said. She went through to the door.

To be continued in Pusse’ and Cox. Click the button to buy now!

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Apr 252011

My new book, Pusse’ and Cox is available for purchase from Lulu. The paperback version sells for $9.99 while the pdf version sells for a mere $2.99. The novel covers the adventures of Olivia Pusse’, a college cheerleader who becomes a detective to avenge her father’s death and Isaac Cox, a black male stripper who becomes a bounty hunter to make extra money. Together they battle Dr. Jamaica Vegas who has created a sound wave that turns people into uninhibited sexual zombies. A lot of fucking ensues.

I had several inspirations for this novel. I love grindhouse movies for their fearless plotting and exploitation elements. Perhaps the only thing better than grindhouse movies are modern tributes which take the extreme elements and repackage them. Robert Rodriguez’s ‘Planet Terror’ and the SEGA game, House of the Dead: Overkill inspired me to give it a shot myself. I played both soundtracks non-stop while writing this book.

My other main inspiration are the terrible macho pulp novels of the 70’s. Series like ‘The Destroyer’ and ‘The Eliminator’ have amazing action and pulp plots, but are also so loaded with conservative right wing propaganda that they are quite the chore to read for someone as liberal as myself. I wanted to create my own brand of action pulp with a touch of liberal propaganda. Instead of black muggers getting killed, I have a lot of right wing publishers getting shot. I am not sure if this makes it a better book on a moral level, but I sure as fucked enjoyed it.

This book was also a challenge for in that it is essentially a romance. Olivia and Isaac become a couple and I focus on their relationship. I haven’t really done a romance in ages and despite the orgies, guns and zombies, this story is a love story at heart.

George Sportelli knocked out the cover and man, it is awesome. I wanted a grindhouse cover and that is what I got. ‘Banned in 69 countries!’ That is worth writing the whole book alone.

Because the book centers on two characters, I will be posting two preview chapters this week. The first chapter will be from Olivia’s point of view and the second chapter will be from Isaac’s. I hope you like them half as much as I do.

Click the button to purchase now.
Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.