“Asshole!” Venda squawked.

I spun to my right and squeezed the rigger. My laser rifle corrected my aim and fired three pulses of light. The first pulse punched through the slaver’s armor. The second laser seared through some organs. The third pulse set his insides on fire.

The slaver screamed. I slipped another snack to my cyborg parrot.

“That is a kick-ass cyborg parrot, Captain” Levo Two-Cock said.

Levo was right. Venda did kick ass. I usually didn’t take her into battle because when you are a space pirate, most of your fighting is on spaceships that could suddenly decompress into vacuum. I didn’t know all of the upgrades that Venda had but I am pretty sure surviving space wasn’t one of them.

Today was different. We were on an unclaimed moon attacking a slaver’s colony that shouldn’t be here mining something valuable with slaves they shouldn’t have. I brought Venda because slavers are always fucking depressing even if you are killing them.

“Fucker!” Venda squawked and I turned to my left. Three pulses of red light penetrated, seared and incinerated another slaver.

Skinny Ann laughed. “I wonder who programmed Venda’s targeting. Asshole for right and fucker for left; who does that?”

I shrugged. Venda didn’t come with an owner’s manual or a user history index. I stole her from Captain Assfucker and I also took his nose at the time so I can’t exactly call him up and ask questions.

“Armory is secured. Where to now, Captain?” Levo asked.

I checked my communicator. The entire crew was tied into a private social network. Morella, my First Mate, was in orbit aboard the Savage Thrust and had disabled the slaver’s ship. Brownpants had taken over the mine entrance. Jen-4 had hacked the slaver’s own communications and The Pirate-With-No-Name was still trying to liberate the slave pens.

Wait, there was a notification of a private message. Was someone in trouble? I tapped it.

A small hologram appeared. It was two large green tits barely held in by black leather. A slaver’s personal key was wedged into the green cleavage.

A note read: “should I hold onto this or do you want to come get it?”

I checked the sender. It was Glara. She was so new that she didn’t have a nickname yet. I think we picked her up on New Fortune.

The green tits looked really nice. Was she flirting with me? Was she already bored with being a pirate and was looking for a job on my cock?

“Captain?” Skinny Ann asked.

“We’re heading to the slave pens,” I said, closing my communicator. “The Pirate-With-No-Name needs some back up.”

“You heard him!” Levo shouted to the rest of our band. “To the slave pens!”

Outside the armory was fucking chaos. Mining machines rumbled and shuddered as lasers zipped around us. Slaves screamed from the torture poles as my pirates tried to cut them down. Slavers screamed for mercy they would never get.

I don’t know if it was space pirate code to give no mercy to slavers but it sure as fuck was a Captain Blastpants rule.

“Asshole!” Venda squawked. I fired at a slaver to my right. The beam hit him in the crotch and fried him.

DING! I had another private message notice. I growled and checked the sender. It was Glara again.

Needles rained down on us. Slavers love needle weapons. They look nasty and you can load them up with poison. Almost none of the poisons were lethal; they just inflicted a lot of pain.

Levo and I ducked behind cover. The pirate behind me was stabbed by a hundred needles. He screamed in agony and writhed on the ground.

That is what I meant by depressing. The pirate would live but fuck, he was going to need some therapy.

Needles pinged against the mining machine we were hidden behind. Levo and I waited for the needle launcher to pause to reload.

In the meantime, I checked the message from Glara. The leather vest was open and one of her green tits was out. She was pinching her nipple. The nipple and aureole was yellow.

I may have groaned. Cheeky slut.

The pinging stopped. Levo was up in a flash and firing. I was still staring at that hard nipple.

“Got him!” Levo shouted.

“Someone help him!” I yelled at the screaming pirate. Two of my crew was already moving towards him.

We broke cover and went for the slave pens. I got another bell chime and another private message was waiting for me. I shook my head and kept fighting.

Slavers might be sadistic bastards but these guys weren’t cowards. They fought. They stayed organized and kept their heads. I guess you have to have some sort of discipline to keep control of slaves that always outnumber you. The slavers made us work for every meter we took from them.

They still died though.

We cleared a path to the slave pens. At least a dozen slavers died. They killed three of my group. I also received two more private messages.

I was starting to get pissed about the messages. Pirates fuck hard because we work hard. While Glara was fucking with me, she wasn’t killing slavers.

The door to the slave pens were barricaded. The Pirate-With-No-Name was inside with their group fighting slavers. The doors must have locked after they went in. Without a way out, our friends were trapped.

“Get that door open, now!” I yelled.

Some of my pirates stared at the door stupidly. Skinny Ann ran to get a drilling laser. Smart lady. That was leadership thinking.

I checked my messages.

The first message was an image of a dead slaver with his head resting on green tits. The message read, “Wish you were here.”

The second message was another image. It showed three slavers rapidly disintegrating. They must have been hit with a corrosive grenade. The message read “I bet your cock has a bigger blast radius.”

The third message was mostly thick black pubic hair. A slaver’s command card was sliding between her sex lips. There was no text but I was impressed. A command card meant she had killed one of the leaders if not the leader.

“Captain, we nearly have the door open!” Levo said.

I made a command decision. “Good. Skinny Ann, you’re in charge. Go assist the Pirate-With-No-Name and get these slaves freed. I need to investigate something.”

They were a good crew so they obeyed. I checked my communicator to find Glara. She was at a building that our scouts hadn’t identified. Judging from the command card she was currently masturbating with, I was guessing it was probably the command center.

Fuck. That was almost as impressive as her big green tits.

I made a straight line for her. The outside fighting had died down as the slavers were now holed up in fortified positions. There were still plenty of visual stimuli. Slave heads decorated traffic signs. Open pits contained the corpses of disobedient slaves. Blood was everywhere and most of it was dry before we ever landed.

I knew we were doing a good thing freeing these slaves and incidentally, securing a shit load of valuable ore for sale elsewhere, but the fact that slavers exist in this universe was fucking depressing. We have robots, clones and enough aliens who actually enjoy back-breaking labor but there will always be assholes who prefer to enslave someone else to do their work.

Maybe that was why I was looking for Glara. I was upset. I was disturbed. I needed a distraction and this crazy green pirate with the big tits was hitting on me.

Venda warned me of two more slavers before I reached the command post. The building was a bloody mess with casualties in the double digits. I tried to remember who I sent to clear this place but I wasn’t sure I had sent anyone. We didn’t know what was in here so it wasn’t a priority. Could Glara had done it by herself?

“You came,” Glara said when I finally found her. She was in the control room, surrounded by bodies and blinking monitors. Her vest was missing and her pants were neatly folded beside her. She sat on a desk with her legs open and her fingers playing with her sex. The command card was in her hand, soaking wet.

I was impressed. She had courage. If she was any other of my crew, I would have made her an officer right there.

“I came,” I said, setting down my laser rifle. “Your messages were very tempting.”

“Big tits!” Venda squawked. And they were.

Glara smiled. “I tried my best,” she said. “I have had my eye on you ever since I joined the crew.”

“Hmm,” I said, stepping closer. Venda sunk her talons deeper in my shoulder in case I moved quickly.

My hand lunged forward and grabbed her breast. Glara cried out as my fingers tightened around her nipple. A twist and a pull and she stepped closer to me.

“You know that I am the Captain, right?” I whispered. “And during times of battle, you don’t disobey a Captain’s order and you sure as fuck don’t distract him with dirty pictures.

Glara winced but she managed to smile. “Are you saying I was distracting?”

“Harlot!” Venda squawked and she was right. My pinch relaxed around Glara’s nipples.

“Lords of Space, woman,” I said. “I’m serious here. There is-Ukk!”

Glara grabbed my hand and her fingers did something painful to the inside of my wrist. I let go of her and she spun me around, still holding onto my hand. Venda left my shoulder and with a complaining squawk. Glara forced my arm behind my back and my shoulder was ready to pop.

“I’m serious too,” Glara whispered in my ear. Her breast pressed against the back of my trapped hand. I felt the hardness of her nipple.

“I am very serious about fucking you,” she said. Her free hand went to the front of my pants. Green fingers danced against the bulge in my pants.

“This is insubordination,” I said in my most threatening voice. My traitorous intelligent pants however happily unzipped and my erection popped into Glara’s hand.

“Is it?” Glara whispered in my ear. Her strong fingers wrapped around my hard cock. My knees trembled a little.

She started to stroke me. Her fingers felt silky against my cock. She licked the outside of my ear.

I groaned. I pulsed in her firm grip. My knees went a little weak.

“Harlot!” Venda squawked again. No shit, bird!

Glara giggled. It was my cue to move. I slammed my free elbow into her stomach. She gasped and I twisted behind her. I grabbed the wrist that was holding mine and reversed the move. Now I was standing behind her with her arm pinned behind her.

“Oh, Captain!” she said. There was amusement in her voice.

“You seem to forget it,” I said. I put my free hand to work reaching around and cupping a lovely green breast.

Glara moaned. She pressed her bare ass against my hard cock. The smell of her hair filled my nose and it smelled sweet.

My hand squeezed her breast. Soft heat filled my hand. She was plump and pliable and I enjoyed pulling on the plentiful flesh.

“Great galaxies,” Glara moaned. “Don’t be too hard on me, Captain. I saw something I liked and I took it. Isn’t that the pirate way?”

I didn’t answer. My fingers kept pulling and squeezing. Her nipples were hard pebbles in my grip. A squeeze made her shiver. A pinch made her ass wiggle against my cock. A pull made her moan.

“You need to learn discipline,” I said.

A heel slammed into my leg. There was a flash of green flesh and black hair. The room spun. All of the air left my body. I’m not sure how but I was on my back and the green woman was on top of me. Yellow eyes bore down on me.

“Maybe later,” Glara said. “Right now I just want to fuck.”

She reached down between us and grabbed my cock. I did nothing as she slid back onto me. We moaned together as my body invaded hers.

“Harlot!” Venda squawked. She hopped closer to us. My bird stood by my head and looked at me quizzically with cyborg eyes.

“Good harlot,” I said. I agreed with Venda.

Glara grinded on top of me. Her pelvis moved in strange and mysterious ways. I shivered beneath her. My cock was trapped within the clenching vortex of her alien pussy and that was fine with me.

I reached for her ass. She moaned as I clutched her muscular buttocks. Her hard nipples rubbed against my chest as we fucked. Waves of space black hair covered our faces as we moaned together.

This was nice. I was getting my brains fucked out by an alien woman surrounded by dead slavers. Does it get better than this?

Of course it does.

I waited for the deepest moment of penetration before making my move. I grabbed fistfuls of her hair and lunged with my hips. Glara cried out as she rolled over with me inside her. My arm went across her throat and secured her in place. My hips went back to fucking her.

“You’re good,” I said to her. “You got the second best looking tits I have ever seen. Well, I guess they are the third best looking tits as there are only two of them. You have proven you are dangerous by taking out these assholes and you have proven you are brave by hitting on me and then hitting me when I get here. Plus you got that beautiful alien skin tone that I am a sucker for. You just have one more thing to learn.”

“What’s that?” Glara asked between grunts.

“I am the damn Captain,” I said. “And we do things my way.”

Glara moaned and wrapped her powerful green legs around me. I waited for them to clench tighter and choke be but they didn’t. She bit her lip and shook as an orgasm went through her.

Okay then. I guess she finally accepted that I was in charge. That was important. I liked her but pirates needed a hierarchy. I needed a hierarchy. It was useful when you fall for someone.

I fucked her on the command center floor. Computer monitors bathed us in flickering light. Scrambled speakers serenaded us with static.

Glara was pinned but she had more pleasures to share. Her pussy clenched tighter than a fist. Giant green breasts jiggled and wobbled for my pleasure. Dark lips promised to do many filthy things to me. Yellow eyes stared at me like I was good enough to eat.

“Harlot!” Venda squawked. The bird landed on Glara’s arm and lunged for a bouncing nipple. The sharp beak clenched around the tempting nub of flesh.

“Fuck!” Glara cried but this dangerous woman didn’t make a muscle to move Venda. She just laid there and took it. The evil cyborg bird just held on to that yellow nipple with cruel persistence. I knew how sharp Venda’s beak was. Glara’s self-control had to be amazing.

That was when I knew that I was in love with Glara.

I pulled out of her. Venda released the nipple and flapped away. I stood and Glara sat up to take my cock in her mouth. She sucked and I came.

Glara’s eyes widened. She coughed and my cock fell out of her mouth. I kept coming and splattered her green face and chest with my seed.

“Wow,” I said as I fell back into a chair. “I needed that.”

Glara looked at the mess I had made. “So that’s why they call you Blastpants.”

“Yeah, pirates aren’t too imaginative,” I said. “We don’t make much shit up.”

Glara nodded and stood up. She was damn sexy in motion. There was an efficiency to her movement that was precise.

When she flicked the dart at me, it was faster than my eye could follow.

I felt it though. It hit my thigh and was dangerously close to my balls. A numbness spread through my body almost instantly.

“Wha?” I said stupidly. I was in a weird mix of afterglow and poisoned paralysis.

“I could have killed you earlier,” Glara said. “I had plenty of chances but I was curious. Your cock has quite the reputation.”

I watched her bend over to pick up a slaver’s needle pistol. She pressed the button to coat the needles in lethal poison. It didn’t make them any less painful.

“Why?” I managed to spit out. My lips were tingling.

Glara walked over to me. I couldn’t help admire the swinging of her green breasts. They were almost worth dying for.

“Why?” Glara said. “Simple, Captain Assfucker wants his bird back. He is going to pay a lot of money for it too. There was a bonus for killing you painfully but I feel like I already got a bonus from that nice fuck you gave me.”

“Assassin,” I whispered.

Glara smiled and a red dot appeared on her head. There was a pop and the red dot turned into a black hole that went through her head. Smoke came out of her ears. Those lovely yellow eyes closed and she fell to the ground.

“Harlot!” Venda squawked beside me. One of her cyborg eyes glowed from the laser it had shot.

Harlot! Oh hell! Venda knew! Just like asshole meant enemy to the right, harlot must have meant assassin! Lords of Space, my fucking parrot saved me! If I could move I would have given her the entire pack of bird treats.

Venda hopped to my wrist. It pecked the skull glyph. A medical emergency was transmitted to my crew.

“Good bird,” I whispered.

A vortex of laser fire came from the door to the ship’s bridge. It was a steady rain of hot death and already three of my pirates had fallen to the deadly torrent. My crew looked at each other and then at me; none of them were going to try to enter. It was certain death.

I let out a sigh. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. This was a Ceung Freighter. The hairy talking centipedes were a docile race of traders and cosplayers. Scans showed that their hulls were full of diamond cortexs from gas giants. It was supposed to be a low risk, high yield pirate job. The Ceung were pushovers. The worse they would do to us is unflattering imitations of us when we left.

The Duron mercenaries that the Ceung had hired however were another matter. They were complete bastards and treated every fight as a matter of personal honor. They made us bleed for every inch we had taken of this ship.

I was done bleeding for the day.

“What now, Captain Blastpants?” Morella, my First Mate asked. She was using my full name which meant she was quit tired of kicking her ass kicked too.

“I’m going to toss this plasma grenade through the door,” I said.

Her brow furrowed inside her environmental suit. “You mean one of those defective grenades we got from raiding that trash ship?”

“It’ll work,” I said. “You know how fussy factories are. These grenades probably explode a percentage point out of tolerance of quality recommendations. It’ll be fine.”

Morella was about to say something else but she stopped when I tossed the grenade. An explosion of light came from the bridge. I frowned and she laughed. There was a noticeable lack of superheated matter.

“Fuck it,” I yelled and I was running through the door with pistol and laser sword drawn.

Duron mercenaries stumbled around. The malfunctioning grenade had merely blinded them instead of melting them. I worked with that. I shot a Duron who was clutching his eyes and used my laser sword to skewer a Duron who had tripped over a chair.

“Not so tough now, are you?” I yelled. I could almost feel that post victory blowjob.

My crew ran in behind me. Grim laughter filled the cabin as we slaughtered the blind mercenaries. These assholes had killed our friends and colleagues and now they were helpless. We gave them pirate mercy which is to say none at all.

“The best part is the bridge is still intact!” I said.

Morella let out a sigh. “You’re just lucky the grenade didn’t work like it should have.”

I smiled at her. “I always said I would rather be lucky then good.”

A glow caught my eye. It was coming from under a console. It was a weird orange globe that seemed to slowly be expanding.

It was the grenade. The plasma containment field was collapsing slowly instead of the micro-second that it should have failed.

“Run!” I yelled.

I turned and suddenly I was propelled upwards towards the bridge ceiling. I slammed into the ceiling and darkness engulfed me.

I awoke drifting in space. My suit had sealed itself and warning glyphs flashed before me on the holographic display on my helmet.

Oh fuck. Sixty-three percent of the suit was damaged. The oxygen recycler was offline. The propulsion system was offline. Radiation shielding had been compromised which I didn’t worry about because hey, I wasn’t going to be alive long enough to get space cancer at this rate.

I activated my communicator. Dead silence. A quick scan of the hundred warning glyphs told me that my communicator was offline too.

Well fuck. I was going to have to wait until my pirates looked for me using my suit’s transponder.

A nasty thought crossed my mind. I scanned the warning glyphs.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! The transponder was melted too!

I was in a slow spin. The guidance thrusters were offline so there was no way to stop my rotation. I was curious about my ship. Hell, I was curious if my ship was even around. How long had I been knocked out? Could my ship had already left without me?

Slowly my body rotated in the right direction. I saw my ship, the Savage Thrust, still connected to the Cueng Freighter. The bridge of the freighter looked like a burst bra. A mess of debris surrounded the bridge but I was a good long distance away from it.

Shit, I must have been blasted out by the explosion. The plasma grenade should have just destroyed the inside of the bridge but instead it created a catastrophic breach. That might be why I was ejected out instead of smeared against a bulkhead.

Yeah, lucky me. I am going to suffocate out here instead of dying instantly. Praise the Lords of Space!

I wondered if Morella died too. Nah, she would survive just so she could bitch about me throwing that grenade. I realized she was going to do a great job taking over as a Captain. She’s smarter than I ever was.

Fuck, it didn’t take long for me to get morose. I stopped that shit right away. I was Captain Blastpants! I had fucked my way across the galaxy! I had a hot blue alien girlfriend! I had slapped more asses and squeezed more tits than any other pirate! I had nothing to be depressed about.

My joy lasted about three minutes. Dying sucked.

I thought about masturbating. I never did get that after battle blowjob. I couldn’t get inside my suit without exposing my flesh to the vacuum of space but maybe I could rub myself. I could dry hump my hand. If I could come one last time, the endorphins would help ease waiting for death.

My hand went to my crotch. The boarding suit armor got in the way. Fuck, most of the suit had been destroyed but of course the shit around my crotch was fine. I couldn’t even jack off before dying.

Was this the sad end of Captain Blastpants? Blown out into space by his own defective grenade?

I laughed. As endings went, it was pretty funny. I was bound to be remembered for it. Well, that and my massive cock.

My body rotated away from the ship. A galaxy of stars cascaded around me. The beauty of the cosmos surrounded me.

I thought about opening the environmental seals on my crotch. I wondered if I could jack off fast enough before I died. It was certain suicide but it was better than waiting to suffocate. I was also a little turned on the challenge.

Fuck, I had been a space pirate for so long; I wasn’t sure when I lasted masturbated. That was what Cabin Women were for. Did I even remember how?

There was a green star that caught my eye. Next to it was another green star. I watched them as my body slowly rotated but strangely I didn’t loose track of them. They were following me.

Were they ships? No, that was silly. How could ships even know I was here? Without a transponder, I was a single grain of sand in the vast ocean that is space.

The green stars became brighter. Maybe they were ships.

I got my first good look at them. They were women. Long green hair trailed behind them as they floated towards me. Large green round breasts floated in zero gravity. Long green legs tapered up to hairless pussies. Bright green eyes looked at me as green lips smiled.

Wow, I had gone fucking nuts from oxygen deprivation. I wasn’t expecting that. At least I was hallucinating hot women.

They were close enough to touch. I reached out for a plump breast. My fingers sank into soft flesh. I was impressed by how detailed my hallucination was!

The two green women grabbed me. They stopped my rotation and the stars stopped spinning. One of them smiled at me and touched my faceplate while the other floated down to my crotch.

A warning glyph appeared. Something was attempting to open my environmental seals on my pants.

I remembered an old story told by Captain Crazy Bite. It was about floating women in space. There might have been a butt plug involved. He had a name for them, Qansons, I think. It was a good story but it was just another bullshit space pirate story. You know, like haunted asteroids or brothel workers that paid their customers.

I squeezed the tit again. My other hand reached down and grabbed a handful of ass. The green woman giggled soundlessly in space.

Fuck, Qansons were real.

The other Qanson was still messing with my environmental seal. She was persistently trying to get into my pants. I liked that in a woman but I was worried about the whole vacuum exposure part.

I tried to push her away. She took my hand and guided it to her green lips. Her mouth opened and she took three of my fingers into her. I felt her tongue flick over my fingers as her cheeks sucked inward.

That felt nice. My glove was thick but her tongue was talented. I could only imagine what it would feel like against my bare flesh.

The Qanson near my face stroked her self. I watched her lips open in a soundless moan. Green hair floated around us as she masturbated vigorously.

I tried communicating with her. My fingers let go of her tit and pointed back at my ship. “Take me back there, please!” I yelled.

Of course my communicator was fried but I hoped they could read my lips. Maybe she could sense my message psychically. I thought really hard at her.

The green woman stroked faster. The other Qanson wrapped her thighs around my leg and rubbed herself against me. She kept my fingers in her mouth as she humped my leg.

I tried pantomime. I pointed at myself and then at the ship. I made some vague motion that resembled flying. I grabbed my throat and contorted my face into the act of choking and dying. On a whim, I used the Intergalactic Hand Signal for distress and rescue.

The Qanson nodded and I let out a sigh of relief. She leaned forward and pressed her plump green breast to my faceplate. A green tit with a dark green nipple filled my entire view.

Yeah, I was going to die out here. I wasn’t bitter. It seemed kind of fitting that I would be killed by the neglect of horny space anomalies. This kind of irony made me believe there really were Lords of Space who controlled everything for their amusement.

The Qanson humping my leg humped faster. She also kept sucking on three of my fingers. I was impressed by the width of her mouth.

The other Qanson rubbed her green tits back and forth across my faceplate. I appreciated the view but it was annoying to be so close to tits and not be able to kiss them.

Shit, why was I keeping my helmet on? I was debating killing myself just to jack off earlier; why not do it for a pair of great tits?

I pressed a button on my helmet. I laughed when I got the confirmation glyph for opening my helmet. Every other damn thing in this suit was melted but lock still worked. I pressed the button again to confirm that I wanted to open it.

The faceplate retracted. I winced as I prepared for the cold suck of death to drain the atmosphere of my suit but instead I got a large breast smashing into my face. Instinct took over and I opened my lips and bit down.

I was alive. Despite being exposed to the ravages of space the breast was surprisingly warm. I found her nipple and licked it. The Qanson shivered and her breast jiggled in the zero gravity.

The Qanson pulled her tit away. She smiled at me and leaned in for a kiss. I took a deep breath in an open helmet as she came. Maybe I was already dead and this was the afterlife.

Or maybe the Qansons had their own life support field. That made more sense. I mean, I didn’t know if it was scientifically possible. I’m a space pirate not a scientist.

She kissed me and I forgot about science. Her tongue was soft and fluid inside my mouth. Warm lips kissed mine as her hands wrapped around me. She kissed me softly as we floated in space.

The other Qanson kept humping my leg. Her lips opened and released my fingers. I reached out and cupped her neck instead. She rode my leg with an increasing passion. Her sex pressed tightly against my knee as she rubbed back and forth.

She climaxed. I felt a pulse of energy shoot up my leg and fill my body with warmth. She suddenly stopped humping my leg and I felt the literal afterglow of her orgasm.

The Qanson that was kissing me whimpered in my mouth. It was a jealous sound. She wanted to come too.

She broke the kiss and glided up my body. I saw every perfect inch of her smooth green body. Her thighs opened in front of me and then closed around my head. My lips opened and my tongue sought her sex.

The Qanson’s pussy was hot to the touch. My tongue parted her sex lips and delved inside. She tasted sweet with a faint touch of ozone. Her pussy juice tingled as it went down my throat.

The other Qanson messed with my crotch again. This time I helped her. I pressed a button and my pants opened like a first time pirate. My cock was free in the vacuum of space.

But not for long. The Qanson’s mouth engulfed my cock. An electric charge shocked my cock but it was brief. Warm wetness surrounded my cock and I groaned into the other Qanson’s pussy. I was finally getting my post battle blowjob.

We drifted in space together. I licked one Qanson while the other sucked me. The Qanson I ate humped my face while her friend bounced her face on my cock.

I stripped off my gloves so I could feel their soft flesh. They stripped off my remaining clothes so they could touch me. I sank my fingers into firm asses while they gripped my hairy arms and thighs. We writhed and grinded our hips in each others’ mouths.

The Qanson’s thighs tightened around my head. A glow came from deep within her sex. I licked faster and harder until the glow flashed into a green star.

The thighs released me. The green woman arched her back and drifted away from me in orgasmic bliss. The green glow radiated from her sex like beacon in the dark of space.

The Qanson sucking my cock stopped. She held onto my cock with one hand as she spun around. Her ass was presented to me and her legs parted. It was clear what she wanted.

I grabbed her hips and completed a docking maneuver. My cock slid into her from behind and the Qanson clenched tightly around me. Another jolt travelled up my cock and up my spine.

There is a trick to fucking in zero gravity and it just comes down to practice. Being a space pirate I had the skills and the Qanson did as well. I wondered how many people these two had fucked in space.

We fucked in the dark emptiness. She reached back and I grabbed her arms for support. Our bodies humped in a slow economy of motion. Her long green hair floated around us while our sexes merged.

The other Qanson recovered and floated back to us. She came up along side me and kissed my chest. Tiny sparks flew with each kiss. Her other hand went under her friend and I felt fingers at her sex. She rubbed her friend while she sucked on my nipple.

A new surge went through me. It came from her mouth on my nipple, shot down my body and travelled through my cock into the other Qanson’s pussy. It was a powerful force and I felt my heart skip a beat. We were completing some strange circuit.

It came again, running from tongue to nipple, to cock to pussy once more. This time I swore my heart skipped two beats.

It came again. My vision got a little fuzzy. I realized this was probably unhealthy. It was most likely going to kill me.

Ha! I should already be dead; naked as I was in space! Every thrust was an extra bonus of pleasure I had cheated from my certain doom. I wasn’t going to quit now.

I fucked the Qanson faster. Her green back arched beautifully. If she screamed something I couldn’t hear it in space. The other Qanson kept rubbing and sucking; sending a near constant surge of energy through me.

The Qansons climaxed. A green light exploded from the area of her pussy. I clenched my eyes shut but I couldn’t shut the green star out.

She dismounted from my cock. The circuit was broken. As soon as her pussy left my cock, the green woman beside me grabbed my cock. It was slick with her friend’s juices and her grip slid easily over me.

One tug, two tug and I came on the third. I shouted and it was a soundless cry. My seed fired from my body and froze instantly in the cold of space.

I came for a long time. Streams of come turned into glittering ice. The Qanson kept stroking me until every drop had turned into a comet.

I was exhausted. Darkness crept around my vision. I was dying. Shit, maybe I was already dead and this was the tail end of my death hallucination. That was cool. At least I came.

I felt warm flesh take both my arms. Two sets of breasts pressed against my ribs. As my eyes closed, I saw my seed twisting in space like strange diamonds.

“Lords of Space!” someone yelled.

I woke up. I was in an airlock. My naked ass felt the cold metal beneath me. I was looking up into the eyes of several of my crew.

“Captain, we thought you blew yourself up on the bridge!” it was Morella. Was their concern in her voice?

“Technically someone else blew me,” I said as I sat up. “Wait, how did I get here?”

Morella frowned at me. “You tell us! The airlock alarm went off and said we had an intruder. And why are you naked?”

I laughed. I could still taste ozone on my lips. My cock had a layer of frost around it from where the Qanson’s pussy juices had frozen. It was going to be one hell of a story to tell.

Shit, who was I kidding? They were never going to believe me.

Today I had two women competing to be my Cabin Woman. One would have the pleasure of serving as my personal pleasure toy and the other would go back to whatever shit jobs there were to do on this ship. That was why both women were squeezed in between my thighs and trying to suck on my cock at the same time. The brown one had more of my cock in her mouth but the green one was doing amazing things with her tongue on my balls. It was going to be a hard choice.

“Captain Blastpants, we found it!” One Eyed Peter yelled. “Five thousand cubic kilometers worth!”

The crew on the bridge cheered with joy. Both of the Cabin Woman candidates looked up and I pushed their heads back onto my laps. The green one took my cock in her mouth while the brown one sulked. Oh, that as going to count against her.

“Lick the balls, lick the balls!” Venda my cyborg parrot said. Venda was always on point.

I petted Venda and looked at the main monitor. The asteroid in question appeared with some helpful graphics around it. Lords of Space, it was huge!

“Five thousand cubic kilometers of Orgasmiam,” my First Mate, Marella, said. “That is enough to buy a space station, or a dozen. Shit, each member of the crew could get their own space station if they weren’t picky about the size.”

“I just can’t believe Mad Crazy Psycho was right,” I said. “There really is a giant chunk of Orgasmiam just floating in this asteroid field. We’re damn lucky he came to us with it. I don’t feel bad about the money we spent for this information.”

“Or that damn minefield we spent three weeks picking our way through?” Marella said.

“It is a shame we lost six pirates to mines but hey, their posthumous shares to their family are going to be huge,” I said.

“Aye,” Marella said. “All our shares will be.” She was in a great mood. It was rare to see my redheaded friend smiling. She had plenty of reasons to. That was a shit ton of wealth just waiting to be plucked. We could all retire on this find.

The green woman had my entire cock down her throat. The brown woman realized that she as losing and kissed the base of my cock with passionate fervor. It was a great moment. I had two hungry mouths on my lap and more treasure than I could count in front of me.

Something red arced across the monitor screen and smashed into the asteroid. A rainbow explosion of light flashed across the monitor as all five thousand cubic kilometers of Orgasmiam disintegrated before our eyes.

“No,” I whispered, too stunned to shout. All around me, the crew on the bridge erupted in wailing sobs. They were too heartbroken to speak as well. Even Venda was speechless and I wasn’t sure if the cyborg bird even understood money.

“FUCK!” Marella yelled, who was never too anything to keep from shouting.

“Captain, we’re being hailed!”

“On screen!” I yelled, finding my ability to shout. “Who the fuck did that?”

A woman appeared on screen. Her stoic Asiatic features cracked a smile at my misfortune. A blue Pik Collective uniform stretched across her enormous breasts. Her impeccable posture meant her breasts threatened to burst from the uniform fabric at any moment. My rage lessened for a moment as my eyes were drawn to her cleavage by the gravitational pull of the mass of her tits.

“Tits!” Venda chirped from my shoulder.

“Captain Gan!” Marella shouted while I stared at tits. “You destroyed the largest discovery of Orgasmiam ever found!”

“I am Captain Kianna Gan of the Pik collective,” Captain Gan said.

“Yes, she just said that!” I snapped. I stood up and the potential cabin women fell back on their knees. I glared at them and they both started kissing my cock. Just because I stood was no reason to stop a blowjob.

Kianna lifted a hand to block her line of sight to the women sucking my cock. “I am informing you that your ship, the Savage Thrust, is a documented pirate ship and is under arrest. You have been accused of thirty acts of piracy in this system as well as two counts of molestation of a Pik Collective Officer. A full list of crimes is being transmitted to you as I speak. I also have a warrant for your Captain, Captain Blastpants, if that is your real name.”

I gave Kianna a funny look. “You really don’t need to tell me the charges every time we meet. Also, I would like to argue about those two counts of molestation. I mean, I fucked your tits and I have spanked your ass, but molestation sounds a bit much. I mean, you did enjoy the spanking as I remember.”

“Fuck that!” Marella said. Man, she was pissed. “Why the fuck did you blow up the Orgasmiam?”

“Orgasmiam is a controlled substance,” Kianna said. “The ability to give any sentient being an orgasm just by being in close proximity to the material gives Orgasmiam the potential to be a weapon of mass distraction. I was perfectly within my rights as an officer of the Pik Collective to destroy it.”

Now Marella was speechless. The wanton destruction of so much wealth had paralyzed her.

Kianna’s smile grew wider. She was enjoying our displeasure. “Now I will ask you once to surrender. As you can see the Solemn Pledge has you outclassed. We have three times your weapons and twice your shields. Resist and I will not hesitate to destroy you and add your ashes to the scattered particles of the Orgasmiam.”

“Open fire!” Marella yelled.

“Fuck that!” I yelled. “All power to engines and get us the fuck out of here!”

Luckily I was the Captain and the crew obeyed my orders. The Savage Thrust fired engines and took off on an escape course. Immediately the ship rocked as the Solemn Pledge peppered our hull with lasers and mass drivers.

I fell back into my chair. My intelligent pants wisely zipped up over my cock. The two kneeling women returned to between my thighs and tried to kiss my zipper open. I gave them credit for staying on their job.

Damage reports came. The Solemn Pledge was blasting bits and pieces out of us. We were fast but the Solemn Pledge might have been faster. Kianna was catching up to us and judging by her rate of fire she was eager to avenge her two counts of molestation.

“Damn father sucking whore cunt!” Marella yelled. Yeah, she wasn’t going to be much good.

Fortunately for us, I had a cunning plan.

“Helm, plot a course for the mine field,” I said.

Old Nathan was at the helm and he was a good space pirate. That meant he obeyed right away despite our certain doom. The Savage Thrust went straight for the mine field at a reckless speed.

The Solemn Pledge kept firing. My combat screen was filled with information about the weapons that narrowly missed us.

The Cabin Women candidates weren’t distressed by our imminent deaths. The brown woman left a trail of spit on my bulge. My intelligent pants actually unzipped a few inches. The blue woman sucked on the tip of my bulge under my pants. I wondered if should could make me come in my pants. Maybe I should promote one of them before we all died.

Nah, that would show a lack of confidence. I was Captain Blastpants and the one thing I was known for other than my giant loads of come was being confident. I would fake being cocky until the very end.

“We’re all going to die!” Venda chirped. She was a parrot, she got to disagree.

“Entering the minefield!” One Eyed Peter announced.

A lifetime of space piracy sprang before my eyes. I thought of the women I had fucked, the men I had killed and the treasure I had looted. I thought of the friends I had lost and the enemies I had gained. I thought about mistakes I made and choices I will answer for if there was an afterlife.

Mostly though, I thought about tits.

“A mine exploded!” One Eyed Peter cried.

That was weird. I didn’t feel anything.

I glanced at the combat screen and saw the Solemn Pledge loosing speed. They must have hit a mine! Their port engine was leaking plasma. I watched it collide with another mine as they tried to stop their momentum. They hit a third mine before stopping completely.

“Open fire, fuckers!” Marella yelled.

This time my crew obeyed. The Savage Thrust let loose with everything we had. A terrible volley of revenge crashed into them. The Solemn Pledge rocked with explosions as large parts of the hull was reduced to wreckage.

They were near death.

“Again!” Marella said.

“Delay that!” I snapped.

Marella turned to me. “Kill those assholes now! I know you love Gan’s giant tits but they cost us a fortune!”

The entire bridge crew looked at me. I saw the anger in their eyes. I also saw their distrust of me. I had spared Kianna’s life before and they expected me to do it again.

Now it is true that I did like Kianna’s tits but I also liked her. The Captain was relentless despite all the times I bested her. I had fucked her tits and she still came after me. That took armored ovaries and I respected that. In a different situation, she would have been a hell of a Space Pirate.

But she had gone too far this time. I couldn’t spare her.

On the other hand, I didn’t respond well to my First Mate telling me what I had to do.

“Open a channel to the Solemn Pledge,” I commanded.

Marella snarled but she said nothing. Her fingers clenched awfully hard around her laser pistol though.

“Have you come to gloat? Captain Blastpants” Kianna yelled from the view screen. Her bridge was on fire and some of her crew was trying to put it out. A single strand of black hair had escaped her military bun and was hung sexily over her face. Her uniform was torn and I could see the top half of a black bra holding one of her giant breasts.

“If you set up this minefield you should be aware that you are violating the Articles of Safe Travels as established in the Omigon Accords!” Kianna added.

“Good to know,” I said. “I am calling to see if you would be willing to surrender.”

Marella snarled. Quite a few of my bridge crew snarled too.

“Never!” Kianna said. “I remember what happened last time I surrendered!”

I smiled. Damn, her tits had been nice and soft. “Fine. I will fire a single beam weapon at your ship every five minutes until your ship slowly crumbles and falls apart around you. It will be a slow and humiliating way for your crew to die. Shit, it might take all day.”

Marella laughed. My crew laughed.

“Slow and painful!” Venda chirped. My parrot was bloodthirsty too.

Kianna said nothing. Her stern composure was immaculate.

“Or,” I said.

Marella stopped laughing. So did my crew.

Kianna arched an eyebrow. “Or?”

“Or you strip down and masturbate right there in your command chair,” I said. “If you entertain me then I will leave and you can spend the next week getting your ship back together.”

“Asshole,” Marella said. I threw her a stern look but I saw she was smiling.

“You are a walking perversion!” Kianna said.

“Hit her ship with cannon one,” I said.

A crew member chuckled and I watched Captain Gan struggle to stay on her feet as her ship rocked.

“Fine!” Captain Gan yelled. “I accept your terms and I will add a count of sexual coercion to your crimes!”

I leaned back in my chair. My intelligent pants unzipped. The two women between my thighs dived for my cock with their mouths. I grabbed both of them by the hair. “Only use your hands,” I whispered. I wanted to make this last.

I looked up at Kianna. “I don’t see you stripping,” I said.

Kianna looked at me with fury but she reached for the zipper at the top of her uniform. She pulled it down to reveal the black bra that held her breasts. Once again the Pik Collective proved their superiority with engineering by the fact that any bra could hold those giant tits.

She wiggled out of her uniform and struggled to get it past her hips and round butt. Regulation black panties covered her sex. She started to take her boots off but I interrupted her.

“The boots stay on,” I said.

The fury in Kianna’s eyes changed to smoldering hatred.

“Get that bra off!” Marella yelled. “We want to see those tits again!”

The crew laughed as Kianna bit her lip. As professionally as she could, Kianna stripped off her bra and zero ceremony. It didn’t matter. As soon as her giant breasts became free, gasps and moans were heard all around me.

“Those aren’t moons!” Venda chirped. She was right.

By the Lords of Space, she had perfect breasts. Hard pink nipples topped beautiful mountains of soft flesh. They hung with the weight of their magnificence. I don’t know what they fed Pik Collective women but it was working.

“Get those panties off!” One Eyed peter yelled. He was always a pussy man.

Kianna stripped off her panties with the same military precision. The bush of her sex was trimmed into a precise triangle that I was sure was in accordance to some regulation.

“Grab those breasts!” I yelled now that she was nearly naked. “Let us see how soft they are.”

Kianna glared at me but she obeyed. She sunk her fingers into the bountiful flesh. I watched the pale flesh spill out of her grip. There was simply too much to grab.

My cock throbbed. The blue woman stroked the base of my cock while the brown woman stroked the tip. I saw Kianna’s eyes flicker to my lap and I saw disgust come to her lips. It galled her that I was deriving pleasure from her humiliation.

I wasn’t the only one. Marella pulled her shorts down and was fingering her thick red bush. Old Nathan leaned back in his chair and was pumping his cock. Big Zally had her pants down and had three fingers buried in her wet sex. In fact, with the exception of the women stroking my cock, everyone on the bridge was stroking off to the sight of Kianna.

Oh, how she must have hated that!

“Pinch your nipples” someone yelled.

Kianna did as she was told. She pinched both nipples although she was going a little easy on her self.

“Pinch and twist!” Venda chirped.

“You heard the parrot!” I snapped. The crew laughed.

Kianna twisted her nipples. She bit her lip to keep from showing discomfort. We didn’t care. We were too busy watching those fat tits roll and stretch with her twisting.

“Harder!” Marella snapped.

Kianna twisted her nipples savagely. The pain was obvious on her face. Dam, I wish I was there to twist them myself.

I noticed something. The crew behind Kianna had stopped with their chores. They were watching their Captain get humiliated and quite a few of them had smiles on their faces. One of the female crew members licked her lips while a male crewman was leaning awfully hard against a chair. They might have been Pik Collective but they weren’t immune to a naked busty woman.

“Bite one of your tits!” Old Nathan yelled.

Kianna hesitated.

“Prepare to fire,” I commanded.

Kianna quickly dipped her head down and pulled a breast to her mouth. Lords of Space, it wasn’t even hard for her. She pulled her breast to her mouth and bit down.

A dozen groans of pleasure moaned all through out my bridge.

“Now bite the other one!” Big Zally said.

Kianna obeyed. She sank her teeth into her other breast. Her dark eyes glared hatred at us. It made her look hotter.

“Enough play,” I said. “Sit in your chair and start fingering yourself.”

Giggles erupted among my bridge crew. Kianna released her breast from her mouth and a pink bite mark glowed. She sat down with as much dignity as she could and placed her hand over her sex. Her palm rubbed up and down over her sex.

“No, no, no,” I said. “Spread those thighs. Don’t use your whole hand, use two fingers. Your pussy is our prize and we demand to see it.”

An angry pout formed on Kianna’s lips. That was quite the trick. I hadn’t seen someone be angry and pout at the same time. This might be the reason I kept saving her life; she always had a new surprise for me.

Kianna spread her thighs and moved her hand. The bridge crew laughed when they saw the dampness of her pubic hair. She reached between her legs and just as I had ordered, used to fingers to stroke herself.

The crew grew quiet as they saw her fingers part the pink lips of her sex. All you could hear was the stroking of cocks and the fingering of pussies. Even Venda quietly watched from my shoulder. Everyone was watching the proud Pik Collective Captain masturbate for our amusement.

“Pinch one of your pussy lips as you stroke,” I commanded. My cock throbbed in the hands of the two women stroking me.

Kianna stared right at me as she obeyed. She winced as her sharp nails dug into her pussy lip. Her other hand stroked faster perhaps to counteract the pain.

“I should have known a deviant like you wouldn’t be satisfied with mere self stimulation,” Kianna accused.

“True,” I said. “Now grab some of your pussy hair and pull while you keep stroking.”

Kianna snarled but she did what I said. Her fingers clenched around her short curly hair and pulled with all her might. A red flush came to her cheeks as she struggled with the discomfort.

The potential Cabin Women stroked me faster. They switched places and the brown woman was at my base while the blue woman rubbed my tip. They worked well together.

“Rub your juices onto your tits,” Marella said. Her voice was huskier than usual.

Kianna took the opportunity of this new command to stop pulling her pussy hair. Her fingers dug deep into her sex and then she brought them up to her breasts. She smeared her juices onto her breasts. They began to shine.

“Lords of Space,” Old Nathan groaned and then he loudly climaxed.

Kianna’s nose wrinkled with disgust. She kept stroking though. Her hips began to writhe as she stroked harder.

“Suck on your fingers,” I commanded. “Suck on them like they were the cocks of my crew.”

“Disgusting hedonist,” Kianna said as she brought her lips to her mouth.

We watched in awe as her cheeks caved in around her fingers. Her lips formed a tight seal as she sucked hard on her fingers.

“Fuck,” Marella whimpered and judging from the rapid thrusts of her own fingers, I think she came.

Kianna’s body shuddered. She tried to hide it but those large tits of her shook like they her ship had taken another hit. Her fingers slowed down inside her sex and she was taking deep breaths.

“Faster,” I commanded her. “Use both hands and fuck your pussy for us.”

Kianna’s fingers left her mouth and a line of spit connected back to her lips. The spit broke as her fingers went down to her sex. She was using both hands but she was still holding back.

“Faster, Captain,” I told her. “Pound that pussy of yours.”

Kianna narrowed her eyes at me. She knew how close she was. She stroked herself faster and her face became neutral as she tried to hide her pleasure.

The women at my lap stroked me faster. I pulled them by their hair until they were on either side of my legs. Their hands moved together as they tightened their grip on me.

“Look at my cock, Captain,” I told her. “Look at my cock as you fuck yourself.”

One of Kianna’s crew women gasped behind her. Several of them had turned bright red with a mixture of anger and lust. All of them were clenching their hands to keep from using them.

Kianna’s eyes went to my cock. She watched the brown hand and the blue hand pump my thick member. She saw how hard I was.

Her fingers went faster. She stroked deeper. Her stoic façade broke slightly and a moan came from her lips.

Someone on my bridge came, shouting their orgasm.

“Picture me fucking you,” I said.

Kianna shook her head but I knew the image had already taken hold. Her thighs widened; her fingers pumped faster and she bit her lip. Kianna kept shaking her head but her eyes wouldn’t leave my cock.

I came. I never took my eyes off of her as the two women kept jacking me. My cock erupted like a volcano and made a mess on my lap.

“Damn,” Kianna whispered and her eyes clenched shut. She froze in mid stroke and pulled out a finger to grab a plump breast. She squeezed her tit tightly as her body writhed and wiggled on her command chair.

“Cut transmission,” I commanded and the display screen went dark. “Set a course for New Fortune. We have some repairs to make.”

Marella looked at me from her station chair. She was cleaning her fingers with her mouth and giving me an odd look.

“Do you have a problem?” I asked her.

She smiled. “That was exceptionally cruel. You made her pleasure herself for us. I’m broadcasting her little performance to the entire ship.”

I smiled back at her. “And the next time you tell me what to do in front of my bridge crew, they’ll be watching your performance next.”

Marella’s smile faltered for a moment. “Aye, Captain.”

I turned my attention back to the women at my feet. “Well, I have a mess on my lap. You’re both Cabin Women, clean it up.”

Both of them dipped their heads back onto my lap and cleaned me with their mouths.