Feb 032014

Blacks sails at midnight!Black Sails is a television show about pirates currently airing on the Starz network. Because it is about pirates I knew that I would be watching it but the question is, will I enjoy watching it? Is it any good?

It is very good.

The first episode is about Captain Flint tryingto find a certain treasure laden ship but to find it, he has to raid a bunch of small next-to-penniless ships that know where the big ship is. He doesn’t tell his crew what he is up to so they have no idea why their big scary Captain is robbing these tiny ships and that pisses them off.

The first episode is concerned with the upcoming vote for Captain.  Movies tell us that pirate Captains were tyrants of the sea who had every order obeyed but in real life, pirates were the only democracy at sea.  Hell, they became pirates because they were sick of the tyranny that was common on Navy and merchant ships.  On a pirate ships, captains only serve at the pleasure of their crew and can be voted out on a regular basis.

If pirate politics is not your thing, then you might be interested in the sexy women that populate this show.  There is the sexy innkeeper who buys stolen goods and gets wet for people who steal things.  There is the sexy prostitute who is helping a lucky cook sell something important and there is the super sexy badass pirate chick who is the muscle for her Captain.  All in all, that is a pretty good range of female characters for a period piece.

It wasn’t until later that I realized that this series is supposed to be a prequel to Treasure Island but it didn’t impact my enjoyment at all.  This was an episode about bad people doing bad things to one another. This was also a lot of fun with a lot of ‘Holy shit! That just happened!’ humor. I am a big fan of characters who are in over their head and know it deep down in their bones.

I give it five out of five Pam Griers.

Aug 032011

Piper lifted the lid of her crate. There was no light down here in the hold of the ship. She stepped out of the crate and blended with the darkness. She had stopped wearing clothes as she could find nothing darker than her own native skin. The deep brown of her flesh merged with the wood tones of the ship.

She couldn’t see the sky but she could hear. The ship was getting quiet. A day’s work of sailing had passed and the early night of fucking was slowing down. Hammocks were being slung and crew members were going to sleep. A minimum crew would be on deck to keep an eye on the ship and steer the Wild Kiss through the night.

Piper crept out of the hold. Every night on the ship was a marvel to her. Born in Jamaica, she lived her life as a servant in a dirty tavern. No family to speak of, Piper had longed for escape from the cruel woman that took her in. Cleaning floors and serving grog was not how she wanted to live the rest of her life.

One day she made a run for it. She knew that she could join the escaped slaves in the forests but she had no desire to live in hardship. Piper went to the docks and looked for a ship that she could stow away on. All she needed to do was reach a port, any port, and she was sure that she could start a new life somewhere. Such was the optimism of youth.

It didn’t hurt that Piper was also very beautiful. She had always been short but in the last few years, her bosom had expanded and her hips had widened most fetchingly. Her black hair had taken on a shiny luster. Lips that always seemed too big were now giving her mouth a sensual pout that would make the whores of Paris jealous. Piper suspected her beauty could open many doors in a new place.

Her beauty was the reason for her hiding on board this ship of cutthroats and perverts. The Wild Kiss had a reputation for being a ship full of sinners and deviants. It also had a reputation for hitting every port in the Caribbean. Piper just had to wait her time and eventually the ship would stop somewhere rich and glorious like Santiago or Vera Amore.

In the meantime, Piper had to eat. With most of the crew asleep, it was safe for Piper to head towards the ship’s galley. There was always a pot of leftovers waiting to be eaten. As a small woman, Piper didn’t need much. A bowl for now and a bowl for later would hold her till tomorrow night.

That wasn’t the only reason Piper left her crate. The small woman was also terribly aroused. The ship’s hold was always dark and secluded, and many a trysting couple would come down here during the day. Pirates would fuck here often and sometimes upon the very crate that Piper was hiding in.

Most of the time, Piper would touch herself as they fucked. As the crate shook around her with the force of someone’s thrusts, Piper would furiously stroke between her legs till she was spent. By the time night fell, Piper couldn’t wait to leave her crate. She needed some real human contact, even if the people she saw were asleep.

She went to the galley first. She picked the lock on the door with practiced ease. The woman she had worked for stole from her guests all the time, and it was often Piper’s job to sneak into their rooms to open their lock boxes. After several weeks at sea, Piper could open the galley door in pitch darkness in less than a minute.

Inside she gorged on stew, a papaya and a small bit of wine. Refreshed, she stepped back out into the ship. Someone passed by at the end of the hallway but they paid her no glance. In the middle of the night, people were busy on their own business. A ship of thieves and pirates were too concerned with not being seen themselves to call anyone else out.

Piper slipped to above deck. She wanted to see the stars. The small woman went to her hiding spot to the aft of the ship. There, a tiny nook was small enough for her to sit in and watch the ocean.

The stars glittered in the ocean.

When she had her fill of the ocean air, Piper went back below decks. She sneaked her way into the areas where the crew slung their hammocks. A single lantern cast inadequate light. The swinging hammocks rocked with the ocean and Piper’s loins stirred at the sight of all that naked skin.

She paused by a crewman. His cock was erect. It was quite enormous and Piper was sure it would split her in two if it ever entered her. This must be the one called Ale Mug. Hiding in her crate, she had heard even the most wanton of pirates confess a fear of this legendary appendage.

She felt a hunger between her thighs. Piper had to touch it. There was no way that she could fuck it, but just had to know how it felt. It was too good of a chance to pass up.

As careful as a thief, Piper reached for the stiff cock. Her fingers wrapped around him as soft as the wind. She could feel the heat emanating from the massive manhood. She forgot herself and gripped his cock and admiration and affection.

Ale Mug groaned. His eyes fluttered and then closed. His nostrils flared.

Piper stroked him. Once, twice, three times her hand moved up and down his girth. She leaned over and gave the tip of his cock a small kiss.

Ale Mug kept sleeping, but now he was smiling.

Piper released his cock. Her own need was making it hard to walk. With her heart pounding, Piper rushed back to her hiding place. She had to slip around a couple kissing by the doorway but from there on, she was free.

She slipped into her crate. Her cunt was wet and ready for her touch. In the darkness and solitude, Piper brought herself to climax within seconds.

Piper dreamed of giant cocks and clear skies.


“I found you, you little sluthole!” a voice boomed.

Piper was pulled out of her hiding place by her hair. She opened her eyes to see a ragged looking parrot. It was riding the shoulders of swarthy Portuguese man.

“I knew we had a stowaway!” the man yelled. “Well, the cook knew and kept fucking bugging me about missing food, but that means I fucking knew. And now I finally fucking found you, you little naked scamp!”

“Fuck her in the mouth!” the parrot cried.

Piper gasped with lust.

“That is a good idea, Pussy,” the pirate said. “But the Captain decides what to do with stowaways on this ship!”

He noticed Piper’s quizzical look. “The parrot’s name is Pussy. I wasn’t talking to you.”

“Oh,” Piper said, a little disappointed. “And what is your name?”

“My name is Mr. Fucks,” the pirate said. He wrapped her hair in his hand and pushed her towards the stairs. “March, wench! It is not every day I get to take a naked prize to the Captain.”

Her hair in his grasp, Piper had no choice but to go as he directed. Up the decks they went. They walked past a group of men who leered and cheered as her naked body walked by. They went past a group of women who shouted the most depraved offers of companionship. They marched past a smelly man who proclaimed her ass to be smoother than that of an Admiral’s.

Finally they reached the Captain’s quarters. Piper had never been inside before but often she had heard wild sounds coming from it at night. Her poor cunt was dripping with fear and anticipation. Mr. Fucks knocked once on the door and didn’t wait to be invited before he forced Piper through.

The quarters were far more luxurious than Piper could have imagined. A grand bed that belonged to a governor took up much of the room. Thick tapestries looted from merchant ships lined the floors. A painting of the Queen of Spain hung on a wall with some rather suspicious stains on her face. Gold and jewelry littered the floor.

Sitting at a desk was Captain O’Plenty. She wasn’t wearing a shirt although Piper wasn’t sure any shirt could possibly hold O’Plenty’s treasures. Her long blonde hair matched the gold necklace she wore as well as the flashy gold rings on her fingers. She was wearing a black skirt but she had her skirt pulled up to idly play with her cunt hair.

“I’ll be damned,” Captain O’Plenty said. “There really was a stowaway? I owe the Cook a long fucking.”

Mr. Fucks pushed Piper till she was a foot away from the Captain. The smell of O’Plenty’s cunt drifted over the Piper. She licked her lips.

“What is your name, girl?” Captain O’Plenty said.

“Piper, miss,” she said.

A sharp slap landed on her ass. Piper jumped as much as the grip on her hair would let her.

“Address her as Captain,” Mr. Fucks growled.

“My name is Piper, Captain,” she said. “I was named after the Sand Piper bird. Because I am so small, Captain.”

“Where was this Piper hiding?” Captain O’Plenty said.

“She was hiding in that crates of Bibles we had,” Mr. Fucks said. “I knew no good would come from having god damn Bibles on board.”

“Where are the Bibles?” Captain O’Plenty said. She was still playing with her cunt.

There was no answer till Mr. Fucks twisted Piper’s hair.

“I threw them overboard in the night!” Piper said. “I had to make room to hide, and I knew no one would be needing a Bible.”

Captain O’Plenty smirked. “Yes, except I was planning to sell that to a Jesuit monastery I know. Not only do you owe me the price of your passage aboard my ship, as well as the food that you have stolen, but now I find out that you destroyed cargo as well? You will owe me a lot of money, girl.”

Mr. Fucks ran his free hand down her shoulder. “She has the smoothest skin, Captain. This one has never worked outside. I’d wager her thighs are softer than a whore’s heart.”

“Spread your thighs!” the parrot cackled.

Piper spread her legs as far as she could while still standing.

Captain O’Plenty laughed. “It’s not the bird you should be listening to! So what shall I do with you? Should I make you work off your debt among the crew? Any other pirate ship would strap you to a hammock where everyone could take a turn at you. Or maybe I should strap you the mast where we can line up and take what we want from your body?”

“Captain, she be a trembling with fear!” Mr. Fucks said.

Piper was trembling but it wasn’t with fear. What Captain O’Plenty described sounded like heaven. In fact, it sounded much like the fantasies she masturbated to every night. She kept her face as neutral as possible so that they wouldn’t realize how much she desired the punishment that Captain O’Plenty might give her.

“Don’t worry, wench,” Captain O’Plenty said. “That is not how we do things here. No man or woman will ever be raped on my ship. We have too many willing cunts and cocks to ever force ourselves on someone. I just wanted you to know how lucky you are to be on such an enlightened ship.

“Oh, thank you,” Piper said without much conviction.

“No, we’ll put you to work somewhere,” Captain O’Plenty said. She was fingering her cunt a bit more energetically. Piper couldn’t stop looking at the Captain’s slick fingers.

“Maybe we could find a use for her,” Mr. Fucks said. “I mean, she is fucking pretty. She’s so nice and small, I could bounce her on my cock all day long. Let’s make a cabin girl out of her. She can polish your boots by day and polish your cunt at night.”

Piper tried to keep from smiling. Her hands came together in what she hoped was an unnoticed prayer.

“None of that talk, Mr. Fucks,” Captain O’Plenty said. “We’re not Captain RedBush, pressing innocent young women into oral service. Nay, she could work with the cook down in the galley. That would keep her away from most of the crew. She’ll earn her keep till we sail into port.”

Piper felt tears come to her eyes. Away from the crew? That would mean no cocks or cunts for her. Oh why, oh why couldn’t she have sneaked aboard Captain Redbush’s ship?

“Swallow it all!” the parrot cackled.

“Nay, Pussy,” Mr. Fucks said sadly. “The Captain is right. We may be a ship full of adulterers, thieves, killers and sodomites, but we ain’t no rapists. Come along, lass. I’ll introduce you to the cook.”

“No!” Piper screamed. She fell down to her knees and grabbed Captain O’Plenty’s foot. “Please, please let me serve you in any carnal way you desire! Give me to the crew or keep me to yourself, just please make use of me! I beg you!”

Captain O’Plenty looked at her in pleasant surprise. She did not stop stroking herself. The busty blonde did glance at Mr. Fucks.

“What do you think, Mr. Fucks? Is our stowaway that afraid of kitchen work or do you like she is a harlot?”

“Harlots do it twice!” the parrot said.

“I agree with Pussy,” Mr. Fucks said. “Just look at the stain she’s making on your rug. She damn near left a wet spot already.”

Piper looked down. It was true. The terrible punishments they had described were causing her cunt to flow. She must have been trickling down her thighs since Mr. Fucks first grabbed her.

Captain O’Plenty put her foot on Piper’s chest. Piper looked down the long muscular leg to the hairy cunt that the Captain was stroking. The heat between her own thighs became unbearable.

“Are you a harlot, girl?” Captain O’Plenty said. “A cabin girl would have to keep the place tidy, wait on me like a maid and warm my bed. She would also have to warm the bed of any man or woman I tell you to.”

“Suck my balls!” Pussy cackled.

“Yes, and you would be sucking Mr. Fucks’ balls,” Captain O’Plenty said. “You would be at his service as well, him being my right hand man and all. Do you have a problem with that? I mean, we can find you another job if you won’t want to work with the cook.”

Piper didn’t know how to answer. How could she possibly begin to explain how turned on she had been by listening to the crew fuck? How could she tell them that she wanted all the terrible things that they had threatened her with? She didn’t have the words to express herself at all.

Piper decided that words wouldn’t work at all. The young woman crawled as fast as she could to Captain O’Plenty’s cunt. The Captain laughed as the girl pushed O’Plenty’s wet fingers away. On her hands and knees, Piper put her face the Captain’s cunt. The Captain’s laugh turned to a groan as Piper licked in earnest.

The young woman had never licked a woman before but she knew what she liked. Piper took long deep licks of O’Plenty’s cunt, flattening her tongue against the woman’s lips. The Captain tasted like nothing Piper had ever had before, but she knew that she liked it. She pressed her face against the Captain’s cunt, letting her lips and tongue express what words could not.

“Aye, she is a harlot at heart,” Captain O’Plenty said.

Piper felt the Captain’s hand press against her head. The rings on the Captain’s fingers snagged against her hair. The Captain pulled Piper’s head tighter to the Captain’s cunt. Powerful thighs enclosed around Piper’s head, securing her to the place that she most wanted to be.

“Any woman can lick a cunt,” Mr. Fucks said. “Well, any woman who’s had a few drinks and maybe a Catholic upbringing, but still, that doesn’t make one a harlot.”

“What would that take?” Captain O’Plenty said.

Piper licked faster.

“Harlots love cock!” the parrot cackled.

“Pussy is right,” Mr. Fucks said. “A real harlot likes a cunt and a cock at the same time.”

“Is that true, girl?” Captain O’Plenty said. “How do you feel about a cock in that small cunt of yours?”

Captain O’Plenty hadn’t released Piper’s head to let her answer. Piper wiggled her hips as suggestively as she could. It must have worked because she soon felt strong hands grab her hips.

“Permission to come aboard,” Mr. Fucks said.

“Permission granted,” Captain O’Plenty said.

A large cock pressed against Piper’s tight sex. She tilted her hips as his glorious girth entered her. It wasn’t as big as Ale Mug but by God, she was happy to have it.

“Jesus Christ and his sodomite disciples!” Mr. Fucks said. “The harlot’s hole is wetter than the ocean!”

“Her mouth isn’t so bad, either,” Captain O’Plenty said.

They stopped talking. Mr. Fucks fucked while Piper licked. Captain O’Plenty added another hand to Piper’s head, locking her into an inescapable embrace. Piper was reduced to a mouth and a cunt. She was there to be fucked. She was there to lick. She was there to be used by the two most powerful people on the ship.

Piper climaxed. Her arms and thighs trembled but she stayed on her hands and knees. She moaned her orgasm into the Captain’s cunt but the pirates didn’t stop. This wasn’t about her pleasure.

Mr. Fucks fucked her cunt. After weeks of neglect, Piper finally had a thick cock stretching her tiny body. He was a little too big, a little too fast and a little too rough but it was all perfect. Piper was finally being fucked.

Captain O’Plenty’s cunt rolled under Piper’s mouth. The Captain humped Piper’s face with a passion that Piper recognized in herself. The Captain needed to climax. Piper felt a glorious feeling in knowing that she alone was bringing about the Captain’s pleasure.

Piper always suspected that she was a harlot at heart. There was many a night at the tavern that she had snuck into the rooms of male guests and fucked them in the darkness. She thought she did it to distract herself from her dreary life but now she knew better. Piper did it because she liked it.

Trapped between a cock and cunt, Piper realized that she liked this better. This was the job that she wanted. She wanted to be a mouth. She wanted to be a cunt. Maybe tomorrow, she’ll just be an asshole for someone. Or maybe a pair of tits or a willing hand. Piper’s heart was racing from the possibilities. She had no desire to be a pirate. She wanted to be a pirate’s possession.

Mr. Fucks growled. His seed filled her cunt and triggered new desire in her. The thrusting stopped as his cock emptied inside her.

Captain O’Plenty spent seconds later. Her hands pulled Piper’s ears as she thrust her cunt against Piper’s face. Piper couldn’t breathe as her mouth and nose were covered with cunt and flesh. She was going to die, she knew it. She was going to die with seed in her cunt and cunt in her mouth. Piper didn’t mind.

Piper’s head was released. She could breathe again. She took long gasping breaths but she stayed on her hands and knees. It felt natural here.

“It looks like you got yourself a Cabin Girl,” Mr. Fucks said.

“I think you are right,” Captain O’Plenty said. “Well get to work, harlot. This place is a fucking mess.”

“Yes, Captain,” Piper said. She started to rise to her feet. The Captain planted her foot on Piper’s shoulder and forced her back down to her knees.

“No, stay on your knees,” the Captain said. “That is your place now.”

Piper couldn’t have been happier.

To read more stories from Tales of the Wild Kiss, purchase a copy here.

Jan 242011

This lovely sketch card by Joe Gravel is 100% accurate. As soon as you institute sexy spanking as a punishment, ship discipline goes out the window.

When I started writing my pirate anthology set in the 1500’s, I went looking to find other erotica books written in the same time period. I turned up jack shit. I found plenty of romance novels set in that time period but they were about all male crews with one woman. It was hardly the co-ed orgy setting I had in mind. I was amazed that I couldn’t find anything.

After writing a dozen stories, I am no longer so amazed. Writing in that time period is hard. Even applying porn logic and allowing for a ship of fucking men and women, you still need a pirate ship that functions. Discipline was a big deal on ships back then and the motivation for turning pirate was to avoid getting whipped to an inch of your life for forgetting to salute. Some pirate ships were famous for their tight discipline but again, crew full of sex maniacs doesn’t exactly lend itself to a orderly ship.

This creates some interesting problems for my writer’s toolbox. Spanking is a lovely subject to devote a story to and one of its most popular settings is to use it for discipline. This actually works in a setting where you can humiliate a person, like say an office workspace, but it is less effective in a setting where everyone is walking around half naked.

In fact, this pirate ship is looking more and more like a sex club with every story. Real discipline is maintained with rather uncomfortable scary threats. Death, marooning and musket ball to the head keep the discipline on this ship. As any good spanker knows, a bad spanking can be very uncomfortable and bad, but it is also hardly sexy. Writing a sex novel, I am required to lean towards the sexy. Therefore, bad painful unsexy spanking is out.

Well shit.

I have avoided this problem by writing mostly pirate stories about lust. I decided early on not to do stories about non consensual sex so the spanking of prisoners and captives is out. I danced and avoided the subject forever before the solution finally dawned on me. Like most problems, when the solution is apparent, the problem looks stupidly easy.

My solution was to make spanking consensual, recreational and part of someone’s sex. Not a discipline thing. Not a pirate specific rule or punishment. Taking my inspiration from the sex club atmosphere, I just made spanking a part of sex. Easy. Stupidly easy.

This is what I enjoy about writing odd books like this one. It is part world building as you try to create a logical setting, and part discovery as you puzzle out to make something happen and make it appear natural. I think the reason there is so few pirate sex novels is because the setting is fucking hard. It also means that anything I successfully come up with will be all the more rare. That is worth any headache.