Dec 092013

I am pleased to announce that every Von Madd Laboratories scientist has been enrolled into the mandatory Secret Science Santa project this year. Non-scientists employees have been will receive a gift card and a card that will subtly remind them to pursue higher education.

The Secret Science Santa project will randomly assign you a fellow Von Madd scientist to prepare a sexual gift for. You are expected to create a technique, sex aid or other inventions that will aid in providing an orgasm for the person you have been assigned. Such gift will be given anonymously although your gift will be graded by Dr. Von Madd and you grade will be part of your final employee assessment for the year.

To aid you, the scientist’s sexual profile and history will be sent to you. You may also request surveillance of your assigned scientist to see how they pleasure themselves or engage in sex. Please remember that you can not share the contents of the file with anyone else or you risk censure from the Human Resource Disciplinary Division.

Assignments will be made later today. Gifts are expected to be completed and submitted to Human Resources by midnight December 24th.

Have fun! Also remember that any new inventions created for this project become the intellectual property of Von Madd Laboratories.

 Otto  Comments Off on Secret Science Santa
Sep 232013

Attention all Von Madd Laboratories employees!

Thanks to your diligence and hard work, all thirty prototypes of the SmartBra have been recaptured. The wearers of the SmartBras are fine and recovering nicely in Medical Orgy Room #2. Unfortunately, sixty-two of you did not heed our warning about laying your head on the mind controlling breasts and we are still trying to release them from their mammary slavery. The Pain Domination division has made amazing strides with the use of electric nipple clamps.

Sadly, the worse fears of Dr. t’Sade came to life this morning. We have discovered that the SmartBras were able to infiltrate the Sentient Underwear Department and corrupted a line of HypnoThongs. The HypnoThongs are controlling their wearers and forcing them to perform hideous deeds in their quest for world domination. We believe that there are twelve mind controlling thongs on the loose.

If you see someone walking as if something is riding their ass, do NOT approach them and contact Laboratory Security immediately. The only way to defeat these hypnotic thongs is with a Freeze Cannon and even then, it must be a a small blast at short range in order to prevent long term frigidity.

Do NOT accept their offer to slap their ass! Do NOT accept their offer to kiss their ass! For the love of Masters and Johnson, do NOT accept their offer to sit on your face.

If surrounded by stiffly walking people who are walking around without pants, your only hope is to over ride the mind control by constantly focusing on a different body part. Focus on breasts, cocks, vaginas or feet if that is your sort of thing. You only have a 3.8% chance of resisting the mind control but your attempt will help us verify the success rate.

Only you can prevent sentient tight underwear from enslaving the human race!

Sep 132013

Attention all Von Madd Laboratories employees!

Due to circumstances still under investigation, the SmartBra series of prototypes brassieres has gained sentience! More disturbingly, they appear to have stolen technology from the Hypnotic division! These SmartBras are considered beautiful and dangerous! They have seized control of the people wearing them and are trying to make it to the outside world!

Thirty prototypes are on the loose and if you spot someone wearing a fabulous bra with great support and lovely cleavage do NOT approach them! Do NOT agree to motorboat their breasts! Do NOT agree to their offer to bite their breasts! Do NOT show them the latest technology you are working on! Most of all, do NOT lay your head on their breasts!

If you see someone you suspect is wearing a SmarBra, douse their chest with water! This will short out the circuits in the bra. Whether or not you are able to wet the chest of a suspected person, contact Laboratory Security. They are trained for this and are eager to try out the new Water Cannons designed for this emergency.

If you see someone under the hypnotic control of a SmartBra and they are not wearing a SmartBra, refer to the “How to Deal With a Mind Controlled Drone” section listed in your Von Madd Laboratories Handbook.

Only YOU can stop sentient brassieres from taking over the world!

Aug 052013

Are you a woman who masturbates at least three times a week? Do you use vibrators, dildoes or other sexual aids? Von Madd Laboratories is looking for female masturbators to participate in a new clinical study that involves basic masturbation with the assistance of experimental hypno-sexual mp3’s.

This study will be for two weeks.  Applicants should bring a form of identification, an extra pair of underwear and their favorite masturbation aid. Applicants will be asked to listen to experimental sounds while masturbating in front of trained serious scientists and one to two possibly giggling co-ops.  Applicants will be asked to do this at least seven times in a two week period but more sessions can be arranged if requested.

Side effects may include sensitive nipples, sore thighs, frequent sexual dampness, exhaustion, inability to stop smiling and a craving for cherry lipstick.

Applicants will be compensated with their choice of a Talk-Dirty-To-Me Vibrator or a S.I.R. Butt-Plug.

Jul 242013

“Welcome to Advance Prophylactics, Dr. Bohen.”

Dr. Bohen smiled. After six month of interviews, background checks and a surprise anal exam, he was thrilled to finally be hired for a position with Von Madd Laboratories. This was his first day on the job and after enduring a three hour safety seminar, he was ready to get working on some erotic science.

“Thank you, Dr. Mosely,” he said.  He wanted to say something smart and gracious but he was terribly distracted by Dr. Mosely’s appearance.  The black woman was wearing an open lab coat, a pair of safety glasses, nitrite gloves and nothing else.  Her small brown breasts were very distracting but not as distracting as her shaved pussy.

“Oh, you must be wondering about this,” Dr. Mosely said, pointing at her naked sex.  “Today we are testing some new condom formulations for sensitivity.  I was about to call for a male technician to help test, but since you are here, would you like to penetrate me?  For science?”

Dr. Bohen resisted the urge to high five himself.  “I would be glad to help, Dr. Mosely.  We certainly never did anything like this at Sayne Industries!”

“We prefer a hands-on approach here,” Dr. Mosley said.  “Wait a minute, has your penis been calibrated yet?”

Dr. Bohen had already pulled down his pants.  “Calibrated?”

“Why yes,” she said.  “Every penis, vagina, ass, finger, tongue and nipple must be calibrated by Quality Assurance before it can be used in an experiment or procedure. That way we can ascertain that the experiment was conducted with an organ that is within specifications.”

Dr. Bohen frowned.  “Where do I go to umm, get my penis calibrated?”

“You don’t go anywhere, doctor!” Dr. Mosley said with a smile.  She picked up a phone.  “QA? We need a penis calibration in Advance Prophylactics right away. Excellent!”

“Wow, how long will it take for them to get here?” Dr. Bohen asked.

The lab door opened.  A cheerful Asian woman walked in with a briefcase.  She was wearing a blue blouse and matching blue skirt.

“Hey Reina!” Dr. Mosely said. “This is Dr. Bohen and he just joined us.  He needs a full calibration later but right now we just need his penis evaluated.”

“I can do that,” Reina said.  “Please remove your underwear and don’t touch your penis.”

Dr. Bohen did as he was told.  He stepped out of his pants and took down his briefs.  After stepped out of them he faced Reina.  He wasn’t sure what to do with his hands so he put them behind his back.

Reina knelt down on the ground and opened her briefcase.  She took out a clipboard, pen, and a ruler.  The Asian woman gripped his cock and she slowly began to stroke him.

“You get hard fast under manual stimulation,” Reina said.

“Is that good?” Dr. Bohen asked.

“Don’t worry,” Dr. Mosely said.  “She is just making observations. Everyone is different but it is good to include the differences for experiment reports.”

Dr. Bohen nodded and kept quiet.

Reina stroked him until he was fully hard.  She placed the ruler against the base of his cock and measured.  Dr. Bohen tried to see what she wrote down but couldn’t.

“How big?” he asked.

Reina smiled at him.  “Big enough.”

Dr. Mosley sat in a chair.  She kept her legs open. Dr. Bohen watched as she idly fingered herself.  With her other hand, she organized the condom samples she wanted to test.

He looked back down at Reina. She was moving his cock back and forth and taking notes. Her finger traced the head of his cock. She let go of his cock and made notes about which direction it leaned. At one pojnt she sniffed his cock and took note of the smell.

Dr. Bohen kept looking at Dr. Mosely’s pussy. She had two fingers inside her now.  He could hear how wet she was.

“Almost done?” he asked Reina.

“Almost,” she said and then she opened her mouth and engulfed his cock.

“Oh!” Dr. Bohen said.  His hands went to her head but he stopped himself.  Quality was nothing to mess with.

He felt Reina’s tongue explore his cock. Her cheeks caved in around him. Fingers gripped his thighs as her mouth took more and more of him. He pulsed inside her mouth and Reina moaned.

Dr. Mosely had three fingers inside her now. She was still organizing condom samples but at a much slower pace.  Her dark nipples were hard.  She kept looking at Dr. Bohen and he saw the lust in her eyes.

Reina took his cock out of her mouth and stood up.

“Did I pass?” Dr. Bohen asked.  He was eager to start those tests.

“Not yet,” Reina said and she turned around and bent over a table.  She reached behind and flipped up her skirt. A lovely ass faced him. She was wearing nothing underneath except a neatly trimmed bush of black hair.

“Slip inside,” Reina said.  “We need to calibrate your rhythm.”

Dr. Bohen glanced at Dr. Mosley.  She nodded at him.

“Happy to calibrate,” Dr. Bohen said.

He guided his cock to Reina’s sex. His cock slid into wet tight heat. He groaned with delight. The closest he got to being inside anything this nice at his last job was when he got his finger stuck in the rubber mold.

“Fuck me,” Reina moaned.

Dr. Bohen did.  He grabbed her hips and pumped into her.  The first thrust was heaven, the second thrust made her cry out. The third thrust was pure delight. The fourth thrust was worth the three hour safety seminar earlier.

“Stop!” Reina said. She pushed him away.

“Ah, okay,” Dr. Bohen said. He wanted to fuck but it was his first day after all; he should stick to the rules.

Reina kneeled again before him and took his cock in both hands. He was slick from her spit and her pussy.  She tugged and twisted.

“Come,” Reina said.

Dr. Mosely moaned.  She had her legs spread even wider. She was using both hands on her pussy. All pretense of organizing the samples was gone. She shuddered as she climaxed.

Reina did another twist of the wrist and Dr. Bohen felt his knees go weak.

“I am going to come,” he said.

Quick as lightning, Reina grabbed a board and held it up to his cock. She never quit stroking with her other hand. It was strange but Dr. Bohen didn’t care. This was the best first day ever.

He climaxed. Reina guided his cock so that his semen splattered on the board. She kept stroking until he was drained.

“Thank you very much,” Reina said.  She put the board inside a small case that went inside the briefcase. She stood up and smoothed down her skirt.

“Your penis is clear for experiments,” Reina said. “I’ll do an analysis on your semen in case you want to participate in facial or bukkake protocols. I’ll assign your penis a quality number and send it to you in an email.”

“Okay,” Dr. Bohen said. He had questions but shit, this was a lot to absorb. He would consult his employee’s manual later.

“Have a good science day!” Reina said and she left the lab.

Dr. Bohen leaned against the table. He was exhausted.

“Now that we have that out of the way, we can get back to work,” Dr. Mosely said.  She stood up and dropped the lab coat. The senior scientist was nude and flushed.

“Ahhh,” Dr. Bohen said weakly. He looked down at his wilting cock.

Dr. Mosely frowned at his limp penis but then she smiled.

“That’s okay,” she said.  “It gives us a chance for me to show you how to activate our Fluffer Department.”

Jun 252013

Greetings Scientists, this is your employer, Dr. Otto Von Madd. Please take a break from your exciting science and listen to the following message.

Recently we have had three nearly fatal accidents at Von Madd Laboratories. As you know, the well being of our associates is of the highest priority right behind erotic innovation, meeting production goals and achieving personal multiple orgasms but a high priority nonetheless. The three recent accidents were all preventable and I would like to remind everyone of some basic safety rules.

Rule #1- Always wear your safety goggles. I cannot emphasis this enough. Dr. Julia Aggins lost an eye to high velocity sperm ejaculation in the Lubrication Lab. Due to the physics defying properties of the Perpetual Lube she was dealing with, she is very fortunate that the sperm didn’t go straight through her brain.

Rule #2 – Refrain from having sex in the stairwells. Employees are allowed to have sex in their laboratories, offices, the break room, the gym, any of the outdoor benches, the massage room and the ever popular orgy room so while I understand the desire to have sex in the only area designated as a sex-free zone it is highly unsafe. It may seem sexy to bend someone over a guard rail but falling and breaking bones is rarely sexy.

Rule #3 – Be sure to clean up any ejaculate. Slipping accidents is up 60% this month alone. This includes female ejaculate and yes, this is directed to you, Dr. Cruz.

Thank you for your attention. You may now resume your science.

 Otto  Comments Off on Von Madd Laboratories Safety Update
Feb 272013

“And remember folks, if you want to see more great programming like ‘Masterpiece Antiques’ then you need to call in to make a donation to PBS Channel 3. We are twenty thousand dollars away from our goal and every dollar helps!  My shift is over so I am going to turn it over to Maria who has a very special local guest.”

“Thanks, Bob!  I’m Maria Soto and most of you know me from my show, Good Morning Wickleton! Today I am joined by local business owner and sexual scientist, Dr. Otto Von Madd!”

“Good evening, Maria, I am happy to be here.  Public television taught me the alphabet, how to be a good neighbor and introduced me to vastly superior British science fiction. I am glad to be a part of keeping non-commercial television alive.”

“Thank you Dr. Von Madd. I understand that you brought something that you will be giving to our callers? I hope it is something we can show on television!”

“Don’t worry, Maria, I am perfectly capable of dealing with antiquated sexual prudence. Today I brought the latest in phrenal tactile manipulation. Every caller who donates at least a hundred dollars in the next hour will receive this!”

“Excuse me Dr. Von Madd, but that appears to just be a hairbrush.”

“I can assure you Maria that this is no ordinary hairbrush. This is the Brushgasm Mark 3. The bristles have been specially designed to excite and stimulate erogenous zones of your body by manipulation of the nerve endings on a person’s scalp. The handle has been ergonomically designed to fit comfortable in most adult hands. The plastic is made from recycled soda bottle rings and the box it comes has a picture of a cat that is scientifically designed to make you smile.”

“It still looks just like a hairbrush, Doctor.”

“Here, let me brush your hair, then.”

“Okay, but if you mess up my hair, then my makeup lady is going to want a word with you. Oh my God!”

“Here, you might want to sit down for this.  As the viewers at home can see, all I am doing is brushing downwards from the top to the ends of the hair.”

“Holy snackcakes! My toes are curling!”

“Do you see now the effect of three years of research and a lot of sore wrists?”

“I’m going to need new panties! These are soaked!”

“Remember, Maria, we are on live television and society’s outdated social standards frowns on that kind of talk.” 

“You should probably stop then, wait, what?  My producer just told me that we have raised twelve hundred dollars in the last three minutes.  He wants you to keep brushing my hair. I’m not sure I can take any more.”

“Sure you can, Maria. A woman your age can take half an hour of the Brushgasm Mark 3 before needed to rehydrate. I should point out that brushing downward in slow even strokes, I am creating an irresistible excitement in Maria’s genitals, correct?”

“Heck yeah!”

“But observe, if I do a quick harsh motion . . .”

“Mary Mother of God!”

“How would you describe that feeling, Maria?”

“Like my woo-woo got slapped by a giant anaconda!”

“Would you call it unpleasant?”

“. . . .No.”

“I do recommend that if you use the harsh strokes on a loved one, that you agree on a safeword before hand.”

“Tell me, Doctor, does the brush have to be used by someone else? I mean, could I get the same effect by brushing my own hair?”

“Of course. Here, try it.”

“Oh God, it WORKS! I am never leaving the bathroom again!”

“We found in some case studies that lovers liked to brush their own hair and watch each other. “

“Wow! My producer just told me that we reached our goal! That must be some sort of a record! We picked up twenty thousand dollars in less than five minutes!”

“I am not surprised. People love public television.”

Jan 022013

Dr. Otto Von Madd stood nude in front of the mirror. He was a bit perturbed.

Instead of his carefully sculpted goatee, his face was bare and feminine. His lips were fuller. His eyelashes, already long for a man, were longer. He had cheekbones now and his Adam’s apple was gone. His short brown hair was still short but had assumed a Pixie cut during the night.

The curly hair of his chest was completely gone. Instead of his broad pectoral muscles, he now sported two very lovely breasts. He judged them to be 36D’s and since he was an erotic scientist, he had 99% certainty in his estimate.

His normally broad chest now tapered down to a rather fetching waist. Below his waist there was no trace of his cock and balls. He pushed delicate fingers into the furry pubic hair and moaned as he touched his new vagina.

“Not again,” Dr. Otto Von Madd said.

He was not unfamiliar with gender transformation. His first dalliance into the phenomenon was when he was fourteen. Otto had been greatly frustrated by the girls his age were reluctant to allow him to examine their budding breasts with the methodical attention that his curiosity demanded. It was much easier to just look into the family attic and find something that would let him grow his own breasts.  Removing them was easy as looking in the family basement for a cure.

Otto cupped the new breasts he had this morning.  They were fuller than he ones he had played with as a teenager.  Whatever had caused this transformation had successfully simulated the effects of age.  Otto’s breasts were heavy and a smidge faded from the glory of youth.

He had his breasts while watching himself in the mirror. Skilled fingers that could stimulate any woman were hesitant to play with his own nipples.  He settled on Von Madd Nipple Stimuli #6.

“Oh yes,” Otto groaned.  That felt good.

He felt a flush to his groin.  Otto paused in mid pinch of his nipple.  He was well versed in the biology, psychology and even a little of the metaphysics of a woman’s desire, but it was so different to feel it for himself.  He forgot how empty it felt. His erection was a demand to be touched but this, was a demand to be filled.

It reminded him of the time he developed that gender-reversal laser for that British singer. Otto of course tested it on himself first and he the horror of watching his penis shrink into nothingness was soon replaced by the wonder of touching his newly grown vagina. It was one of the few times that Otto had wasted precious science time masturbating simply for pleasure.

Otto trembled as his fingers went down to his pussy.  He moaned when he touched his clit.  He put out one hand to steady himself.  He slipped his fingers into his pussy and his knees almost gave out.

This was good. It was amazing that women didn’t masturbate every day, every hour and every second.  Otto stroked himself, no fantasy needed as he simply enjoyed his body.

He did wonder what caused this transformation. There were no strange meteors last night. There were no accidental laser blasts.  He certainly would have known if he had made a wish at a sentient well of reality bending power.  In fact, all he did last night was open some late Christmas presents from his family and spend the evening planning next year’s schedule at the laboratory.

Otto paused in mid stroke.  There was those jelly cookies from Otto’s uncle, Crazy Caspar Von Madd.  Crazy Caspar was the black sheep of the family who decided to squander his vast science skills in the paltry field of practical jokes.  It would tickle his sense of humor to turn an erotic scientist member of the family into the opposite gender.

Otto laughed.  It was a good joke.

He returned the serious business of masturbating.  Knowing Uncle Caspar, the effect was only temporary.  Otto would be a man again either in an hour, or if Caspar really wanted to push the joke, twenty-four hours.  Otto realized that twenty-four hours would be the more likely prediction. 

Still, there was no time to waste.  Otto pushed his fingers deeper.  He knew that moving to a chair would be a better position. A bed would be even better.  He stayed where he was.  He wanted to see himself.  He wanted to overcome the logistics with pure desire.

He grabbed his breast and squeezed.  He enjoyed the simultaneous pleasure of grabbing a breast and being grabbed.  It was delicious.

He finger fucked himself faster.  Wet desire dripped down smooth thighs.  Otto spent a moment wondering where all his leg hair went before banishing the thought.  He would ask his uncle later.  For now he was just going to stroke.

Otto fingered his pussy. Demanding fingers went deeper and deeper into his unexplored emptiness.  Otto moaned and the sound of his changed voice made him tremble. 

The mirror reflected his new body. He saw bouncing breasts.  He saw knees threatening to bend.  He saw a sensuous mouth moaning. He saw eyes as deep as mystery itself. He was a woman today and like every woman everywhere, he was beautiful.

Otto climaxed.  There was no release of seed like he was used to but there was a release of pleasure.  He cried out, humbled by the power of it all. 

He rested his head on the mirror.  His fingers were still buried in his sex.  He had forgotten.  He made toys for women’s pleasure but he had forgotten how different their pleasure was. 

He thought of a new dozen sex toys.  New vibration speeds came to mind.  A design for a clitoris massager sprang full formed inside his consciousness.  Otto needed to get to a lab.  There was a lot of work to be done.

Otto’s pussy clenched.  New shivers of pleasure went through him.  Otto chuckled and then moaned.  That’s right, he was multi-orgasmic. 

He cancelled his plans for the lab.  He could do that later.  Right now he needed a bed.  He needed a vibrator.  He needed some creative female assistants.  A few candidates instantly came to mind.

Pleasure awaited.      

Nov 192012

Greetings employees,

Thursday is Thanksgiving which means that our lesser scientist colleagues who value family over science will be taking the week off.  We will miss their camaraderie and presence but not their dedication to science which as I already mentioned, is less than ours.   

Despite our commitment to science, we will still celebrate Thanksgiving.  We have much to be thankful for as erotic scientists.  I shall personally share a few in an effort to muddle my age as your benevolent omniscient boss with some slight slivers of humanity.

I am thankful for all the amazing advances in vibration technology we have made this year.  Current customer satisfaction surveys rank ninety percent of our vibrator products at ‘Holy shit! I saw a divine entity!’ level of satisfaction.

I am also thankful for the many successful investments we have made in sexual education.  It is always a joy to see young college students coming into our laboratories, learn sexual pleasure and innovation and then leave to take that knowledge into the general population.  It is an even greater to joy test these students personally and discover how much they learn.

Lastly, I am thankful for the creation of the Disciplintron M3 which allows me to continue to administer corporal punishment to the senior staff without the threat of spraining my wrist again.  Some say the robot strikes too hard but I say you shouldn’t have fucked up in the first place.

Now that I have reaffirmed that I am sort of like you, I would like to discuss our holiday plans for the laboratory.

Science will be conducted on Monday and Tuesday.

Science will also be conducted on Wednesday except that our Culinary Pleasures Department will engage in extensive meal preparations.  Dr. Gustav assures me that there will be avians of plump sizes.  There will also be many side dishes that will serve as flavor lingerie for the main dishes.  Dr. Gustav has promised me personally that there will be addition of Aphrodisiac #6 in the stuffing this year.

Holiday Celebrations will be conducted on Thursday.  We shall begin with a mandatory lazy period in the morning.  At 10am sharp, we shall commence with the Thanksgiving Orgy in the main Conference Bedroom.  At noon we shall break for Thanksgiving Lunch in the Cafeteria.  Afterwards, scientists are free to continue having more sex, retire to their quarters for a nap or perhaps do administrative paperwork. 

Holiday Laziness will continue on Friday.  We all remember what happened last year when Dr. Presper, high on turkey sandwiches, made a miscalculation while mixing lubricants.  Security tells me that they still think the Lubricant Blob Monster still lurks in the sub-basement levels.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Dr. Otto Von madd

Aug 272012

Good morning, you’re listing to the Von Madd Datalink Network, the number one source of information for all Von Madd Laboratories employees. I’m Ed Jackson and here is your morning briefing.

Women working on the 3rd level should be advised that their breast sizes may increase as much as three cup sizes today.  Mammary Metamorphosis Specialists have been alerted and an investigation is under way.  At this time we do not know if the changes are permanent.  Updates and larger bras will be provided on an hourly basis.

Dr. Belinda Munsi has made a breakthrough in the studies of Perpetual Vibrator Motion.  The young scientist is currently testing her theories with the help of the men and women of the janitorial staff.  Dr. Munsi predicts that we could all have a vibrator that requires no outside power source within our lifetime! 

Preliminary testing of the Clothing Eradicator will begin today on the 7th level today.  All employees on that level are asked to wear no clothing as it may interfere with the testing beams.

It has been one hundred days since a sentient sextoy rebellion!  Congratulations to everyone.  All Von Madd Laboratory employees will receive a credit good for one session of oral sex from one of our interns.  Interns, today is your chance to shine!

In related news, the rogue Artificial Intelligence Sexbot, Kimmie, is still on the loose.  Employees are to be advised that she is considered non-dangerous as long as you agree to let her give you a handjob.  Refusing her is not advised as she gets very upset and will attempt to manipulate your genitals by reaching down your throat.  If spotted, allow her to give you a handjob and then please inform Security.

This has been your morning briefing. Next up is an hour of island instrumental music designed to promote creative thinking and higher libidos.  Join us in two hours for an interview with Dr. Harry Jennings to talk about his work in the field of Therapeutic Paddling.

I’m Ed Jackson and you”re listening to the Von Madd Datalink Network.