Mar 282009

This entirely too dark picture was taken with my cellphone. It’s a picture of a picture that I found in an Italian restaurant on Friday. The restaurant is filled with black and white pictures like these, of pretty women from the 60’s on Vespas.

What makes this picture so noteworthy is it was about five feet tall, and sitting on the floor directly opposite the sit down toilet in the men’s room. So there I was, trying to do my business, with this happy blonde woman smiling and bending down to show me her tits. It wasn’t even hanging from the wall. It was just placed there, leaning back so that we are eye level with each other.

It is really hard to pee while sitting down when you have an erection. I kept speculating on what kind of bra would have that shape. If she was wearing a bra at all. I was also fascinated by those hips. I was amused by her hair. Most of all, I wondered if the model had any idea that one day her picture would be facing a toilet.

Oct 252008

I despise Memes. I see them as the cellulite of the blogging world. They exist everywhere and quite frankly, we could all stand to lose them. Having said that, Roxy said some nice things about me lately so I will sorta participate just this once.

The Meme is seven facts about the blogger. Isn’t that Monday through Sunday for most blogs?

Fact One- When I was a teenager stealing Playboys from my stepfather’s stash, Ms September 1977 was my favorite Playmate. Holy shit she was hot. I wanted to marry her. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted to be her best friend. As I grew older I always had a fond place in my heart for her.

Till I hit 25 and realized she looked a lot like my mom.

Fact Two- You know how some actors want to direct? Well as a porn writer, what I really would love to do is write songs. Sigh, I have so many bad songs stashed in my scraps folder. I even wrote a song for my Volleyball story called ‘Two Against the Sand’. It’s atrocious.

Fact Three- ‘Planet Terror’ is the first movie my girlfriend and I saw together. It was so over the top, so damn funny and so thrilling that we bonded through shared trauma. She kept her face buried in my shoulder for about 20% of the movie. No one else we know seems to like the movie which is cool. It’s our movie.

Fact Four- I have this missing gene that affects how I get along with other sex bloggers. I don’t understand why people that post links to other sex articles somehow makes the link poster the kick ass one. To me they are the waiter that brings me the food some awesome chef made. I don’t get it.

Fact Five- I know all the songs to ‘The Producers’. Actually, that movie subtly changed my life. Stop the world, I want to get on. Okay, it took me a few years after seeing it to change my life but I sure as hell played it a lot during my divorce.

Fact Six- I get so much inspiration out of other people’s writing blocks. When I read a blog where someone has quit writing, I feel like I have to write harder so I don’t end up like them. I am not sure if my subconscious thinks we’re in some sort of a race where the last one still writing wins.

Fact Seven- I like Witches. I have a few that I collect and keep around my desk. I prefer my witches sexy, silly and with really big hats.