Jan 292010

The ship exploded above me. I was falling to my death but at least the Squid-Men of the Secret Censors of Atlantis weren’t going back home either. Hopefully the other members of the Extraordinary League of Pornographers would be able to stop their plans.

I looked at the ground. It seemed so far away but since I was in complete free fall, I knew it would all be over soon. My only regret was that I was butt-naked. I’d hate to land in front of someone and traumatize them with my nude splat.

I heard something above me. As I kept falling, I turned my body around to look up. I couldn’t beleive my eyes.

It was the Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student! She had survived the explosion! She was naked too, except she was wearing a metal harness around her young breasts. It must be one of those anti-gravity devices that the Secret Censors use. Good, I was relieved that she would survive.

The Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student had her arms together and she was diving towards me. Damn, she was trying to save me but it wouldn’t work. The harness only works on the body it is around. Holding me would be useless. The anti-gravity field wouldn’t extend around me.

As she got closer, I could hear what she was yelling. “Go hard!”

What? You are suppossed to go limp while falling although at this height it doesn’t really matter.

“Go hard!” she yelled again. I noticed she was stroking herself.

Holy shit. It just might work. The field might extend around me if I was inside her.

I stroked my cock as fast as I could. We were both falling at terminal velocity as we plummeted through the sky but I had to get an erection. The Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student had to get wet enough to allow me in. Both our lives depended on achieving copulation before hitting the ground.

Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student flipped her body around and spread her legs. I pointed my cock towards her waiting sex. The air whipped around us but I focused on her smooth skin and the thought of imminent penetration.

She slipped right onto my cock. Her legs wrapped around me right as I wrapped my arms around her back. Her mouth locked onto mine and we kissed. I know she’s a Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student but when she kissed me it was as apassionate as if we were in love. I don’t know if kissing was necessary for the plan but fuck, if we were going to die let’s do it right.

The anti-gravity field kicked in. Our descent slowed down considerably. Our fucking did not.

“You can’t come till we reach the ground,” the Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student groaned. “If you go limp, you’ll slip out.”

“That is going to be tricky,” I admitted.

It was going to be an interesting couple of thousand feet.

Jan 112010

“Who the fuck cares about a sex blogger?” the Midnight Cock said.

This is why I don’t like dealing with the fucker. Supernatural rapists don’t have to be half the asshole that the Midnight Cock was.

“We think the Secret Censors of Atlantis are eliminating sex bloggers,” I said. “If the Secret Censors are up to something, then we need to find out what it is.”

We were standing outside the house of Kim Johansen, known to the internet as Vibrated Chick. It was a normal looking suburban house in a normal looking suburban neighborhood. Vibrated Chick would be horrified to learn that we discovered her true address so easily but that is what makes us Extraordinary Pornographers.

“She’s a skanky sextoy reviewer,” the Midnight Cock said. “If they want her they can have her.”

I knocked on the door. “All sex bloggers have value,” I said. “Sextoy reviewers help fight the impression that only perverts use sextoys. They create an atmosphere of sexual normalcy.”

“They are whores for free toys,” the Midnight Cock said. “And in case you didn’t notice spunk-for-brains, the door is unlocked.”

I didn’t notice because I don’t have the same powers that the Midnight Cock did. I couldn’t tell if a door is unlocked or if a husband was gone for the day. I tried the door and it the swung open.

A scene of horror awaited us. Vibration Chick was face down on the floor. Her clothes had been ripped from her body and she was being held down by five Squid-men. The horrible henchmen of the Secret Censors of Atlantis were jamming something slimy into her ass. The thing looked like some kind of spiky sea urchin. The Squid-men looked up at us in surprise.

The smell of pre-cum hit my nose. The room hallway darkened.

“You should go,” the Midnight Cock growled. “This is going to get messy.” All of the petty snark was gone from his voice. He was angry. He was furious. He was aroused.

The Midnight Cock ran at them. “That bitch is one of us!” he yelled as he raped them.

Nov 162009

“I’ll seduce him,” the Invisible MILF said.

“No,” I said a little too quickly. “I can take him.”

“Don’t be a hero,” she said. “You need medical attention, not another fight. Let me handle this. After this one guard, we can get back to the Pimp ship.”

I didn’t have a good argument to counter her. Well, I could always tell her I was in love with her, but I couldn’t. Trying to escape from the Secret Censors of Atlantis is not the time to mess up the group dynamics.

“All right,” I said.

“Men, you are so protective,” she whispered.

She didn’t know I was only protective of her.

I watched the guard. He stood at attention with his Sonic Rifle in his hands. He looked down in amazement as his pants unzipped.

We both watched as his cock emerged from his underwear. It grew harder and I can only imagine what technique the Invisible MILF was using. Did she stroke him? Was she sucking on him? Was she pressing his hard cock against unseen breasts that I have only dreamed about?

The guard groaned. I wonder if he had any idea what was happening. Surely he knew about the prisoners the Secret Censors took. Maybe he knew and just didn’t care.

He climaxed. A spurt of his seed landed on the Invisible MILF’s face. I guess she was jerking him off. The guard looked down to study the features his seed revealed.

I was already moving. He didn’t see me at all as I rammed my elbow into his neck. he went down hard.

The Invisible MILF vanished as she wiped the semen from her face and ate it. “Nice hit,” she said. “You nearly took his head off.”

Personally, I don’t think I hit him hard enough.

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Oct 262009

Dr. Vanilla took a deep breath. “Sally, please be reasonable. We can help you!”

Sally kicked him in the balls. Dr. Vanilla gasped and would have fallen to his knees if it wasn’t for the chains that was holding us to the wall.

“Quit calling me, Sally!” she growled. “My name is Mistress Medea now. Say it!”

She cracked the electric whip and sparks flew from the floor. She was no longer the shy blogger with her frequent posts about her cat and her inability to find a dom. She had been transformed by the Censors of Atlantis into her new persona.

And even Dr. Vanilla would be the first to admit that her new persona was hot. She had long black hair with red streaks the color of blood. She was wearing a corset of red metal that gave her body an hourglass shape not found in nature. Her boots alone were adorned with more spikes than a Road Warrior marathon. The glasses were the best part. You can chemically alter the brain of a nerd girl into a cruel dominatrix but you can’t take the glasses away from the nerd.

She hit Dr. Vanilla with the electric whip and he cried out. I struggled with my chains but they were so strong. My mind was racing, I had to figure out a way out of her. It was my idiom.

When he lifted his head, it was Mr. Dom who spoke. “Stupid little cunt! A corset from Hot Topic doesn’t make you a dominatrix! It takes willpower! It takes a belief that you are a fucking god! Whip me all you want, you are just a fucking poser bitch playing dress up and reading your Anite Blake novels.”

Oh shit. Mistress Medea just glared at him. Mr. Dom had a nasty tendency to say exactly what people feared the most. He knew her when she was Sally and he knew her now as Mistress Medea.

“Teach me,” she said. “Teach me how to be more like a real dominatrix.”

“No!” Dr. Vanilla suddenly answered. They could switch personalities faster than a stripper could spin a tassel. “Don’t listen to him! He will destroy you!”

“Shut up, Doctor!” I snapped. You got to hand it to the Dr. Even when we are captured and being tortured, he wants to protect people. Shit, even the one torturing us.

She kicked him in the balls again. “Teach me!” she yelled.

The force of her request was so desperate. Even after the Secret Censors had fucked with her brain, she still was insecure about being a dominatrix.

“Let me go first,” Mr. Dom said.

Mistress Medea started to and then stopped.

“God damn,” Mr. Dom said. “You don’t even have the courage to make a mistake! Free me and risk me escaping, or leave me here and wonder what I could have taught you. Make a damn decision, Mistress Chickenshit!”

Mistress Medea unlocked his shackles.

Mr.Dom moved like lightning. His leg kicked against those spiky boots and sent her tumbling. As soon as she was on the ground, he had his hands on her throat. She was down on the ground, pinned and helpless.

“Bitch, you are so lucky I am not the Midnight Cock,” Mr. Dom said.

As she slipped into unconsciousness, I heard Dr. Vanilla whispering to her.

Dr. Vanilla released me from my shackles and checked my arms for circulation problems. I went to work frisking Mistress Medea for anything we could use in our escape. Dr. Vanilla looked exhausted.

“What did you say to her, at the end?” I asked.

“I said she made the wrong choice.” he answered.

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Oct 192009

“This is the place,” the Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student said. “Tumblr Domme said she would meet us here.”

I looked around. The nudist beach was almost deserted. The sun was starting to set but a few diehards were sticking around. I guess the feeling of having the salt air coming off the ocean onto your skin was too good to pass up. It felt pretty good to me.

“I see you are enjoying yourself,” the Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student said. She pointed at my rising erection.

“It’s the company I keep,” I said. the Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student managed a blush, which is pretty incredible. She was butt-naked except for some water proof paint she had used to make a bikini on her body. The purple paint seemed to accent her full breasts and beautiful sex rather than conceal them.

“I don’t see Tumblr Domme anywhere,” I said. “Are you sure she is coming?”

“She sounded pretty scared,” The Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student said. “Something had threatened her to stop blogging and she wanted our help. She just wasn’t willing to talk over the phone or by instant message.”

Something in the sky seemed odd. There were four kites in the air. The weird thing was, they were pitch black. Also, I couldn’t see any strings connecting them to anyone on the beach.

“What are those?” I asked.

The Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student gasped. “Oh shit, we got to get out of here!”

She started to run down the beach. I watched her purple painted ass jiggle and clench in front of me. It was really hard to run with a full erection.

“What are they?” I yelled.

“Vampire Kites!” she yelled back.

I laughed and she turned her head around to glare at me. Her breasts were bouncing wildly as she ran with all of her healthy vitality.

“You won’t be laughing when they suck your cock right off your body,” fhe Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student said.

We ran faster. As the sun dipped down below the horizon, I could hear them in the air above me. They made strange sucking sounds. The Vampire Kites spun in the air lazily as they kept up with us running on the ground.

Around us, naked beach goers kissed and fondled each, unaware of the horrible doom floating above them.

*Hats off to Phantom of the Pulp for the wonderful inspiration*

Aug 172009

Together, Dr. Vanilla and I pushed away the rubble. Our headquarters had been destroyed. The Secret Censors of Atlantis had leveled our base with their Tidal Laser. I don’t know how they got past our force shields, but they did. If Dr. Vanilla and I had not been in the Forbidden Porn Vault, we might be the ones buried under the tons of concrete, collectibles and sex toys.

The question on both our minds was grim. Did the rest of the League of Extraordinary Pornographers survive?

We found the Invisible MILF first. There was a layer of dust covering her body so we were able to see her. It was the first time I had ever gotten a good look at her. She was as beautiful as I always imagined. I watched with a certain amount of jealousy as Dr. Vanilla performed CPR on her. Oh how I had fantasized about touching those unseen lips but not like this. Not with the humiliation of an ambush and the possibility of dead friends.

I kept looking for survivors. Over by the wreckage of the platinum hot tub, I found the others. The Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student was unconscious. She was sprawled out on top of the rubble as if she had crawled there and then collapsed. I froze where I was. Standing over her was the Midnight Cock.

He wasn’t checking to see if she was okay. He wasn’t crouched over her in concerned. He was just standing there, one hand on his crotch. I could see the darkness swirl around him. She was helpless and if there is one thing the Midnight
cock loves, is a helpless person. The bastard.

“Hey!” I yelled. He spun around. His face was a frustrated snarl. I stared him down.

“The Secret Censors of Atlantis,” I said. “Save your rape fantasies for them.”

He grinned. That smile was more frightening. I know the asshole can’t help his nature, so I gave him somewhere else to focus it.

“The shields,” the Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student groaned.

I bent down beside her. She wasn’t wearing pants, which was just her way. A thin strip of pubic hair tempted me to look at her sex but I resisted. I cradled her head. Damn, I didn’t blame the Midnight Cock for her dirty thoughts now that I was having them.

“What about the sheilds?” I said. “They overcame them somehow.”

“No,” the Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student said. “I was analyzing the Tidal Laser as it hit us. They were on the same frequency as the force shields. They went right through it and nailed us.”

The Midnight Cock bent down behind me. Shit, I hate it when he does that. “The same frequency? That’s a million in one chance.”

The Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student coughed. “Not if we have a traitor in the League.”

Aug 112009

“All of the sexiest bloggers are slowly disappearing,” the Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student said.

“Aren’t they always?” I said. “Sex blogging is a strange hobby. Most people enjoy a burst of euphoria as they flash the internet and then get bored once the thrill is gone.”

The Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student shook her head. When she did that, her naked breasts swayed ever so slightly. The webcam above her computer recorded every jiggle for her subscribers.

“I’m not talking about the flash-in-the-pan bloggers,” she said. “I’m talking about the good ones. Urban Tramp has gone silent this week, as well as Perpetually Pervy Woman. Last week it was Amber Gold and Attention Whore.”

“Attention Whore?” I said. “Now that is interesting. I never thought she would ever stop posting. Remember when she was hospitalized and she kept twittering her sex fantasies about the doctors?”

The Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student smiled at me. Oh sweet Buddha, that smile was so beautiful. My cock hardened and I had this awful urge to give her my money.

“That’s what I mean,” she said and the magic of her smile was broken. “Now her entire blog is gone and her twitter account has stopped posting. That made me suspicious so I did a little research during my Chemistry class. In the last six months, over 40 sex bloggers have stopped posting. Blogging being what it is, we don’t know if they quit or were disabled from posting.”

“40?” I said. “You’re right, that is suspicious. We need to alert the rest of the League. Who would block the best sex bloggers?”

The Stripper/Escort/Camgirl/Exhibitionist College Student knew who. “The Secret Censors of Atlantis.”

Aug 072009

The Squid-men had me surrounded. I had used my last Arousal Grenade and now I was defenseless. Each one of the monstrosities wielded a Castration Sword in their tentacles. I feared for my balls, but more importantly, I feared I wouldn’t be able to tell the League of Extraordinary Pornographers about the terrible plans of the Secret Censors of Atlantis.

I backed up as the Squid-men closed in on me. Their inhuman eyes glared at me with hatred. The balls of other trespassers hung from trophy belts on their vile waists.

The group stopped as one of the Squid-men in the back screamed. It was a terrible shrieking sound that chilled my blood. It was a sound of pure horror.

The Squid-men spun around but there was no one there. Their screaming companion was on the ground, his buttocks horribly abused. That was when they noticed that the lights were fading, as if a nightmare was descending on them.

Another Squid-man screamed, and then another. The darkness was pitch black but I could hear what was happening. I could hear the violence as they were wrestled to the ground. I could hear the savage pumping of flesh on fish flesh. I could hear the terror as the Squid-men were taken down one by one.

The violence stopped. I was alone in the dark.

“Your welcome,” a male voice growled in my ear. He was behind me.

My ass clenched. “Midnight Cock,” I said. “Ah, thank you.”

There was an awful silence. I could smell what he had done. He was a fellow League member, and he had saved my life a hundred times, but I was still afraid of him. We all were. The Invisible MILF was his mother and even she was afraid of him.

He grunted in response to my thanks. The darkness receded and I could see again. I tried not to look at the violated bodies moaning on the floor.

The Midnight Cock was gone.

May 222009

“We did it,” the Invisible MILF said. “We actually destroyed the Secret Censors of Atlantis. Their island will sink back into the ocean with all of their hideous porn erasing super technology.”

I sighed. “True, but I don’t think the Pimp Ship will survive the coming tsunami. We saved the world, but I am afraid it will be at the cost of our own lives.”

I felt her hand over mine. “I just realized something,” she said. Her voice was so damn sexy. Even with our impending doom, I was getting an erection.

My heart started pounding. “Yes?”

“Why have you never kissed me?” the Invisible MILF asked.

That was tough. Do I tell her how being the mother of my best friend makes things awkward? Do I tell her about how I have fantasized about her every other night? Do I tell her that I was thinking the same thing?

Instead of all of that, I reached up to where her face might be. My fingers slipped under her long hair and I pulled her to me. She smelled like cookies, Vogue magazines and a warm summer. I felt the air escape her lips as she gasped, moments before I kissed her.

She kissed me hard. I closed my eyes and I could almost see her body pressed against mine. She placed one of my hands on her breast and I groaned. I squeezed her invisible tit and I felt her body tremble. Her other hand went to my ass and she grabbed it hard like she was claiming me. I could feel all of her sexual experience within her, ready to devour me.

“We only have a few minutes before we die,” she said when our lips finally broke apart.

“I know,” I said, breatheless.

“Then hurry up and fuck me,” the Invisible MILF said.

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May 182009

“It’s true,” Dr. Vanilla told me. His girlfriend of the week had her head in his lap. He was looked down on her with such affection. His fingers trailed through her long blonde hair with a certain reverence that was almost spiritual.

“I just can’t beleive it,” I said. “I mean really, the term ‘sex-positive’ was created by the sex-hating Hollow Earth Vatican? I see respected sexperts use that term all the time.”

Dr. Vanilla signed. He lightly ran his fingers over his girlfriend’s cheeks. He traced the counters of her bone structure like he was trying to memorize them by touch.

“Sexperts are a seperate conspiracy,” Mr. Dom said. His hand was now over his girlfriend’s mouth. He closed her nose as well. Her blue eyes bulged. Not for the first time, I wondered if he would let her breathe before she passed out.

She made a whimpering noise and Mr. Dom smiled. It was a cruel smile. He pulled his hand away. She gasped for air but she knew better than to move away. She knew to stay in her place.

“Think about it, idiot,” Mr. Dom said and I took no offense. “Sex-positive implies that some things are good sex. By simply having the term, it implies that there must be a sex-negative. Since no one uses the term, sex-negative, it leaves it up to the individual to figure out what is bad sex.”

“But I have read definitions for sex-negative,” I said. “It applies to puritanism and anti-sex attitudes.”

“Dumb-ass,” Mr. Dom said. “Yeah, they have a definition, but how often do you see people use the term, sex-negative?” Compare that to how often you see the term, sex-positive, used as fucking punctuation?”

Mr. Dom grabbed a fistful of the blonde’s hair and yanked her head back. “And you better damn well thank me when I let you breathe, slave.”

The girlfriend whimpered again. “Yes, sir. Thank you sir.”

“Oh,” I said. “And if you don’t use the term often enough to define it, then it is possible that it could be anything. Rough sex, footplay, role-playing etc could all be sex-negative.”

Dr. Vanilla bent down and placed a kiss as gentle as a father’s on his girlfriend’s forehead. He looked hurt when she flinched.

“Correct,” Dr. Vanilla said. “See? It was right there in front of you. You just needed to work it out for yourself.”

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