Dec 102010

The Island Princess Bedtime Stories and Activity Book is available for sale from Lulu. It is available for purchase at the startlingly low price of $9.99. Other erotica books with stories and activities can cost you as much as a thousand dollars I would imagine.

Just between you and me, this book is the shit. I am terribly proud of it. From start to finish, it is a weird erotic book that has my sense of whimsy and humor on every page. If you don’t like me, you will hate this book. If you think I am mildly amusing, this book WILL BLOW YOUR MIND.

It includes every Island Princess story published on this blog plus, three BRAND NEW STORIES you have never seen. George Sportelli did the cover as well as three black and white pictures that you can color. The book includes word games, word searches, matching games, a few sexual activities and absolutely no crossword puzzles because they suck. It is a thin book perfect for sliding under your mattress. The preview copy already got me some from my wife, imagine what it can do for you!

Press the button below to be transported to Lulu’s eager merchants.

Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

Jul 282010

One upon a time there was a beautiful island. It was always summer time except for the occasional days where the other seasons would have a turn. The world’s tastiest chocolate came from this island and every grandmother had their own special recipe for chocolate cake. The Island had universal health insurance as well as a comprehensive system of handling garbage to manage pollution. It was the greatest island ever.

This fabulous island was home to the even more fabulous Island Princess. She had a singing voice sweeter than any songbird. She had long thick hair dark that never became tangled no matter how hard the wind blew. Her legs were sleeker than a dolphin’s stomach and her hips were as round as coconuts. Upon her chest sat the two most perfect breasts in the entire world. Large, round and dark from the sun, the Island Princess’s tits made fertility goddesses jealous. She was the most beautiful Island Princess ever.

Now the Island Princess lived a care free life of spending her allowance and frolicking on the beaches of the island. The Island King insisted that she wear a modest swimsuit to cover her beauty but the Island Princess rebelled against that rule. She would often loosely tie her swimsuit around her curvy body and then go dive in the water. Her swimsuit would come loose and the Island Princess wouldn’t care. Besides, she liked how the other islanders would gasp and suffer heart attacks from the sight of her naked wet body.

One day the Island Princess was swimming on the beach. Once again, her swimsuit had come loose and the Island Princess was enjoying the warm water all over her body. She would occasionally spring out of the water and shout as loud as she could. A fisherman would see her and fall into the water from the resulting stroke. The Island Princess would giggle as his fellow fishermen would dive in to rescue him. It was a wonderful day.

The Island Princess swam in the water until she felt something against her foot. It was hard and pointy against her soft skin. She dived under the water to investigate.

It was an old red crab. It was as big as her foot and it was covered with barnacles and dents from many years under the sea. It brushed against the Island princess’s foot and the Island Princess didn’t like that at all.

She picked up a seashell and threw it against the crab.

“Go away!” she yelled. Because of the power of the Island Princess’s lungs, she was very clearly heard underwater. “This is my beach!”

The seashell bounced off the old crab. Quick as a shark, it spun around and scuttled towards the Island princess. It reached forward with its big sharp claws.


The mean crab grabbed each of the Island Princess’s nipples in its pincers! The crab clamped down tightly around her sensitive flesh. It was the bite of a hundred lovers all at once.

“Ow!” the Island Princess yelled. She swam for the surface and broke through the water with a huge splash. A nearby fisherman was struck blind by her divine body.

“Get off me, you mean old crab!” the Island Princess yelled. She grabbed the crab and tried to pull him off her tits. The crab held on tight and the Island princess’s tits were stretched forward as she pulled. The pain became too much and she let go of the crab. The crab dangled from her tits and held onto her nipples.

“Ow, ow, ow!” the Island Princess yelled. She swam back to shore as fast as possible. Each stroke of her body made the crab bounce from her chest. Her pour nipples were stinging from the sore abuse.

The Island Princess climbed onto shore. “Somebody help me, damn it!” she yelled.

Unfortunately for the Island Princess, the other islanders were running away as fast as they could. Seeing the Island Princess naked might be harmful to one’s cardiovascular system, but being seen looking at the naked Island Princess in public was bad for one’s citizenship on the island if the Island King found out. He could be a quite unreasonable father and the ocean was filled with the leaky boats of exiles that saw what they shouldn’t have.

The Island Princess stood on the beach alone. Water dripped from her naked body. The crab dangled from her poor sensitive breasts. Her tender nipples ached with a fierce pain. She just had to get it off of her!

“I am going to dance you off!” the Island Princess told the mean old crab.

The Island Princess shook her hips as fast as she could. The faster that she shook her hips, the faster her breasts swayed. The crab bounced left to right and right to left as it held on. Her long hair flew around her face and never became tangled. The island Princess danced as fast and as hard as she could but she couldn’t shake the crab from her poor sore nipples.

Some if the Islanders came back to watch. They stayed a safe distance away to avoid any bouts of cardiac arrest. The Island Princess impressed them all with her wonderful dancing.

After an hour of dancing, the island Princess collapsed to the sand.

“I hate you, you mean old crab!” The Island Princess yelled.

The crab tightened its hold on her nipples. The pain increased but something else happened too. Strange sensations ran through the Island Princess’s body. Her breasts tingled and her sex clenched with unexpected heat.

“That wasn’t so bad,” the Island Princess said.

The crab said nothing.

The Island Princess reached between her legs. She moaned as soon as she touched her sex. She knew her nipples were sensitive from being clamped, but she had no idea why her sex would be twice as sensitive. The Island Princess didn’t care. She just knew it felt good.

All alone on the beach, the Island Princess laid back in the sand. The crab settled on her smooth stomach. With her nipples still clamped, the Island Princess touched her sex. The wonderful sensations between her legs flowed all through her body. It didn’t make the pain in her nipples go away, but it was a nice distraction.

She stroked and stroked as the waves crashed on the beach. The more the Island Princess enjoyed herself, the more her beautiful body writhed in the sand. The crab tightened his claws to hold on to the Island Princess’s shifting body. The increased pain in her already abused nipples made the Island princess stroke faster. It was a vicious sexy cycle.

Just when the Island princess thought her breasts couldn’t take any more, she stroked herself to a climax. She screamed her pleasure and it echoed all through out the island.

The Island Princess was exhausted. Her fingers were sticky and the crab was still there. The afterglow mellowed the island Princess a bit and she looked at the crab. Too tired to be demanding, she tried a different tactic.

“Oh please, crab,” the Island Princess begged. “If you don’t mind too terribly much, could you please get off me now?”

To the Island Princess’s surprise, the crab released her nipples! The crab scrambled off her body and returned to the ocean.

Now the reason the mean old crab let go of the Island Princess was because she asked it nicely. This was an important lesson for the Island Princess but unfortunately for her, once the pressure on her nipples was released, this allowed the blood to flow back to her nipples. This caused a new wave of tender pain to bloom from her heavy breasts. The Island Princess grabbed her poor nipples and screamed her tantrum on the beach. She forgot all about why the crab let her go.

She did learn a lot about proper circulation in nipple play.

As for the people of the Island, the lesson they learned was that if you really want to be a good dancer, you need the right motivation. Island dancers now carry a crab and at every competition, dancers go topless with crabs hanging from their tits. Everyone agrees that this is awesome.

That is why the Island has the best dancers in the world. They also have the best crab cakes in the world, but you can only get them after the dancing season.

Apr 282010

Once upon a time there was a wonderful island. It was the most romantic Island in the entire world. The volcano would only erupt in spectacular fireworks. The local alcohol was guaranteed to make you attractive to the opposite sex. Every night, ocean waves would gently crash on the bodies of couples making love on the beach.

The Island was ruled over by a wise Island King. He had a wife once and together they created a beautiful Island Princess. Shortly thereafter, the Island King’s wife ran away to some mythical place called Hollywood. There she makes movies including that one you saw this year with the achingly beautiful woman. Yes, that was her.

Anyway, the Island King could have any woman on the island but what he really wanted was a Queen. Every month he would send out an invitation to all of the Queens in the world. Once in awhile, a Queen would accept. Usually they only spent a week here on the most beautiful island in the world until they realized they could never be enough of a Queen for such a wonderful place. They would leave the Island, often too ashamed to even say goodbye to the King and his people.

The Island people accept this as truth since it is the story told to them by the Island King every time a Queen leaves.

As for the Island Princess, she usually kept to herself during these visits. The Island Princess was the most beautiful princess ever born. She had thick black hair as dark as a midnight tryst. She had lovely breasts the size of prize winning coconuts. Her skin was the color of golden bronze. When she danced, her hips shook with the power of a tsunami. Because she was so beautiful, the Island Princess thought it was unfair to be around a Queen who couldn’t possibly look as good as her.

That was what she told her father, but the truth of the matter was that the Island Princess didn’t like other people of royalty. She tolerated her father because well, he was the one who supplied her with a one hundred pearl a week allowance. As for people of royal descent, she had no use for them. She was a Princess and the thought of having equals seemed wrong to her. Why, that would be like fish having legs! Or servants having a union! It just wouldn’t be right!

So one day, the Island Princess was in her room while a Queen from far away was visiting. She was combing her hair with a diamond comb, wishing that her father loved her enough to buy her a diamond comb with some gold trimmings.

There was a knock at her door. The Island Princess frowned. No one knocked at her door. The servants knew to come through the crawl hole in the wall.

“Who is it?” she asked.

“It is I,” a voice said back. “I am the Princess of my Island.”

The Island Princess kept brushing her hair. If there was one thing the Island Princess had no use for, it was for other princesses?

“Go away!” she said.

“Please let me in!” the Other Princess yelled. “I am bored and your father sent me away he could spend time with my mother.”

The Island Princess put down her comb. She was not used to having to repeat herself. “Go away! I do not like Princesses! They are smelly and walk funny!”

“I do not smell!” the other Princess yelled from the other side of the door. “And I walk perfectly fine! Let me in please! All the men keep giving me funny looks.”

The Island Princess bit her lip. The men were giving this other princess funny looks? Could this other princess be beautiful too? That seemed dreadfully unfair to the Island Princess. She was the only person of royalty her subjects should be lusting after.

She stomped to her bedroom door and opened it. “You may come in, but I still think you are horrid.”

“Thank you,” the Other Princess said. She walked in and didn’t even bow first.

The Island Princess was speechless. The Other Princess was beautiful yet so alien looking. Where the Island Princess had hair as black as night, this Princess had red hair the color of sun kissed strawberries. While the Island Princess had skin the color of golden tea, this Other Princess had skin as pale as a polished pearl. While the Island Princess had full ample portions all over her body in all of the right places, this Other Princess had a slender body as sleek as a dolphin.

“Thank you for inviting me in,” the pale woman said. “Everyone is at the beach and I hate it there. My skin burns way too easily.”

The Island Princess graciously accepted the Other Princess’s gratitude. She motioned for a spot on the floor for the Other Princess to sit. To her surprise, the Other Princess sat on the Island Princess’s bed instead!

“Your island must not get much sun,” the Island Princess said. She went to her bed and sat down as well. She wasn’t going to let this foreigner enjoy her bed by herself.

“Oh we get plenty of sun,” the Other Princess said. “We just spend most of our time indoors. We are a very social people.”

The Island Princess stared at the simple white togas that Alathea was wearing. It hardly seemed regal enough for a princess. It wasn’t made of the finest grasses like the Island Princess’s grass skirt, and her simple bodice wasn’t made from prize winning coconuts.

“Is that the kind of clothes that royalty wear on your island?” she asked.

“Oh yes,” the Other Princess said. “It is very easy to take off at a moment’s notice.”

The Island Princess, who once struck an entire fishing boat blind when she took off her coconut bra, was amused by this. “Do you take off your clothes often?”

“Very often,” the pale princess from another island said. “We take baths, we massage olive oil into each other, and often we drink and wrestle in the nude.”

The Island Princess felt a heat growing between her thighs. “You wrestle with your subjects? That sounds very disrespectful of them. If they don’t let you win, you should try them for treason.”

“It is okay,” A the Other Princess said. “If I win, I do terrible things to them.”

“And what if they win?” the Island Princess said.

The Other Princess smiled and bit her lip. “Then they do wonderful things to me.”

The Island princess felt that special heat between her thighs. “What kind of things?”

“Can I show you?” the Other Princess asked.

The Island Princess thought about it. This small slender girl looked a little frail. She did have a certain something about her that the Island Princess liked, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“You may,” the Island Princess graciously allowed.

Alathea moved closer to her on the bed. She smelled of cypress. Her shoulder brushed the Island Princess’s skin and she was surprised how soft the Other Princess felt.

The Other Princess’s pale white hand parted the Island Princesses’ grass skirt. Her hand slipped past her thighs and against her thick bush of hair. The Island Princess gasped as the questing fingers danced along the edges of her sex.

“That is not entirely unpleasant,” The Island Princess said.

“Open your legs and I will show you something else,” the Other Princess said.

The Island Princess granted her request. She parted her legs and even lifted her skirt so she could see better. The Other Princess’s pale fingers slipped into the thick bush of hair and into the Island Princess’s sex. The fingers tender pushed inside of her, pushing and massaging their way into her.

“Oh, this is not horrible,” the Island Princess allowed.

The Other Princess smiled. “I am glad you said that, for we are doing it wrong.”

With the Other Princess’s fingers still inside her, the Island Princess let out a happy sigh. “I will not accept doing something wrong. As a fellow Princess, I demand you show me how you do things on your island properly.”

“It is only fair,” the Other Princess whispered. “Take off your bra.”

The Island Princess took off her bra. She was impressed that the Other Princess did not go blind at the sight of her breasts in all of their glory. In fact, the Other Princess dipped her head down and took one of the Island Princess’s nipples in her mouth. Her tongue drummed a satisfying beat on the Island princess’s nipple.

“This is not awful,” the Island Princess admitted.

Still sucking her nipple, the Other Princess pushed the Island Princess back onto the bed. More fingers entered the Island Princess till she had four of those slender fingers inside her. The Other Princess kept suckling at her breasts, biting and licking in just the right manner that was quite pleasing.

“This is not bad at all!” the Island Princess yelled.

The Other Princess stopped sucking on the Island Princess’s breasts and kissed her way up her neck. The pale princess’s fingers kept thrusting and now the Island princess’s hips were meeting her thrusts with her own motion. Their harmonies of motions were a testament to the possibility of world peace.

The Other Princess kissed her way up to the Island Princess’s mouth. The island Princess opened her lips and accepted the foreigner’s tongue. The two princesses kissed with a passion they usually kept to themselves. Ordinary commoners can not take the full fury of a Princesses’ kiss, but with each other they had no such concerns. Lips were bruised, tongues were bitten and breathes were stolen as the two kissed.

The Island Princess’s sex tightened around the pal princess’s fingers. The Other Princess broke the kiss just in time for the Island Princess to climax. The golden princess screamed out her joy in a song of triumphant squeals.

“That was not annoying,” the Island Princess conceded.

“This is just one of the ways we pass time on my island,” the Other Princess said.

The Island Princess pushed the Other Princess onto her back. “Even with the men?”

The Other Princess laughed. “There are no men on our island! The Island of Lesbos has only women.”

The Island Princess parted the Other Princess’s thighs and lifted her toga. A delicate patch of red hair awaited her. Before she dipped down to drink from the Other Princess’s fountain, the words of the pale princess sunk in.

“Wait a minute, what is your mother doing here visiting my father then?”

The Other Princess shrugged. “She wanted a tropical vacation. Will your father be mad?”

The Island Princess took a lick between Alathea’s thighs. A river of desire was already flowing from the pale lips. She liked how the foreign princess shivered under her tongue.

“No, I don’t think so,” the Island Princess said. “He will think she is a woman lover anyway for rejecting him. I doubt he will even notice.”

In fact, the Queen of Lesbos stayed for an entire week. The Island King really liked her since she often spent the night telling dirty jokes and pinching the asses of the servant women. He found that he was quite fond of the Queen and looked at her as a fellow drinking buddy and friend. He didn’t even try to hit on her because he liked hanging out with her so often.

When the Queen and her lovely daughter left, the entire Island came down to the beach to wave good-bye. The King was so sad to see the Queen go that he didn’t notice how little he had seen his daughter the past week. Nor did he notice how rosy her cheeks were or how her hands seem to naturally curl into a fist when she was distracted.

“I think she was a very nice Queen,” the Island King said to his daughter. “I invited them back next summer. What did you think of her daughter? Did you two get along?”

The Island Princess toyed with a lock of red hair that she had woven into a bracelet.

“She was all right.”

Feb 172010

Once upon a time there was a beautiful island. It was filled with wonder and splendor. The trees produced over fifty types of delicious fruits. The sand is so soft that people can have sex on it without any kind of chaffing. The waterfalls are so gentle that women used them to wash their hair. It was the greatest island ever.

Now some people said that the reason the island was so blessed is because of the tiki god, Coku. The great god had a statue on the island that was seven feet tall and carved from very hard wood. His impressive face was carved on the totem but the most impressive feature was the enormous cock that jutted from the statue. It was over a foot in length and was the envy of every man on the island.

The tiki statue was off limits to the people of the island. Men were allowed to present great heaps of fish to the statue and women were allows to present their best panties to the statue, but no one was allowed to touch the tiki god. No one remembered why this was, but the people of island knew there had to be a good reason.

For many years the island and their great tiki god flourished. That was until the Island Princess came of age. Now the island was well known for the beauty of its women but the Island Princess was so pretty that she made the island women look like one-coconut whores by comparison. Her hair was as black as a secret lover’s bedroom. Her hips danced with the slinky splendor of a sea eel. Her full breasts were as plentiful as a ripe fruit about to fall from a bending branch. The Island Princess was the loveliest woman ever born on the island and because of this, she always got what she wanted.

And what she wanted was to touch the tiki god and his magnificent cock. The Island Princess was of something of an expert in cocks. She had fucked the most handsome men of the Island and that was quite a trick considering her father would gladly castrate anyone who touched his daughter. The Island Princess had a collection of over twenty obscenely shaped seashells that she used for personal pleasure. Being a princess, she had also had the cocks of several pirates, explorers and enchanted princes. The Island Princess had a lot of experience but what she really wanted was to see how the holy cock of the tiki god would feel inside her.

“Daddy, may I please touch the tiki god?” she asked her father.

Her father’s face turned bright red with embarrassment. “Absolutely not! Why would you want to do such a thing?”

“You know,” the Island Princess said. “I’ve never touched a god before.”

The Island King signaled for his fan wavers to fan him harder. “I know what part you want to touch!” he accused his naughty daughter.

The Island Princess looked as innocent as she possibly could. “Please daddy? I just want to touch him a little.”

“”Never!” the Island King said. “Why I bet that if the tiki god, Coku, is ever touched in a manner that he finds disrespectful, that he would curse the island! The fruit will shrivel on the trees! Oyster Bay will stop producing pearls! The King’s balls will drop down to his ankles! You are absolutely, positively and completely forbidden from ever touching the tiki god!”

To make sure that his daughter understood, the Island King had this declaration passed into law. The council of wisemen gathered together to ratify the king’s law into custom. Voting was tense for a week until one of the wisemen changed his vote in exchange for some pork to aid his family. The pork was in the form of two pigs and they had quite a nice meal. Once the law was made into custom, the new custom was yelled from the highest peak so that the entire island knew of this rule.

The Island Princess had a terrible time dealing with rules.

The very next night, the Island Princess snuck out of the palace. She went to the beach where the tiki god stood. Under the jealous eye of the moon, the Island Princess walked right up to the tiki god and stared at it.

In the moonlight, the cock of Coku looked even bigger. The hard black wood was shiny in the moonlight. This close, the Island Princess thought she saw tiny veins carved into the wooden cock. The girth was quite impressive and the Island Princess just knew that it would feel perfect inside her.

The Island Princess bent down and planted a single kiss on the cock. As soon as she did, she stood back up and watched the island. No trees shriveled. The waves kept crashing on the beach. She had a feeling that her father’s balls hadn’t rolled off his bed.

“I knew that silly old custom wasn’t true!” the Island Princess said.

Now all she had to do was get that wonderful cock inside her. She thought about backing up into it but the cock was pointing up at an angle. The Island Princess climbed on top of the tiki god. She grabbed his hook nose for support and put her feet around the wide statue. Facing Coku, she lowered herself down onto the firm cock.

Her sex shivered as she felt the cold wood part her sex. The Island Princess kept lowering herself as she took more and more of the tiki cock inside her. She was so wet from thinking about this all day that the cock slipped quite easily into her. When the Island princess gets wet, an entire canoe would have no problem sliding in.

After a long glorious amount of time, the Island Princess was finally fully penetrated. She moaned as the dark wood reached places inside her that she had only dreamed of. Her entire body was tingling and the Island Princess was glad that she didn’t listen to any silly old custom.

“Who sits on my cock?” a loud voice boomed.

The Island Princess opened her eyes. The tiki statue was alive! The face glared down at her with indignant rage.

“Oh! It is a spoiled Island Princess!” the tiki god said. “I think I will keep you on my cock forever! Then the people of the island will know that I demand respect!”

The Island Princess felt the immense wooden cock inside her get even bigger! She moaned as it grew in size within her sex. Her thighs trembled as he pushed her to greater depths.

“How do you like that?” the tiki god boomed.

“A lot!” the Island Princess said.

“Foolish girl!” the tiki god said. “I am keeping you on my cock forever! Let’s see how you are when the entire island sees what a wanton slut you are!”

That got the Island Princess’s attention. She imagined how pissed her father would be if he found his daughter stuck on the tiki god’s cock. She thought about how insecure the handsome fishermen of the island will be after they know that they couldn’t measure up to what has been inside her. She thought about the old ladies of the Island who already snicker at her when she goes looking for obscene sea shells.

“I will not be embarrassed in front of commoners!” the Island Princess said. It was hard to throw a good tantrum when you are impaled on a cock.

“You’re not going anywhere!” the tiki god said. To prove his point, his cock got even bigger inside the Island Princess! She moaned with girlish delight.

“We’ll see about that,” the Island Princess said. She put her feet on the tiki god and pushed as hard as she could. The cock was so big inside her that she couldn’t move an inch. The only way she was going to slide off is if she could make that cock smaller.

The Island Princess knew one sure way to make a hard cock go back down.

The Island Princess gave the tiki god her wickedest smile. She grabbed her lovely mountains of breasts and gave them a good squeeze. Her hands crushed her breasts while the tiki god watched. She pulled on her dark nipples till they were as hard as the tiki god himself.

“What are you doing?” Coku boomed.

“If I am going to be stuck here, I might as well enjoy myself,” the Island Princess said.

She wrapped her legs around the tiki god and leaned back. The Island Princess groaned as swiveled her hips back and forth. Just because she was stuck on his cock didn’t mean she couldn’t move. She could still dance. Her hips moved back and forth as much as the massive cock would allow. Her torso rolled up and down, shaking her lovely breasts.

It felt so good inside her. The Island Princess dripped her royal juices down the wooden shaft. She clenched so hard on the tiki god’s cock that even Coku was groaning. The Island Princess shook her head from side to side as her passion overtook her. The moonlight rippled off the long black hair as it swirled around them.

“Harder!” she moaned. “Get harder!”

Coku groaned. He forgot how nice it was to have a Princess back on his cock. Back in the old times, Island Princesses used to dance on his cock all the time. They danced to celebrate the New Year, they danced to celebrate the first days of summer and sometimes they danced because it was a cold night. Over the years, the island people stopped riding his cock. Maybe it was the slow gradual emergence of a culture more reliant on scientific observation than mythological worship. Most likely it was because of the unfortunate incidents of splinters. Whatever the reason, Coku was one neglected tiki god and this squirming Island Princess reminded him of just what he has been missing.

The Island Princess saw that the first rays of sunlight creep over the horizon. Pretty soon, the fishermen would be waking up to catch the morning fish. If she didn’t escape soon, the Island Princess was going to be laughing stock of the island!

The threat of humiliation turned the Island Princess on. She thought about every fishermen watching her. She thought about how embarrassing it would be to be caught humping the tiki god. She thought about how jealous each of them would be.

“Yes!” the Island princess screamed. Her orgasm shook her entire body. She shouted her pleasure so loudly that even her father woke up from his royal slumber.

The Island Princess heard a loud growl coming from Coku. The tiki god was shaking like a volcano. She felt a pulsing coming from the wooden shaft. She bit her lip as she waited for the imminent release.

BOOM! The tiki god’s cock exploded with magical might. Because he is a tiki god and not a man, his cock burst a fountain of delicious tropical alcohol instead of messy man seed. The force of his tiki orgasm sent the Island princess flying off his cock. She soared high into the air and landed in a patch of soft bushes. She was very sticky but otherwise unharmed.

The orgasm didn’t end there. The magic of the tiki god flowed through the entire island. Fruit grew to ten times their normal size. Fish threw themselves out of the water and onto the beach to be picked up by stunned fishermen. Frigid spouses woke up with an intense urge to fuck like teenagers. Keys were found exactly where people remembered leaving them. It was truly a blessed time.

The most magical change was to the tiki god himself. His massive cock was just as big but now it was pointing downward. Coku also had the biggest smile on his carved face. No one understood what had happened to make the tiki god so happy but they were very grateful. Fish and fresh panties were laid at his feet in tribute.

As for the Island Princess, she snuck back to her room and pretended to be asleep. It took her all day to wash the tropical alcohol from her body. She was walking funny for a week but no one seemed to connect the Island Princess’s soreness with the new smile on the tiki god.

After a few weeks, the magical blessings of the tiki god faded. His cock began to point upwards and his smile turned into a frown. To bring back his favor, the people of the island presented the best fish, fruit, and panties to try to win back his glory.

The Island Princess knew it was her duty to bring back the smile of the tiki god. She owed it to her people. She also owed it to her very needy sex.

And that is why the tiki god smiles every few months. It is also why the Island Princess stopped collecting naughty sea shells.

Jan 272010

Once upon a time there was a beautiful Island. It was filled with many great treasures. Oyster Bay was overflowing with pearls. The old volcano regularly belched forth not lava, but gold nuggets. The very trees themselves grew many rare and exotic spices. The wealth of the island allowed the Island King to spoil his Island Princess in many extravagant ways.

The Island Princess herself was the greatest treasure. She was the most beautiful Princess in the world. She had long black color the color of the night sky. Her breasts were as plentiful as grandest pineapple. The color of her skin was the same as rich Island chocolate. Never had such a gorgeous Princess ever been born before.

She was so beautiful in fact that her father refused to allow her to sunbathe naked in public. The last time she did; three island villagers fainted from the pure glory of it. To accommodate her father’s wishes and prevent fainting spells on the Island, the Island Princess would go to the far side of the Island to sunbathe. There she would strip down naked and stretch herself out on the pristine sand.

One day while the Island Princess was sunbathing, a terrible pirate ship came to distant side of the Island. The ship was known as ‘The Ass-Fucker’ and it was the most dreaded ship on the seven seas. It used to be captained by the great woman pirate, Bloody Penolope, but she passed away. Now she left the ship to her three sons who co-captain the ship together.

You may think it odd that three brothers would be co-captains on the same ship but you didn’t know their mother. Bloody Penelope ruled her children with an iron fist and a firm leather boot. She made all three of them swear a vow to share all treasure equally and to never lie to one another. It was on this promise that the three brothers were able to keep their ship and their successful careers as marauders of the ocean.

So when the three brothers found the wonderful island, their first thought was to plunder it equally. They could tell from their spyglasses how beautiful the island was but not until they landed on the beach did they realize just how perfect it was. Why, the sand itself was quite valuable in certain aquariums around the world!

The three pirate Captains walked on the beach and made their plans.

“I shall scout the beach to the west!” snarled Captain Big Cock Chuck.

“I shall search the forest in front of our skiff!” growled Captain Bigger Cock Dirk.

“I shall search the beach to the east!” sneered Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank.

And so the three pirates split up. Now it just so happened that the Island Princess was sunbathing in a little cove to the west of their landing skiff. The sun’s rays were baking her body to an even shade of glorious brown. The gentle waves of the ocean splashed against the fragile sands of the cove. Because it was so quiet and restful, the Island Princess could hear the swearing pirate, Captain Big Cock Chuck long before he reached her.

Because she was quite bored, she decided to see what the fuss with the pirate was. She could tell he was a pirate because he had an eye patch, a big hat and shiny buckles on his boots. Better yet, she could tell from his tight pants that he was very well armed indeed.

“Ahoy, Pirate!” the Island Princess cried.

“Holy shit,” the Captain said. “She is plum stark nakers! Who are you, lass? I am Captain Big Cock Chuck!”

The Island princess liked the sound of that name. “I am the Princess of this Island. What are your intentions here, Captain Big Cock Chuck?”

“We are going to steal all the pearls out of oyster bay! We are going to mine the gold out of your old volcano! We are going to have dirty sex with your men and womenfolk depending on the sexual orientation of our individual crewmembers!”

“Oh my!” the Island Princess said. “I assume I am to be violated as well?”

Captain Big Cock Chuck leered at her with his one good eye. “Aye! Me and my brothers will do you something special!”

The Island Princess blushed with imminent humiliation. “All three of you? How terrible!”

The Captain chuckled at her terror. His chuckles died as she crawled over to him in the sand. She got up on her knees and looked at him with her beautiful eyes.

“Are you sure you don’t want to use me terribly right now?” the Island Princess asked.

“Uh, well, you see, I can’t,” he replied. “My brothers and I swore an oath we did. Share and share equally so help us God.”

The Island Princess leaned back. She presented her sex for his questing eyes. Her fingers played with her moist cove that was hidden between her thick bush of hair.

“Oh I’m sorry,” she said with a moan. “I thought you were the kind of Captain who knew how to turn a princess into a woman.”

Captain Big Cock Chuck looked down at her fingers. He looked down on her large heaving bosom. He licked his lips and looked at her body as she bent backwards.

“Damn the oath!” Captain Big Cock Chuck yelled. He dropped his trousers and pulled his manhood out.

“By the volcano!” the Island Princess said. “It is a big cock!” Although in truth, the Island Princess had seen bigger.

“Damn right!” he said.

Captain Big Cock Chuck dropped down on her nude body. The Island Princess happily fell on her back and opened her legs for him. She grabbed her ankles and spread herself very wide and since she was a princess, it was a very wide spread indeed.

The Captain sunk his cock into her. He was surprised when she took every inch of his monstrous cock. He was more surprised when she beamed the biggest smile at him.

“Don’t hold back on me,” the Island Princess said. “Make me a woman before your brothers have me!”

Captain Big Cock Chuck obeyed. He fucked the Island Princess on the beach like a man two years at sea. In and out, he pounded away at her sex like a cannon barrage. He watched every bounce of her magnificent breasts as he fucked. He couldn’t believe how the Island Princess kept holding on to her ankles the entire time.

“That’s royalty for you,” he said to himself. “A real lady keeps her legs open when a man is working.”

It had been so long since he had a woman all to himself, he made sure to enjoy every thrust inside her wonderful cunt. In time he finally climaxed. Captain Big Cock Chuck released his seed inside her with a pirate’s yell.

One minute later, he was fast asleep on the beach.

Now you would think the Island Princess would use this lucky nap as a chance to go back to her people. She could warn her father so they could prepare a counter-attack. She could run to the Island Witch and watch her cast a big spell to sink the pirates.

You would be wrong. An Island Princess takes care of her own problems. Especially if there is cock involved.

The Island Princess walked in the direction that Captain Big Cock Chuck came from. She found the skiff he landed on and she saw the other two sets of footprints. She decided to go into the woods first.

It wasn’t hard to track the second pirate. He chopped down bushes, pushed over slow moving monkeys and carved dirty words into the trees. Eventually she found the second Captain sitting on a fallen log and resting his one good leg. His other leg was a big firm peg leg.

The Island Princess stumbled over a branch in a very dramatic manner. She landed right in front of the pirate with her ass high up in the air. When she looked up at him, she screamed in terror.

“Ah!” she cried. “Who are you?”

“I am Captain Bigger Cock Dirk!” the pirate bragged,

“Are you going to grope my breasts and molest my mouth?” the Island Princess whimpered. “Are you going to take away my innocence with a savage fucking of my face? Are you going to make me swallow every drop?”

Captain Bigger Cock Dirk groaned. “Well, I plan to lass as soon as I take you back to my brothers. We share everything!”

The Island Princess let out a sigh of relief. “Oh goodness. I thought I was about to be disgraced by a pirate but I see now you are as tame as a land dwelling sales clerk.”

The fierce Captain let out a roar of indignation. “I’ll show you who’s tame!”

The Island Princess squealed as the Captain stood on his peg leg and pulled down his pants. Out came a kraken of cock, already engorged with lust.

“By the volcano!” the Island Princess said. “It really is a bigger cock!” Although in truth, the Island Princess had seen bigger.

Captain Bigger Cock Dirk barked a nasty laugh as he grabbed the Island Princess by the hair. He rammed his cock at her mouth at full speed. He was surprised when not only did she part her full lips for his cock, but she had no trouble taking every bit of his massive weapon. She even had enough room left over to stick her tongue out of her mouth and lick his balls!

The lusty Captain was amazed as the Island Princess didn’t need him to hold her head. She moved up and down his cock like a seaport whore working for breakfast. He reached down and grabbed a handful of her magnificent breasts. No matter how hard he squeezed, the Island Princess didn’t slow down a bit.

Captain Bigger Cock Dirk had a momentary flash of doubt. It was wrong of him to take this woman without his brothers. He realized that he should stop her now before it was too late. Unfortunately for the Captain, the Island Princess was looking up him with her big brown eyes. With his cock still in her mouth, she smiled at him.

Captain Bigger Cock Dirk climaxed like a cannon blast. His peg leg shook as he tried to keep his balance. The Island Princess clung to his cock and swallowed down every drop. He was a Captain after all.

“Oh lass, that was good,” the tired Captain said. The Island Princess helped him sit back down on the log. “You wore me down.”

Twenty seconds later, Captain Bigger Cock Dirk was snoring on the log.

The Island Princess licked his seed from her lips and went back to the beach. There she found another pirate Captain waiting by the skiff. He looked to be the most dangerous of them all. He had two hook hands and a lack of a shirt to show off the naughty tattoo of a mermaid on his chest. Like his brothers, he wore very tight pants that revealed a very impressive bulge.

“Hello!” the Island Princess called out. “Are you a friendly sailor come to sunbathe on the beach?”

The lusty pirate looked at the Island Princess’s nude body. He ran a hook through his thick beard.

“No, pretty lass!” he yelled. “I’m Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank and I will make you my wench!”

The Island Princess kept walking towards the pirate. Her hips swayed with every step on the soft sand. Her long black hair whipped behind her in the wind.

“Oh no!” the Island Princess said. “Are you going to make me wrap my big breasts around your cock till you shower me with your dirty seed?”

Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank shook his head. “Nay, I have to share you with my brothers. We will wait till they get back.”

The Island Princess pouted. “You mean you won’t make me take your big cock in my mouth and suck you till you come?”

Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank shook his head. “I promised my dear old mom to share and share alike.”

The Island Princess stood before him. The sun shone down on the sweat on her body and gave her a bright shine. “You mean you won’ bend me over and fuck me in the ass like a real scoundrel?”

Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank bit his lip. “Well, maybe just a little bit.”

“Oh please be careful!” the Island Princess said as she threw herself over the side of the skiff. She reached behind and cupped her round ass.

“I have never been fucked there before,” she lied.

Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank laughed as she dropped his pants. He took his galleon sized cock and placed it at the tip of her ass.

“By the volcano!” the Island Princess yelled. “That is a fucking big cock!” she said and this time she was telling the truth.

Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank pushed inside her tight ass. The Island Princess groaned as her bottom was slowly opened wider and wider. Her toes dug into the sand and her hands clenched the wooden skiff for dear life. She gritted her teeth until he was finally completely inside her.

That’s when Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank started to fuck her. His hooks scratched her back as his hips increased to ramming speed. The sound of her ass being slapped by his thighs drowned out the roar of the ocean waves. The Captain was ruthless as he plundered her booty.

The Island Princess moaned as she was mauled in such a thorough manner. Her nipples grew hard and her sex flowed with desire. She reached between her legs and within two strokes; she climaxed with a delicate scream of passion.

The scream was enough to send Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank into bliss. His cock burst forth and filled her ass with his seed. The Captain trembled as he felt the Island Princess’s ass clench hard around his spurting member.

Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank slid out of her ass with a satisfied grin on his face. He sat down beside the skiff and fell asleep in five seconds. He enjoyed a wonderful dream about a girl dancing under the moon when he was rudely awakened by a kick to the chest.

Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank awoke to see his two brothers standing before him. They both had a strange look on their faces. It was something like content on their faces.

“What are you doing sleeping with your pants down?” Captain Big Cock Chuck said.

“Arr. and why do you have that goofy look on your face?” Captain Bigger Cock Dirk said.

“I have a goofy look?” roared Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank. “You two looked like you did when we fucked our first damsel.”

Captain Big Cock Chuck’s face turned red with anger. “You fucked an Island girl by yourself! I know it!”

“Oh?” Captain Bigger Cock dirk said. “And how would you happen you know that pray tell?”

“Like you wouldn’t know!” snapped Captain Fucking Big Cock Hank. “It is as plain on your face that you know exactly what that is like!”

The three brothers squabbled and swore at each other. They got back in the skiff and rowed back to their ship, swearing never to work together again. They eventually returned to the mainland where each of them took over a major telecommunications company and they still wage their feud to this day.

As for the Island Princess, she watched all of their fighting from the trees nearby. When they had safely sailed away, the Island Princess went back to the beach and stretched out on the soft sand. She watched the sun set on the ship as it sailed away.

The Island Princess reached down between her legs and idly played with her sex. Today it was pirates, yesterday it was resort developers and tomorrow it might be armed contractors looking to liberate the island from royal rule. It didn’t matter. The Island Princess would do anything to protect her home.

Especially if it means she gets to fuck a lot.

Dec 162009

Once upon a time there was a wonderful Island. The temperature was always warm and by royal decree, the rain fell only at night unless there was a wet t-shirt contest. The coconuts were always juicy and the fish leaped into the boats so they could be fried with wonderful spices. The sun always shined unless it was Christmas Eve. On that day, snow was permitted to fall and turn the Island into a Winter Paradise.

Nobody liked Christmas more than the beautiful Island Princess. She received gifts every day of the year because she was so pretty, but on Christmas she got the really good gifts. She received jeweled flowers to put in her long black hair. She would get a new grass skirt made of exotic grasses to go around her lovely hips and firm ass. Christmas was when she would get her new coconut bra to go over her massive royal breasts. The coconut bra would be adorned with precious gems and have spectacular support.

Yes, the Island Princess loved Christmas not because it was a happy time of year or because of good will towards commoners. She loved it because it was when she got really good gifts. That is what Christmas meant to her.

One Christmas Eve, the Island Princess was waiting in bed for Santa to come. She was counting dolphins in her head when a terrible noise alarmed her. The Island Princess sat up in bed and let the blanket fall from her bare chest.

A shimmering white form was at the head of her bed. It was a handsome man carrying massive heavy chains. The Island Princess could see right through him. He was a ghost!

“Who are you? And why are you disturbing my sleep?” the Island Princess commanded.

“I am the Island Prince of four hundred years ago!” the ghost moaned. “I was once like you. I was the most handsome Prince the Island had ever seen! I was selfish and always demanded more gifts for Christmas. I never once gave to the poor or let a pauper take my place so we could learn a valuable lesson. Now as punishment, I must go through the afterlife carrying these heavy chains made from my own selfish desires!”

The Island Princess looked at the handsome Ghost Prince. He wore nothing but chains across his broad chest and masculine thighs. Chains were wrapped around his powerful arms and across his big shoulders. A giant padlock covered his manhood but it could not cover all of it.

“Wow, you really are quite handsome,” the Island Princess said.

The Ghost Prince hesitated. “Uh, thank you. But be warned! I have come to tell you that you will be visited by three ghosts! Umm, would you mind pulling the blanket over your breasts? It is hard to focus when you are like that.”

The Island Princess cupped her breasts in her hands. She covered her nipples but the way she squeezed her breasts just drew attention to how plump they were. It didn’t help that she was pouting her lips as well.

“Three ghosts?” The Island Princess said. “Are they as handsome as you?”

“What?” the Ghost Prince said. “Uh, no. The Ghost of Island Christmas Past is a slender woman with a hook nose. The Ghost of Island Christmas Present is a big fat man with a beard. The Ghost of Island Christmas Future is all in shadows because his final reveal will be a big psychological surprise so I don’t want to spoil it.”

The Island Princess rose up to her knees in bed. The blanket fell away to reveal her lack of sleeping underwear and her abundance of pubic hair. She lowered her chin in a coy manner. “I’d rather talk to you,” she said.

The giant padlock rang as something hard slapped against it. The Ghost Prince blushed.

“It is very important you talk to them,” the Ghost Prince said. “They will teach you the true meaning of Christmas. They will show you the sad story of Fat Jim, a child on your island who eats who overeats and needs proper exercise equipment that your riches could provide. You will see your past and how your selfishness has caused people on the Island to eat too many sweet foods. You will feel bad for the child and even cry when you find out he dies choking on fried fish. It will change your life.”

“Sounds boring,” the Island Princess said. She yawned and removed her hands from her breasts to cover her mouth. “Can’t you tell them to go bother someone else? I bet my cook could do with a good morality lesson. She is always so mean to me when I send back her desserts.”

The Ghost Prince looked at the naked Princess. “Uh, I don’t know. You don’t want to end up like me. You know, covered in chains and haunting people.”

“I don’t know,” the Island Princess said. “It looks kind of sexy.”

The Island Princess reached out and touched his chest. To her surprise, he was solid. She ran her fingers over his firm chest and down to his hips. The Ghost Prince jumped back.

“Wait! I really need to get the three ghosts here,” he said. “Really, you’ll like the lessons. There is time travel and Fat Jim is really cute.”

“Not as cute as you,” the Island Princess said. She reached under his giant padlock and grabbed his cock. Still on the bed, the Island Princess got down on all fours and took the Ghost Prince’s cock into her mouth.

The Ghost Prince moaned. He moaned so loud, that he woke up the whole Palace. The Island King hid under his bed for fear that the Americans were finally invading to take all of the Island riches.

The Island Princess sucked. Her full lips wrapped around the ghostly cock and as tight as a clam shell. She ran her tongue over the perfect cock that was worthy of her mouth. The Island Princess swallowed every inch of his cock; her lips nibbling until she felt his ghostly balls on her chin.

“Oh!” the Ghost Prince moaned. “Wow, it has been a long time. Oh yes, grab my ass! By the volcano! Where did you learn that trick with your tongue?”

The Island Princess said nothing but she let her tongue do the talking. She moved her hips back and forth as she sucked; knowing the Ghost Prince would watch every sway of her bottom. She took the Ghost Prince’s hands and placed them on her breasts so that the otherworldly phantom could feel what a real woman felt like. Finally, the Island Princess looked up at the Ghost Prince with her big brown eyes. The gaze of the Island Princess has melted lesser men, but having their cock in her mouth was a rare bonus.

The Ghost Prince climaxed. The Island Princess swallowed every spectral drop because he was a Prince after all.

When he was finished, the Island Princess laid back on her bed.

“You know,” The Island Princess said, “if the other Ghosts don’t come by that would give you all night to stay with me.”

The Ghost Prince looked down at his heavy chains. “You are probably right. You would look sexy in chains.”

The Ghost Prince climbed into bed. They had sex all night long. The three Ghosts of Christmas got tired of waiting and ended up haunting a bar instead. Fat Jim spent the night dreaming of the Christmas cake he knew was waiting for him under the tree.

And that is the story of how the Island Princess did not learn a damn thing about the true meaning of Christmas.

Dec 072009

Mahu readers! This is the Island Princess! ‘Mahu’ is what people say instead of ‘Hello’ on my island. The translation is complicated but it spells out to “Greetings person, how will we work together to make the Island Princess happy today?”

That horrible person Shon Richards asked me to make a post for him today. He says he has a lot of work to do but I suspect he just wants to masturbate while watching me type. I get that ALL the time! You have no idea how many naughty people masturbate while I am doing innocent things like walking, swimming, bathing and shaking my tits. It is disgraceful!

Since I have this moment to talk to you filthy foreigners, I wanted to ask you a question. Why doesn’t Shon write more about me? I am the most beautiful Princess the Island has ever seen! I have royal breasts, luscious black hair, my skin is baked brown by the sun and my ass never quits. You would think Shon would write about me all the time. He writes more about that wicked witch Erishella and that isn’t fair! I came first!

What is with Shon and royal characters anyway? Why write about a Queen when you have a Princess to write about?

I want everyone to petition Shon to write more Island Princess stories. I deserve a Christmas story! If I don’t get a Christmas story, then I will throw a tantrum! I will stop wearing the really short grass skirt and you know what? No more topless sunbathing. You heard me! You’ll have to masturbate to some ugly woman who isn’t a Princess. We’ll see how much of that you can take!

I also would like to take this moment to make fun of the readers in America who do not have universal health care. I live on an Island in the middle of nowhere and wear a grass skirt, and even we have universal health care. Get with the times people!

Portrait by George Sportelli, who didn’t masturbate when he did this but I bet he wanted to.

Dec 172008

Once upon a time, there lived a magnificent Island Princess. She was the most gorgeous Princess in the entire world. Her hair was as black as a winter night while her eyes were as bright as a spring day. The fullness of her breasts were greater than a summer sun while her waist moved with the grace of a falling Autumn leaf. She was the greatest natural wonder of the Island, if not the world.

Now the Island Princess was always looking for new treasures. Her father, the Island King would buy her almost anything because he loved his daughter so much. Merchants knew this and would sail in on their boats loaded with jewelry, art, clothes and chocolate cookies. The Island Princess would inspect these wonders and buy only those prizes that were as beautiful and unique as she was.

One day, she saw a wonderful parrot locked in a cage of gold. The parrot was very large for his size and his feathers were as brilliant as the rainbow. The Island Princess most admired his blue eyes. They kept staring at the dark globes of her breasts no matter where she moved. If there is one thing the Island Princess loved more than anything else was another admirer.

She bought the parrot for the sum of a hundred white pearls. Her servants carried his great cage back to her room. As soon as she closed the door, the parrot shook his golden cage.

“Island Princess, I have waited years for this moment!” the parrot said.

The Island Princess was flattered. “You are quite clever for a bird!”

“I am not just a parrot,” he said. “I am in fact a Prince from a faraway island! Once, years ago, an evil witch cursed me into being a parrot. She said that I would never be a man again until I was kissed by the most beautiful Princess in the entire Ocean! I flew around for years before a man captured me and locked me in this cage. Please kiss me, Island Princess, and I will transform back into a handsome prince!”

The Island Princess considered this. He was a very striking parrot. People of Royalty often have trouble with jealous witches so his story was very plausible. On the other hand, a person of her stature can’t be going around kissing just anybody, even if they were a Parrot Prince.

“You said you were handsome?” she asked.

“Very handsome!” the Parrot Prince said. “When I was a Prince, I would bed a different woman every night and sometimes a different woman in the morning.”

“That’s very impressive!” the Island Princess said. “But a Prince could have any woman he wanted. Did your women enjoy the experience?”

The Parrot Prince puffed his chest. “Every woman I took to bed screamed with pleasure and fainted with delight!”

“Oh my!” the Island Princess said. She took off her cloth girdle. “Tell me, if you were a man again, what would you do with my breasts?”

The Parrot Prince bobbed his head as he tried to look at both breasts at once. “I would squeeze them with my powerful hands before I took a tender bite with my teeth. I would lick each nipple before covering your breasts in kisses.”

“That sounds very nice,” the Island Princess said. She slipped off her grass skirt and turned her bare bottom to the Parrot Prince. “And would you show my ass the same respect?”

The Parrot Prince rattled the cage. “I would grab your perfect ass with my hands as I held you to me! Light taps I would give you, never in anger but with love. I would warm your bottom every morning until you begged me to stop.”

“That sounds even nicer!” the Island Princess said. She turned around and her hand moved between her thighs. Standing naked before the Parrot Prince, she touched her royal garden.

“And what would you do to me here?” she asked.

The Parrot Prince tried to stick his head through the cage bars. “First I would slake my thirst, for it has been years since I tasted a woman there. I would lick, drink and have my fill of your most sacred place. I would find the special part of a woman that few men know and I would lick that part till you scream.”

The Island Princess’s fingers stroked the part he spoke of. She was very impressed. She thought only the wise servants who washed her knew about that part. Her breathing became faster as she imagined what he would do there.

“And then?” she asked.

The parrot Prince stared at her fingers. “When you are as wet as the ocean, I would take my royal manhood and enter you. I would open you and fill you with all of my might. I would make up for years of being a parrot by making love to you for seven days and seven nights!”

“Would you make love to me on my bed?” the Island Princess asked.

“Yes!” the Parrot Prince cawed.

“Would you make love to me on the floor like an animal?” the Island Princess asked.

“Yes!” the Parrot Prince cawed.

“Against the wall?” the Island Princess asked.

“Yes! Yes!” the Parrot Prince said. “On the beach, on a table, on a boat and all over the damn Island! My royal manhood would take you over and over until your throat was hoarse from screaming!”

The Island Princess screamed right there. Listening to him and imagining his need pushed her over the edge. The Island Princess massaged her climax out of her damp garden. Knowing the Parrot Prince was watching her just made her orgasm all the more powerful.

The Parrot Prince had no release of his own. Excited, he kept talking.

“And once I am a man again, I will make you my favorite slave! You will wait on me hand and foot as I take charge of your boring kingdom and make an Empire of the Ocean! My army will sail forth and bring the treasures of the world to us and you will be dressed in the finest gold chains! So kiss me, Island Princess! Kiss me now and begin your lifetime of servitude to a real man!”

“Excuse me?” the Island Princess said.

The Parrot Prince did not notice the change in the Island Princess’s tone. “Do not fear! You shall be my favorite concubine when I conquer the Ocean! I will have a hundred lovers but you will be the one I love first every night.

“Hmm,” the Island Princess said.

“Now kiss me!” the Parrot Prince said.

“Maybe later,” the Island Princess said. “Maybe much, much later. For now though, tell me again how much you want to taste me.”

And so the Island Princess teased and kept the Parrot Prince talking. His passionate words were the only affection she would accept from him. She never kissed him and he kept telling her about the wonderful things he would do if he was ever a man. For you see, the Island Princess was as wise as she was beautiful and she knew one simple truth: a sweat-talking bird in a cage is worth more than an asshole Prince in the bush.

Sep 032008

Once again I pestered Rich Larson to do a commission for me. I asked for a topless Island girl to be tied up by monkeys. He gave me one of the biggest compliments of my life when he said “This sounds like fun.” Click on the picture for the giant sized version.

Dragon*con was fun this year but exhausting. We came home early on Saturday because my girlfriend was pretty much a nervous wreck after dealing with thick crowds for three days straight. I was pretty worn out too, as well as frustrated by the technical limitations of my camera. 80 percent of my pictures are shit, which is high even for me. On Monday I saw that my LCD screen was broken and I was almost happy to have the chance to upgrade.

One of the things that disappointed me was the lack of steampunk I saw. Last year, steampunk was everywhere but this year I only personally saw one outfit. Oh, I saw more than that but I refuse to count Victorian clothes + one goggle as a steampunk outfit. The one great outfit I saw was a woman with a clockwork mask and she refused to allow people to take her picture. Sigh, I don’t think she got the point of dressing up.

I also want to say that as much as I bitch about the flood of Vampire Fucker fiction in the bookstore, Laurell Hamilton herself was pretty cool. She wore an Anita Blake shirt for most of the time and she was far more personable than a star of her stature had any right to be. She said that her characters were her imaginary friends and you know, I think that is the best description I have heard of my characters in a long time.

I’ll upload more pictures on Friday.

Feb 202008

Once upon a time there was a beautiful island. The temperature was always wonderful, the skies were always beautiful and the forecast was always predicting awesome days ahead. The job of meteorologist was mostly a ceremonial one and was currently held by a rather lazy cat. The people on the island never worried about the weather.

This wonderful paradise was home to the Island Princess. She was the most beautiful princess in the world. Her lips were as soft as a spring breeze. Her eyes flashed brighter than lightning. Cumulus clouds could not compare to her breasts for fullness and roundness. The people of the island loved their Princess and would indulge her all the time.

One day, the Island Princess decided to have a picnic on the beach. All of the people brought food, towels and surfboards. Barbecue pits were dug and dance competitions broke out spontaneously. It looked like it was going to be a perfect day except for the rain clouds gathering in the sky.

As soon as the first drop of rain fell, the Island Princess stomped her foot. She was having none of this.

“Rain!” she yelled in her very commanding voice. “Go away and never come back!”

To read more, click Whole Post

And wouldn’t you know it, the rain went away. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky for they all went away by the Princess’s command. The other people on the beach were very happy. They continued dancing, surfing and cooking. Several of the young men put together a band right there and made up songs detailing how wonderful and special the Island Princess was for doing something about the weather. It was one of the best days at the beach ever.

But the next day, the rain didn’t come.

Nor did it come the next day, or the day after that. Even though it was an island surrounded by a beautiful sea, it still needed rain to grow fruit and quench thirsts. No rain came and after a few weeks, the waterfalls themselves started to dry up.

The cat meteorologist was consulted but he only yawned and stretched himself in the hot sand.

People became upset. Some drank way too much rum as a water substitute. Some people attempted desalination of the sea but that was a lot of work. The band that started up just to sing the Island Princess’s praises now sang songs about what a spoiled girl the Island Princess was.

As for the Island Princess, she just sat in the palace and pretended it wasn’t happening.

One hot dry day, a shaman came out of the deepest darkest part of the island. No one knew who he was but that didn’t stop them from guessing and reporting it to their neighbors as fact. The shaman walked into the center of the village and just stood there as people gathered around him.

The first thing people noticed about him was his right arm. It was twice as large and muscular as his left arm. It reminded people just how lonely it must be out there in the jungle by your self.

The second thing everyone noticed was that he carried a nasty paddle with him. It was a large wicked instrument. The handle was wrapped in leather while the flat end was a black hard wood. The paddle end was two feet wide and was stained with tears. He carried the paddle on his back and his broad shoulders seemed to struggle with the weight of it all.

The shaman stood in the middle of the village and shouted to those assembled before him.

“I carry the Paddle of Thunder!” he yelled. “Pride and selfishness has driven the rain away but tears and an ass whooping can bring it back! My paddle can make an ass burn like lightning! My paddle can make the sky cry tears! Bottoms will be punished, screams will crack like thunder and the rain shall return to the island!”

The people cheered. The Island Princess stepped forward and raised her hand to be heard. “What do you need to work your magic?” she asked.

The shaman answered. “The Paddle of Thunder needs a perfect ass! I need a bottom rounder than a pearl! I need a bottom tighter than a drum! I need the most perfect ass in the entire island to smack with my magic paddle to bring the rain back!”

The people grew quiet and looked to the Island Princess. Now the Island princess knew all about responsibility. She had sent the rains away and it was up to her to fix it. She also knew she had the most perfect ass in the entire world much less the island. She wasn’t afraid of the Paddle of Thunder. The Island Princess looked the shaman in the eye and she said-

“Oh, you’ll want to spank my handmaiden. Her ass is very cute.”

So the Island princess’s handmaiden was brought to the shaman. She was very well behaved and ready to sacrifice herself. The shaman sat down on a chair, flipped the girl over his knee and gripped his paddle very tightly. The handmaiden said a prayer thanking the Island people for this chance to serve them.

WHAM! The paddle smacked right into the handmaiden’s very cute bottom. She screamed and her scream was so loud that all the people on the Island screamed too. That didn’t stop the shaman. He kept paddling. He swung that big nasty paddle and kept smacking her right on the ass. Her legs kicked and struggled but the shaman didn’t relent. No matter how loud she screamed, he didn’t stop until an hour of ass-whooping had passed.

“Her ass is not cute enough!” the shaman cried. The handmaiden crawled off with her very red ass. “The Paddle of Thunder needs an ass that is undeniably perfect!”

The people grew quiet and looked to the Island Princess. Now the Island Princess knew all about responsibility. She had sent the rains away and it was up to her to fix it. She also knew she had the most perfect ass in the entire world much less the island. Making her handmaiden suffer was a pretty rotten thing to do and the right thing to do would be to get across his lap and take her spanking. The Island Princess looked at the Paddle of Thunder, then she looked the shaman in the eye and she said-

“Oh, you’ll want my skirt maker. Her ass is wonderful.”

The skirt maker was brought to the shaman. Her dress was taken off and yes, the crowd thought her bottom was very wonderful indeed. The shaman put her over his knee and gripped his paddle very tightly. The skirt maker closed her eyes and thanked the world for a mostly enjoyable life.

WHAM! The paddle landed on the skirt maker’s wonderful bottom. She screamed so loud that this time even the monkeys on the island joined in on the scream. The shaman kept paddling though. He kept swinging and the skirt maker kept screaming. Over and over he paddled her for an hour but still no rain.

“Her ass is not good enough,” the shaman cried. He let the skirt maker go and she crawled down to the ocean to cool her bottom off. “The Paddle of Thunder needs an ass that is without a single fault!”

The people once again grew quiet and looked at the Island Princess.

“Fine!” she said with a petulant stomp. She yanked her skirt off and bared her ass to the entire island. An old fisherman died of a heart attack right there but he died smiling. The Island Princess stomped down over to the shaman and threw herself over his knees.

“This had better work,” she said with a pout.

The shaman didn’t answer her. He held the Paddle of Thunder up high and the crowd was as silent as that poor dead fisherman. After a suitable dramatic pause, the shaman swung.

WHAM! The paddle hit the Island Princess and her ass stung like a hundred bees had struck it.

She did not scream.

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! The shaman smacked her ass and the Island Princess still did not scream. Her bottom was burning, her legs were kicking and she clenched her hands into fists but the Island Princess refused to cry out.


The Thunder Paddle fell on her bottom with the fury of a hurricane.


The Island Princess squirmed and writhed but the shaman kept her pinned on his lap.


Something strange happened to the Island Princess. The overwhelming heat on her ass began to spread all over her body. She felt a tingling run down her thighs, a tingling spread up over her breasts, a tingling over her nipples and most of all, a tingling on her sex. The painful smacks of her ripe bottom were becoming a drumbeat that was sending sensation throughout her body.

The Island Princess got wet. She could feel her desire flowing between her legs. She could feel the moisture collecting on the shaman’s leg. At first she was embarrassed, but the paddling felt so good, that she didn’t care who knew as long as the good feelings continued.


A hard blow made the Island Princess shift. She nudged right up against the shaman’s loin cloth. She could feel the girth of his erection and she could feel the steady pulsing of his excitement. The thought of how hard he was only added to her own desire.

One really hard smack made her throw her head back. With her head tilted back, she felt the first drop of rain land on her head. Another drop fell on her back and another drop fell on her leg. Small drops fell all over her body while more of her desire dripped down the shaman’s leg.

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! The shaman struck her faster and harder.

“Yes, yes, yes” the Island Princess started to chant as the Paddle of Thunder struck her bottom and sent her closer and closer to that orgasm just out of reach.

The shaman noticed the beautiful pink color that the Island Princess’s ass was becoming. He struck harder and faster. The smell of ozone filled the air.

“Come on thunder, come on thunder,” the shaman chanted.

CRACK! The thunder answered. A torrent of rain fell from the sky.

“YES!” the Island Princess cried. She climaxed and screamed her pleasure to the entire island.

“FUCK!” the shaman yelled. His cock erupted inside his loin cloth. The shower of his seed mixed with the rain on the wet sand.

The shaman stopped paddling the Island Princess and she leapt up from his lap. The cold rain fell on her body. The Island Princess danced to cool her bottom off. The people joined with her, cheering and yelling as they all danced.

The cat was upset with being rained on and ran back into a hut to sleep.

The young band of boys sang a new song right then about how brave and selfless the Island Princess was. It was a great song and was easily their best although critics would later say it lacked mass commercial appeal.

The Island Princess stopped dancing when her ass had stopped burning. She looked around for the shaman but he was gone. Some said he was struck by lightning while others said he melted with the ran into that gooey spot by the chair.

The Island Princess knew better. She knew that the shaman had returned to the woods with the Paddle of Thunder. She knew he would be back if she ever made silly demands of the weather again.

She smiled. The Island Princess figured she would wait till she could sit down again before she did anything like that. She guessed that should only take a month.

The end.