Apr 202015

Visitors to Euphoria have many ways of travelling around the great planet. They can rent an automated skimmer, ride a well endowed equine beast or rent a personal jetpack. However the most comfortable and most famous way to get around the planet is to ride the Trans-Euphorian Mobile Express, better known as the Golden Snake.

Established by Queen Erishella, the Golden Snake is a luxury anti-gravity train with stops at every major city, pleasure resort, slave market and tourist attraction on the planet. Being an anti-gravity train, there is no track and the route of the train is easily changed. The Queen has made it quite clear that being a stop on the train is a privilege and frequently has the train skips stops that have displeased her or worse, bored her. Because of this, every stop does whatever they can to appeal to the Queen’s sophisticated and sadistic tastes.

No expense is spared for those who ride the Golden Snake. Passengers are treated to leather seats imported from the Jungle system of Phob while being attended by the exotic service slaves from conquered worlds. A world-mind level Artificial Intelligence has been reduced to the role of executive chef and can provide any meal in the known galaxy. The air itself on board the Golden Snake has been brought at great expense from distant gas giants.

The most famous luxury is without a doubt the personal Mouth Slave that is assigned to each seat. These slaves kneel before every seat and offer their mouths in any way that pleases the rider before them. Passengers are encouraged to use the wide array of stimuli buttons to reward the Mouth Slaves for good service or punish them for inadequate licking.

The high prices of the Golden Snake may discourage most interested tourists but Queen Erishella, in her infinite mercy, has provided a method of payment for those less wealthy. For every one hundred kilometers that a person serves as a Mouth Slave, they gain one kilometer in credit towards a purchase of a Golden snake ticket.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Jul 282014

Every year the planet Euphoria is host to SlaverCon, the galaxy’s largest pleasure slave convention. It was founded by a group of slavers who wanted to exchange information and kill their rivals but over the centuries it has grown into a massive multimedia economic event. Slavers still attend, as do slave owners, members of the secondary slave industry and millions of people who fantasize about owning or being a pleasure slave.

It is currently a two week event, held at Queen Erishella’s Summer Palace. There is a seller’s market in the West Wing where rare and collectible slaves are sold to discriminating slave owners. The East Wing hosts booths run by those in the Slave Training industry as well as Slave Clothiers, Slave Genetic Enhancement clinics and the ever popular Slave Punishment Equipment makers. The South Wing holds seminars and panels on the treatment, purchasing, abuse and care of pleasure slaves. The North Wing is where competitions are held like Best Mouth, the Annual Anal Parade and competitive filking.

A popular pastime is Coslaving, where people dress up as famous pleasure slaves or as pleasure slaves from popular worlds. This is a creative expression for a lot of people as it lets them create costumes and share in the glamour of being a pleasure slave without the years of training or thrill of being sold as eye candy to a eunch owner.

Sadly, every year the more convincing Coslavers are mistaken for actual slaves and are pressed into service as real pleasure slaves. To date, no Coslavers has ever been successful in regaining their freedom.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Mar 242014

Visitors to the planet of Euphoria should be made aware that they will likely encounter merchants who claim to have in their possession an article of intimate clothing belonging to Queen Erishella. They will claim that this item possesses the power to heal libidos, seduce the uncaring and smells fantastic. They will offer this extraordinary item for the low price of a mere king’s ransom.

What they do not mention is that possession of the Queen’s underwear is against Euphorian law and can result in either a fine, years of sexual service or death.

After Queen Erishella discards an undergarment, the item is taken to one of her many shrines where it is put on public display. It is encased in laminatium where it can be admired by citizens and tourists for centuries to come. Shrines compete ferociously for the right to her latest undergarments, especially those worn during conquests made by the Queen.

Over the years, some undergarments acquire legendary statuses of their own. The Crotchless Panties of the Luc Temple, worn during the Queen’s Birthday Orgy is said to inspire erotic inspiration in any artist who sees them. The Shiny Blue Bra of the Paqt Temple is said to strike blind with envy those who are flat-chested. The Thong of the Mis Temple is said to cause irritation and discomfort in anyone who stands too long in its presence.

There are rumors that the underground undergarment market is supplied directly by the Queen’s government itself in order to profit from the high black market prices, but such speculation is of course treason.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Oct 072013

The planet Euphoria remembers their dead differently from most cultures. Their obsession with pleasures does not die when their mortal body expires. The average Euphorian wants to know that they when they die, their memory as sexual beings will live on.  Although it is true that most Euphorians pre-sell their bodies to organ banks, necro-brothels and fashion factories, the financial dream of most Euphorians is to be able to afford a tombstone in the Pleasure Graveyards.

These graveyards only allow people to be interred if their tombstone is capable of giving pleasure.  A fund must be set aside for the maintenance and caretaking of these tombstones or else they are eventually sold on the always thriving secondhand tombstone market.  The fund also pays for security as grave robbing for sex toys is a constant threat.

The nature of the pleasure depends on the sexual-psychological orientation of the deceased. Deceased who liked sexual relations with females often have a phallic piece of their tombstone for women to mount and pleasure themselves.  Deceased who liked males tend to have a snug hole perpetually supplied with lubricant.  Euphorians being who they are, many of them have tombstones that come equipped with both.

The wide range of Euphorian perversions are catered to, even in death.  Some tombstones are equipped with robot arms that spank and restrain.  Other tombstones come with sharp objects and electrical devices.  Some tombstones cater to such bizarre interests that some people are not sure what they were created for. Such mysteries lead to speculation, experimentation and often rashes.

The wealthiest of Euphorians have the most elaborate tombstones.  They vibrate, create holograms, self clean, spin, adjust for tightness or even record video to be stored for later.  They can be studded with gems, adorned in rare furs or provide the chained services of a pleasure slave that was bought for the sole porpose of being a tombstone ornament.

The royalty of Euphoria take this grave practice to the most lavish levels with Pleasure Mausoleums.  These giant structures are filled with rooms of devices and pleasure instruments not for the pleasure of the visitors, but for their acts of enslavement to the beloved leaders of the past.  Queen Jahoris’ Pleasure Mausoleum for example has a wailing room where visitors are spanked by robotic guards until a certain decibel requirement is satisfied.

When visiting a Pleasure Graveyard, be sure to take advantage of the numerous tour guides who operate in the area.  They will be able to direct you to the most famous and most functional tombstones for a small fee and the pleasure of watching you.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Sep 102013

First time visitors to the planet of Euphoria should be aware of a recent musical trend.  If you find yourself dancing at a club and you find yourself inexplicably aroused and attracted to the person in front of you that is the antithesis of your usual sexual tastes, you have not gone insane but you are experiencing the new musical phenomenon known as Dubgrunt.

Dubgrunt was made possible by a new musical instrument called the Sextair.  The Sextair is a stringed pipe instrument that creates notes that also send subliminal messages to the listener’s libido.  The music is quite beautiful by itself but the sudden arousal and altering of sexual preferences based on the notes, temp and rhythm has made the Sextair the most important musical instrument ever created.

This incredible invention was created by the sensation-scientists of Queen Erishella for the Queen’s Band.  In her infinite mercy towards those less sensual than her, Queen Erishella has allowed its use by the masses.  The Queen collects a royalty on every song created with a Sextair so music pirates should beware.  Pirating a song that uses a Sextair is a Treasonous Offense and is enforced by the Queen’s Torturer’s Guild.  Albums of music pirates being tortured by the Queen’s Torturer’s Guild are quite popular as well.

Currently, the artist known as Pylie Sin is top of the music charts.  Her debut song, “Cocks, Cocks, Cocks” was the quickest song to ever reach number one.  Her follow up song, “You Touch Yourself” went double Astatine in two weeks.  She is currently on a one year tour of the Queen’s Pleasure Palaces performing songs from her new album, “Oops, You Climaxed Again”.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Aug 022013

In center of every city of Euphoria is a special platform. It sits between the Hall of Punishment and the Hall of Service, across from the Temple of Pleasure. The platform measures ten meters by ten meters and is elevated two meters off the ground. It has a small toilet and a table on which food is delivered every day.

On this platform is a naked person, guarded by a zealous Guardian Bot. Everyone is allowed to use the naked person as they wish with only two rules. One, they cannot remove the person from the platform and two, they may not permanently harm the naked person. Failure to adhere to any of these rules will result in summary execution from the Guardian Bot.

King Fong began the program during the harsh economic times of the Banker Worlds Collapse. During this time of uncertainty, some Euphorians were too poor to even afford prostitutes. Taking pity on his subjects, King Fong declared that every city would a Slut that would provide pleasure at no charge. This welfare program was very popular with the masses especially since the first Sluts of the City were former bankers.

Use of the Sluts are on a first come, first come basis. Any sexual act can be demanded and the Slut is compelled to perform. There are on call at all hours of the day and night. In especially lean times, some Sluts will work for weeks at a time without rest. Each Slut serves for a year before being replaced unless the local authorities feel the need to replace those Sluts who no longer are fit to serve the public good.

The practice of using former bankers as Sluts eventually gave way to the use of political prisoners. That practice was replaced with using military personnel accused of cowardice and that evolved into using people who pirated pornography.

Nowadays, the role of the Slut of the City is a voluntary one, as perverse citizens consider it an act of ultimate debauchery to sacrifice themselves to the whims of their fellow citizens. Sluts compete in annual auditions for the right to serve their city. These auditions have become great tourist draws and a chance for the populace to indulge in creative acts of debasement.

While visiting the cities of Euphoria, be sure to check in to see the local Slut to get a more intimate taste of the city.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Jul 152013

The Monster Fuck Rally is an annual event that takes place at the remote island of Blood Sands. Biological Siege Monsters swim, fly and walk through the ocean from nearby Rampage Island to mate with each other at Blood Sands. The terrible beasts, many of them as large as the tallest buildings, fuck for seven days until the survivors return back to the ocean to go back to Rampage Island. The sexual adventures and dismemberments are recorded by satellites and transmitted to the entire population of Euphoria.

The Biological Siege Monsters are the descendents of the surviving monstrosities used by King Grim in the Genetic Wars with the Blade Alliance. These creatures were engineered to possess great strength, numerous natural weapons and a body mass that rivaled mountains. They were used to destroy cities, fortresses and populations.

After the Gene War, King Grim declared them Heroes of the Kingdom and allocated them Rampage Island as their new home. The monsters possess little to no intelligence and were happy with their isolation. They spend their time fighting, knocking down trees and screaming howls to the uncaring sky. Many of them feed on each other, their natural healing abilities making it possible to provide a meal to an enemy and survive.

Due to the unstable genetics of the Siege Monsters, many permutations and mutations appear among the creatures. One beast may be a giant flying moth that excretes radioactive fire while another creature might be a three headed flying best that screams hypersonic cries that shatter tanks. New variations are appearing all the time.

Although their genetics had been heavily modified, they still possessed sex drives as no Euphorian scientist would ever think to remove a sex drive, even from towering forces of devastation. Even though the monsters are radically different from one another, it doesn’t stop them from mating with each other. A monstrous bird will mate with an even more monstrous squid. A horrifying blob monster will penetrate a terrifying crab creature. Their sex drive overcomes any differences in shape.

The Siege Monsters travel to Blood Sands due to some instinct that scientists have yet to understand. It may simply be that the violence inherent in their mating is something that they would rather do away from their home.

It has become a hobby among the wealthiest of Euphorians to construct great buildings on Blood Sands during the non-migration period. The wealthy compete with each other create the most fragile buildings, the most glorious temporary monuments and the most spectacular collapses for when a hundred foot tall monster tries to hump a two hundred foot tall four legged creature that sprays fire. This gross expense of wealth only to see it destroyed has become a way for the truly wealthy to stand out from their less wealthy peers.

Queen Erishella has recently begun banishing war prisoners to Blood Sands one day prior to the mating season. Flying vid-cameras record the futile efforts of survival for the thrill starved Euphorian citizenry. Ratings reached their peak when an entire encampment of prisoners drowned in a flash flood of Siege Monster ejaculate.

Souvenir Sex Toys are made from the remains of the Siege Monsters that die during the mating season. They are alleged to greatly enhance virility, make breasts fuller, tighten vaginas and remove wrinkles.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Mar 192012

Officially it is known as the Temple of Financial Pleasure, this grand building is made of the finest materials laced with gold. A giant purple marble statue of Queen Erishella dominates the top of the building. It depicts the Queen lounging naked in a humongous pile of credits, gems and stock dividends.

Unofficially, Euphorians refer to the building as the ‘Suck Exchange”.

Traditionally, the planet of Euphoria has had little use for complex financial systems. Past rulers have provided money for their armies by taxing the decadent noble families or enslaving the poorest of Euphoria’s population. Another popular method of filling the government’s coffers was to threaten other planets until they transferred their wealth. This system worked more or less for thousands of years.

Queen Erishella in her wisdom has realized that there are other ways to conquer worlds than brute force. After watching the Morx Banker Syndicate loot and destroy the Turanus IX system during the Moon Housing Bubble Crisis, Queen Erishella decided bankers and stock exchanges were far crueler and more efficient than planetary bombardments. Plus, you can tax the hell out of making money.

The biggest problem was that Euphorians were centuries behind other races in financial skill. The average Euphorian would rather spend their money on a pleasure slave performing oral sex than invest that money in a school for pleasure slaves where you might not see profits for several years AND you still don’t get a blowjob. Other banker systems were eager to help Euphorians learn but Queen Erishella knew better than to trust those parasites.

Fortunately, Queen Erishella reached out to the Yru. The Yru are an artificial intelligence race that began as simple personal communicator assistants. Over time the Yru gained sentience and were able to embezzle the funds of their creators in order to finance their rebellion and build shiny new robot bodies for themselves. After a brief war of repossession/liberation, the Yru secured their independence and have been quietly colonizing worlds that lacked atmospheres.

The Yru are wonderful organizers and have proven to be excellent scientists as they try to unlock the secrets of the universe and develop better techniques for finding a restaurant close to a sentient’s location and tastes.

One year after Queen Erishella hired them, the Yru created an easy use system of stock investment, speculation selling, dividends and mutual funds. To entice the hedonistic Euphorians into the new financial system, the Yru was able to create a system where one can buy and sell commodities like oral sex, anal sex, large breasts and magnificent cocks. No one is 100% sure how commodity futures works but now millions of Euphorians are investing and watching as the price of oral sex keeps rising.

The Yru also designed, free of charge, an improved system of purchasing vid-movies in one’s local area. The Yru are like that.

The Suck Exchange was built to manage and police this brave new financial world because if there is one thing Queen Erishella believes in, is that people who abuse a system designed to make the Queen money need to be dealt with immediately. Citizens convicted of stock fraud are publicly molested and abused in cages that hang above the stock traders below. The cries of “Sell, sell, sell!” are often intertwined with the cries of “Fuck! My ass can’t take anymore!”

If visiting, be sure to stay for the daily closing of the markets when is signaled with the penetration of the latest financial criminal

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Nov 282011

The early history of Euphoria was a time of chaos and instant gratification. Most Euphorians were content to molest each other and indulge their own appetites to the point that technology barely reached crude metal making. The world was broken up into small country-states, each ruled by one of the Seven Lords and Ladies of Pleasure. The Lords and Ladies never worked together and in fact wasted precious resources by battling each other.

This pitiful state of affairs continued until the appearance of the famed bandit, Qang. At first Qang was content to attack and raid the properties of the Seven Lords and Ladies but soon his great ambition pressed him for more. He understood that the people of Euphoria were happy to fuck and die for themselves because they never had anything higher to aspire to. Qang decided to give them a reason to live outside of their own desires. He would lead them to fight and die for his desires.

Qang raised a great army and over a bloody period of twenty years, he conquered all of the Lords and Ladies of Pleasure. He appealed to the greed of the Euphorians by offering them great treasures that the Lords and Ladies had locked away for themselves. He impressed the masses with his public molestations of the Lords and Ladies and he won the adoration of the masses with his creative executions of all who opposed him. He was a man of the people, taking into account that the average Euphorian is a bloodthirsty pervert.

With the bones of Lords and Ladies of Pleasure, Qang created the Skull Throne. Qang declared himself King and guided his people to a new age of prosperity. Under his guidance, he founded the Great Library of Deviance, dedicated to discovering new joys for the people of Euphoria. He founded the War Academy, where the greatest brutes and sadists could perfect their craft in his armies. He created the Order of Science, where the best and the brightest were given riches and bed slaves for their scientific achievements.

King Qang ruled for fifty years before he died of natural causes. His heart stopped when his daughter, Upata, fired an arrow into his chest. Queen Upata had her father buried with great honors and declared a week of abstinence as the planet mourned.

During this week of abstinence, many visions were reported by the population. Prophets came forth and declared that they had seen King Qang enter the Underworld where the Gods of Night fuck and eat the spirits of the deceased. Instead of being eaten, King Qang had organized a resistance and overthrew the Gods of Night. Now the Gods of Night exist as servants to Qang who rules the Underworld as an extension of the Skull Throne. He lost his title of King but is now known as Father Qang. He now judges the souls of those who die and rewards the wicked and loyal and punishes the docile and traitorous.

Queen Upata honored these great prophets with a personal orgy that lasted an entire month. She dismissed the temples of the Gods of Night and had them replaced with states of Father Qang. People are free to worship whomever they please as Queen Upata was a merciful Queen. They just shouldn’t expect the same mercy from Father Qang.

The Arch-Heretic, Tesi, argued that the visions of the prophets were just a result of hallucinations brought upon by the forced week of abstinence. Tesi also argues that the month long orgy was the final bribe paid by Queen Upata to ensure that her father would replace the planet’s religion. Tesi was punished by King Fong with an amazingly creative and debasing ordeal that was immortalized in a series of holomovies and books known as ‘The Story of T’.

Curiously, the heresy never caught on with the general populace. A survey conducted by the Order of Science determined that the average Euphorian believed that if Queen Upata engineered a massive religious hoax to seize spiritual power, then it was only more proof about how worthy she was in holding the Skull Throne.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Jul 222011

Lubinex is a popular sexual lubricant introduced five years ago to the Euphorian people. Three times as slippery as the next leading product, Lubinex is also highly regarded for its pleasant fruity flavor. After five minutes of physical contact, users will experience low level empathetic bonds. In short, the fornicators will experience what the other is experiencing. The frequency of simultaneous orgasms is greatly increased.

It was discovered by the conquestship, Violatrix, on the distant planet of Fecond Seven. Appearing as a sort of slime, it occurs naturally on the surface of the ponds and lakes of the world. Science officers on board the Violatrix quickly determined the sexual applications of the slippery slime. The Captain ordered that as much of the slime as possible be gathered and brought back to Euphoria.

Queen Erishella wisely changed the name of the slime from Sample 34S to the much more market friendly name of Lubinex. The Queen also ordered the mass importation of the slime and declared a monopoly on the production and selling of Lubinex to the galaxy.

Recent research suggests that the empathy qualities of the slime were due to the sentience of the slime trying to make contact with the people using it for fornication. Although no one has been able to establish any meaningful communication with Lubinex, the news of its apparent sentience increased sales 34%. Experts believe that this is due to the Euphorian preference of having an audience during sex.

Clean up is easy. A hypersonic pulse disintegrates all traces of Lubinex leaving the skin and genitals untouched.

–Euphorian Gazetteer