Here is the introduction to my new book, Nymphopocalypse: Escape the Office Building! This sets up the book and gives you hints about the perils you will face.
“Holy shit!” Juan yells. “Did you see her?”
“Not at all,” you say, keeping your eyes on the road. Traffic in Beaverton was usually pretty mild but this morning has been crazy. Every driver has been sloppy today and you have passed three accidents so far. It is like everyone is drunk or hungover.
“I can’t believe you missed her, Cory,” Juan says. “Some blonde lady was standing on the sidewalk with her skirt hiked up. She had her panties around her knees and was rubbing one out right there on the street!”
“Bullshit,” you say. Your eyes dart to the rearview mirror but you have driven too far to see her.
“Swear to Jesus,” Juan says. “Nancy is going to freak when I tell her!”
Nancy is Juan’s boss at the gun store. She is something of a doomsday prepper; believing that one day the world will collapse in a carnal orgy called the Nymphopocalypse. You looked it up online but other than one crazy sex blogger, you didn’t see anyone else talking about it.
You turn the car at an intersection and head down College Avenue. The four-lane road here gives you a clear view of the morning sky. It was almost entirely purple.
“Whoa,” you and Juan say together. The purple reminded you of hard cocks and nipples freshly bitten.
“The weather guy said the purple skies come from a shifting in polar winds,” you say. “It has something to do with the ice caps melting and releasing ancient gasses into the sky.”
“Bullshit,” Juan said. “It’s fallout from that satellite the Russians blew up last week. My mom sent me a link on Facebook about it.”
“Either way, Nancy is going to freak,” you tell Juan. “I bet you guys will be doing basement drills.”
“I hate that shit,” Juan says. “Oh, that reminds me, Nancy said you can use the basement bunker when the Nymphopocalypse happens.”
“No shit?” you say. “I’m kind of honored. I know that is a short list.”
“Yeah, she likes that you work as a cook,” Juan said. “She said that means you have useful skills and know how to take orders.”
You laugh and then spot something coming from the right. It is a naked man wearing tennis shoes. His dick is hard and swinging between his legs like a hammer. You slam on the brakes and narrowly miss hitting the man.
The naked man never sees you as he keeps running. You and Juan watch him turn down an alley. A horn honks behind you.
“Holy shit,” you say.
“Think he knows the chick jilling herself on the road?” Juan asks.
The horn honks again behind you. It is a long, angry sound that lasts for a full ten seconds.
You look in the mirror. It is a black woman driver. She is breathing hard as she slams on the horn.
“Fuck off!” Juan yells, flicking her off.
You drive quickly, not looking to incite any road rage. Weirdly, the lady behind you stays where she is in the middle of the road. Other cars are honking at her now. What the fuck is her problem?
“People have lost their damn mind,” Juan says.
You turn onto Wisconsin and pull into a parking spot in front of Nancy’s Guns, Ammo and Supplies. Juan grabs his lunch bag and hops out of the car. Before he closes the door, he leans back in.
“I’ll call if Nancy has me stay late,” Juan says. “She gets antsy when weird shit happens like this.” He pointed up at the purple sky. “And remember, if the world does end today, Cory, you get your ass over here. I don’t want to be locked in a bunker alone with just Nancy. If it is just us, we might end up fucking.”
“I doubt that will happen,” you say. Nancy is attractive for her age, but she is a bit on the paranoid crazy side. “But if the world does end, I’ll be right over.”
“I’m holding you to it,” Juan says as he closes the door.
You get ready to join the traffic. A postman is on the side of the road, leaning against a light pole. He is hunched over, kneading his thighs. The guy looks like he is having a panic attack. You are tempted to stop but you see a woman approach him and touch his shoulder.
The two start kissing. Wow, they are kissing each other pretty hard. Both of them grab each other passionately as they devour each other’s mouths. He’s opening her shirt while she grabs the bulge in his pants.
Huh, they must know each other.
The traffic clears and you get back on the road. Your cock is hard as a rock inside your pants. When was the last time you got kissed like that? Shit, have you ever been kissed like that?
A block later, you turn onto Richmond Avenue and drive down to the Michaels building. You pull into the parking garage next door and park your car. As you get out of your car, you wonder about you weird shit you have seen so far today.
The SUV next to your parked car starts to rock. There is steam on the windows. Faint moans come from inside.
Damn, is everyone hooking up this morning?
You head out of the parking garage and into the Michaels building. None of the stores on the first floor are open yet. In fact, some of them still have their lights off and don’t have anyone in them. You check your watch to make sure you are not early, but no, you’re right on time. Some people must be staying home today.
“Or they got stuck in the weird traffic,” you say to yourself.
A woman is waiting for the elevator. A tight pair of slacks frame a round ass. You stare so hard at her ass that you almost trip over your own feet. Luckily, the woman is too engrossed in her phone to notice your clumsiness.
You tear your eyes away from her ass and look at the elevator door as you stand beside her. The numbers on the elevator panel slowly click downwards. In your corner of your eye, you can see a hint of deep cleavage. You resist the urge to get a better look.
The doors mercifully open. You rush in and hit the button for the top floor. The woman walks in, clicks the button for the fourth floor and then stands at the opposite side of the elevator. She is still staring at her phone. The doors close and you start to ascend.
You can’t help yourself. Trying to look bored, you pretend to let your eyes wonder. You see that the woman is Asian, most likely Vietnamese with the population that lives around here. Large brown eyes highlight a cute face. Bright pink lipstick reminds you of bubblegum. Her black hair is pulled into a professional ponytail. The top buttons on her blouse are undone and you get a good view of the white bra barely holding her large breasts.
Damn, those tits are as nice as her ass. You would love to bury your face in them. Or maybe hold her breasts in your hand as you fuck her hard enough to make her ponytail snap.
A bit of drool escapes your lips and dribbles down your chin. What the fuck is wrong with you? Embarrassed, you quickly wipe your chin and pray the woman didn’t notice.
The woman licks her lips. You realize her eyes are no longer on her phone. They are staring at your crotch.
Shit, your dick is forming a giant tent in your pants. You turn away from her view and towards the door. Your cock pulses wildly inside your pants.
The elevator stops. The curvy woman sighs and puts away her phone. She goes out but lingers at the doors. You stare at her large ass and wonder why she is waiting.
The doors start to close and the woman leaves. She looks over her shoulder and gives you a final look. No, she gave your crotch one last look.
This has been the weirdest commute to work. You let out a deep breathe, grateful that you are alone in the elevator.
“Come on, Cory,” you tell yourself. “Get your shit together before someone at work sees you.
The elevator dings. It is time for you to get off.
Go To Work.