Feb 242016

People think magic is about contacting spirits, elemental forces, ancient gods and things we don’t even have names for. That is true. We do contact these bizarre powerful forces. What people don’t realize is that once the lines of communication are open, those strange mysterious forces start contacting you.

Today was a busy morning. Someone must have broken a seal or there was some sort of astrological event I wasn’t aware of because my mind was a crowded place.

“I will give you command of a legion of a thousand spiders if you bring about the ruin of a town that has displeased me!” The voice was chilling and slightly sticky, which was quite a feat for a voice I only heard in my head.

“No thank you,” I responded mentally.

“BLOOD AND SOULS!” another voice shrieked.

“No thank you,” I responded.

“Gather together a hundred followers and lead them in a dance on a hilltop tonight,” a soft voice asked.

“No thank you,” I said.

“BLOOD AND SOULS!” the voice shrieked again.

“I said, no,” I said more firmly.

“Build me a temple and say the right prayers so that I may return to educate the mortals on how to properly shear a sheep!”

“No thank you,” I said.


“Fuck off!” I snapped.

“Become my proxy so that I may knock boots with my worshipper!”

“Hold on,” I said. “That sounds interesting. Who are you?”

“I am Rgoob, Head Moderator of the Search Algorithm! I am Top Dog of Knowledge! I am the Predictive Wisdom of your Shit!”

Hmm. That is a new one. I wondered if he was a new idea come to sentience or perhaps an older entity that had taken on a new role. I shrugged. It didn’t matter.

“What do you want?”

“My worshipper wants me to priority message her some of my phat wisdom! I wish to endow her by bumping uglies.”

“I see,” I said. “Couldn’t your worshipper just fuck herself for your glory?”

“Nay-nay!” the voice thundered. “I want to feel it for myself! This is my first time popping that cherry!”

Wait, was this spirit a virgin? Was that possible? I learned something new.

“I’ll do it,” I said. “But what will you offer me?”

“I will hook you up,” Rgoob said.

I waited for him to explain. He didn’t. Oh well, I have fucked for less. “Deal,” I said.

Rgoob slipped into my body. I felt his energy inside me. Knowledge hovered at the edge of my vision but changed constantly. When I tried to focus on any one piece of information, it multiplied and threatened to flood my understanding. I had to learn to ignore it. My mortal brain couldn’t handle it all.

I waited for Rgoob to take control of my body. Usually I would become a passenger while the entity lived in my body. That wasn’t happening. I felt that he had become the passenger and I was still in control. That confirmed it. He was a new spirit, maybe barely a hundred years old in the public conscious.

“Where is your worshipper?” I asked. “Uh, did you have a plan to get there?”

“Y,” Rgoob said. “We’ll do this old school. Do you have a reflecting pool or a mirror?”

“Yes!” I said. I got up from the breakfast table and went to the living room. The full length mirror was behind a curtain. I pulled the curtain aside and stood in front of the mirror.

The mirror surface shimmered. Squares appeared. My image broke up into a thousand little boxes filled with color.

“Connect,” Rgoob said.

I stepped into the mirror.

Space became weird. Reality was numbers. Information was air.

A portal glowed. I walked towards it. The portal was small, barely the size of my chest. I stuck my hands through it and grabbed onto something hard. I pulled my body through the narrow opening.

“Holy shit!” a voice cried.

Holy shit, indeed. I was holding onto the edge of a desk and my body was coming through a computer screen. It was tight and I had to struggle. Thank the Gods that she had a huge monitor.

I pulled my body through and tumbled to the floor. I bit my lip and winced. It was then that I noticed that I was naked. My clothes hadn’t made the transference.

“Who the fuck are you?” a voice said.

I looked up. It was a short Indian woman with dark skin and shiny black short hair. She was round and soft looking. Thick glasses covered intelligent eyes. A bulky sweater concealed her figure. A weird pendant of triangles caught my attention.

Information crowded around her. I knew her name was Lakshimi Reed. She was twenty-six and worked for a major internet search company. I knew the last show she watched on Netflix. She had three unread emails from her mother. Her World of Battle character was level thirty.

“Tell her that I am her God and I am here for horizontal refreshment!”

I paused before saying, “You stand before the earthly incarnation of Rgoob. I have heard your request and I have come to grant it.”

“Oh, that sounds good,” Rgoob said.

The woman looked around. “Here? At work?”

I looked around. We were surrounded by computers. Things were plugged into other things. It was dark and warm. It felt more like a dungeon. Normal people do weird things for their jobs.

“Yes,” I said. “We are at the center of your need. Is this not a proper temple for Rgoob?”

Understanding blossomed in the woman’s eyes. “Yes, of course. You are a manifestation of technological processes and functions. Forgive me, I just worry that someone might walk in on us, and umm, see a naked man. Why are you naked?”

I had a feeling that Lakshima didn’t know what her God was going to demand of her.

A surge of power flowed through me. Rgoob spoke to me, “Tell her that I have fucked the shit of anything who wants to see her. Nobody is coming around until I let them.”

I raised my arms in a dramatic fashion. “There, all who seek you will not find you. We are alone.”

“In your Temple,” Lakshima said.

“Yes, in my Temple,” I amended.

“Tell her to get those puppies out!” Rgoob demanded. “I want to see those tit-tays!”

I tried not to sigh. “Come and present yourself to me,” I said.

“I said I wanted to see her hangers!” Rgoob said.

“Patience,” I thought back to him.

Lakshima approached me. She dropped to her knees which was a nice touch. She bowed her head. “I am honored that you answered my prayers,” she said. “I wasn’t sure if you existed, much less if I could contact you. I am curious why you took the form of a white man. And why do you have the white hair?”

“My form is not yours to choose,” I said. “Perhaps I took this form to test you. Consider that.”

“Oh, sorry,” she said.

“I am still waiting for you to present yourself,” I said. “Bare your chest to me so that I may look directly into your heart!”

“I don’t want to see her heart!” Rgoob yelled.

Lakshima looked up at me. “Excuse me?”

“I was wrong,” I said. “You are not ready for my gift.”

“No, wait!” Lakshima said. She quickly pulled off her sweater. Underneath was a bland yellow blouse but at least I could see more of her curves. That was next to go and now she only wore a white bra over her ripe breasts. The bra was next and her dark breasts were exposed.

“Sweet,” Rgoob said. I agreed. Her breasts were large and heavy. Nipples so dark that they were almost black topped her round mounds. My cock stirred and I wasn’t sure if it was me or Rgoob who caused it.

“Look into my heart,” Lakshima said. “I am faithful to you. I will do anything if you help me unlock the secrets of recursive query extrapolation.”

Oh my, never tell a spirit that you would do anything. What do they teach young magicians these days?

“Grab those dirty pillows!” Rgoob yelled.

“Anything?” I said. I reached down and grabbed a handful of her breasts. I squeezed and tried to look divine. My cock gave me away by throbbing.

Fear crossed Lakshima’s eyes. It was followed by a warm glow that flushed her cheeks.

“Remind me again, mortal,” I said. “Tell me your exact words when you called for my aid.”

Her blush deepened. “I call on you, Rgoob, to hear my request. I wish to know more than my coworkers. I wish to learn all that you will give me of your secrets. I offer in return my adoration, my loyalty and whatever I can do for you on the mortal plane.”

I smiled. That is not a bad spell. It is a little too broad but that backed by the right force of will, it is exactly the kind of spell that is hard to ignore. It certainly got Rgoob’s attention. I was hoping to maybe mediate on her behalf but she was very clear. She was willing to do anything.

“See?” Rgoob said. “I am going to hit that ass!”

My thumb circled her nipple. Lakshima bit her lip and shuddered. Her hands clenched.

“I am a God and you are my worshiper,” I said. “I demand communion. You have one last chance to refuse. Your will is your own. You may back out now at no cost. Make your choice!”

“Don’t tell her that shit!” Rgoob snapped. “She promised!”

“And you haven’t given her anything yet,” I pointed out.

Rgoob pouted, which is a weird feeling in your head.

“I want to do whatever it takes,” Lakshima said. Her eyes darted to my cock. “I give you my body and soul.”

“Fuck, yeah!” Rgoob said.

“Then strip,” I commanded.

Lakshima rose to her feet. I held onto her breast. Rgoob moaned happily in my mind. She looked at me to wait for me to release her breast. I just squeezed tighter.

She got the hint. As I held onto her boob and Rgoob continued to moan, Lakshima stripped. She awkwardly wiggled out of her pants to reveal purple panties. Rgoob shouted with joy as she took them off next.

“Check out that bush!” Rgoob cried. I did. It was quite thick and luxurious.

“Fuck her! Pound her! Nail her! Take old one eye to the optometrist!”

Oh sweet Goddess, this is why we don’t want spirits learning things from the Internet.

“Get on your desk,” I told Lakshima, finally letting go of her breast. “Spread your legs and offer yourself to your God.”

She went to her desk and started to clear it. I was amused by how careful she was. She set down her mail tray, pushed aside a clock, stacked a few books and found a place to put her monitor. I guess technical people were organized even during a sexual offering.

Finally he sat on her desk. She spread her dark thighs and leaned back on her arms. “I offer myself to you,” she said.

“Fuck her!” Rgoob screamed. I ignored him. This is not how you make an offering.

“Spread your legs wider,” I commanded. “Sit up. Hold your pussy lips apart. Look me right in the eyes and speak with a clear voice.”

Lakshima responded well to clear instructions. I hoped Rgoob was learning from this. She sat up and her legs spread wider. She reached down and held her sex lips apart. The bright pink of her sex glistened.

“I offer myself to you, my lord,” Lakshima said.

Much better. I pulled up her chair and sat in it. My hands went to her thighs and I pulled myself to her sex.

“What are you doing?” Rgoob yelled. “Do you not understand fucking? I can show you some videos!”

“You need to understand foreplay,” I said to him. “Worshippers that are aroused make for better magical unions.”

Rgoob was unconvinced. I bent my head down and breathed in her sex. Rgoob moaned at the same time I did. I felt his curiosity stirring.

I licked Lakshima. She moaned and let go of her lips. I gave her thigh a quick nip.

“Hold yourself open!” I snapped. “Your body is mine, now. You will present yourself properly.”

“Sorry,” she whispered and her hands returned. Chewed nails held apart thick lips. The smell of her sex filled my senses once more.

“Flying Spaghetti Monster,” Rgoob moaned. “It is better than I imagined.”

“You haven’t even tasted it yet,” I said and then I licked Lakshima’s pussy.

Rgoob moaned. Three licks later, Lakshima moaned. Ten licks later, I was moaning.

I dived in. My mouth merged with her pussy as I licked. My tongue went deeper as her fingers trembled against my face.

“I want it all,” Rgoob commanded. “Eat that pussy!”

“Oh shit,” Lakshima moaned. “Please do what you want to my pussy.”

I obeyed them both. I licked. I nibbled. I kissed. I sucked. I consumed.

Lakshima and Rgoob moaned. Through my tongue, a conduit was formed. Energy passed between us. I saw glimpses of math that I didn’t understand. I felt desires and comprehension that weren’t mine. Knowledge and understanding flowed back and forth through my tongue and her sex but it wasn’t enough. The bandwidth was too small.

“More,” Rgoob and Lakshima moaned together. It was one demand with two voices.

I rose from her sex. Lakshima looked at me with glazed eyes. She still held onto her pussy lips like a good worshipper. Her sex glowed with divine power.

“Do it!” Rgoob screamed. Images flooded my vision. Multiple pornographic acts appeared before me. Some of them were cartons. Quite a few were anatomically impossible.

I guided my cock into Lakshima. Wet heat embraced me as I pushed in. The images vanished as Rgoob felt what I was feeling.

“Oh,” Rgoob said.

“Oh,” Lakshima moaned.

My cock throbbed inside her. She clenched around me. Both of them were silent as they experienced the magic inherent in every penetration.

I grabbed her waist and began fucking her. I went slowly so Rgoob could experience every moment. I went slowly so Lakshima could feel her god inside her. I went slowly because I was extremely turned on and didn’t want to come too soon.

The computers buzzed around us. Internal fans whirled as my cock slid in and out of wet pussy. The chill in the room gave way to a moist heat.

Lakshima held onto her pussy lips. Her thumb subtly played with her clitoris. She shuddered and clenched as I fucked her.

Rgoob groaned in wonder. Seeing was one thing but feeling was another. I felt his knowledge grow with every thrust. I felt his longing build with every throb of my cock.

I kept thrusting. I stared at plump breasts that shook with gentle quakes. I breathed in the smell of our sex and sweat. My fingers tightened around a soft waist.

“I am about to nut,” Rgoob said. “Should we come on her face or her tits? My data is even split on this.”

“Neither,” I thought back to him. “We shall do it the way that entities always do with their followers.”

I groaned. Lakshima knew. She moaned and rubbed her clit faster.

Rgoob and I came. My seed shot into her but it was joined by Rgoob’s energy. A part of him passed into her as well.

Lakshima cried out. She came and her orgasm brought both pleasure and knowledge. Her eyes widened as she understood everything that she could ever want and then some. Her pussy clenched as she tried to drain my cock of seed and wisdom.

When she was full of both, I pulled out of her. Lakshima’s sex glowed with sweat, desire and magic. She still held her lips apart.

“Fucking A,” Rgoob said.

“Our communion is at an end,” I said. “Go forth with my boon. Remember me in your prayers. Honor the gift that I have given you.”

“Oh that was cool,” Rgoob said.

Lakshima nodded and bowed her head. “Thank you, my lord.”

It was time for a cool exit. I didn’t think crawling through a monitor was going to do it.

“No need,” Rgoob said. I felt my body break apart on its own and then reform again. When I could see again, I was back in front of my mirror in the living room.

“Well that was informative,” I said. “Are you satisfied?”

An image of a yellow smiley face appeared before me. I took that as a yes.

“You have served me well,” Rgoob said. “May the pop-ups be forever in your favor.”

I felt him leave me. My mind felt oddly lonely. It would take me a few hours to feel and think normally again.

In the meantime, I had a craving to look at pictures of cats.

  2 Responses to “Fiction: Rgoob”

  1. I thought this was the best line: “Become my proxy so that I may knock boots with my worshipper!” “Hold on,” I said. “That sounds interesting. Who are you?”

    But then I got to this: this is why we don’t want spirits learning things from the Internet

    And that is why you are one of my favorite authors.

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