Apr 062015

This is a Secure Notice from Bank of Galactic Spiral in accordance with your Service Agreement. If you wish you not receive notices in the future, please log in with your Bank of Galactic Spiral account and pay the recurring daily fee.

The apostate banker, Jozas Loor, has been confirmed to be in your area! He currently using the alias is Jozas Cash in violation of the Proper Naming Clause in his Lifetime User Service Agreement.

Jozas Loor’s crimes include but are not limited to thirty counts of Willful Truthfulness in Explaining a Service Contract, twenty-five counts of Waiving a Late Fee, fifteen counts of Offering Cheaper Alternatives, nine counts of Having Sex in a Manager’s office and three counts of Urinating on a Bank Official.

Customers of Bank of Galactic Spiral are advised to report any sightings of Jozas Loor as soon as possible. They are also strictly forbidden from listening to or soliciting financial advice from Jozas Loor.

Employees of Bank of Galactic Spiral are advised to stay out of urinating range of Jozas Loor. Also, do not pay any heed to Jozas Loor talking about ‘other dimensional intelligences that really run the Bank of Galactic Spiral’ as this information is clearly ridiculous and completely untrue as stated in your Employee Service Agreement.

Jozas Loor’s current employment is with the space pirate, Captain Blastpants. This is a clear violation of Jozas Loor’s Employment Service Agreement.

  2 Responses to “Secure Notice: Apostate Banker, Jozas Loor”

  1. “What’s your job, Jozas? You can’t really shoot or anything.”


    “Then why are you so important?”

    “Do you like getting paid?”


    “Do you want to get paid on time?”

    “Well, yeah.”

    “Do you like bonuses?”


    “Do you want to get on your knees and blow me?”

    “… yeah.”

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