Aug 112014

This is an official message from the Pik Collective. You are required by law to download this announcement and read it. You are required by law to answer a verbal quiz on the contents of this announcement by any Pik Collective Government Official. You are required by law to score at least a eighty percentile on this quiz.

This is a notice that Pamela Lobby, AKA Pious Pam, is wanted for crimes by the Pik Collective and the Church of the Lady of Perpetual Condemnation. She is accused of Space Piracy, Drug Smuggling with Intent to Consume, Murder, as well as being in violation of her Vows of Chastity, her Vows of Purity, her Vows of Tithing and Unlawful Use of Nun’s Clothing in the Commission of a Crime. Despite what she may tell you, she has been expelled from the Church of the Lady of Perpetual Condemnation and can not perform absolution on you if you give her your drugs or participate in deviant sex.

She is considered to be Patient Zero in the Galactic Herpes Outbreak of Cakkerty Prime. She has been sighted performing certain lewd acts in defiance of the Universal Decency Act. Her blood chemistry has been officially classified as a controlled substance.

Pious Pam currently serves in the crew of the notorious Space Pirate, Captain Blastpants.

Pious Pam is considered armed and dangerous and has been known to commit murder in her pursuit of consuming intoxicants. She is also known to be highly promiscuous and has no regard for the laws of man or divine constructs. If spotted, alert your local authorities and do NOT engage.

Any information leading to the arrest of Pious Pam will make you eligible for a random drawing of a Luxury Good or Service in the Government Rewards Lottery. In addition, the Church of the Lady of Perpetual Condemnation will grant you one blessing or absolution of a sin free of charge.

  3 Responses to “Wanted: Pious Pam”

  1. Hrm, I can imagine the Pik Collective arresting anyone in contact with Pam, just with the (probably correct) assumption that she fucked them.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.