Aug 272014

The cabinwoman pumped my cock with her small hands. The lube was making everything slick but her grip was too tight. It was hard to climax when she kept squeezing the life out of me.

“Not so damn tight,” I snapped.

“Sorry!” she said. She loosened her grip but I knew it wouldn’t last. Giving me a handjob on the bridge was too distracting for her. She wasn’t used to doing a filthy act in front of so many people.

“We’ve reached New Fortune!” the helm announced.

“Hurry up,” I told the cabinwoman. “I want to shoot my payload at least once before I fuck Zian.” Zian was a brothel owner and my favorite pussy to fuck. It helps to come before fucking her so I don’t fire my torpedoes too fast.

The cabinwoman pouted but she stroked me faster. Great, bad handjobs and she gets jealous? This wasn’t going to work out.

“Lords of Space!” Morella, my First Mate said.

I looked up at the viewscreen. A hundred small ships were attacking the planet. They were ugly ships and no two looked alike. They swarmed and attacked all the pirate ships in the area.

“What the fuck?” I yelled. I shoved the cabinwoman away. My intelligent pants managed to zip themselves up over my massive bulge.

“They identify as the Jort!” comms reported. “They claim this planet as their prey. They claim all people on the surface as their meal! They claim the ships in the sky as their personal shooting targets.”

“I know these guys,” Morella said. “They are a nasty race, kind of a cross between a giant lizard and drunken sports player. They consider their enemies’ faces to be a delicacy. We should leave now and find another port to sell our loot.”

“Fuck that,” I said. “Zian is down there. She is the best whore in the galaxy.”

“She is their whore now,” Morella said.

I snarled. “That is my whore. Morella, you have command. Fight as long as you want. I am going to take a shuttle down there and get Zian. No lizard beast is going to eat her ass!”

“Captain, you can’t be serious!” Morella said. “You are going to get yourself killed over some pretty tits?”

“That’s three pretty tits!” I said and I left the bridge.

The cool thing about being a space pirate is you don’t have to go to your quarters to get your weapons, you can just grab them from other pirates you pass by. I grabbed a laser sword, a plasma rifle and enough grenades to choke a deepthroater. I heard that the Jort was tough but I never minded shooting something twice.

“Wait up! I’m fucking coming!” a snarling voice said behind me. It was Angry. No one knew what race she was and she never shared. She was a half a meter tall, furry and had really sharp teeth. She looked like a cute pet except for her perpetual cursing and her tendency to set things on fire. She had a flamethrower with her that she had designed herself.

“What do you want, Angry?” I said as I kept walking.

“You’re fighting fucking Jort so I want to come along and shit on them,” Angry said. “Jort killed me mother!”

“Really?” I said.

“Who the fuck knows?” Angry said. “Lot of people hated my mom.”

“Alright, sure,” I said. “I could use another hand.”

Pious Pam came running up. “I heard you’ve fighting Jort. Can I come?”

“What the fuck do you want with the Jort?” I asked the former nun. I saw she was carrying a laser rifle, six knives and her old nun’s veil. The rest of her body was covered in transparent mesh to show off her tattoos.

“I heard their blood is one of the best highs in the galaxy!” Pious Pam said.

I laughed. “You’re the worse nun I have ever met, you’re in.”

We got to the shuttle bay and Warbot-65 was waiting for us. Someone had painted the menacing war machine pink and attached balloon to his chassis to serve as faux breasts.

“Captain, I have been assigned by the First Mate to protect you,” Warbot-65 said.

A smile crosses my lips. Morella does care after all. Well, I had an angry short furry thing, a filthy nun and a warbot, what could go wrong?


Everything was going wrong. The shuttle was a smoking ruin behind us. Half of New Fortune was in flames. Angry was limping from when a Jort tried to bite her leg. Pious Pam had her veil and half her hair ripped out by a Jort. Warbot-65 had both balloon tits shot and his targeting array was damaged.

We had been on the planet for only five minutes.

These Jort were bad news. They were taller than me and covered in red scales. They didn’t have necks because their shoulders were so muscular. Some of them had weapons but most of them just used their nasty sharp claws. I guess it made it easier to eat someone’s face.

Weirdest of all, they wore these tight white shorts that were too long to be shorts and too short to be pants. I wasn’t sure why they wore them because the shorts were so tight I could see they didn’t have genitalia. What alien modestly compelled that strange fashion choice?

“Keep going!” I screamed. I fired my plasma rifle at a snarling Jort and melted his face. Another Jort leaped at me and my laser sword cut his hands off before my boot caved in his face. A third Jort didn’t even hesitate as it ran right at me before Warbot-65 blew his knees off.

“Targeting array fixed?” I asked Warbot-65.

“I was aiming for a headshot,” the Warbot replied.

“Die, you mother humping spawn of piss eggs!” Angry screamed as she set fire to a group of Jort that were looting a shop. Pious Pam threw a knife into the eye of one of the Jort that had escaped the flames. The Jort was dying but Angry made sure to set it on fire too.

“Moons of Zian is right around the corner!” I yelled. “Keep moving!”

Reluctantly my team moved. The Jort were busy looting until they caught sight of us and then they tried to eat us. We shot them, stabbed them, set them on fire and they kept coming. There were a damn lot of them.

You would think a haven for pirates would put up a better fight when invaded by ravaging lizard things, but nope, the citizens of New fortune did what they always did which was lift their skirts, drop their pants and ask that you don’t take too long fucking their ass. Me and my pirates were the only real opposition the Jorts had on this whole fucking planet.

I saw Moons of Zian. A small army of Jorts were ripping open a wheel transport in the middle of the street. People were screaming as the Jorts ate them alive. Those folks needed one hell of a rescue.

Warbot-65 let loose with his missile launcher. Even he couldn’t miss a target that big. Thirty warheads smashed into the transport and sent it flying high into the air. Jort and citizens went flying. Pious Pam and I shot the Jort out of the sky before they thudded into the ground. Whomever we missed, Angry ran up to and set on fire. As for the citizens, I don’t think any of them were moving.

Pirates don’t do rescues.

“Into the brothel!” I yelled and Angry kicked in the front door which is impressive considering her size. We followed behind him and Pious Pam went to work barricading the door.

“Zian, where the fuck are?” I yelled.

A blue head with long green hair poked up from the other side of the bar. “Blaspants, what are you doing here?”

I dropped my plasma rifle and walked over to her. Her yellow eyes sparkled as I pull her head towards mine. Her lips opened as I kissed her and her eight inch tongue wrapped around my tongue.

When I had trouble breathing, I broke the kiss. “Where are the rest of your sluts?” I asked Zian.

“They ran away through the secret passage,” she said. “They are miles away in the tunnels by now.”

“Shit, why didn’t you go?” I asked.

Her beautiful blue face frowned. “And let some assholes destroy my place? Fuck that!”

I laughed and kissed her again. I placed one hand on her shirt and groped her left breast, before moving on to her middle breast and then her right. I groped all three tits as we kept kissing.

Something heavy slammed into the brothel door. We kept kissing.

“Captain!” Angry yelled.

“What?!” I yelled. I broke our kiss but I lifted Zian up and pulled her across the bar to be with me.

“The fatherless Jort are gathering outside like a bunch of peckers,” Angry yelled. “They know we’re in here!”

“Lords of Space, haven’t we killed enough of them?” I asked. “Warbot-65, go into mass termination mode. Pious Pam, where’s Pious Pam?”

The nun was sitting on a table, snorting the blood off her knife. Euphoria swept over her face. “Fucking hell, this is good shit.”

“Pious Pam, get your sorry ass to the barricade and prepare to repel assholes!” I yelled.

Zian rubbed against me. I pulled her shirt off so I could access all three of her tits. She was trying to unzip my intelligent pants and my pants were resisting. I felt her do something subtle and my pants unzipped on their own.

“Incoming!” Warbot-65 said.

A window exploded. A Jort jumped in and Angry set it on fire. It stumbled around until Warbot-65 knocked its head off. A second Jort jumped in and Pious Pam shot it. A third jumped in and Warbot-65 kicked it back out through the window.

“I can’t believe you came for me,” Zian moaned. Her fingers wrapped around my cock. I groaned, now that was the right grip.

“You’re my slut,” I said.

She shuddered. Her eyes turned to gold and I knew she was as horny as I was. “I’m your slut,” she agreed.

“Then get to work, slut,” I said.

Zian smiled and dropped to her knees. She grabbed my cock in one hand and one of her tits in the other. Her impossibly long tongue flicked out from her blue lips and licked my balls.

I pulled out both my laser pistols and aimed at the entire room.

The front door shuddered but held.

A different window crashed and a Jort jumped in. Pious Pam tackled him and stabbed him multiple times before burying her nose in one of his wounds. She let out a howl of delight as the stimulant ripped through her body.

Zian pumped my cock with her hand. She pressed the tip of my cock against one nipple, then another and then another.

A Jort jumped through a broken window and shot a laser at Warbot-65. It bounced off his armor and destroyed a gambling machine. Warbot-65 fired back at the Jort and blasted both knees off. I guess he was aiming for the head again.

Zian’s long tongue wrapped around my cock; snaking around with an intoxicating loose grip. When her tongue pulled away, my cock was covered in spit.

Angry threw a glass of alcohol at a Jort in the window. It sputtered with indignation before Angry set it on fire. Angry ran and did a jump kick to push the Jort back outside.

Zian took my wet cock and embraced it with her breasts. It was her right breast and her middle breast. Her left breast jiggled as she titfucked my cock.

A third window exploded and two Jorts climbed in. Pious Pam stabbed one in a drug induced frenzy. She didn’t even see the second Jort. That was fine because I did and I sent a laser shot right through its eyes.

Zian squeezed her plump tits tighter around my cock. She spat onto my cock to keep things slippery. I felt her tongue flick the tip of my cock every time it emerged out from between her tits.

The door shuddered and the bottom half broke. A Jort crawled inside and Warbot-65 stepped on it. The sound of crunching ribs didn’t stop the Jort behind it from crawling in. Warbot-65 fired a round at him and missed completely with the first five shots but the sixth killed it. Quantity beats accuracy any day.

Zian moved my cock to between her middle and left tit. I let out a groan. It was like sliding into a new warm pussy. My hips bucked against Zian’s chest as I continued to shoot stray Jort that made it past my crew.

“We could use some fucking help, asshole!” Angry yelled. She snapped a fresh fuel container into her flamer and stuffed the empty container down a Jort’s gasping throat. It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me.

“I’m busy,” I yelled back at her. Zian giggled as she fucked my slick cock with her tits. Her tongue licked the head of my cock and tried to coax my orgasm.

Something huge rammed into the door from outside. The door flew and bounced off of Warbot-65. The front end of a wheeled vehicle pulled away from the hole that used to be the entrance. Jort poured in through the large opening.

Zian dipped her head down and took my cock into her mouth. I gasped and kept firing.

Angry let loose with the flamer. She burned the first wave of Jort but the second wave just trampled their burning comrades and rushed in.

Warbot-65 raised both arms and released a torrent of lasers. Jort heads exploded, arms were severed and cauterized and chests were perforated. Still, the Jort came running in.

Pious Pam slashed two Jort throats with one swing of her knife. She grabbed another Jort and broke his back over her knee. With a savage scream, she jumped up and bit one Jort’s neck and ripped out his throat with her teeth.

I kept shooting. I shot a Jort sneaking in through a window. I shot another crawling out from the burning pile of bodies. One to the right, two to the left, one in the center and three more to the right; I fired without thinking.

Zian sucked harder. Her ass was facing the battle but she didn’t care. Tight lips stroked my cock. Green hair flew as her head bobbed faster and faster. All three tits slapped against my thighs. Her long tongue escaped her lips, reached under my balls and flicked at my ass.

A Jort leaped on Warbot-65’s head and ripped off another sensor. Another Jort grabbed Warbot-65’s right arm and his weight forced the robot’s gun to point at the ground. Warbot-65 shuddered as Jort fired repeatedly at its chest.

Angry ran out of flamer fuel and pulled out a laser knife. She took a cut to the arm from a Jort before gutting it. Another Jort sliced her leg and Angry dropped to one knee. She killed the Jort but she didn’t look like she could stand up.

Pious Pam got more erratic. Her face was smeared with Jort blood and her eyes were about to bug out. She sliced at the Jort until they got smart and gang jumped her. I saw her go down under a pile or red lizard bodies.

Zian moaned. Her mouth vibrated around my cock. My self control vanished. My cock unleashed a flood of seed into her mouth. Her head stopped bobbing and her cheeks caved in around my cock. An immense load of seed filled her mouth and she swallowed it all.

My thumb clicked my laser pistols into rapid mode. A rain of laser shots burned the pile of Jort off of Pious Pam’s buried body. A volley of shots cleared an area around Angry so she could grab a fallen gun and use it. A flurry of lasers took out the Jort hanging on Warbot-65’s arm so he could return fire on the Jort shooting at him.

And then suddenly, there was no more Jort to fight. The ones inside were all dead and no new Jort were coming in. My pirates looked at me but I had no answers.

Zian sighed as she realized my balls were empty. She went to work cleaning my cock with her lips.

My communicator beeped. “Captain, are you alive?”

“Morella!” I said. “What haven’t you left the system yet?”

My First Mate smirked. “I tried but when the other pirates saw us providing your shuttle with cover fire, they came back to fight. The Jort couldn’t handle all of us so they are fleeing. The last of the Jort ground troops just left. The New Fortune mayor just sent us a message thanking us for saving the entire planet. They want to put a statue up in your honor. They’re calling you the Hero of New Fortune.”

“Who to the what now?” I said. Zian gave my cock a final lick before standing up. She slipped my arm over her shoulders and her three tits pressed against me.

“Yeah, you’re a fucking hero now,” Morella said. “I’m bringing the ship in so the crew can fuck and drink whatever is still there. Savage Thrust out.”

I looked at my crew. Pious Pam was snorting blood from a Jort’s gushing neck. Warbot-65 was scraping Jort flesh from its giant foot. Angry was looking outside, probably for something to set on fire. I still had my cock out with my three breasted blue slut next to me. We didn’t look much like heroes.

“What now, Hero?” Zian asked. Her gold eyes had turned silver with mockery.

“How about you ride my cock while I get drunk?” I said.

“Get on the bar and let me give you a hero’s fucking,” she agreed.

  2 Responses to “Fiction: Hero of New Fortune”

  1. That was a fun little story. I liked what was really important to him.

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