Jun 252013

Greetings Scientists, this is your employer, Dr. Otto Von Madd. Please take a break from your exciting science and listen to the following message.

Recently we have had three nearly fatal accidents at Von Madd Laboratories. As you know, the well being of our associates is of the highest priority right behind erotic innovation, meeting production goals and achieving personal multiple orgasms but a high priority nonetheless. The three recent accidents were all preventable and I would like to remind everyone of some basic safety rules.

Rule #1- Always wear your safety goggles. I cannot emphasis this enough. Dr. Julia Aggins lost an eye to high velocity sperm ejaculation in the Lubrication Lab. Due to the physics defying properties of the Perpetual Lube she was dealing with, she is very fortunate that the sperm didn’t go straight through her brain.

Rule #2 – Refrain from having sex in the stairwells. Employees are allowed to have sex in their laboratories, offices, the break room, the gym, any of the outdoor benches, the massage room and the ever popular orgy room so while I understand the desire to have sex in the only area designated as a sex-free zone it is highly unsafe. It may seem sexy to bend someone over a guard rail but falling and breaking bones is rarely sexy.

Rule #3 – Be sure to clean up any ejaculate. Slipping accidents is up 60% this month alone. This includes female ejaculate and yes, this is directed to you, Dr. Cruz.

Thank you for your attention. You may now resume your science.

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