Jul 202012

In the world of fiction, sometimes characters run into problems that they can’t solve by themselves.  In the crime fiction world, sometimes they need to hide a body or maybe turn someone into a body.  Or in the spy fiction world, they need to scrub someone’s identity or create a new one.  The key is that sometimes there are problems too big to solve by yourself so you turn to a professional.  You turn to someone who will not only fix the problem but will also keep their mouth shut about it. 

In the erotica fiction world, they turn to Mr. Fix.

Mr. Fix helps all sorts of people.  He helps college kids finish that term paper that they should have been working on all semester instead of attending frat parties.  He helps parents find that one toy that their kids want for Christmas but it is already sold out and it is only November.  He even helps sex bloggers come up with a post on Monday morning when they have been drinking all night.  Mr. Fix is an expert in his chosen field and he is the best one to turn to when you are in deep shit.

By the way, Mr. Fix is not his name.  He has as many aliases as there are erotica writers.  It would be exhausting to cover all of his other names here, so for the purposes of this article, he will just be known as Mr. Fix.

Why does Mr. Fix do it?  Is it for the money?  Mr. Fix doesn’t charge any money.  His price is your ass.  He is going spank the shit out of it.  It is going to hurt like Hell but man, that old problem of yours is just history.  Don’t try to negotiate because he doesn’t.  Don’t appeal to his sense of mercy because he has none.  Look, you’re the dumb ass who got yourself into this mess in the first place.  Deep down, you suspect that he thinks you are just getting off lightly with a spanking.

It is entirely possible that Mr. Fix is interested in prices other than spankings.  Most characters in these situations are so desperate that they will accept just about any price.  Mr. Fix could easily demand blowjobs, sex with a spouse or even something as minor as a handjob.  The important thing is that it should be something that makes a character and the readers hesitate.  It should instantly make someone think “Is getting a good grade for the semester really worth ____?”  The price can be anything the writer wants but it should be fixed.  It is all or nothing.  He is offering an easy way out for your problems for something you may not want to give.  Like I said earlier, the character is the dumb ass who got themselves into this mess in the first place.

What does Mr. Fix look like?  That depends on the erotica universe.  Universes that lean more towards romantic encounters say that Mr. Fix is a handsome man with a slightly foreign accent.  In more sadistic universe, Mr. Fix has a big belly, a receding hairline and hands that are a little touchy feely.  In some universes, it is actually Ms. Fix and that woman does not fuck around. 

How does one find out about Mr. Fix?  Word of mouth is always good, but people probably hold back a little bit on what they paid.  I have a fondness for mysterious advertisements in local papers.  In this internet age, a character might find out about Mr. Fix from their spam folder.  Mr. Fix works in mysterious ways.

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