Ladies, gentlemen and podcast viewers, welcome to my presentation. I am Professor Rios and I am about to embark on a fantastic journey. Even more amazing, I am inviting you to come along!
What if I told you that man was not the only civilization on Earth? What if I told you that there was another civilization coexisting alongside us? What if I told you that this civilization not only existed, but thrived! Now imagine that this secret thriving undiscovered civilization was made up of beautiful cat-women?
It’s all true! In 1958, Sir Hillary brought back stone slabs from his expedition to Antarctica. Scientists who studied the slabs thought that the scrawls were just random erosion left by ice and penguins. I however have studied the slabs and have made a startling discovery! Using certain French occultist books as my guide, I have translated the slabs and can now share that knowledge with you!
The slabs speak of a wise race of ferocious women that are half cat, half sex crazed nymphomaniac. They reside inside a mountain that is warmed by fortunate volcanic streams. The terrifying women are covered in soft fur and equipped with claws that could slice through a seal. These strange women feed on giant antarctic mice that live in their mountain. They also apparently have the sexual appetite of spring break students on their fifth margarita.
There were some translation difficulties with the slabs. For example, I am not entirely sure how a race of cat-women breed and I am only 95% sure that the cat-women do not in fact have penises. I am also unsure as to what the slabs are talking about when they refer to the “Great Baiting”. Still, what we have learned is an amazing discovery!
Ladies, gentlemen and podcast viewers, I intend to find these bizarre women. I shall launch an expedition this summer to discover their mountain lair. I shall engage in friendly diplomatic overtures and establish communication between our species! I shall learn as much as I can about their culture, their beliefs and their history. I shall also mate with as many of them as I can.
Funding has already been provided by that great scientists and philanthropist, Dr. Otto Von Madd. All I need now is some brave souls to accompany me. That’s right, I need you!
Specifically, I need some experienced Antarctic explorers to help with the trip. I shall also need biologists, historians, and an anthropologist. I also plan to take some dominatrixes along to help with communications as well as a sex blogger or two to help chronicle our exploits. I also find that in expeditions of this nature it pays to bring along a plucky college student or two that we can trade to the natives.
The expedition begins July 1st so send in your applications now!