Feb 102012

The urologist reports that the Giant Nad was cancerous. It didn’t have any visible branches into other organs or blood vessels so there is a chance that it was all removed when the Giant Nad was removed.

On Monday I go to get a mess of body CAT scans to see if they can find signs of the cancer anywhere else. If that is the case, then it will be chemo treatments.

I was a bit disappointed to not be issued a cancer ribbon right then and there but apparently you have to buy that yourself. I might commission an artist to do it.

In my mind I knew that it was 99.9% likely it was cancer but it is a weird world and I have learned not to dread anything until it is right in my face. Cancer is in my face now and although there is a very high chance that it is already gone, the more successful strategy is to assume it is not and search for it.

Mortality is a funny thing. I find myself thinking about the book I am working on where seven magnificent female gunslingers in the wild west band together to fight vampires. From that start of that novel, I knew some of those characters were going to die and now I feel like I have something in common with them. I worry that the cancer anxiety will impact the quality of my writing and I feel a strange obligation to the characters to do the best job possible. We all only get one chance to tell our story.

I am feeling pretty morbid so I will stop here before I start sounding like one of the replicants from Blade Runner. As always, I appreciate the kind words and warm thoughts that you have shared with me these past few weeks. It means a lot to me and is more of a comfort than you could ever imagine.

  9 Responses to “Revenge of the Giant Nad”

  1. Shon, just so you know, you’re in our thoughts. Granted, you’re often in our sexy, late-night, under-the-covers, doing-naughty-things-with-toys thoughts, but now you’re also in warm-we-care-about-you thoughts, too.

  2. It is scary as shit to find out that you have cancer. What’s good is that you have someone at your side who really loves you.

    I went into an absolute panic when I got my diagnosis back in 1989. What helped me was a book of guided visualizations. It’s just one of many forms of relaxation exercises, and I can’t guarantee that any of them would help anyone else. All I know is that once I began them, the anxiety attacks disappeared along with a sort of mental paralysis.

    Whatever works for you. Writing seems like an excellent way to explore your fears. Cancer in the guise of a vampire. Definitely.

    Mostly, take all the support you can get. Both of you.

    So here are more hugs and all that. Sorry I’m not close enough to bring over some nice, homemade Jewish chicken soup. Chicken soup can cure anything.


  3. WTF? We have crazy people running rampant, and then we have good people coping with mortality.

    If you need things local-ish-ly (you mentioned the eh BBQ place down the street == you are local-ish), ping us.

    Otherwise this stupid reality crap can kindly go pester someone who doesn’t make people smile.

  4. Bad things happen to good people. In the immortal words of Louis Wu, ‘TANJ!’ (There ain’t no justice!) I have seen this time and again through my life. On the somewhat brighter side, it does sound hopeful that they removed the entirety of the Big C. I will keep my fingers crossed and pray that this is the case. Good luck with the tests and try to keep smiling!

    PS I think you should commission a ribbon wrapped stategically around one of your characters.

  5. Noli- Thanks. I love to know I can be in both kinds of thoughts.

    Oatmeal Girl – I am amazed by how good my odds are and yet how scary it still is. I can only imagine how much worse it would be if I had one of the more nastier cancers.

    Jason – lol thanks. I really need to go back to some of the nicer BBQ places I know of but it is always one thing or another, you know?

    OldFan – I had a ribbon idea but man, your idea is so much better. I’ll have to to pick a character to do it with.

  6. Thinking of you and sending you much love. Keep breathing. M.

  7. It is scary as shit to find out that you have cancer. What’s good is that you have someone at your side who really loves you.

    “Life’s a bitch and irony is her sense of humour”
    – Mystique

    It’s terribly uncanny that an erotica writer gets truck down with testicular cancer (than other places) and loses a nad, sounds like some kinda attack from some outta galaxy bad guy who’s against you making the world a sexier and much more fun through your work.
    (Is it during this seemingly bleak moment when you discover your super powers that have been dormant all this time?)

    Sliding back to reality for a bit, here’s hoping that everything has been caught now and you live to fight another few decades more, stronger than ever!

    We’re all rooting for you, I know you’ll get through this just fine :)

    PS: And yes, mortality is a funny thing, but it does keep us humans grounded for we have a nasty habit of taking things for granted all the time…

  8. Mystique- I keep hoping that Erishella will beam down and cure my cancer in return for spreading her glory.

    It is odd to be an erotica writer and get nad cancer. It feels like bad writing actually lol.

  9. Wonderful blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News. Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Many thanks.sbobet

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