Feb 022012

I am going to answer some of the more common questions about my Giant Nad.

Who the what now?: Last Thursday I noticed that my right nad was the size of a tennis ball. A trip to the doctor was followed by a trip to the uruologist and said that thing has got to go. Tomorrow on Friday morning, I will be going into surgery to have my giant nad removed.

Motherfuck!:I know, right? Apparently a nad never becomes giant unless something seriously wrong is going on. Ultrasounds show that it is a solid mass so it is probably cancer. We won’t know until they remove the Giant Nad and it is sent for analysis, I am assuming by Science Officer Spock.

Does having a giant nad hurt?: Oddly, no. It is in the fucking way though. I am sitting here with my legs spread like a porn star because any tighter and I will be smashing my nad.

Holy shit! Are they going to cut your nad out with that castration machine from the cheesy science fiction movie, Ice Pirates?:

That was what I was thinking! No, what they do is far nastier sounding. They will cut my abdomen and pull on some muscle that connects to my nad. They will fish my nad out through my bell and snip it.

Jesus Fucking Christ!: The Doctor promised me that it will only hurt “A whole heck of a lot” and that I will have lots of pain killers.

Since they are taking your goddamn nad, you get like a week in the hospital right?: Nope, it is out patient. You pop in, they pop the nad out, you go home.

When are you becoming half a man?: My surgery is at 7 in the morning but I need to be there 1.5 hours early to fill out paperwork. Yes, losing a nad requires so much paperwork.

How will we know if you’re alright?: My wife will tweet that I am still kicking when we get home. I may be unconcious or high on pain killers at the time.

We still get a new story next Wednesday, right?: Yes because porn waits for no nads.

Ask me anything I missed in comments.

  5 Responses to “Giant Nad Removal FAQ”

  1. Are you keeping the Giant Nad in a jar on your desk?


  2. Kathryn – I wanted to but alas they are taking the nad away to be dissected to see if it is cancerous.

  3. Damn.

    Best of luck and all. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you to take advantage of all the painkillers you need.

    Also, supportive thoughts go to your wife, who’ll have to put up with you while you recuperate.

    (a 23-year melanoma survivor)

  4. Dude! Best of luck with your procedure. Hope like hell there are no further ill effects from your condition (losing a nad is surely bad enough in the ‘How bad is it?’ category). Your dedication to this blog and your fans is humbling. May your recovery be swift and sure. The literary porn world needs you!

  5. Oatmeal Girl – Thanks. My wife has been awesome.

    Oldfan – Thanks, my dedication to writing almost trumps everything else I do :)

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