Handjob Supply Program

In order to combat the slump in Monday morning efficiency, Von Madd Laboratories will be supplying handjobs to all of our staff. A talented specialist will come to your work station and stimulate your genitals with their hands until you achieve orgasm. To request your handjob, please use the Purple Handjob button at your work station in the following manner.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a female specialist, please press the button quickly once.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a male specialist, please press and hold the button once.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a female specialist with large breasts, please press the button twice quickly and then pause, then press the button and hold for two seconds.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a male specialist with a great ass, please press the button once, pause and then press quickly twice.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a androgynous specialist with an undetermined sex, please press the button three times followed by two short presses.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a female specialist of African American descent, please press and hold the button for two seconds, then press it quickly three times and then press and hold for one second.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a male specialist of African American descent, please press and hold the button for three seconds, then press it quickly three times and then press and hold for one second.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a female specialist of Asian descent, please press and hold the button for four seconds, then press it quickly two times and then press and hold for two seconds.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a male specialist of Asian descent, please press and hold the button for four seconds, then press it quickly two times and then press and hold for three seconds.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a female specialist who’s ass you can slap then press the button quickly eight times.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a female specialist who will slap your ass and verbally humiliate you then press the button quickly seven times.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a male specialist who’s nipples you can pinch and twist then press the button quickly six times followed by a pause and then two quick presses.

If you would like to receive a handjob from a male specialist who will pinch and twist your nipples then press the button quickly five times followed by a pause and then three quick presses.

We apologize in advance for the small number of options currently available but we will endeavor to expand the selection every week.

We also appreciate your patience as we try out this new system. Please understand that the specialist you request will not be able to return to their deployment office until they have completed the order requested.

Completely off topic and having nothing to do with the Handjob Supply Program, I would like to remind the staff of the Sexual Expectation and Disappointment Department that we will be reviewing a new batch of data this Friday.

Your Friend in Erotic Science,
Dr. Otto Von Madd