Dec 142011

Olivia Pusse’ groaned as they pulled into the mall parking lot. Cars stretched into the horizon. There must be hundreds of people here, if not a thousand. The place was going to be packed tighter than Olivia’s ass when Isaac was inside her last night.

“Now there is going to be kids here, so no guns,” Isaac Cox said.

“Right,” Olivia said. She looked at her partner. At six and half feet tall of black muscle and a gorgeous body, Isaac didn’t need a gun to fuck someone over. Just one swing of his fist was usually enough to break a jaw or an arm.

He looked at her and flashed a smile that made her wet between the thighs. It was the kind of smile that made Olivia feel like the prettiest girl in the whole world. Fuck, it only took him one smile to melt her heart.

She really wished that she knew what the fuck she was getting him for Christmas. It was their first Christmas together and she just knew that his wonderful ass had bought her something special. Olivia usually just got her boyfriends blowjobs for Christmas but that didn’t seem enough this year. Olivia just wished that she could come up with something half as special as she felt for him.

“I’ll try to blend in with the crowd,” Isaac said. Her bounty hunter boyfriend was as focused as a laser for this job.

“I’ll slip in with the Santa attraction and try to confirm that he’s our target,” Olivia said.

Isaac looked at her outfit. “Are you carrying any weapons?”

“Does it look like I am can hide any weapons?” Olivia said. The red Santa coat she was wearing didn’t even come down to her midriff and it had a cleavage that was far more naughty than nice. The red skirt she wore barely covered her ass but the white stockings prevented any unexpected chimney entries. The leather boots she wore were thigh high but they did have little jingle bells on them. Her long blonde hair spilled out from under a Santa hat.

“From what Dr. Von Madd said, this robot can easily kill a man with its bare hands,” Isaac said.

“Right, and I used to be a cheerleader,” Olivia said, “and before that, a teenage girl detective. I have broken more hands than a crazy robot ever has. I’ll be fine.”

Isaac smiled again. “Baby, you are always more than fine.”

From anyone else, it would have sounded like a cheesy line. The reason Olivia felt her thighs clench was because when Isaac said it, he genuinely meant it.

She really needed to find him something awesome for a Christmas gift.

“Let’s move out,” Isaac said.

They entered the mall at different entrances. Olivia saw the stunned looks of shoppers as she walked by. Yeah, she knew that she had dressed too sexy to work in a mall but she also knew that a sexy woman could cut through a crowd faster than anybody. Guys pushed wives out of the way to let her through. Small children looked in awe at her busty blonde body and wondered at the strange feelings in their pants.

It gave her a clear view of what everyone was selling. She walked at a brisk pace but she was still looking for anything to buy Isaac. Ever since they had gotten together, they had been working jobs tracking down bad people for Dr. Von Madd. They rarely had recreation time and when they did, they spent all of that time fucking. Sure, they are and watched a few movies, but mostly that was to rest between fuckings.

Mp3 players seemed pointless. Fancy electronic book reading machines were silly when the only books they read now were dirty books to each other. Isaac had his two favorite chrome pistols so buying him another gun wouldn’t be special. Shit, there just wasn’t anything that she knew that he wanted.

Olivia was seriously considering calling one of her sorority sisters from college and seeing if she could work out a Christmas threesome. The only problem with that is that Isaac hadn’t even glanced at another woman since they had been together. An extra woman might just be work to him.

It was times like these that she wished her boyfriend was a little less awesome. It would certainly take the pressure off her.

It took her no time to reach Santa’s Village. Santa’s seat was empty. Beside the chair stood two very bored looking male staff dressed as elves. A long line of children and their parents had already formed. The poor bastards.

Only Olivia and Isaac knew that the insane inventor, Dr. Gedo, had created a sex robot to take Santa’s place this year. The sick inventor had a thing for children but due to a very fortunate electrical accident, he didn’t have any working equipment below the belt. The perverted fuck created a pedophile sex robot to enjoy the twisted fantasies that Dr. Gedo himself could not enjoy. By disguising the vile robot as Santa, he guaranteed that his victims would come to him.

The bad Dr. Gedo was rotting in a jail cell but his creation was missing. Olivia and Isaac could only hope to stop the bad Santa before Santa’s Village opened for business.

“Hey guys!” Olivia said to the two mall elves. “I’m new here!”

“Holy mistletoe!” one guy said. The other guy was too busy staring at the tanned slope of Olivia’s breasts.

“Is Santa here, yet?” she asked. She pounded her fist into her hand as she asked the question.

“Uh, yeah,” the speaking guy said. Staring guy said nothing. “He should be coming out right about now.”

“Ho, ho, ho!” Santa boomed. He stepped out from behind a Christmas tree. He was a bit taller than Isaac, which concerned Olivia a bit. When he moved, his thick bulk didn’t jiggle with fat or stuffing. He was rock solid.

“Which one of you boys and girls want to ride Santa’s lap first?” Santa said. “I got a candy cane for you if you can find it! Ho, ho ho-erk!”

Santa’s lewd comment was interrupted by Olivia’s leather boot colliding with his face. His bright red nose crumpled and exploded in a shower of sparks.

“SHE NINJA KICKED SANTA!” a horrified child screamed.

“Power down, Santa!” Olivia yelled. “Dr. Gedo is back in prison!”

“Swallow this!” Santa replied. He opened his mouth and a thick spray of white and pink liquid flew from his mouth.

Olivia dodged it with an easy somersault over a fake bag of toys. The two mall elves behind her were not so lucky. The spray hit them in their face and they screamed in pain. They clutched their eyes and rolled on the ground. The smell of peppermint hung in the air.

“Was that a peppermint pepper spray?” Olivia asked. That Dr. Gedo was an evil bastard.

“Someone’s been naughty!” Santa yelled. He yanked off his black belt and cracked it like a whip in the air. Sharp blades emerged from the end of the belt. Some of the more violent kids applauded this new development.

Santa whipped his belt at Olivia and cleaved the top of a Christmas tree beside her. As Olivia dodged to the right, his belt snapped out and tore off the top of a plastic Christmas tree. Olivia was fine but her sudden movement was too much for her sexy top. Her right breast almost fell out and she clutched it with her hand to protect the innocence of the children.

“Tits!” a kid yelled. He was soon smacked by his mom.

“Where the fuck is Isaac?” Olivia wondered. She looked into the crowd but all she saw were smiling kids and their staring parents. Shit, even Isaac would have a hard time fighting through that crowd.

Fine, she’ll handle this on her own.

She made a run for Santa. The laughing robot held out his arms and extended robots fingers an extra seven inches. Olivia tried not to think about why a sex robot needed extra long fingers and focused on the fake reindeer in front of her. She jumped on the reindeer with a perfect cheerleader leap and sailed through the air feet first.

Olivia kicked Santa in the head so hard that his face spun around one hundred and eighty degrees. Several children screamed at the grotesque act of near decapitation. Olivia landed on the ground beside Santa and paused a moment to see which way he would fall.

The children began to applaud and Olivia knew something bad had happened. She dodged just in time as backwards facing Santa made a grab for her head. He grabbed her hat instead and he stuffed it into his mouth. In seconds, he had shredded the hat with chainsaw teeth.

“Not as nice as your panties would be, but it better than cookies!” Santa said. His head turned around and snapped back into the right place.

“Well fuck,” Olivia said.

Santa took a step towards her when a reindeer crashed into him from behind. As Santa staggered, a tree slammed into him followed by a sleigh. Olivia smiled when she saw Isaac picking up a giant nutcracker soldier to throw at Santa next.

Olivia realized that she really needed to get her boyfriend a great Christmas gift.

“That black man is hurting Santa!” a kid cried.

The more racist kids charged away from their parents and ran right into Isaac. The giant black man had no idea how to disengage small children from his legs. Olivia knew that if those were horny adult women, his stripper training would kick in and he would have no trouble. To an adult entertainer like Isaac, children were an entirely foreign experience.

“Good children!” Santa yelled. “I am going to give each of you a treat for being a good! Right up your asses!”

A shocked gasp rippled through the crowd of parents. They kept watching though.

Santa opened his pants and a large steel contraption emerged from his crotch. It looked like some sort of gun. It might be some kind of sex toy.

“Shit,” Olivia said. “It is probably both.”

And it was aimed at her boyfriend.

“Hell no!” Olivia yelled. She planted a kick right into Santa’s knee. The sound of tortured metal squealed as Santa’s leg gave out.

As Santa stumbled, Olivia jumped and locked her thighs around Santa’s head. She was careful to avoid his mouth as she fell back with her body weight. Olivia hit the fake snow hard but Santa fell with her and they were both on the ground.

Olivia squeezed. The kids and parents looked on as she squeezed her thighs around Santa’s head. She didn’t care. The dumb fuckers should be moving since Santa’s metal extension was now pointing at them.

“Drink my eggnog!” Santa cried as his head began to collapse.

Olivia squeezed tighter. She tried to imagine that Isaac was between her thighs licking her cunt and he was thinking of stopping.

Sparks flew from Santa’s head. “Who’s your Father Christmas?”

Olivia clenched her thighs even tighter. She had one chance to kill this Santa and it would be up to the power of her thighs.

Santa’s legs twitched as major malfunctions rippled through his body. “I will make you ride my North Pole!”

Olivia squeezed.

Santa’s head crumpled under the tremendous stress. His body stopped moving and his strange metal cock retracted back into his body. The evil robot was dead.

“Olivia, are you okay!” Isaac said. He stood over her and held out his hand. He still had a racist kid clinging to one of his legs.

Olivia took his hand and let him help her up. She then grabbed the ear of the racist kid and twisted until he let go. The racist kid went crying to his mom.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Olivia said. “Turns out that a pedophile robot Santa can’t handle an adult woman’ thighs.”

“Shit, I can barely handle them,” Isaac said. He took of his black duster and wrapped it around Olivia’s body. “Let’s get the fuck out of here. Mall Security will be here any minute now that it is safe.”

They hurried towards an exit. Psychologically traumatized children lingered near Santa and tried to steal bits off of him. Mall Security guards ran past Olivia and Isaac in a valiant attempt to appear useful.

“Isaac?” Olivia said. “What the fuck do you want for Christmas? I know you got me something awesome because you are a sweet guy but damn it, I just can’t think of anything to get you.”

Isaac stopped walking and he looked at her. “Olivia, all I want for Christmas is to wake up next to you. You are the greatest gift I have in my life and honestly, that is all I could ever want much less needed.”

Olivia reached up and pulled his bald head down to her for a kiss. When they both ran out of air, she hugged him in the busy mall.

“Although I have to say,” Isaac added. “If you were wearing this outfit when I woke up, that would be pretty nice too.”

Olivia hugged him tighter. “Okay, but I won’t be wearing it for long.”

  3 Responses to “Fiction: The Santa Who Tried to Fuck Christmas”

  1. “white stockings prevented any unexpected chimney entries” was a fantastic line. I love the interaction between these characters and also the epic fight with the peverted Santa.

  2. That was fucking awesome! I am not a fan of the commercialised Mall Christmas crap – but I adore your take on it.

    And yay for more Pusse and Cox :)

    xx Dee

  3. t’sade- thanks. I do adore epic fights.

    Dee- I want to try to squeeze out 4 Pusse’ and Cox stories a year in addition to a book a year.

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