Oct 142011

I have been quiet as of late because I have been spending way too much time digging up my oldest stories and getting them into a publishable format. I started posting stories to the internet in 1997 and finding them online is getting a bit harder and harder to do. My fans have asked for some sort of collection that they can purchase and who am I to argue with people’s money?

Actually I have been arguing quite a bit. I was not fond of my earliest work. My first year of writing were all parodies and satires on the erotica genre. Older me recognizes that younger me was writing comedy because it was a safety net. If the story was poorly made; hey that was my intent because it was just comedy. I also had very weird grammar perceptions and just seeing two spaces after every comma is enough to make me get stomach pains.

Once again I was my own worse critic. Once I delved into my first stories again, I saw a lot of things that I liked. There were a lot of things I hated but hey, at least now there are things I like.

In my first story alone, I parodied bondage, blackmail, orgies, deathtraps, mud wrestling and a celebrity sex scene. What I lacked in story craft I sure as fuck made up for with ambition. I respect that. I would never recommend that to a newbie writer now but maybe I am wrong. By tackling so many subjects in my first story, I am not sure if I did any of them justice but I at least dipped my toes in those topics. By keeping them all in the same story, I got to see different sides of the same characters which I don’t think ever hurts a writer.

What I don’t respect is how ignorant I was of copyright laws. Holy crap. Because I thought I was just writing stories for the internet, I never thought I would be in a position to make money from them. I used real life celebrities as characters and a shit ton of comic book references. Worse, one of my main characters, Kiko, wears an outfit identical to the X-Men, Psylocke, and references this at least once per story.

To counter this, I have begun a great conversion process. Instead of Psylocke, Kiko now dresses up as the fictional superheroine, Ninjina. When Kiko took on the evil cosplayers, instead of fighting Wonder Woman, Supergirl and Batgirl, she’s fighting Amazon Woman, Ultragirl and Foxgirl. I am conflicted about how this plays out but shit, at least now it is legal.

More problematic is Kiko vs the NWO. Back in the late 90’s, the NWO was an exciting evil organization in professional wrestling. In my story, Kiko fucks most of them. Yeah, that is a problem. Changing names would be pointless as I would also need to change signature moves, likenesses, in-jokes etc. At least in the previous story, Kiko was fighting cosplayers instead of actual licensed characters. In the case of the NWO, the story might as well be called Kiko vs the Licensed Characters of a Billion Dollar Company.

What helps me make my decision is that Kiko vs the NWO is my least favorite story ever written by me. I wrote it during a period where I felt compelled to write “something” and so I went with the first shit idea I had. It shows. I am not going to include it in the collection though I will have a note about it’s absence.

I am sharing these trials in the hope that any newbie writers out there who think it would be hilarious to have their original character interact with Dr. House would reconsider. Have your character interact with a Dr. House like character and you will thank me 14 years later when you are trying to compile your great archive vanity project.

On a completely different observation, I saw something in my older stories that I hadn’t expected and that was plot. I read a lot of first stories by erotica writers and there is a 90% chance that it will be sexy stranger having sex with sexy narrator. I understand that these are prototype stories where the writers are trying to prove to themselves that they can write connected paragraphs but to me they are instant insomnia cures. If they gave them a tiny bit of plot like say, sexy stranger thinks the narrator is their ex, then it elevate their stories from late night masturbation fantasies to something worth reading and remembering.

I might not think Bikini Brothel is the finest thing I have ever written but at least there is a brothel in danger of going broke and an idiot owner who wants to fix it. A plot should always make the reader ask “What happens next?”. You might not think your porn story needs it, but trust me, it helps a lot.

*Image is of the talented Yaya cosplaying as Psylocke.

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