Oct 312011

Well hello. What wonderful costumes some of you are wearing. I especially like the guy dressed as a desperate masturbator. The utility belt filled with hand lotion is a nice touch.

My name is Scarlett Deadhansson and I was created in a laboratory by the eerie Trixie Treats as part of some sort of devious exchange program. I don’t know all the details. My duties are to host Halloween today on the blog while Shon is busy shooting zombies and fighting the demon possessed eye of a Scotsman.

So let’s see what treats I have for you, shall we?

First up is a classic Hammer film, “Blood of the Mummy”. A very hot mummy chick is found by a group of British explorers in perfect physical condition and also bleeding from a missing hand despite being interred hundreds of years ago. They of course take her back to Britain. Terror and fabulous clothes ensue. I have it on good authority that the breasts of the lead actress, Valerie Leon, are worth watching the film alone.

I give it five twitching hands out of five.

Next up is a lovely television show that will hopefully not be cancelled like a murder in the night. “American Horror Story” is about an unhappy couple that really should have divorced moving into a house filled with more ghosts than a ghost writer’s convention. Most horror stories showcase a family that threatens to disintegrate under the pressure of supernatural horror. The man in this show cheats on his wife and she fucking cuts his ass BEFORE they ever reach the house. Also, not many ghost stories has a rubber gimp. The marriage explodes in slow motion before your eyes while various ghosts, haunts and one terribly sexy maid ghost try to hurry thing along. Come for the sexy main and stay for the high number of strong female characters.

I give it five creepy rubber men out of five.

As a final treat, I shall share with you some music. Ghoultown is a band that some have called gothabilly and but I prefer to call them just plain fun. They sing about ghost stories with a western theme. Any of their songs would make for a great b-movie on a late night show. They can also actually play their instruments with a talent that matches their weirdness and let me tell you, that is pretty fucking rare. Any album is good but you might like ‘Mistress of the Dark’ the best. Listen to it on the video below.

I give them five howling banshees out of five.

That is all the treats I have for now. Some of you look a little paler than when we started. Some of you look a bit more flushed than you did before. I am no doctor but I was once dead, so I can safely advise you to go see a doctor. Preferably one that operates out of an old spooky mansion and wears a corset.

Until next year, or maybe sooner. Yes, I am talking about you.

  3 Responses to “Bag of Treats”

  1. How does she stay so amazing? (Other than makeup and costumes, that is…)

  2. I love the video.

    American Horror Story seems interesting, I just haven’t really gotten into it yet, but I don’t know why.

  3. Jason – I am pretty sure it has to involve demonic forces. That a great attitude.

    t’Sade- It is on FX so I have high hopes that it won’t get cancelled before the season ends.

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