Dirty Movies: Alice in Wonderland

‘Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy’ stars the absolutely perfect Kristine Debell as sexually frigid Alice in a strange 1976 adaptation of Lewis Carol’s even stranger original story. Alice finds herself in a wonderful place where she learns how to give blowjobs, how to masturbate and ultimately to trust herself on what is right and wrong. She also goes down on a Queen and has sex with her understanding boyfriend. You know, typical sexual education stuff.

I am a fan of Lewis Carol’s fictional Alice and Wonderland, but not so much a fan of the actual stories. I find them maddening in their nonsense but I love the fundamental nature of Wonderland. It is a crazy place. It is where Red Queens have soldiers made of cards and Mad Hatters have tea parties with March Hares. It has its own insane logic and it forces Alice and the reader to adapt in a hurry. Nowadays we have video games that do the same thing but Wonderland was the original alternate reality. It was vaguely familiar yet as soon as you think you have worked shit out, Cheshire Cats disappear and leave their smiles behind.

With that in mind, I thought this porn version of Alice was better than most mainstream movie adaptations. It has that same loose logic that almost makes sense. Keeping with a sexual theme, Alice has to learn to adapt her prudish instincts to a wonder world of large cocks and friendly washer women. Humpty Dumpty loses his erection and needs help. TweedleDee and TweedleDum spend all day fucking each other. The Red Quyeen wants Alice’s head, specifically, for Alice to give the Red Queen head.

Unlike 99.9% of porn you watch, this one has musical numbers. It is completely disconcerting yet also completely appropriate for Wonderland. Heck, I wish more porn movies had musical numbers. Modern music videos are softcore porn anyway, why not take the next step and have big sweeping musical numbers about blowjobs?

My only disappointment with the movie was that often they interjected title cards to tell poor jokes or lousy puns, while playing Benny Hill style music. It was as if the movie makers felt the need to remind you that you are watching a comedy and shouldn’t take any of this seriously. It’s fucking Wonderland. When Alice is sucking the Mad Hatter, I think we understand that we are not supposed to take it as a documentary.

I enjoyed this movie because it had a combination of sweetness and vulgarity. It also emphasized that Alice was a prude because she was more concerned about what other people thought was proper than what she herself thought. This is an interesting contrast to the Tim Burton version of Alice where poor Alice is on a plot railroad to fight in an epic battle and when Alice says she doesn’t want to, everyone treats her as selfish and heartless. The 1976 porn version of the story actually advocates more freedom for the main character than the flashy modern version which advocates shutting up and doing what you’re told.

I give it Four out of Five Pam Griers.