Aug 302010

The most popular beverage on the planet Euphoria is Ravish. This fizzy drink was invented during the reign of King Fong as a way to help finance the war effort against the Kellian Cluster. The typically cowed populace was getting restless with King Fong’s tendency to declare war against any planet that he could reach with his war fleets.

The real success of Ravish was due to King Fong ordering that the drink be flavored with the sexual juices of captured populations. Males and females were given mind blowing aphrodisiacs and then strapped to terrible fucking machines while intravenous tubes kept their bodies hydrated. The men would have their cocks sucked on by relentless pumps while kept in near constant state of orgasm. Women were strapped by the hundreds to merciless phalluses that would fuck them every hour of the day. The men would produce gallons of semen while the females would have all of their sexual lubrication drained from them.

The soda fuck factories would add the juices and semen to a commemorative edition version of the popular soda. Ravish-S was made from the output of men while Ravish-J was made from the output of women. For the more sexually enlightened, there was Ravish-A which was made from the sexual output of both genders. Cans were decorated with the nude bodies of the nobles that had been conquered for that particular planet.

The population eagerly snatched up cans of Ravish. It allowed the Euphorians to taste the spoils of victory without ever having to leave their home planet. Support for never ending war was never in question again.

Incidentally, working in the soda fuck factories is the most desired job of menial labor classed Euphorians.

Each conquered planet’s population produces a different flavor due to the difference in planetary biospheres. The drinks made from the juices of the women from the planet of Hatoonie were known to have a rather desirable spicy flavor while the men of the planet Ligel IV were known for their deliciously sweet flavor. Blind tasting games are a popular pastime among young ladies of the nobility.

Some editions of the soda become very popular and when the captured slaves set aside for the great soda fuck factories are exhausted, these editions became extremely rare. There is a thriving secondary market of the more popular sodas and in some cases, a six pack of a particular edition has been sold for a large fortune. Euphorians everywhere are always on the look out for forgotten Ravish cans of conquered worlds from long ago.

Currently the great soda factories are busy processing the captured slaves of the war against the Gem Moons. The women of Amethystine have become the most popular flavor with their sweet tangy qualities. Queen Erishella has already another round of enslavement in order to produce larger quantities of the soda.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Aug 272010

‘Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy’ stars the absolutely perfect Kristine Debell as sexually frigid Alice in a strange 1976 adaptation of Lewis Carol’s even stranger original story. Alice finds herself in a wonderful place where she learns how to give blowjobs, how to masturbate and ultimately to trust herself on what is right and wrong. She also goes down on a Queen and has sex with her understanding boyfriend. You know, typical sexual education stuff.

I am a fan of Lewis Carol’s fictional Alice and Wonderland, but not so much a fan of the actual stories. I find them maddening in their nonsense but I love the fundamental nature of Wonderland. It is a crazy place. It is where Red Queens have soldiers made of cards and Mad Hatters have tea parties with March Hares. It has its own insane logic and it forces Alice and the reader to adapt in a hurry. Nowadays we have video games that do the same thing but Wonderland was the original alternate reality. It was vaguely familiar yet as soon as you think you have worked shit out, Cheshire Cats disappear and leave their smiles behind.

With that in mind, I thought this porn version of Alice was better than most mainstream movie adaptations. It has that same loose logic that almost makes sense. Keeping with a sexual theme, Alice has to learn to adapt her prudish instincts to a wonder world of large cocks and friendly washer women. Humpty Dumpty loses his erection and needs help. TweedleDee and TweedleDum spend all day fucking each other. The Red Quyeen wants Alice’s head, specifically, for Alice to give the Red Queen head.

Unlike 99.9% of porn you watch, this one has musical numbers. It is completely disconcerting yet also completely appropriate for Wonderland. Heck, I wish more porn movies had musical numbers. Modern music videos are softcore porn anyway, why not take the next step and have big sweeping musical numbers about blowjobs?

My only disappointment with the movie was that often they interjected title cards to tell poor jokes or lousy puns, while playing Benny Hill style music. It was as if the movie makers felt the need to remind you that you are watching a comedy and shouldn’t take any of this seriously. It’s fucking Wonderland. When Alice is sucking the Mad Hatter, I think we understand that we are not supposed to take it as a documentary.

I enjoyed this movie because it had a combination of sweetness and vulgarity. It also emphasized that Alice was a prude because she was more concerned about what other people thought was proper than what she herself thought. This is an interesting contrast to the Tim Burton version of Alice where poor Alice is on a plot railroad to fight in an epic battle and when Alice says she doesn’t want to, everyone treats her as selfish and heartless. The 1976 porn version of the story actually advocates more freedom for the main character than the flashy modern version which advocates shutting up and doing what you’re told.

I give it Four out of Five Pam Griers.

Aug 252010

Nash Nighthammer grunted with annoyance. He had heard that the Blood River was difficult to cross but this was ridiculous.

He watched as a flesh ripping Claw Eagle swooped down to skim the surface of the river. The bird was capable of ripping a man’s intestines out with its razor-sharp beak. It didn’t have a chance to use it’s beak as a crimson crocodile leaped out of the water and crunched the Claw Eagle with one bite. As the fearsome crocodile fell back towards the river, another terrible beast reached out of the water and caught the crocodile with its tentacles. The crocodile was ripped to pieces in the air and the bloody chunks fell into the water. Nash could only assume that the unknown beast was devouring the bits, unless it too was consumed by some other creature in the river.

This was a problem. Nash set down his mighty warhammer and debated. The wind coming off the Blood River was cool and refreshing but it also smelled of quite a few dead things.

Nash had taken this shortcut hoping to shave a week off his travel time. He thought he would cross the Blood River and be at the gathering of Heroes in time for the Dragon Hunt. If he turned back now and took the long way, he would miss the Hunt for sure. If he tried to wade through this horrible river, Nash was sure that he would only contribute to the grim food chain that played out here.

“Oh boy!” a small voice said. “Are you going to go get eaten? Can I have your hammer?”

Nash looked around for the voice. He looked down and saw a strange flying body looking up at him from below his waist. Barely eight inches tall, the creature appeared to be a naked woman floating on yellow butterfly wings. The small woman appeared to be looking up his loincloth.

“Hail, Fairy,” Nash said. “No, I do not intend to enter that river.”

The Fairy fluttered her beautiful yellow wings and came to eye level with Nash. She had long red hair that floated on its own magic. A tiny tuff of scarlet hair covered her sex. The proportions of her hefty bust and wide hips did not look aerodynamically possible but she flew with a delicate grace.

“My name is Raya,” she said. “I’m a Fairy.”

“Yes, I know,” he answered. “My name is Nash Nighthammer. I need to cross the river.”

Raya nodded. Nash noticed that it her breasts jiggled with each flutter of her wings. “I know. Humans are always going somewhere. They go back and forth across the river unless they go into the river and then they just die and get pooped out and then their poop bodies go down the river.”

Nash frowned at the mention of poop bodies. “How do people cross the river?”

Raya played with a strand of her floating red hair. She chewed on the end and appeared to be deep in thought. As she floated, she reached down and idly played with the hair covering her sex.

“They cross at the magic bridge,” she answered.

“Where is the magic bridge?” Nash asked gently.

“It is a secret!” Raya said. She spun around in the air so that her back was to him. Her cute tiny ass clenched for no good reason. “Would you like to know?”

“Yes, Raya,” Nash said. “Could you please tell me where the magic bridge is? I would really appreciate it.”

Raya turned back around. “Okay, I will tell you. But you have to pay my price.”

Nash was prepared for this. He carried a pack that he wore slung around his shoulder that carried supplies for just this occasion.

“Ah, would you like some pretty beads?” Nash asked. “Or perhaps a piece of chocolate from the distant lands across the sea? I think I have a silver coin in here somewhere.”

Raya shook her head. It made her breasts shake from side to side as well.

“I want a sticky shower. That is my price for showing you the magic bridge.”

“A sticky shower?” Nash said. “What is that?”

Raya rolled her eyes. “What are you, a virgin? Everyone knows what a sticky shower is!”

She floated down to his loincloth. “You take out your thingy and you stroke it. Spray me so I can bathe in it!”

“Uh, you don’t mean that I should pee on you, right?” Nash asked.

“Eww!” Raya said. “You’re thinking of Night Fairies! They love that. I want your man seed. It helps keep away wrinkles!”

“Fairies don’t get wrinkles,” Nash said.

“Duh!” Raya said. “This is why! Now whip it out! I want a sticky shower and I want it now!”

Nash looked around. He wasn’t sure if this was some sort of Fairy trick. All he saw was some bubbling from the Blood River as some terrible struggle happened beneath the surface of the water.

“As you wish,” Nash said. He lifted his loincloth and took his cock in hand. It was hard already from watching Raya’s naked form.

“Holy shit!” Raya cried. “You could kill a Unicorn with that thing!”

Nash grunted and started stroking.

“Here, I can help,” Raya said. She flew under his cock and wrapped her arms and legs around his cock. Her tiny breasts pressed into his hard flesh. The grip of her thighs and arms were surprisingly tight. A small amount of moisture pressed against him and he knew it came from between her legs.

The Fairy fluttered her wings and Nash groaned as she tugged on his cock. Up and down she pulled as arms and legs struggled to hold onto him. Her long red hair coiled around his length, adding a silky touch to the already seductive feel.

“Come on, Nash,” Raya yelled. “Shower me already!”

The Fairy kissed the head of his cock. Her small lips covered the crown of his penis with a hundred tapping kisses. Raya’s breasts were pressed flat against his cock and the hard nubs of her nipples were like delicate scratches on his skin.

Nash reached out and braced himself against a tree. The Fairy was good. He wondered how many other travelers had paid this toll. He then wondered how many come back just to pay the toll.

Raya pulled herself on top of his shaft. She wrapped her legs tightly around his cock and sat upright. Her wings pulled her body back and forth over his cock. Her sex left a damp trail over the length of his cock. Raya grabbed her tits and looked up at Nash.

“Are you ready to shower me yet?” she asked.

“Yes,” Nash groaned.

“Yay!” Raya said. She let go of Nash’s cock and fluttered down below him. She hovered in the air and spread her arms and legs wide.

“Sticky shower me!”

Nash looked down at her floating naked body. He looked into those sparklingly green eyes and the wide open smile of her lips. He looked at her pert tits and wished he could have gotten one lick. He thought about the dirty thing she wanted so badly from him.

He climaxed. He aimed his cock downward. Raya squealed with delight as his seed sprayed down to her. She closed her eyes opened her mouth as the seed fell on her. It landed in her hair, on her chest, in her mouth, on her legs, on her wings and when she turned around, he covered a good part of her ass too.

When Nash was done, the Fairy floated around him. She was rubbing his seed into every part of her skin.

“Good job!” Raya said. “I should give you a reward or something.”

“I’ll settle for directions to the magic bridge,” Nash said.

“Oh yeah!” Raya said. She clapped her hands together. A shimmering bridge appeared beside Nash. It led to the other side of the river.

“I’d hurry if I were you,” Raya said. “It only lasts till your seed dries.”

Nash scooped up his warhammer and started running. The bridge glowed with rainbow colors but it supported him. He could see down through the bridge and at the menacing shadows that prowled in the Blood River. He ran as fast as he could, his hard cock bouncing underneath his loincloth.

“Come back soon!” Raya called from the other side of the river.

Aug 202010

My wife picked up the omnibus of Hack/Slash. “Why does she dress like a goth hooker?”

I shrugged. Good question.

So let’s get past that so I can tell you that Hack/Slash is one of the best comics you can read if you love horror. It takes place in a world where killers like Jason and Freddy Krueger walk around and kill teenagers with the frequency of mowing the lawn. Cassie is an adorable young woman who hunts these Slasher killers with the help of her gasmask wearing brute of a friend named Vlad, who grew up in a butcher’s basement. They hunt monsters and they sure as fuck do not make out with vampires.

Hack/Slash starts with a bunch of self contained mini-series. The Omnibus collects a shitload of them in chronological order. Although Cassie does not sleep with vampires or anyone who sparkles, she has a wonderful friendship with Vlad who might be my favorite character ever. Hot girl and deformed muscle guy are the best buddy story you will ever read. The fact that they kill supernatural mass murderers is often just bonus.

I love this series but what really inspires me is that the writers took a genre of fiction, and tried to construct a reality around it. In this universe, people with a lot of hate, rage, resentment or sexual frustration, have a chance of resurrecting when they die into horrible killers of the things that upset them. If you have ever watched a Slasher movie, it could easily exist in this universe. In fact, Hack/Slash often has official crossovers with franchise properties including Chucky and Herbert West.

Erotica shares a lot with horror. People in these genres do not act like normal people. People who exist in an erotic universe fuck with very little motivation and people who exist in a horror universe do not engage in self preservation. These universes are fundamentally different from the universe you and I walk in, and I always enjoy works that understand this. Once a writer stops trying to explain why the federal government has never shut down Crystal Lake and focuses on the oddity of a world that allows this to happen, I feel the story can only improve.

So if you love horror, adorable girls who dress like goth hookers or want to read about freaky killers getting their comeuppance, then you really need to check out Hack/Slash.

Aug 182010

She was frowning when I first saw her at the party. She was still frowning when she pulled me into the side room. As she unzipped my pants and pulled out my cock, her face retained that mask of disinterest.

I tried to remember her name. Ann? Amy? I couldn’t remember what my friend called her when he introduced us. She was a blonde but she barely looked at me so I returned the favor by forgetting about her. Besides, I had a girlfriend. I didn’t need to be meeting new women.

An hour later, she had my cock out and between her lips. I was a little drunk. I was a lot horny. What was happening didn’t make sense but I didn’t care.

She sucked me. Her hand gripped around my cock and stroked me towards her lips. Only the tip of my cock was in her mouth but that was fine. Her tongue was gentle as her strokes. It was as if we had all night.

I thought about my girlfriend. Karen was going to be pissed. She was going to dump me. She was going to scream at me. She was going to have another reason to be bitchy towards me. She was going tell all her friends. She would become the martyr she always wanted to be.

Fuck Karen.

Ann, Amy or whoever she was kept sucking me. She was so tender. Saliva dripped down my cock. There was something going on here. She had something to prove or maybe someone to hurt. She sucked m cock with an affection I hadn’t earned. This was important to her. The fact that the cock belonged to me was just a lucky accident.

I could see down her shirt. Tanned breasts peeked out from behind a white bra. I wanted to reach down there and cup her. I wanted to squeeze her breasts with the eagerness that Karen never allows.

I didn’t. Whatever strange circumstance allowed my cock to be sucked by her did not extend to the rest of her body. I knew that much.

She made a whimper and another inch of my cock went into her mouth. She stroked me a little harder as she tried to coax my climax out of me. I brushed her hair out of her face. She had her eyes closed. Her mouth held onto my cock as if it was a lifeline.

My thoughts returned to Karen. I thought of excuses if I was caught. I was defending myself while my cock was sucked. I pushed them away. I don’t know why this woman was here, but I knew why I was. I wanted to be here. I would rather be here than with Karen.

The thought of leaving Karen made me happy. Having my cock sucked made me excited. Can a man have an epiphany during a blowjob? Was I really a free soul suddenly enlightened or was I in some sort of pre-orgasm delirium?

My self reflection was pushed aside by my imminent climax. Meaningless thoughts like relationships, names and excuses were nothing compared to the need to come. My hands went to her shoulders and she reacted. She tugged just a little bit harder and her mouth sucked a little bit tighter. I stared down at this blonde savior as she granted me what I most craved.

I came.

Aug 162010

I have spent a week on this outline for the Violatrix and it is so close to being done I can taste it. (It tastes like salty pain.) The book centers on the senior officers of a starship which is comprised of five couples and the asexual science officer. By the end of the book, most of the characters will have fucked each other. These things are important to know.

A lot of my fellow porn writers dislike outlines but man, I need them. I need a plan. I need to know ahead of time what I am writing today. Outlines also help me see patterns and omissions in my story. In the first outline, the First Officer had twice as many chapters as any other character. They were essentially the main character, except that they weren’t. Oops. The other interesting oversight was that the Communications Officer only had one sex scene and she is arguably my favorite character at the moment.

My main concern this weekend was fashion for the crew. I wanted a uniform that was sexy but simple. Normally in a written book I need only concern myself with how a uniform can be described to the reader, but since this will be a book with a cover, I have a chance to visually show the uniform.

Star Trek already has a famous evil universe uniform which is basically jagged lines and midriffs. I am quite fond of this look but since I am not writing a Star Trek book, I got to come up with something different.

I turned to Flash Gordon and was amused that although royalty wore great clothing, the soldiers wore rather boring clothes. Neck to toe leather in a vaguely Russian Tsar-era uniform is kind of cool but not terribly sexy.

I am leaning towards some sort of skin tight lyrca-like substance managed by a belt. Press a button and your pants disappear. It has a sci-fi feel to it but it lacks the visual striking quality that the jagged midriff look has.

This is where I wish I could hijack Project Runway and use their skills.

“Designers, your challenge is to create a look for a sci-fi BDSM porn novel. Make it sexy and make it work! Be sure to use the Adam and Eve accessories wall wisely!”

Which reminds me, I have not even started on what the Violatrix itself looks like.

Aug 132010

In my travels on the internet, I ran across an old flame of mine, Playboy Playmate, Ashley Cox. What I remember about Ashley is that I first came across her in my step-father’s stash of Playboys when I was 15. I didn’t like her. All the other Playmates smiled. All the other Playmates were very happy to be naked. The other Playmates appeared to be thrilled that you were looking at them.

Ashley looked disinterested in her own nakedness. I put her away and masturbated happily to smiling naked women.

But for some reason, Ashley lurked in the back of my mind. My step-father’s Playboys were in the attic. I had a hiding space under a shelf in my room that could only hold six issues. The issues that lurked under there were always my favorites. Ashley’s issue kept rotating in and out. I wasn’t sure why. She was sexy in a different way and I didn’t understand it.

I still am not sure. I look at her now and what I like is her weariness. She looks tired. She looks real. She looks like she could use a buddy or a joke.

I think ultimately she is a mystery and mysteries will always intrigue.

On a different note, Joe Lansdale, a writer I admire like he was Santa, writes in an article

“It’s not the place. It’s the story. And most of all, it’s the writer who tells the story, and how he tells it.
Would-be writers often tell me how they’re waiting for the right time or a good place to work, and I think that’s all well and good, but most of them have been waiting a long, long time, and it is my guess they will continue to wait. They don’t have the drive, the real urge to be a writer.”

I am often skeptical of writers who say they are waiting for inspiration or the right moment. I sympathize because I know what it is like to want to write but lack that certain something. What is missing is not inspiration, time or the materials. What is missing is the will. It amazes me that people will drag their asses out of bed and go to work with a severe hatred for their job, but they can’t seem to find the ability to write 4 pages on something they technically love.

On a third note, I have been thinking a lot about motivation. I am terrible when it comes to updating my bookmarks so this week I took a crack at it. I deleted over 50 sex blogs that I don’t read any more. In 95% of the cases, the blogs had already been deleted by their owners. It is tempting to think that they deleted them because people like me were not reading them but then I look at my rather low web hits for my blog and I keep plugging away.

The fact that people read my blog is a plus, but it is not my sole motivation. I am fortunate enough that I have a job that pays my bills and this blog is my hobby. I think I am more fortunate in that I am addicted to writing. I am addicted to story telling. I am addicted to making books for the joy of making a book.

When I am at my snobbiest, I often say that the reason certain people I know are unhappy is because they don’t create anything. They fuck a lot, they keep up on every piece of trivia on their favorite shows and they eat to excess but they bitch all the time about their lives. To me this is because they don’t make anything. The guy who fucks a different girl every week never seems to be as happy as me when I write a really good threesome scene that week.

Breakfast is done and I promised myself I would quit. Go make something.

Aug 112010

Trooper Envo Jek looked out across the field. The captured soldiers of the Carnelian Defense Force were staked out on the ground as far as the eye could see. The soldiers were stripped naked and gagged with whatever was on hand.

He hated every single one of them.

“Are you ready?” Queen Erishella asked.

“Yes, my Queen!” Envo said.

This was his fourth day of touring battlefields with the Queen and she still took his breath away every morning. She wore her long black hair down today, the curls cascading down around her face and shoulders. A golden cloak of fur encompassed her body in a halo of warmth. Beneath the cloak she wore nothing except her exquisite beauty. The dark bush of pubic hair concealed her royal region.

“Then let us begin,” Queen Erishella said.

She walked to the first bound trooper. The gagged man stared at her as the Queen returned the stare at his cock.

“Too small,” she said. She moved on to the next staked man.

Trooper Envo placed his laser rifle at the head of the rejected prisoner. He pulled the trigger and a hot beam of pure light drilled a hole through the prisoner’s skull and fried his brains.


Because the laser rifle was on the lowest setting, it would take a full minute to cook the soldier’s brain. When they first started, Trooper Envo has used the highest setting and the skull had exploded. A piece of the prisoner’s brain had desecrated Erishella’s pure skin. The Queen didn’t seem bothered by this, but Envo was horrified.

Queen Erishella liked what she saw on the second prisoner. She stood over the bound man and lowered herself. The Queen guided the man’s cock into her cunt.

The prisoner whimpered when his cock was touched. Envo had to choke back his rage. Didn’t the Carnelian bastard understand how lucky he was? Did he have any idea how much Envo would love to have the Queen touch his cock for just a second? What an ungrateful bastard!

Queen Erishella settled on the prisoner’s cock. The golden cloak moved as the queen undulated her hips. Trooper Envo could only imagine what heavenly contractions were occurring between the lovely Queen’s cunt and the pathetic and unworthy cock of the prisoner.

The prisoner moaned. Envo’s trigger finger twitched.

“I have had better,” Queen Erishella said. She stood up and stepped over to the next prisoner.

Envo pulled the trigger a second later.


Queen Erishella looked down on the next cock. It was fully erect and leaning to the left. She shook her head and walked to the next prisoner.


Queen Erishella frowned at the flaccid cock of the next prisoner. She shook her head.

“You have five seconds to get hard, right now,” she said.

The terrified prisoner just laid there.

“You think I am not his type?” Queen Erishella asked Envo.

“My Queen, I think he is a weak worm of a eunuch!” Envo responded.

The Queen smiled. Envo felt like his own erection was about to burst from his pants.

The Queen moved onto the next cock.


Queen Erishella stood over the next prisoner. Envo tried to imagine how that must look. Bound, naked and helpless on the cold grass with the Queen looking down on you? Every night when Envo lies in bed and masturbates, he pictures this exact scene.

“At least this one is hard,” Queen Erishella said. She bent down and sat on the prisoner’s cock. The Queen moaned as she was filled with the prisoner’s cock.

Envo wanted to cook the prisoner’s skull right there and then.

The Queen leaned back. Her cloak spread open as she grabbed her heavy breasts. She clenched her eyes as her hips moved back and forth. She was trying the prisoner’s cock from every angle. Envo memorized each shift, every movement and every groan for his masturbation later.

A shiver of pleasure made her tremble. Envo growled and caressed the trigger. Maybe he could blast the guy and say it was an accident? He ruled it out. He had no doubt that if he killed someone the Queen enjoyed, his own cock would be decorating a wall somewhere. He couldn’t kill without the order.

He was free to hate though.

The Queen rose. “This is a keeper,” she said.

Envo snapped his fingers. Two troopers came forward and cut the prisoner free. The dazed prisoner was ushered away to a transport pod. Soon he would be taken to a bed chamber where he would be washed, collared and taught his new duties. The prisoner was no longer a captured soldier of war but now the Queen’s bedslave. He would be forced to indulge the Queen in decadent pleasures and ungodly orgies of sin until the Queen tired of him.

The bastard. The worse part about this job was the ones Envo didn’t get to kill. Those were the bastards who get to be inside Queen Erishella. Those were the assholes that had the good luck to be on the losing side against the Euphorian army. Well, that and have a good cock.

This is why Envo hated other planets. They get all the advantages. It was completely unfair.

“This one climaxed already,” Queen Erishella said. A splatter of seed decorated the prisoner’s chest. The Queen hadn’t touched him yet.

Envo rushed to the Queen’s side and put his laser rifle to the prisoner’s head.


“Good work,” Queen Erishella said. “At least I can rely on you, Envo.”

“Yes, my Queen!” Envo said. She knew his name!

“In fact,” Queen Erishella said, “how would you like to execute prisoners for me full time? You appear to have a zeal for it.”

Envo almost climaxed in his pants. “I can be the Royal Executioner? Does that include killing the bedslaves that you tire of?”

The Queen smiled. “Yes it does.”

“Glory to the Queen!” Envo yelled. Tears of joy rolled down his eyes.

Aug 092010

This week I work on the outline for my Violatrix book. The premise is that a spaceship crewed by explorers from Queen Erisehella’s navy goes looking for strange new worlds to exploit. It is a mish-mash of Star Trek, bdsm with a side helping of the television show, Rome. I want a crew that is fucking each other when they are not fucking over each other.

The tricky part will be not doing a full out Star Trek parody, even though it is heavily influenced by Star Trek. Shit, it is largely inspired by the evil universe version of Star Trek. I thought the dark universe epsiodes of Enterprise was ten times better than the regular series. Betrayal, conflict and sex! Does it get better than that?

I once wrote an Erishella story where I named a character Feanna, and gave her a similar background to Deanna Troi from Star Trek. Quite a few readers thought it was distracting and thought it was supposed to be Deanna. I was just being cute when what I had done was sabotaged the story I was meaning to tell. I can’t blame the reader because I was the one that suggested there was a connection.

In other words, when the security officer has rough sex with the doctor, I don’t want people thinking it is Worf buggering Dr. Crusher. I want these people to be their own characters. Considering that there has been five Star Trek shows, I have a feeling that similarities are going to happen no matter what I do.

One of the ways I plan to combat that is having the ship set in Queen Erishella’s universe. I see Erishella as my sexy Flash Gordon playground. It is based less on science and more on over the top spectacular comic strip fun. I plan to replace techno babble with great clothes and outrageous sexual practices.

So this week I will outline three plots. The A plot is the typical Star Trek plot that threatens the ship and the crew. Plot B will be a conspiracy on the part of some characters to overthrow the Captain and get promotions for themselves. Plot C will be a small conspiracy of a few characters to enrich themselves or get the ones they want to fuck. My list of characters is in the double digits so I know this will be on the of more complicated things I have written. I think it will be soap opera complicated. I am pretty excited.

I am also pretty scared. I have never written something this intricate before. It could be a fucking diaster. On the other hand, it will be fucking unique.

Sometimes you got to write what no porn writer has never written before.

Aug 042010

“How about anal?” Misaki asked.

Before I could answer, she let loose a hail of bullets against the aliens. Red tracer fire lit up the dark afternoon before the exploding bio-luminescent internal organs of the monsters decorated the sidewalk. Bullets flew from her machine gun and her sweaty face was illuminated by the gunfire. Her black hair was coming lose from her morning ponytail. Her tank top was plastered onto her breasts with sweat. She was wearing that cowboy hat we found earlier and it made her look like some kind of strange Japanese redneck. God, she was hot.

“So like I said,” Misaki continued, “You in my ass,ramming that white cock up my tight little hole while I stroke myself. Does that sound good?”

It was the only entertainment we had in this god forsaken apocalypse: trying to figure out we were going to fuck tonight.

“Sounds awesome,” I answered. “But we did that two nights ago. Hold on, hostiles.”

I sighted down my rifle. A nasty looking spiked monster was in the front window of a grocery store. The alien was eating some the skull of a poor bastard lying six feet away. I lined up my cross-hair right at the center of the monster’s chest. That was where these aliens keep their brains.

BAM! One less alien invader on Earth.

“Yeah, now that you mention it, we did just do that,” Misaki said. She took point and walked down the street. The smell of gunfire and dead bodies was thick in the air.

“What about double oral?” I said. “You could sit on my face and suck on my cock.”

“That is fun but all we had to eat today was those beef stew rations we found,” she said. “You know it makes me pussy taste funny for at least three days.”

I laughed. I remembered how horrifying that taste was. It was like some sort of weird revenge for stealing those rations off the dead soldier.

“Handjobs?” Misaki offered.

“No, thanks,” I said. “Hostiles at your right.”

Misaki turned around and opened fire. One solid minute of bullets dissecting aliens before our very eyes. When the shooting stopped, she turned back to me.

“What’s wrong with my handjobs?” she asked.

“Look, I’m sure they were great before all of this,” I said. “But nowadays you walk around carrying a rifle and shooting off belts of ammo. Your grip is a bit strong, you know?”

Misaki smiled. “I used to be really good at them,” she said. “My boyfriend loved my handjobs.”

I didn’t have an answer. I looked down my rifle scope and searched for more targets. Talking about her boyfriend just reminds me of my wife. Thinking of my wife just reminds of her screaming inside the car while some fucker from outer space ate her.

I saw an alien heading away from us. I shot it through the chest.

“We should head back to camp,” I said. “It will be dark soon.”

“How about good old cowgirl?” Misaki asked. “I can wear this cowboy hat and ride your cock.”

My cock stirred at that but my heart was in it.

“What about kissing?” I said.

Misaki frowned. “I already said oral was out.”

“No, I mean just kissing. We can make out while dinner cooks.”

“What are you, a teenage girl?” Misaki laughed.

“I just thought it would be different,” I said. “I mean, we have been fucking since that day we ran across each other at the mall. You’re a great fuck Misaki, and you are a great person to survive with. I just thought we would do something a little different than fucking our nights away.

Misaki looked at me strangely. “Something intimate, you mean?”

Intimacy. Now that was a word I hadn’t thought of for a long time. Like television, a Big Mac or alien life that wanted to be friends with you, it seemed like a fairy tale.

“Yes,” I said. I felt nervous. I fought for my life every day but for some reason, asking my lover of the last six months to kiss was scaring me to death.

“All right,” Misaki said. Her face was a little redder than usual. “It might be …nice.”

She fired a burst of bullets at a alien that was crawling on top of a van. The monster disintegrated under her expert aim.

“Should I toss this cowgirl hat then?” she asked.

“Save it for tomorrow night,” I said.