Jul 022010

On the planet of Euphoria, the standard of currency is called the Credit. According to ancient lore, the credit was the amount of precious metals required to make use of a young woman’s mouth. The first traders created coins molded to resemble the lips of the concubines in their service.

Thousands of years later, Euphoria has evolved to a paper currency but the Mouth Standard is still the same. Technically any person possessing an Euphorian Credit can go to any treasury on the planet and exchange their credits for oral services. Due to the remarkable open minded evolution of Euphorian society, you can have your oral pleasure from a man or woman, young or old and in some remote parts of the planet, from a human or a Suckfish.

Over the ages, various kings and queens of the Skull Throne have used the paper currency as a means of promoting their own glory. Queen Jahoris dressed in her skintight battle armor for the one thousand credit bill. King Zarn liked to have the innards of his enemies vividly detailed on the one hundred credit bill, circulating a new enemies’ insides every three weeks. Collectors seek out these bills and have been known to murder each other to complete a collection. Euphorians love their art and money.

Recently, the new Queen of Euphoria, Erishella, has ordered the treasury to create a new one credit coin. The Chief Treasurer advised that her that coins were an outdated form of currency and recommended she have a new paper bill created if she was feeling artistic. His skull was crushed and bone fragments were added to the first hundred coins, which incidentally made them collector’s items.

The one credit coin is the same diameter as Queen Erishella’s right aureole. The coin is made from a pink metal with flecks of crystal. On one side of the coin is the Skull Throne, on the other side is a perfect inscription of the Queen’s nipple.

Many Euphorians carry the coin for luck. Soldiers often kiss it before battle while civilians believe that touching the coin to their sexual organs will bring them luck. Women believe that two coins left on their chest will make their breasts grow while young men who have never touched a breast think the coin tastes like a real nipple.

Doctors perhaps hold the strangest belief. They think the size of the coin was designed to fit perfectly down a person’s throat and become stuck. A rash of choked dissidents turning up in planet morgues adds grim support to that theory.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

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