My Humble Suggestion

Supreme Court Justice Stevens has announced that he stepping down. President Obama will seek out a nominee that will somehow be passed by Democrats and Rat-Shit-Crazy Republicans. He will most likely look for a nominee with a long history of judicial balance and fairness.

I have a different suggestion. I humbly and patriotically suggest myself, Shon Richards for Supreme Court Justice.

I have no legal experience BUT I do watch Law and Order on TV. The real one, not the ones about child fucking or the one with Jeff Goldblum. I also watch a lot of Forensic Files, which is about forensic science, but they talk to a lot of prosecuters. I have also looked over my wife’s shoulder as she played some weird Japanese lawyer game, the title of which I do not recall.

As for political views, I am somewhat to the left of Captain Picard. I beleive women should have full reproductive rights. I beleive that corporations are dicks and shouldn’t be rewarded for being dicks. I also firmly beleive in separation between erotica and books that promise to get you great sex. Come on booksellers, put them in separate sections!

Now I know that President Obama likes diversity and the idea of putting in another white male judge is not as attractive as putting in a female or a minority. I do however want to point out that I would be the first blogger on the Supreme Court, a woefully underrepresented slice of society. Seriously, do you want a Gawker blogger to be the first blogger on the Supreme Court? Of course not.

I will also bring a much needed sexiness to the highest court in the land. My court clerks will all be sexy ladies in leather. I will invite Sex court Judge, Julie Strain, to cowrite some decisions. I will wear nothing under my robes and I will frequently flash people as they make arguments.

For too long the Supreme Court has gone without a sex scandal. If I become a Supreme Court Justice, that will be quickly fixed.

Finally, I just want to say that my Senate Confirmation Hearings would rock. If asked reasonable questions, I will anwser reasonably. If asked stupid or offensive questions, I will respectfully invite Senators to suck my nuts.

It is time to bring a firm spanking hand to the Supreme Court.