Aug 272009

Ula checked herself in the mirror. Her breasts looked great but they could be better. She pressed a control button on her Smart-dress. The top of the Smart-dress shrunk by an inch and the corset panels constricted another size. Her breasts popped upwards in an abundant manner.

Once she decided she looked perfect again, she turned her attention back to the accused man she was here to counsel.

“How are we doing this morning?” she asked the accused.

The defendant groaned. Ula could tell that the Queen’s Whips had been less than gentle with him. The elite force that protected the Queen’s interests were excellent at their job but sometimes they brought in defendants who were near dead. A giant bruise took up the entire left side of this one’s face. His arms were burned from multiple hits with the pain batons. He was also missing his pants and underwear. It looked like the Queen’s Whips had a little fun with him first. The poor bastard.

“Who are you?” he groaned.

Ula Birtz straightened her back and thrust out her breasts. “I’m your defense counselor,” she said.

He looked at her. Ula said nothing as he checked her out. It was an important part of the process. Defendants wanted to assess the one person who could save their lives.

That is why Ula kept her blonde hair short so that it framed her face. She wore a simple black corset dress that had a top that was too tight and a miniskirt that was too short. She wore lacy black heels and a pair of optical enhancers on her nose even though she really didn’t need them. She projected confidence but also a flirty amount of thigh that made defendants feels as though a trial can’t be a bad thing with this much leg around.

The battered defendant smiled. “What are my chances?” he asked.

She consulted her data-book. “Not so bad. You are accused of spreading treasonous literature calling into question the legitimacy of the war against the Gem Moons. Your attempt at propaganda only spread to one restroom area which will need to be re-educated. On the scale of treasonous offences, it is quite small.”

He relaxed.

“So according to law, your trial shall be two hours in the Rape-Beast cage,” Ula said.

“What?” the accused said. “I thought you said it was a small offence!”

Ula pushed her optical enhancers up her nose. “If it was a serious offence, it would have been your entire family. Be grateful. I hear that lately the Judges have been allowing people to leave the Rape-Beast cage before they die. You might just see another sunrise after all. Though you probably won’t walk straight ever again.”

The man screamed in terror. Ula sighed. She really hated it when the defendants acted so unprofessionally. This was a place of law after all.

She closed the cell door. His screams were muffled by the laser proof doors. His cell began to move on it’s hover jets. It would take the defendant straight to the cage and an excited audience. The next time that door opened, it would be to introduce him to the Rape-Beasts.

She walked to the next cell.

Inside was a young woman in her thirties. She was scared but she was able to project a certain amount of poise. Even though her factory clothes were shredded and her arm was broken, the accused was sitting up straight. Ula noticed the woman’s legs were short and stocky.

“Excellent posture,” Ula commented. “I see that you are accused of forging your work hours in order to make more wages than you actually earned.”

The factory worker said nothing.

“If this was a civic factory, you could just repay the wages you stole by working in the Prison Brothels,” Ula said. “But because you work at a weapons factory, this is now a Royal matter. Your trial shall be a Battle Royal with twenty other embezzlers in the mud pit. The battle is to the last woman standing. The Queen has recently ordered the mud to be charged with aphrodisiacs. That should make it more interesting to onlookers as well as the combatants.”

The factory worker snarled but still wouldn’t say anything.

“If there are extenuating circumstances,” Ula said, “now is the time to bring it up.”

“I was being blackmailed,” she said. “My sister demands money from me or she will tell my husband that I am cheating on him.”

“See? That’s what I am talking about,” Ula said. “This is the sort of thing we can enter into your record and it will really help you.”

“I could be let go?” the woman asked.

“Of course not,” Ula said. “But I can see that your arm is healed before you are put in the mud pit. I can also alert the authorities to investigate your sister for jeopardizing the smooth operations of the munitions factory. Finally, I can get you issued a knife for the mud pit.”

“That’s it? Is there nothing else you can do for me?” the factory woman asked.

“Sure,” Ula said. She projected a reassuring smile. She loved this part. It let her be supportive.

“I want to advise you to play to the audience when you have your fight. The people want to see some showmanship out there. Don’t just kill the other defendants, make sure you massacre them! Do a good job, and the Judge presiding over your case may allow you to have medical treatment if your wounds are mortal. It is up to the Judge, but to increase ratings, they often spare crowd favorites.”

The factory worker looked at her in horror. She unleashed a string of expletives that made Ula blush. The defense counselor quickly stepped out of the cell and closed the door. The cell flew off to the hospital area.

“After all I did for her,” Ula sighed. The job of a defense counselor was so thankless. She walked to the next cell.

Ula pressed a button and the cell door opened.

The woman inside the cell was young. She was barely twenty with the bloom of youth upon her. Her legs were the best part. They were practically lawyer’s legs. Ula noticed that the girl looked barely harmed, with only a black eye from her arrest. Even the Queen’s Whips knew she had something to offer.

“Get me out of here!” the girl whined.

Ula looked at the data-slate. “It says here you are accused of murdering a Space Navy Captain. You hit him with your vehicle and drove off without notifying the authorities.”

“I didn’t know he was a Captain!” the girl whined. “The drunk asshole walked out in front of my hoverbike! My family just moved here from the Luvia Nebula!”

“Oh, so you are not a native of Euphoria?” Ula asked. “Then I guess you are not familiar with the Queen’s Law.”

“What’s that?” the girl asked.

“Back in unenlightened times, the King of Euphoria had to preside over every crime committed against his reign. King Fong wisely delegated this power to the Judges, whom he charged with determining the innocence of those accused. He also gave the Judges a miserable small budget and charged them with generating their own income. The Judges decided to sell admission to the trials as a way of making credits. Now King Fong’s granddaughter, the magnificent Queen Erishella, has decided in her wisdom to allow the Judges to sell the rights to broadcast the Trials all across the planet. The Queen of course gets a commission. It is crimes against her after all.”

The girl still looked confused. Ula sighed. Was it that hard for them to pay attention?

“People like to see the trials?” the girl asked.

“Oh yes, they are quite inventive.” Ula said. “Every year, the Judges get more creative to keep the jaded audiences watching. A hundred years ago, a defendant might be given a knife and told to fight a Sword-tiger. In these modern times, the defendant would be given a grenade strapped to his cock and a vibrating butt-plug inserted into his ass before fighting a Sword-tiger hyped up on steroids. We have come a long way.”

“Now killing an officer of the Queen’s Navy, that is a serious crime,” Ula said. “In the Skull Kingdom criminal justice system, all defendants are guilty until proven innocent, either by tribute, accusation of others, or trial by entertainment. Do you have twenty thousand credits?”

“No,” the girl said.

“Do you know of any other murders committed against the Queen’s military?”

No,” she whined.

“Well then,” Ula said. “You have two choices. Choice one is to undergo Trial by Electro Flogging. If you survive six hours of having every inch of your skin lashed by electrical whips, then you are innocent and all charges will be dropped. I should also inform you that ten lucky audience members will have the chance to masturbate onto your twitching body.”

The girl winced. “What is my other choice?”

“Because you are attractive, you can submit to a tour of duty as a Defense Counselor. You will serve for ten years and learn the laws. You will have to understand the different trials people could endure. You will be helping people understand their options.”

The girl didn’t look impressed. “What do I get out of it?” she asked.

“For starters, you wouldn’t get electro-flogged,” Ula said with a touch of annoyance. “If you work hard enough, you might get noticed for your professional attitudes and healthy appearance and even get promoted to Trial Judge.”

Ula pointed to a poster of Judge Lona. The redhead Judge was wearing a red corset that pushed her breasts up almost to her head. She was using her Gavel Laser to incinerate an objectionable defendant. The Judge’s legs were shining from the lotion that her bailiffs were rubbing onto them.

“Oh wow, they have a lot of power, don’t they?” the girl asked.

Ula nodded. “They make sure the Trials go smoothly, as well as presenting the Face of Justice to the masses who watch us on the entertainment nets. They also decide whether to show mercy and take some defendants as personal slaves.”

“Okay, I’ll do that!” the girl said. “That would be great!”

Ula smiled. Finally she had a defendant who has happy for help. Ula stepped out of the cell and began to program the plea bargain into her data-book. The girl would be a good counselor. She had a cute face. She came across as a bit spoiled, but that sort of thing goes far in this profession.

Ula paused while entering the data. Ula had worked here for six years ever since she poisoned her boyfriend. She had been promoted to District Defense Counsel but she had also been passed over for Trial Judge eight times. She wasn’t getting any younger. Ula thought about the girl’s legs. She thought about how those young legs would look in a Judge’s gown.

Most of all, Ula thought about how insufferable it would be if some young spoiled girl got promoted ahead of her to a Judge.

She looked down on her data-book and made a note. ‘The defendant chooses Electro-Flogging.’

The Queen’s Justice could be cruel sometimes but the cruelty of the Defense Counselors was worse.

  3 Responses to “Fiction: Law and Spikepits: Criminal Defense”

  1. I laughed. I chuckled. I probably enjoyed it more than a normal person should have. Who said I was normal? Who said you were normal?

  2. Bluewords- lol I am so not normal. I completely enjoyed every unfair moment of this story.

    Musns- Thanks! :)

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