Jun 052009

‘The Insatiable Ironbabe’ is a 2008 softcore parody of the movie, ‘Iron Man’. Instead of billionaire weapons industrialist Tony Stark becoming a hero with a cyborg heart, we get billionaire sex toy creator Horny Fark becoming a hero with a cyborg pussy. Hilarity allegedly ensues.

Richards Rule of Porn #3 state that the difference between hardcore and softcore movies is that in a hardcore movie, you are more likely to fast forward through the plot to get to the sex while in a softcore movie, you are more tempted to fast forward through the sex to get back to the plot. This movie is no different as 80% of the scenes are lesbian dry humpings that resemble mutual epileptic seizures and one freakish heterosexual pairing that looked like it might have been added after the movie was filmed. Sadly for us, the plot is almost unbearable with it’s stupidity.

Porn and parody have a long standing relationship with each other. The more puritanical the society, the more people want to see the sexual versions of characters they are familiar with. The trick is in how you present the parody. Do you make sex the joke, or do you find humor in the original subject matter? Unfortunately for us, the movie decided to make the movie itself be the joke. Shooting scenes in obvious backyards, using the same odball cast of extras in every scene and having a plot that is just one long string of funny names and high school sex jokes creates an attitude that the joke is on you for having wanted to see it in the first place. They didn’t bother to bring any production value to the film because they don’t think their movie was worth spending any effort on it.

What saddens me about this movie is that I see a lot of parallels between it and first time erotica writers. The poor quality of erotica story telling in movies conveys the idea that story and characters don’t matter nearly as much as the hot sex. The cliches of pizza delivery boys and horny mothers of best friends creates a pseudo reality of nonsense and lust. Starting writers take these attitudes and write stories that are weak but they think that’s okay because they have lots of hot sex. First time writers who plan to comedies are even worse. They think the nonsense nature of the story is the joke, and done well it can be, but done poorly it comes across just shitty writing. If you want to make a joke about how porn stories go, then do it, but don’t make it an excuse to not make a better story.

There are a few high points to the movie. Jackie Stevens is very watchable as the star. She kept me watching when my common sense was telling me to stop. The scene where Fark make a cardboard suit to escape the terrorists was genuinely funny for a few minutes before they beat the joke into the ground. Fark’s incompetent assistant kept making terrible sex toys like a Square Dildo, which provided some of the best real laughs.

I give it One out of Five Pam Griers.

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