May 152009

Zdravstvuj, readers. Shon has locked himself in his secret meditation bunker to begin work on his next epic piece of porn. By epic I do not of course mean a real book like say, ‘War and Peace’. Shon thinks a hundred pages is epic. If he had to write the Iliad, he would have done it in a three minute song, and the chorus would have been about Helen’s tits.

In the mean time, Shon asked me to quote “Take care of the flowers for Mother’s Day.” I have been doing this task with a certain amount of glee. It is not often I am allowed to kill something. I have been taking care of the flowers with my AK-47 and it has been quite lovely. I guess a flamethrower would be quicker but I prefer to kill things one by one.

To those annoying readers who want to point out that Mother’s Day has already passed, please keep in mind that back in Mother Russia, Mother’s Day comes in November. There we understand that your mother needs to be reminded why she gave birth to her spawn during one of the coldest months of the year.

I am finished with providing excuses for Shon’s absence today. I shall return to the fields and slaughter more flowers. If I had an imagination I would picture every flower belonging to a SpamBot.

*Surveillance photo provided by Alex Dai*

  2 Responses to “Happy Mother’s Day”

  1. Too funny!!! ROFL

  2. The massacre of flowers brings me slight amusement as well.

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