Apr 012009

Good morning, you’re listing to the Von Madd Datalink Network, the number one source of information for all Von Madd Laboratories employees. I’m Ed Jackson and we’re in the middle of a game we like to call “Wait, wait, don’t fuck me!”

Our next contestant is on the line right now, Dr. Samantha Kinsella. It says here doctor that you work in the theoretical suspension advances. Can you explain to your colleagues who are listening what that is?

“The problem with the bondage enthusiast who lives in an apartment is that it is hard to rig up anything that will not damage the walls or ceilings. We are looking for alternative ways for people to enjoy suspending their bound lovers using anything from anti-gravity to self supporting expendable structures. We do a lot of experimental research here.”

That’s fascinating, Dr, Kinsella. Let’s get right to the game now, shall we? As you know, every employee at Von Madd Laboratories fills out a weekly sexual fantasy list. You have been listed by three of your colleagues as their ideal sexual domination fantasy. If you can correctly identify the person who entered each fantasy, then you will win a two week vacation on a tropical island of your choice.

“That sounds great, Ed, but what happens if I don’t get all of them right?”

Well, Dr. Kinsella, fail to identify the identity of someone who wants to humiliate you, and you will be spanked by that person and then masturbated on. A video of the experience will be created and your mystery humiliator will have one year access to a surveillance camera assigned to your shower and personal quarters. Are you ready to play?

“Oh fuck.”

That’s the spirit! The first fantasy goes as follows ‘I want to fuck that stuck up bitch, Dr. Kinsella in the ass the next time she says my work is unimaginative!’

“Oh good, I thought these would be hard. That would be Dr. Braun, and his creativity is rather poor considering we work in a theoretical department.”

That’s absolutely correct! Tough luck, Dr. Braun! The next person to submit a fantasy wrote this, ‘Every night I masturbate to thoughts of Dr. Kinsella choking on my big fat cock. The best part is when I make her thank me for facefucking her.’

“Hmm, I am going to have to say Dr. Wickman. He does seem to have inadequacy issues as well as an obsession with oral sex.”

That is correct! You’re doing great, Dr. Kinsella. One more question and you will be vacationing on a beach. Get this one wrong, and you’ll endure a night of humiliation. Now, who wrote the following? ‘Every time she rolls her eyes at my work, I just want to slap her face with my cock.’

“Ummm, could it be, umm, no . . .”

This is the final question. Now think, Dr. Kinsella, who really hates it when you roll your eyes?

“That could be fucking anyone, Ed. My alleged colleagues are a bunch of assholes with stupid ideas.”

Think fast, Dr. Kinsella. I need an anwser in five seconds.

“Wait, wait . . .oh shit . . . is it Dr. Holt?”

Oh, so sorry, Dr. Kinsella. Dr. Holt is gay by the way. Most of his fantasies are about Dr. Braun. I’m afraid it was DR. Rodkin who wants to cock slap you. Please proceed immediately to Spanking Room #9 and Dr. Rodkin requests you were red panties.

“That mother-fucking piece of -“

And that is all the time we have today. Next up is the daily Kylie Minogue tribute marathon but join us next week at this same time for another episode of “Wait, wait, don’t fuck me!”

  8 Responses to “Fiction: Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me”

  1. I would have guessed Dr. Holt also. He hides it well. Mine would have probably been easy to guess, I want to bend her over a bench and – wait, is this mike still on? Son of a

  2. Bluewords- I imagine the mike is always on at the laboratories.

    God, mine would be so easy to pick out. “And my glasses slip down my nose? It’s that pervert, Shon, isn’t it?”

  3. So glad Joe pointed this one out – I listen to NPR every weekend with my girlfriend; I’m sending her a link right now :)

    Thanks for being a truly perverted bastard, Shon. We love you.

  4. SexyWife- Thanks. NPR has been a source of inspiration for awhile and it surprised me that I hadn’t done this already.

  5. Loved it, it was awesome. :D
    Since there seems to be some kinda reference as noted in the comments, what’s NPR?

  6. Mystique- NPR is National Public Radio which is a sorta non-commerical radio station funded by charity. They have several shows that they are know for, including one called ‘Wati, wait, don’t tell me’ which is a quiz show about current events.

  7. Giggles – thanks Shon, I needed the smiles after the past couple weeks!

  8. Musns- We all need a giggle these days :)

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