Jan 052009

The Hound sisters first came to national attention in 1848. Elizabeth Hound was 16 while her younger sister, Laura Hound had just turned 14. The girls claimed that they were in contact with a spirit who lived in their old house. When the girls sat down at a table with a piece of chalk in the center of the table, and all of the lights were turned off, strange writings in chalk would appear on the table. The writings were in French and contained several antiquated phrases. The spirit claimed to be a French prostitute who’s working name was Madame Highbutt. She also claimed to have been brought to Philadelphia by Benjamin Franklin when he returned from France in 1785. Almost always the writings discussed the secret romantic lives of people who currently lived in the city.

Local newspaper men, politicians and doctors flocked to their home in Philadelphia to witness these strange acts. They paid extensively to prevent many of the writings from becoming public. The scandals that did emerge were mostly about poor people who couldn’t afford to bribe the Hound family. These stories the local papers published extensively and helped their national circulation.

The vulgar nature of the writings prevented many of these stories from being recorded verbatim. Madame Highbutt had a fondness for stories about buggery and anything having to do with horses. According to the spirit writings, at least one out of ten women in Philadelphia had some sort of sexual equine experience. This caused many spiritualism experts to suspect that Madame Highbutt may have been a bit bored in the after life and fabricated many of her ribald accounts.

The Hound Sisters were tested often by investigators. Their hands were bound and yet the writings would still appear. Their French tutor was interrogated and found to actually be Italian. The chalk was replaced with pencils and pens but no writing would appear unless the chalk was placed back. The Hound sisters were frequently admonished by religious men and moral women for the impropriety of their spirit writings but the girls never confessed.

The spirit writings continued for two years until the night before Elizabeth Hound’s wedding. On that night, the Hound sisters asked for advice from their spirit friend about Elizabeth’s wedding night. When they turned the lights back on, they were alarmed by Madame Highbutt’s writings.

“Silly girls,” the writing was later translated to say, “I don’t have time for your shit tonight. I must tell you about the four Sirens of the Apocafuck. I can see them coming and when they arrive, the joys and fears of your wedding night will be as small as an English man’s cock on a winter night.

The first Siren will be the Actress. Although she belongs to a profession more shameful than mine, she will be celebrated and applauded by millions. Any role, no matter how chaste, will become sexually charged.

The next Siren will be the Singer. Her songs will fill the world with her power of her voice. The sound of her voice will make men hard and women damp between the thighs. Sinners will sing her songs as they commit new depravities.

The next Siren will be the Writer. The stories she tells will corrupt the willing and seduce the reluctant. Her stories will be read in secret and shared between lovers. The virtuous will justify their new sins by the power of her stories.

The last Siren will be the Artist. She will put on canvas what only exists in the filthiest of minds. Her art will be seen by everyone no matter how hard they look away. She will give shape, color and form to Lust itself.

Prepare my young friends. Tell everyone. The Four Sirens of the Apocafuck are coming to enflame your world into perpetual lust.”

The Hound Sisters were disappointed by such a grim warning. Elizabeth went on to marry her fiancee and judging by their seven children, it would appear that she had learned a thing or two from Madame Highbutt’s previous writings.

Laura Hound however was never the same. She never married and wrote many pamphlets encouraging celibacy and temperance. Laura sought out and tried to destroy the original copies of the spirit writings. Of the 420 verified writings, only six remain. It is only through the hard work of the Collette-Ashbee collection that the world has these six.

Madame Highbutt never responded to the sisters’ requests for more writings. In 1931,the popular spirit medium Johnathan Parker attempted to contact Madame Highbutt. He wrote about his experiences in his book, “My Immaterial Lover.” Madame Highbutt never mentioned the Sirens though she did have many new stories about people having sex with horses.

Apocafuck Scholars have found many mentions of the Sirens of the Apocafuck but only the Hound Sisters were able to specifically name them. It is not certain if the Sirens will cause the Apocafuck or merely herald it’s arrival.

  2 Responses to “The Four Sirens of the Apocafuck”

  1. Oh My God This is fucking brilliant and fun.

  2. Thanks Pooks. That means a lot coming from you.

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