Hiatus

So here’s the thing. My brother tried to call me yesterday. I didn’t anwser because 1) He’s my brother and the last time I talked to him he was upset about his girlfriend of 6 months breaking up with him and he was comparing it to my ten year marriage. Get that? and 2) I was doing really well at Team Fortress 2 and I wanted to savor the moment. I mean shit, I was dominating 2Forts with a Soldier. You know how hard that is?

So my brother, upset that no one answered when he called me, my mom and my sister, decided to commit suicide. He overdosed on his seizure medicine, got cold feet and told his ex-girlfriend the dosage. He passed out and was taken to the hospital where they pumped his stomach.

Here’s where it gets iffy. My sister told me what his condition was but when I called the hospital they told me he was doing a lot better than my sister thought he was. He’s either brain dead or sleeping it off depending on the person I talk to. It’s very frustrating but I guess I should take the nurse’s view that he will pull through.

What surprises me is how angry I am about the whole thing. My family life growing up was Hell, and part of the reason it was Hell was that my brother was the favorite son of the evil stepfather so he was a child accomplice to my step-father’s abuse. Like, I know he was only a child and can’t be held responsible for the shit things he did at 8 but damn it, me and my sister had the awful childhood and you don’t see us killing ourselves.

I feel like the worse brother in the world because I am just pissed. I’ve seen what suicides do to families. It’s like an act of violence on a families’ sanity. My mom is already crying a river because she didn’t pick up the phone and I’m thinking,”that’s the point!” We’re supposed to feel bad because we didn’t anwser one damn call.

Anyway, I’m venting because I’m taking the week off from blogging. I just can’t think straight right now so I will limit the things I think about. I am mostly just screaming obscenities right now anyway so you’re not missing anything. I suspect the asshole will pull through and be under social services’ care where hopefully he’ll get the help he needs. If not, I’ll be going to North Carolina to bury my brother and try to keep my sister and mom together.