Wow, I put off doing a main page for this story for almost a year. I think that answers the question of how connected this story was to my actual divorce.
I don’t remember how I had the idea for this story but I know I wrote it drawing upon my own unhappy marriage and the unhappy marriages that I have read so many times in other people’s blogs. There are patterns that are repeated, stories that are almost retold over and over by different people that last Halloween I realized that I could tell a story that was a distillation of all that unhappiness.
What happened is I ended up telling my story. I had to look at my own unhappiness and how easily I distracted myself from the problems in my relationship. Hannah used chores and she had a self esteem based on the things that distract her. I had my writing, my videogames and my friends. And just like Hannah, when exciting sexual situations intersected my life, I realized just how unhappy I was. I had given up on my own happiness.
A month after this story posted I broke up with my wife. I had met someone that I really liked and adored but I never imagined running off with her. I just didn’t do that. But after writing Hannah, and soaking in her sad life, I knew that I couldn’t live like that. Like Hannah, I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do, but I knew I couldn’t continue like I have.
Neither should you.
The Seven Curses of Hannah Part One
The Seven Curses of Hannah Part Two
The Seven Curses of Hannah Part Three
The Seven Curses of Hannah Part Four
The Seven Curses of Hannah Part Five
The Seven Curses of Hannah Part Six
The Seven Curses of Hannah Part Seven
The Seven Curses of Hannah Part Eight
5 Responses to “Seven Curses of Hannah”
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Sometimes, you find yourself in your stories, kind of like a mirror made of letters and paragraphs. Occasionally, you find yourself exploring the what-ifs of your own life through your characters; I know I do through a great deal of my own characters. There is something about being to explore the world, then sit back and realize that you want to do the same… or that it isn’t you and you want something else.
I couldn’t say you were heading that way when I read your stuff, but I do know that I was very sad when I read that, even up to the end. There was something powerful in the tone of your story, beyond the lovely sex and everything, and I really hope that your explorations brought you to a much better place.
Oh, and while I’m not on Twitter, that Sarah Zero website you talked about is fantastic. Too bad I can’t find an RSS feet for them. Too much information, I think.
t’sade- Thanks, that means a lot coming from you. I’ve missed you around lately :)
Sarah Zero was a kick to my pants. I might have to add it to my sidebar.
Getting flooded out of your house and home for two months because the Cedar River decided to go over 25 feet above flood stage is really hard on Internet access. :) I miss chatting but its taken so long to recover and back into the grove.
t’sade- Ouch. I’ve had experiences with flooding and you’re right, it takes forever to catch up. Here’s to hoping you stay dry :)
“I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do, but I knew I couldn’t continue like I have.”
I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing though. Depression is sinking in I think. Finality is around the corner and I’m unsure how I feel about it all.
And, I haven’t met anybody.