Jul 212008

“Dr. Von Madd, it’s about time you fucking showed up.”

Otto Von Madd nodded to General Fite. They were standing outside in the desert in the incredibly secret military testing site know only as Area 23. Dr. Von Madd starred at the giant thing that was stomping it’s way towards the base.

“I came as soon as I received your request,” Dr. Von Madd said. “The military has been very generous with providing testing for my Intelligent Condoms and I never forget a favor. I take it that this has something to do with that giant admonition of nature you have out there?”

The ground shook. The terrible monster consisted of three appendages. Two of the limbs appeared to be rudimentary legs, while the third appendage was just a giant swinging mass. It was only when the wind brought the unmistakable stench of ball sweat that Dr. Von Madd knew what he was dealing with.

“By Kinsley,” he swore. “You bastards finally made it. You created fucking Cockzilla.”

The giant beast swung it’s cock at a passing helicopter. The helicopter exploded. The cock was not only unhurt, but it appeared to grow more rigid.

“Cockzilla is the most aggressive soldier the Army could create,” General Fite said. “All cock and no brains, like my old drill sergeant. It’s an killing machine, designing for walking and kicking ass. God damn, I’m getting a fucking hard on just looking at it.”

Dr. Von Madd nodded. “That certainly provides data for my theory about homosexual tendencies in the upper command of the military, but what do you need me for?”

General Fite ripped off his stylish military sunglasses. “Look at it! The damn thing won’t sit still. It wrecked the underground lab it was born in, wacked it’s way through America’s finest and is now rampaging across the damn desert. We need to stop this thing before it shoots it’s load on a civilian.”

Dr Von Madd, sexual mad scientist considered the problem.

“Get some firefighter helicopters to drop cold lake water on it.” he said.

Cockzilla swung it’s massive erection and crushed a tank into the sand.

“That would work?” General Fite said.

“It’ll disarm the beast,” Dr. Otto Von Madd said. “Once it is weakened and confused, you can subdue it and ship it off to that island where you dump all the other freaks you guys make. Which reminds me, have you ever considered that when the government has set aside an entire secret island to hold their crimes against nature, that maybe it is time to stop making things like Cockzilla?”

“Bah,” General Fite said. “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few chickens. But getting back to the monster, what the fuck is going to keep it on the island? It could just swim right back to the mainland.”

Dr. Otto Von Madd smiled. “Well we better be sure we have a giant Vagina Monster waiting for it.”

“Where the fuck are we going to get one?” General Fite said.

Dr. Von Madd shrugged. “I’ll make one on the flight over. I’ve been thinking about the possibility lately.”

General Fite stared at him.

“What?” Dr. Von Madd said. “Look, you guys created a giant cock monster. I’m the weird one for thinking about giant pussies?”

  4 Responses to “Fiction: Boys and Their Toys”

  1. “By Kinsley,” he swore. “You bastards finally made it. You created fucking Cockzilla.”

    The one thing you cannot doubt about yourself if anything, is that you have an innovative perverted sense of humour, and it was enough to brighten a really rough day of someone thousands of miles away through your words.

    Thanks ;)

  2. “What?” Dr. Von Madd said. “Look, you guys created a giant cock monster. I’m the weird one for thinking about giant pussies.”

    We can tell where the heterosexual and homosexual urges lay!

    God! I’ve missed Dr. Von Madd

  3. Mystique- Thank you. Sometimes being the only porn writer I know that writes about Cockzilla makes me wonder if there might be something wrong with me. I’m glad to know someone is as amused as I am by the idea.

    Musns- Dr. Von Madd misses you. Well, he would if he was aware his exploits were blogged.

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