Sep 192007

Lucky John loved Port Royale like a Spaniard loved thumbscrews. It was a very bad town for very bad men. It was a pirate town, from it’s blood soaked streets up to it’s four story high brothels. After a long voyage of pillage and plunder, there was no better place to spend your ill-gotten gains.

Unfortunately for Lucky John, that was yesterday. He and the rest of the crew had blown their money on beer, pussy and tobacco. Normally they would ship out when the money ran out but Captain Three-Legs was still fucking through his share of the treasure and wouldn’t be done till the morning. That meant sorry poor crewmen like Lucky John had to kill time dead broke in a city of sin. That didn’t bother Lucky John much. It gave him time to practice his charm.

He passed a washwoman struggling with her load of laundary.

“Excuse me Miss,” Lucky John said. “Would you mind cleaning my drawers too, after you wash my cock with your mouth?”

Her arms were full but her legs were stout and healthy. She almost kicked him in the valuables but Lucky John twisted enough so that her powerful leg only bruised the shit out of his thigh.

“Right, fair enough,” Lucky John stummled along.

He came across a wench with an ass so perfectly fit, The Dutch would have insured it.

“Excuse me, Miss,” Lucky John said. “I just wanted to say that your arse is a pretty treasure and I wouldn’t mind burying some of my own treasure in it.”

The woman’s ass was fine but her hands were finer. She unleashed a broadside on his cheek with the flat of her hand. Lucky John spun around from the force of the blow like a compass on Halloween.

“Right, fair enough,” Lucky John said through the non stingy part of his mouth.

Battered and stumbling, Lucky John found himself outside the Shaky Plank. Coming out of the bar was the bustiest woman he had ever seen. She had tits the size of barrels and they barely stayed within her bodice.

“Excuse me Miss,” Lucky John said. “If I had your twin moons to guide me, my ship would never be lost at sea.”

The busty wench blinked. Lucky John leaned a little to the right so she would kick his good leg. He also closed his mouth so he wouldn’t bit his tongue if she punched him.

“Thank you so much!” the top heavy lass said. “My husband said I was too fat and he ran off with some skinny bitch! What’s your name?”

Lucky John slipped an arm around the busty wench and gave her tit a squeeze. “Truth be told, I am so hot and thirsty, I have forgotten my own name.”

“Well let me buy you a drink,” the wench said as grabbed his hip. “And you can talk about my moons some more.”

Across the street sat two of Lucky John’s crew mates. Young Stumpy and Bald Frank leaned against a wall, both very sober and very unhappy. They saw Lucky John come around the corner, walk up to a total stranger and slip his arm around the lass. They watched in amazement as Lucky John and the curvy wench go into a bar. Young Stumpy felt tears rise to his eye as he saw the wobbly shake of the woman’s assets.

“God damn them all,” Bald Frank wailed. “Lucky John always has it easy!”

  4 Responses to “Fiction: Lucky John and the Ladies of Port Royale”

  1. That was hilarious! I LOVED it. You never see the hard work, do you?

  2. *cracks up* Great story, me hearty!

    xx Dee

  3. I’m surprised you didn’t mention it being International Talk Like a Pirate Day. :)

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