May 112007

I’m a toucher. It’s something I became painfully aware of with my first girlfriend. She felt my touching was ‘suffocating, overwhelming and just needy.’ She planted that little tiny seed of doubt that spoke up when I wanted to hug later love interests. Now I can look back and see she had intimacy issues, but there is a part of me that hesitates during a hug. I never want to overstay my welcome

Because Fate has a sense of humor, I married a woman with chronic asthma and blond frizzy hair that would make Hermione seek out a flat iron. It’s difficult to snuggle with a woman who could choke to death if she can’t escape your arms quick enough during an asthma attack. It’s hard to nuzzle someone who’s hair crawls up your nose, down your throat and in your ears. We love each other, and are are always close, but there’s that constant half inch barrier.

This is something I hadn’t really noticed till now. The BDSM community I am in is touchy feeling. At first I thought they were all sleeping with one another but I have since found out that they just get a lot of affirmation through touching. A lot of BDSM play doesn’t cross into sex, but the intimacy is there and after a good scene you feel like you just had sex. You’ve watched a friend slip into another mindscape and you’ve helped them come back to reality. How can you not feel a bond after that?

So now here I am and after playing with a few people, I find myself hip deep in hug buddies. I am in fucking heaven. I have forgotten how nice it is to just have a hand on my knee, or an arm around my shoulder. There is a sense of peace that you can only get when someone hugs you from behind. I feel sexy, but more importantly I feel comforted. I feel this abscence of loneliness that I wasn’t aware was even there.

I don’t want the hugs to ever stop.

  9 Responses to “Daily Reccomended Hug Allowance”

  1. While I have never been in the BDSM scene, its all writing for me, I have missed the groups that like to touch so much. When I lived in Iowa City, I had friends that would hug and give spontaneous backrubs. Sometimes, we’d be hanging out a club or bar and just get a backrub chain going of five to ten people. It was nice and comfortable, like a blanket you really love.

    I miss that sometimes.

  2. I don’t know if you stop and visit me or not. But if you don’t – you should see my post on Hugs from earlier this week. It quotes some very important information regarding hugs.

    What drives me crazy is that society says it’s not okay to hug men that aren’t your love interests. Therefore if you are seen hugging a man that you are not married to…gasp! You must be fucking him. Sigh.

    Next party I go to, I’m going to just hug all the men and to hell with it. Cause we all NEED hugs and physical contact. Touchy/feely should be good and accepted and given.

    So there! Oh and the next party I’m going to is a Jedi 30th anniversary party – maybe we’ll get pictures since there will be at least one slave girl Leia!

  3. Hugs, back rubs, holding hands… all so good! I love that moment in a hug, when you both just relax and give into the feeling of being touched, loved, accepted, cherished.

    And for some reason, I always pictured your wife having dark hair!

  4. Can I come hug you? I LOVE them and always need one!

  5. Well you certainly found the topic that hit home for me. I enjoy hugs from my community, but I have realized of late, I don’t get to see my community as often as I need the hugs.

  6. t’sade- “A blanket you really love” is exactly how I feel :)

    Musns- I do stop by and you’ve inspired a post or two :) I say hug the men; I doubt they’ll complain :)

    sarengetty- Really? My wife an an angry Valkyrie, complete with blonde hair.

    red velvet- yes they do.

    teacherinheels- You have blanket permission to hug me as much as you want :)

    lisaveta- I am finding that I am enjoying the friends in the community a little more than the community. Those hugs are essential

  7. I love the touching. Hugs are healthy.

  8. Well, the next time I am in Georgia….Wacth out! XO

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