Jan 192007

Are you bored? Do you feel like the glass ceiling will always keep you down? Are you frustrated with a Judeo-Christian-dominated culture that puts more emphasis on material goods and prudish behavior than on personal happiness? Do you have an overwhelming urge to make your mother faint?

Maybe you should be a witch! Exciting new career opportunities are currently available to women ages 18 and up who are willing to give themselves over to dark powers and egomaniacal coven leaders. Unlike most witch groups, which concern themselves with finding balance with Mother Earth and respecting modern law, the Coven of Bliss is dedicated to worshipping powerful gods and goddesses of the hedonistic spheres. We are currently looking for recruits in your area!

The Coven of Bliss is a well-established gathering of magic-wielding perverts with branches in at least three countries. Established in 1998, the Coven of Bliss has so far accurately predicted three great signs that will signal the end of the world as we know it. When the Great Pornocalypse comes and the world is thrown into flames and endless gangbangs, the Coven of Bliss will be in a prime position to reap the benefits of orgasmic chaos!

Ask yourself, Are you willing to have mind-blowing sex every weekend at a private field with a very high privacy fence?

Ask yourself, Are you willing to consort with very well-hung demons and incredibly nubile succubi? And by “consort,” we mean fuck a lot.

Ask yourself, Are you willing to be the personal love slave of an up-and-coming warlock leader who seeks to pierce the veil of mysteries that surrounds this world? And not complain or take it personally when he offers you as a sacrifice in return for great powers?

If you said “yes,” “maybe” or even “I don’t know about this,” then you are a perfect candidate to become a witch! All new witches are given a wardrobe of lacy black clothes, a silver dildo blessed by the gods and a sexy witch name unique to her personality and bust size. You will be assigned a mentor witch who will fuck your brains out. The first dozen applicants get their own vibrating broom!

Apply today by e-mail! Please include a photo, a current STD test and details of any strange tattoos or pentagram piercings you may have. Current ownership of a cat is a plus but not a requirement. Apply today!

  5 Responses to “Coven of Bliss Employment Ad”

  1. Where does one apply for the Well-Hung Demon job? I need to pierce a veil of mystery soon or I’m gonna burst!

  2. I’m in … Can you tell me when the endless gangbangs will begin so I can mark my calendar?

  3. I’m already in the fold, my dear.
    Goose, Lady of the Lake.

  4. In my area? Really? Yes! I want one of those vibrating brooms!

  5. eh, I’ll pass.

    I’ve never been the outdoorsy type.



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