Jan 032007

After a month or so of not having an anxiety attack I found myself having a full blown one last night. It was weird and unexpected, which is to be expected with an irrational condition, but I still find myself greatly pissed off. I had things I wanted to do but right now I find myself obsessing over how my stories, my blog and myself is percieved. I catch myself worrying about things friends haven’t said, about looks I get from strangers and about how the things I haven’t done will come out wrong.

I guess rationaly I saw it coming. Sunday I weaseled out of having to buy a lottery ticket because I didn’t want to meet a stranger. I waited in the long line at the grocery store because I knew the cashier. I didn’t anwser the phone Saturday when I didn’t recognize the number. So I guess I had been reverting to a social phobic state but man, the holidays and time off kept me so happy I didn’t want to address the fact that I was becoming scared of things again. This is called ‘avoidance’ and it is the most destructive response anxiety sufferers do.

I feel like I have stage fright all the time when I’m like this. My natural reaction is to throw myself into something distracting like a book or a movie, but I know that what I should be doing is digging out the Anxiety Workbook and do some exercises. Blah, that’s not terribly sexy.

  5 Responses to “Anxiety Annoyance”

  1. hey we can’t be sexy all the time, do the workbook

  2. Workbooks can be sexy …

  3. Whoa dude, that really stinks, is this brought on by anything in particular? I know I can sometimes verge on the border myself, although I lean more towards manic depression myself – luckily I have a problem committing to only one disorder, so I flit around between a few. Lame attempt to cheer you up, and I blew it.

    Here’s hoping you feel better about yourself soon, and for the record everyone I talk to thinks you are pretty cool. :)

  4. Do the workbooks.

    Nerds doing workbooks are HOT HOT HOT.


  5. Thanks everyone for the encouragement. There isn’t really a trigger for my anxiety as much as I usually have a constant level of it and I just manage it daily. The past few weeks of course have been holiday hectic and rather fun so I skipped my exercises because it seemed silly to do them when I was eating cookies and reading too many books. Which means as soon as I got back to the normal work week, I wasn’t in a good state of mind to deal with normal work stress.

    Thanks again everyone who took the time to say something nice. I really appreciate it.

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