Jul 282006

Dear Jenny’s Boyfriend,

You don’t know me but I know Jenny. I know every inch of Jenny. From her lovely heavy breasts to that scar she has on her left buttock, I know it all. I just wanted to drop you a note thanking you for the way you treat Jenny.

Me and my exhausted cock want to thank you for your lack of attention to Jenny’s orgasms. The fact that you still think five minutes of fucking is enough to get her off is what drove her to look for someone like me in the first place.

Thank you for nagging her about the laundry while you never do the yard work. That stupid little inequality never fails to get her talking dirty on my phone.

Thank you for refusing to pay for that bed and breakfast weekend she wanted but then turned around and bought three new video games. That is when she sent agreed to pose nude for me and my camera.

Thank you for making those snide comments any time a bondage scene appears in a movie. Your snickering teenage attitude is why she has never brought up bondage to you and why she is on her knees sucking my cock, not yours.

Thank you for never asking why she spends so much time online. We seem to have the best cyber when you’re in the house.

Thank you for being such a dick about Jenny’s mother visiting. No, really. The extra stress you caused Jenny by being so passive aggressive made her so upset, only fucking her ass for the first time could calm her down.

Thank you for your regular noticing of all of Jenny’s faults and never her good points. You make me come across like a saint compared to you and the wonderful sexy things Jenny does to show her appreciation have been amazing.

I don’t know why you don’t appreciate Jenny. I only know her side of the story. Maybe you’re an alright guy. Maybe you don’t even know what you are doing to her. Just because you kiss her every morning and grope her tits from time to time doesn’t mean you’re free from romancing her. On the other hand, maybe you got tired of her worship.

That’s okay. I am happy to be her object of worship now.

Thank you,
The Guy Who Fucks Jenny Now.

  17 Responses to “Fiction: Thank You Note”

  1. God I love this. You could have written this directly to my husband.


  2. Shon… it’s a pity that the Jennifers of the world have to go through that and only a few find the “The Guy Who Fucks Jenny Now” to give them what they need.

  3. Sorry AAG he was writting it to MY ex…I have the scar on my left buttock…remember?!?!

    I love this!
    Thanks it made my day.

  4. Kylearyn has said almost these exact words in relation to some of my exes during our discussions. He thanks them for being such assholes when he takes me to new heights they couldn’t have dreamed possible. I shall read this to him later. :) thank you.

  5. AAG- maybe I did :P

    Janelle- I find actually that a large number of Jennifers find that Guy. There are plenty of Guys waiting.

    Madame X- Maybe I copied him on it :)

    Tragic- Oh I find myself thanking a few of them myself.

  6. I’d also like to know how you knew about the scar? lol,.seriously. Maybe thats the magnet,..Scarred buttocks get nasty dates :)

  7. Huh, I have a scar too.

    How ironic.

  8. Dear Guy Who Fucks Jenny Now,

    Do you have room in your schedule for me as well?

  9. Hehe, I know this girl well. I understand how a guy can get complacent in a relationship and don’t realise they are ignoring their girl. But they have to expect the girl to take measures to make themselves happy.

    Thank you to all of Jenny’s boyfriends, they have given me many a wonderful weekend.

    I do want to comment that I have noticed the “Good for you” sort of attitude for Jenny. But I bet if it was Jack, there wouldn’t be as many Kudos for finding something that can keep you happy when you feel ignored. But alas, our world is all about double-standards.

  10. Tragic- This is a joke about scarred buttocks, I can tell, but damn if I can think of it.

    Mandy- It’s a sign :)

    M- Jenny would KILL you. Don’t fuck with the Jennys.

    Kylearyn- You have given me something to think about. Jack needs to get his props too.

  11. Add me to the list of who’s husband this could be addressed to – no scar on my ass, but I’ll be glad to show you my birthmark. ;-)

  12. Eloquently put, Shon. The problem with marriage: are the husband and wife going to be compatible sexually two months out, much less two years or decades? When they are not, this should happen.

    (The necessity for marriage: taking care of the kids, and financial efficiency. It’s so hard to reconcile all three, so some relationships continue to muddle unhappily along.)

  13. Well said Cherrie. I personaly don’t see sex as the most important thing in a relationship. However,, it is a very important thing. If I were to find myself ina situation where I nolonger feel that the intimate part of me is being fulfilled dispite having taken every action to rectify it, then I’d have some real soul searching to do.

    Exceptions always apply.

  14. A+, Shon!

    I collect vintage Esquire books — both the article compilations and the cartoons — and this might have been taken directly from the Mind of the Swingin’ Esquire Cat…

    All you need now is a smoking jacket, a nice antique pipe, some cherry-apple pipe tobacco (they used to sell it at the little Chinese bodega-like stores in LA Chinatown. My dad couldn’t have gotten through USC Med. without it), some tasteful Cool Jazz (may I be the trillionth to suggest Live at Birdland?), and a tumbler of something that causes tumbling…

    As Ol’ Blue Eyes woulda’ said: Do it Your Way….

  15. p.s., I would cheer Jack on. My brother hasn’t seen his balls since his own iced-fish brand of kitten paw-swiped them and put them in a jar for safekeeping.

    I wish he’d cheat — this time with someone a little less like, well, anyone he’s ever dated since his voice changed.

  16. Now that made me smile. Loved it!

  17. How the hell did I miss this?

    You realize what mine would say right?

    Dear x-Mrs. Johnson,

    thank you for deciding that giving sex once a month was going over and beyond the call of duty. Mr. Johnson seems quite happy now that he can fuck three times in one day.

    thank you for realizing that getting down on your knees to suck a long, hard cock was below your stature as wife. I can still taste his cum on my tongue and damn is it yummy.

    Oh, I could go on.

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