Jun 302006

It is going to be a busy weekend. You know it. I know it. All your kids/friends/relatives/lovers know it. We’re all going to be busy as Eqyptians with a fresh stack of square blocks. We’ll all be lucky to come out with my minds intact.

I am here to help. Years ago a therapist tried to explain to me the concept of a Happy Place. He suggested visualizing a calm serene place with a babbling brook and little bunny rabbits. Now I know he was trying to help me with my anxiety issues so he was suggesting calming things, but that’s not how my brain works. Bunny rabbits make me think of ‘Watership Down’ and I start thinking about mythology and if Fiver’s special senses passed down through the litters he had. No, calm happy places turn into blank spaces where my mind starts wondering all over the place.

What I need is a Sexy Place. That chills me right out. I find a quiet place and close my eyes. For two minutes I am in my dream bedroom. There’s sexy paintings on the wall, and bondage furniture is spread through the room. A forever young Raquel Welch is bent over and asking for a spanking. A cage holds a sexy nude woman with a British accent. A beautiful black woman with glasses offers me her breasts to nibble on. I spend a happy minute or two indulging in something terribly naughty till my worry lines are replaced with the smooth glow of desire.

This weekend build your own Sexy Place. Build a couple. Experiment with different decorations while your spouse burns something on the grill. Try out different lovers when your kids find a new way to break a brick. Decide between a threesome or a foursome when your parents drone on about the latest illness Aunt Lorraine picked up. Pick and choose to your tastes. No one else is ever coming over, so go ahead and do that sinful thing that you love to do.

I’m not saying you should zone everyone out. It’s the weekend. Have some fun if you can. But if you can’t, or you have had enough fun to last you a fucking year, then take a quick mental vacation to your Sexy Place and let something pretty and eager go down on you before you head back into the real world.

  11 Responses to “Your Sexy Place”

  1. Sexy place?
    Ok I’ll try it.
    I used to try to find my happy place but everytime I went there it always needed tidying up.
    Seems I shared the happy place with someone who was a slob.

  2. You and I have the same sexy place. Though we may be in different positions in it.

  3. AHA!
    Tess…my sexy place is going to have a cheese counter!!!

  4. I have the most delicious sexy place in my head.

    Its a gothic looking room – all stone. A huge fireplace in the center of the wall on the opposite side as the foot of the bed & its filled with lit candles instead of a fire. There’s always 100s of candles lit on shelves, stands, the floor – everywhere. The bed is an enormous 4 poster with satin sheets & a white down comforter. I have about 10 pillows – the biggest fluffiest ever. There’s art by rodin on the walls & a chilled bottle of red wine on the bedside table.

    This place waits in my head for whatever little fantasy I need a sweet place for. There’s always just whatever I happen to need – already waiting there for me.

    & now you know “My Sexy Place”

  5. madame X- Cheese counters are going to be in a lot of Sexy places

    Tess- :) Now there’s a pleasant thought.

    Tragic- There you go :) Looks like your ahead of the curve :)

  6. I think if I were to think of my sexy place my obsessive complusiveness would kick in and I would obsess over what color the the trim of the bedspread would be or how all the toys would be stored.

  7. Mandy- No obsessive behavior allowed. Unless it gets you really really really hot.

  8. Ok… that can be what I work on in my notebook while I’m at the nursing home.

  9. I want more info on your sexy place. I know mine too well and I am thinking of redecorating. Maybe you could share some ideas.

  10. I’m in my sexy place RIGHT NOW.

    I’m never leavning.


  11. yeah we call those daily vacations around this place, you just imagine yourself somewhere you’d rather be with someone you’d rather be with instead of what small hell you are actually experiencing, thanks for reminding me though.

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