May 012006

Over at Art Nudes I found this great link to Reunion des Musees Nationaux. It’s French so I have no idea what it is exactly but it appears to be a museum’s collection of art, including female nudes, male nudes and erotica. It’s fascinating browsing to see how visual erotica is handled through the ages.

One thing that comes to mind is that there is the occasional scene comes from Greek Mythology. I am never sure what prompted artists to sit down and imagine Leda with a sawn, but perhaps it’s just that it must be nice to do an image from porn that everyone has read. I guess it’s a common reference point. No one needs to explain why the hot chick is kissing the swan because the audience at the time knew it was Zues getting his groove on.

With that in mind, I sometimes wish I was a good visual artist because I would love to do a series of common reference point images based on modern pop culture. I would do it in the Classical style so there would be ripped bodies and swooning poses. Here’s a few off the top of my head-

1) The Stripping of Janet Jackson. Imagine Justin all manly and powerful as he rips the jacket from Janet’s swooning breast.

2) The Degradation of Paris Hilton. I can just see her falling backwards, holding the camera in her hand, gazing lovingly up towards the camera while ignoring the object between her legs.

3) Pamela Anderson Rising From the Table. Here I would show Pamela Anderson in all her surgically enhanced glory rising from the plastic surgeon’s table. Like Venus emerging from the foam, but far more horrific.

4) R. Kelly Pissing on a Fan. If you did this image right, it would replace all those cute cherubs pissing in fountains.

5) The Abduction of Katie Holmes. I’m picturing Tom Cruise swooping down in a limousine and grabbing her while her shirt falls off. You might think the shirt falling off is excessive, but if I know one thing about art, it’s that breasts need to be visible.

Okay I need to stop before I become truly sad that I am not an artist.

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