Mar 292006

I grew up in a military town. Even better, I grew up in the poor part of the military town. I didn’t realize I was at the poor schools when I was a kid. I just thought the world had white people and black people in equal numbers. I honestly didn’t believe racism existed because in my experience, black and white kids were just kids.

Middle school is when I started to see the divide. Black boys were angry and hostile for reasons my young naive mind couldn’t understand. White boys were just as hostile but it was much more of a bullying and fighting for alpha male status. It was that anger I remember from the black kids, it always hurt my feelings that they had such hatred towards me and I didn’t do anything to them. Looking back at that school and the sheer poverty that surrounded it, I am surprised they weren’t angrier than they were.

But the black girls were another story. They were hitting puberty and curves were filling out and oh my goddess they were hitting my buttons. They didn’t have the anger and if anything, they had ten times more empathy than anyone I have ever met. They had compassion, something young teenage white girls in my neck of the woods seemed to be lacking. And maybe this was just my school, but my black female friends were funny. That sounds so terrible and like a cliche, but my black friends were so much more fun to be with.

High school was the first time I realized racism existed. Our town had one high school, which meant the rich kids and the poor kids were finally under one roof. Hell, I was discriminated against by wealthier white kids much less the more overt discrimination being done to my black friends. Being a kid, I still took it personally when a black kid would treat me different because hell, they expected the worse from me.

It was also at this time that I realized I was never going to date any of my beautiful, funny, sexy, sweet, intelligent black female friends. Maybe it was always that way and I was the last to know. Maybe I had so many black female friends was because they didn’t feel threatened by me in a dating sense. Either way, it was difficult for a guy in his over sexed hormone teenage years to be told he was never going to have the ones he wanted the most.

Incidentally, I ended up dating a half Japanese girl my senior year and had no outside pressures at all. Funny/sad how that is.

Now I am an adult white male with a BDSM fetish and a poly lifestyle married to a white blonde female. The chances of finding a black submissive female who won’t mind me being married are as rare as finding Bigfoot’s summer vacation home but you know, I still hold out hope. I don’t know if I am craving something I never had in my youth, if I still feel like I have more in common with black women than I do my own race, or if it’s just sheer libido for a curvy dark beauty with eyes that sparkle when she laughs.

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