Apr 262005

This morning I read that a porn company is doing an X-rated remake of “Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill Kill”. Watch the trailer at http://www.starrproductions.biz/store/catalog/Faster-Pussycat-Fuck-Fuck-p-18258.html . I liked the original movie which featured three evil women who killed a guy, kidnapped his girlfriend for no good reason and ended up at a creepy farm where ummm, some money was buried? And then ummmm, I can’t remember. I think some girls with big boobs fought though.

Now, my first reaction was a long rambling rant about the evils of turning softcore porn into hardcore porn. After I watched the trailer though, I realized it has been about 6.4 years since I’ve seen movie porn with a plot. The idea of watching porn and actually having story context to go with the sex makes me forgive these people for remaking a fine crappy movie.

Kitten Natividad has a role in the movie, which is a nice tribute to Russ Meyer’s work, but then they also have Ron Jeremy. That’s like teaming up Kraft with a milk company and doing your damn best to make the cheesiest thing ever.

My last shred of wisdom has to do with something Russ Meyer would have hated and that’s the fake breasts in the remake. Here’s the thing about Russ’s movies. They were silly and the production values weren’t great, but he had the largest natural breasted women possible in his movies. When you looked at the cast, you would see this weird mix of ethnic backgrounds, acting ability, ugly girls, pretty girls and in one movie, a gal with a bad case of giganticism. You knew he toured the world and hit every small town, big city and back alley to find women who had tits bigger than most 60’s televisions. He gathered these large breasted women like some sort of Jason gathering the Tit-Argonauts. These gals were the original Dream Team, the Bust Justice League, the DD team; the greatest collection of large boobs in the world regardless of race, beauty or acting skill. The man loved big natural breasts and it really weird to see a remake with fake looking beachball boobs. Sigh.

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