Sep 242018

Fallout Girl: Omnibus Edition by Amanda Close collects the five stories of the wasteland heroine, Kelly Killjoy. Known as the Fallout Girl, Kelly is a regenerating, sexually hyper, super-strong and fast mutant who looks like a hot chick with red dreadlocks. Utterly fearless, she is part of a poly family that runs a theater that shows old per-apocalypse action movies and porn movies they make themselves. when audience attendance is low, Kelly goes out into the wasteland to earn money by taking mercenary jobs.

There is a lot going on in this series but it all works together in wonderful ways. The poly family might be my favorite part as it provides the base motivation for Kelly’s adventures but also shows her more human and affectionate side. The family’s interest in 80’s action movies means there are a lot of pop culture references but not in an overwhelming way.

The wasteland is pretty interesting if a bit reminiscent of a blend between the Borderlands and Fallout games. Like all the best wastelands, there are a wide range of threats from raiders, to zombies, to mutants to a dread organization from humanity’s past. It is like a kinkier version of Mad Max and I am so down for that.

The adventures are pretty awesome and over the top. The writing is brisk and funny. Some of the scene transitions made me laugh out loud as the writer understands you want to get to the good parts. There is no filler in these stories.

As for the sex, it is almost always as harsh as the wasteland itself. There is a lot of dubious consent but it is softened by Kelly’s insatiable mutant sex drive. Even the sex among her poly family is rough with elements of domination. If you like your sex scenes rough and brutal, this book has you covered.

I enjoyed this series a lot. It is another rare example of good apocalypse erotica. I recommend it.

Sep 212018

I’ve been on vacation all week in Orlando at an undisclosed location. Hint: There are alleged Islands of Adventure nearby. That is to say, I should be on vacation this week, hurricanes and other disasters permitting. I am writing this post in the past and it will go up while I am on holiday because blogging while on vacation is a no-no.

“But Shon, you write every single day. You are a machine put here on Earth to give us porn. Don’t you write while on vacation?”

Good question, highly insightful person that I did not make up. I do write almost every day and it wouldn’t be a vacation if I didn’t take some time off from writing. Besides, my wife would really like my company while exploring these alleged Islands of Adventures. I owe it to my brain, my spouse and my sore fingers to not do any writing while on vacation.

But I do admit that the act of creation never stops. When I go on trips, I take a brand new notebook with me to jot down ideas. It is essential that it is a new notebook because if I bring my current notebook, I’m more likely to work on current writing problems and then the chances of me sneaking to the laptop and wanting to maybe write a page or two while my wife is gathering eighteen more pillows for the hotel bed, greatly increases.

A new notebook is a lovely thing. It has all these blank pages. It has no expectations. A new notebook pretends that you don’t have a dozen other stories waiting to be written. It exists to record whatever weirdo idea you come up with as you stand in line to a place that promises the thrills of your life even though the ride only lasts ten minutes.

“But Shon, what if your old ass body needs a break from standing in lines and you are at the hotel room killing a few hours while your knees recover AND your wife is off doing something because she still has knees?”

Well, that is another good question, person who is strangely knowledgeable about my knees.  What I do in these situations is read the hundred books on my Kindle that I haven’t gotten to yet, but if I am feeling really antsy, I might crack open the laptop and edit. Proofreading is always a challenge but reading your work in a new setting, like a hotel room, gives you that New-to-Me experience.

But really, I don’t recommend that. If you write on a regular basis, even if it is a just a little time a week, then you still deserve a break. People often treat writing as a recreational activity and I get that, but it is also a lot of work. Take the vacations when you can and make the most out of them.

Sep 192018

Years and years ago, my parents watched Phantasm and due to their very negligent approach to parenting, I watched it at the tender age of 7 or 8. The final scene was responsible for me being terrified to be alone in a room with a mirror for the next five years. Good job, Mom and Dad!

Now that I am a grown adult with only a minor phobia of mirrors, I list Phantasm as one of my favorite horror movies. It stars Mike, a young kid who’s parents died and now he is being raised by his handsome older brother, Jody. Mike is a rightfully obsessed with his only surviving family member and spies on Jody all the time. On one of his spying trips, Mike realizes something is weird with the local cemetery and undertaker, unnamed in the movie and called the Tall Man in the script. The Tall Man puts coffins in the ground but after the ceremony, he picks the coffin up by himself and takes it back to the creepy house that doubles as a crypt.

Mike, being a young kid in the 70’s. investigates like he is Nancy Drew. Along the way he consults the local blind fortuneteller and her granddaughter, breaks into the mortuary, wrestles what looks like a Jawa from Star Wars, nearly gets killed by a flying metal sphere, escapes the Tall Man, and oh yeah, severs some of the Tall Man’s fingers but he bleeds yellow ooze and the fingers keep moving. And then the severed finger turns into a giant bug for some reason and nearly kills him.

If this movie sounds crazy, well, it is. It is wonderfully crazy. Weird shit keeps happening. Most horror movies would have stopped with the flying sphere and the Jawa, but no, Phantasm keeps throwing weird shit at you like a nightmare that won’t give up.

Mike eventually tells his older brother Jody what is going on. They also realize, hey, isn’t Mom and Dad buried there too? What has the Tall Man done with their bodies? The brothers load up with shotguns and get in their cool black muscle car to go avenge their parents.

Hey, that sounds familiar.

Holy shit, Mike and Jody are prototype Sam and Dean Winchesters! Jody is the cool older brother who doesn’t care for feelings but he loves his Mike. Mike is the sensitive younger brother who catches on to things while his older brother is just interested in banging hot blondes!

So, back to the movie. Jody and Mike recruit their friend, Ice Cream Truck driver, Reggie, and go fight the Tall Man and his flying sphere and Jawas. More crazy shit happens. The biggest reveal may be that this isn’t a horror movie, but a science fiction horror movie.  Reggie eats it but in the end, the brothers drop the Tall Man down a shaft and they celebrate their victory.

And now I am going to discuss a spoiler. If you have never seen Phantasm, stop now and walk away. Please, go watch the best horror movie and then back to me.

Seen it yet? No, What did I just tell you?

Okay, now you saw it? You’re not just lying are you?

You are lying! Go on, watch it.

Okay, now you have seen it. Tell me how Reggie dies. Okay, I believe you now.


It was all a dream. Mike wakes up, and we see him with Reggie. The entire movie was a dream. Jody died in a car wreck and Reggie is raising Mike now. Reggie tells Mike that it was all a nightmare and that it is perfectly natural to think dream about his dead brother and to make up some sort of monster.

Which is cool and all until the Tall Man snatches Mike through a mirror. Freaking mirrors!

Normally I would be against a “It was all a dream” ending, but for Phantasm, it works so wonderfully well. The whole movie is a nightmare. The Tall Man and his endless powers are perfect for a dream. The way the movie just keeps escalating is typical of a dream as well. The weird gate to another world is typical of a dream shifting tone. It also explains why Mike is always spying on Jody. It’s Mike’s dream and he is clearly following his brother who he knows subconsciously is dead.

Holy crap, Phantasm is a movie about grief. The Tall Man is a personification of Mike’s fears and sorrow. Instead of just another weird horror movie, Phantasm is a thoughtful movie about loss.

Well, right up until the Tall Man appears and snatches awake Mike, but hey, still a damn good movie.


Sep 172018

Back in the 1980’s, I devoured interactive fiction books. The granddaddy of them all was the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure series with its non-linear stories and rather murderous outcomes. A lot of series tried to cash in with different gimmicks and I love them all for their many, many flaws.

One of my favorites was the Be An Interplanetary Spy series. You played a spy for an agency that came across the ultimate law enforcement organization in the universe. While you sometimes pretended to be someone else and infiltrated somewhere, more times than not you were just a hero chasing down a bad guy. It was less Tinker, Tailor, Alien, Spy and more like Spock Bond, Agent of GOOD.

The science fiction angle was different from more interactive fiction but what really set the Spy series apart was the reliance on art. Most interactive books might have a picture every couple of pages but the Spy series was illustrated like a comic book. There is a lot of art crammed into these books and they help create the really trippy and fun worlds that they were depicting.

Now, because of the heavy amounts of art, the book relied on visual puzzles as your main obstacle. These puzzles were often pattern or shape recognition based, where you might get an outline of a power cell and then be asked which of the two slots fits your odd-shaped cell. Other puzzles would give you a sequence and then ask for the next number, shape or direction in the sequence.

The amusing thing is that you got a puzzle for just about anything you would do. There you are, a top spy for a secret organization and to turn on the engine to your own damn space ship, you needed to solve a five-shape progression puzzle.  Want to turn on the food machine to eat? Find the panel that has the same symbol for your species or else you will eat poison alien food. Want to tie your own fucking shoes? Well, I hope you are ready to solve a connection puzzle where you hit all six stress points with the least amount of lines.

You might think I am kidding but I am not. There are puzzles for everything and because the books are linear, you either solve the puzzle or you DIE. That means the books are actually quite long as you will go through every single puzzle to reach the end.

And let me tell you, as a pre-teen, these puzzles were brutal. Being a goody-two-shoes, it never occurred to me that there were only ever two answers for each puzzle and if I randomly picked one and if killed me, I could just go back and take the other choice. No, my Lawful Good ass would break out the scratch paper and work these puzzles like the fate o0f the universe depended on it.

Which is why a few years later when I was taking intelligence tests for high school, I used to get perfect scores on them. They were mostly the same kinds of puzzles, or in many cases, EASIER versions of the puzzles I solved as an Interplanetary Spy. One year I got a perfect score and the school made me take the test again because they thought it was a fluke.

I’ve been collecting these books on ebay and I have been surprised at how affordable they are. For a little over 10 dollars, I have been able to play my favorite Spy missions again as well as quite a few new ones.  The stories are gloriously goofy where every alien race has puzzle based technology and there are a lot more evil robots. I will say, these books have so many great sci-fi ideas crammed into them that if you are a gamer or writer, you are bound to get at least a dozen unique ideas for your own projects.

There are eleven books in the series and they were also recently reprinted. I suggest you try at least one of them for their silly fun.

Sep 142018

Back in July, I told you about the dull adventures of Cherry Delight in the book, Silverfinger. If you have blocked that from your memory, just know that Cherry is a the name of a redhead secret agent that fights the mafia with her gun and her high sex drive. In that book, she helped a family that was being blackmailed by the Mafia. The only thing that made the book memorable was a random Black Mass held by the peasant Satanists in the area.

I was so disillusioned by that book, I have skipped ahead four years to 1977 when the series gets rebooted into the All New Cherry Delight. Cherry no longer works for NYMPHO (NEW YORK MAFIA PROSECUTION AND HARASSMENT ORGANIZATION) but now works for DUE (Department of Unusual Events) Cool beans! The series has fully embraced the fringe elements of the 70’s and will now deal with demons, cults, monsters and maybe UFO’s! Shit is about to get freaky!

At random I picked “The Devil to Pay” which has a really nice Hammer film inspired cover. Will Cherry go up against the Devil himself? Will she have to break out the crucifix, the holy water and maybe the fingernail of a saint? Will she fuck the Devil and have trippy demon sex? Maybe!

In this book, villagers in France are blackmailed by the local Satanist gang to either pay them money, or have their attractive daughters kidnapped for a Black Mass orgy and then sacrificed. The Satanists are rough farmer types and the “Devil” turns out to be a horny old guy wearing a goat’s head and walking on stilts. Cherry has sex with her boss, a handsome French painter and unfortunately, gets raped by the guy in the goat mask, but the rape is mercifully brief as she uses the chance to stab him multiple times with a knife.

Sweet Vincent Price, it is the same story that Silverfinger was, except the Mafia has been swapped for devil-worshipers. Instead of one Black Mass, we have like three or four. There is no spooky lore or even a half-assed attempt at a mythology. In fact, there are bits recycled from Silverfinger about how peasants are drawn to Satan parties because their lives are so boring and a Black Mass is a good excuse for an orgy.

The only upside to this book is that it is paced better than the previous Cherry Delight books. I swear, the Mafia books just putzed around until the author hit a certain word count and then he would wrap everything up abruptly in 20 pages. This book had an organic ending that didn’t feel rushed, even when I would sometimes wish the book would hurry up and end.

Gang, I’m starting to get the feeling that I am not enjoying the Cherry Delight books.

Sep 122018

I’m not sure why I didn’t see the Purge when it came out on 2013. Maybe the trailers made it look like another Killers-With-Bad-Masks movie, which is a sticking point for me that I should discuss some other time. My wife watched it and she liked it and I remember seeing the second Purge movie with her and being entertained. Now that there is a Purge series on USA that I am enjoying, I decided to go give the first movie a try.

The Purge, for those who don’t know, is set in the near-future where a new political party has decided to solve the slow economy, high crime and anything else they can blame by having a special night where all crimes are legal. Police and first response services are suspended so people can murder the hell out of each other. They aren’t allowed to kill government officials, which should be a big tell, but you can go ahead and kill just about anything else.

You know, four years ago, this sounded really silly but now in the era of MAGA and conservatives gleefully justifying locking kids in cages, this feels damn accurate.

The movie centers on a welthy upper-middle class family. There is the dad who sells security systems to the other neighbors and has become quite rich. There is his loving wife, their surly teenage daughter who is mad that they won’t let her date her 18-year old boyfriend and the depressed tween boy who thinks the Purge is creepy and isolates himself by playing with a remote-control robot.

Purge night comes and we see how the media joyfully reports on it, much like they joyfully report almost any great tragedy. We get talking heads who explain the Purge is a healthy thing for letting people blow off steam and we get grim warnings that the country was in such a bad state before the Purge and we can’t ever go back to it.

A black man comes running up the house begging for safety and the parents ignore him. The boy lets him in and a few minutes later, a bunch of killers show up. The killers brag that they are the upper class and killing that homeless guy is their right and damn it, they want their prey back. They are more than willing to kill the family to get to their prey.

Again, this feels really topical. The Purge is just open class warfare. The wealthy can afford protection and weapons and the poor can’t. The killers are the 1% and they wanted to kill some poor people but they will kill some less-rich-than-them as well. Terrible violence is constantly justified and called “American” just like 2nd Amendment nuts always do. We even got good old-fashioned racism with the homeless guy being black.

It is a tight movie and I don’t want to give it away. There are some plot twists but the one I was expecting, that maybe the homeless guy was some sort of bait for a trap, never happens. That is a wise move as if the homeless guy was evil, it would carry the terrible message that the Purge might be right.

Like I said, it is a tight movie with some good action and a family that comes to grip with their own morality. I liked it a lot and I feel like this might be the most American horror movie you could make. We don’t need vampires or zombies, our own society and the people in it as the greatest threat.

Sep 102018

Barbarella began live as a French comic strip in 1962 but most people are aware of it because of the 1968 movie starring Jane Fonda. I read a translation of the comic a few years back and I have a hard time remembering any of it. I am not sure why it didn’t click with me though it is a bad sign when I don’t even remember disliking it.

Dynamite has created a new comic series starring the space adventure heroine and I am pleased to report that it is quite good. The art is lovely and Barbarella is charming, but what really hooks me is the science fiction. In the first issue, Barbarella has a mission on a planet run by religious zealots and as soon as they capture her, they remove her vagina to prevent her from acting out on her impure thoughts.

Now, I am not exactly sure how that works, but it doesn’t matter. It is a frightening/fascinating idea and one that stuck in my mind for quite a bit to come.

The whole series is like that. There was an story about a mystery on a freighter hauling planets. Another story dealt with claim jumpers on a world where they literally mine Time itself. The current story involves aliens who live inside stars. I miss when science fiction used to bring the wonder and Barbarella does that every week.

That is not to say there isn’t sex. There is plenty of sex to be had, but never in an unbelievable way. It is a science fiction story first, with the sexy bits added as garnish.

If you remotely like my Vaquel stories, then you should really check out the new Barbarella comic.



Sep 072018

This week I read 2k to 10K: Writing Faster, Writing Better and Writing More of What You Love by Rachel Aaron, and I pretty much wanted to high-five the author every other page. It is so rare to read a book about writing that gets to the practical advice right away and also presents it in a way that is easy to understand. It is also a remarkably short book which is a big plus for me as way too many books about writing are suspiciously filled with filler. Every page is useful advice and the part on improving your editing has literally changed my life.

But because the book is so short, I really can’t get into the advice without giving the book away. In short, I would say the advice is to become more conscious of where your story is going, and how much you are enjoying it before you get to the nitty-gritty of writing. The author breaks this advice into steps that are easy to follow and are even easier to add to your method of writing. she’s not asking you to change how you write, as much as she is asking you to take a moment to prep before hand.

I suspect those writers who work without outlines and fly by the seat of their pants might recoil for this idea, but I still urge you to purchase this cheap book for the advice on editing, which is priceless.

So yeah, even though I have writing for close over twenty years, this book was really helpful to me and I think it might help you as well.

Sep 052018

Explorer’s Log: I have reached the star system designated The Queen’s Juice by Royal Astronomers. Of the three planets here, two are icy rocks and the third is a pleasant ocean world dotted with small continents. Probes have revealed that the ice worlds have little to no mineral value, no life and nothing worth plundering.

The ocean world is a different matter. The oceans are teeming with unintelligent life, although most of it is algae based. The surface shows signs of a civilization that once lived here, but any buildings or technology has been disassembled. Curiously, there are no traces of mass graves or warfare. It is as if the creatures here decided to break everything down and just leave.

Since this world is ideal for a pleasure outpost, I am concerned that there might be some dark secret that explains why an entire intelligent species might abandon it. For the sake of any further Euphorian colonists, I will be conducting a thorough and exhaustive investigation. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: The thorough and exhausting exploration will be conducted by a dozen probes coordinated by Chairbot. My brown ass will be spending the day on the beach.

Vaquel Di stretched out on the wooden recliner she had made earlier that day. In front of her, the beach roared and rumbled as the waves came in. White foam rose from the bright green water and coasted along the blue sand. A fish leaped out of the water and sank back in without making a splash.

“Damn, what a perfect day,” Vaquel said.

She squirted some anti-radiation gel into her hand and rubbed it over her brown breasts. Her massive mountains jiggled and quaked as she worked to cover every micrometer. She lingered for a bit on her nipples and gave them each a pinch.

The wind blew and it felt like the gentle breeze was kissing Vaquel’s exposed sex. She spread her legs and squirted gel directly onto her pubic bush. The pink fuzz of her bush flattened as she rubbed the gel onto her pussy lips.

“Well, almost perfect,” Vaquel said as she vigorously rubbed her sex. There was nothing to fuck on this planet. The average complexity of organic life was surprisingly low. She couldn’t even find a suggestively shaped seashell. The most complex organism she found was the tree she chopped down to make her recliner.

“Still, it is nice to have a day off,” Vaquel said to the wind. She left her very well-coated sex alone and applied some gel to her thighs.

When was the last time she had a day just to herself? Vaquel had a hard time remembering. As a space explorer, she had duties to perform every day. There were probe surveys to review, reports to dictate and basic maintenance to perform on the ship. Even on her alleged rest days, she had to be on alert for space anomalies, ship malfunctions and possible deep space encounters. The days where she could do absolutely nothing and not put herself at risk were few and far between.

Vaquel turned around and rolled over onto her stomach. Her large breasts flattened against the smooth wood. She couldn’t apply the anti-radiation gel to her back so she used the sprayer. A light mist settled on her back, buttocks and legs. It was a pleasant chill that was soon kissed away by the hot sun.

Facing the ocean, Vaquel watched the green waves come in and recede. Due to a quirk in the shore line, two sets of waves came together to collide in a single wave that approached the beach. Undercurrents tugged at the foam, bringing it back into the ocean to for the rhythm to play out again.

It was a beautiful sight, but she was barely aware of the water. When was her last day off? She didn’t count days where she lied on her reports and just relaxed. Those were stolen days, always with the slight undercurrent of guilt pulling at her attention and urging her to rejoin her duties. When was her last real day off from this mission?

“I don’t get days off,” Vaquel said to the wind. “I’m a deep space probe explorer for the Royal Navy on a twenty-year mission. When I get home, I will be rewarded with bed-slaves, mansions, glory and treasure. My day off will come in twelve more years.”

The wind was unimpressed. Vaquel felt a brief spark of patriotism but it was soon extinguished by the realization that she had twelve more years to go. She wasn’t even fucking halfway on this journey. Gods of the Underworld, that is a lot of busy days ahead of her.

“Fuck it,” Vaquel said. “That is why I am taking a day off. Look at what I have found, Royal Navy, a damn day off!”

The wind blew across Vaquel’s back. The cool breeze rolled down her back and over her round buttocks like the curve of a wing. She clenched her cheeks together, imaging the wind getting trapped like a person’s finger.

Or maybe a cock.

“It is not really a day off unless you come,” Vaquel decided. She reached under herself. Her hand slid over her gel-covered stomach and onto the mound of her sex. She pushed between her nether lips with a single finger, teasing herself with the possibilities.

Vaquel shuddered. She spread her legs and ran her finger up and down between her pussy lips. The wooden recliner creaked under her weight. Her nipples, pinned between the smooth wood and the weight of her breasts, hardened into little stones. Both of her buttocks clenched with anticipation.

She refused to enter herself. Lacking a partner to play with, Vaquel had to rely on herself to provide the teasing. Up and down she rubbed with patient slowness as her juices formed a puddle on the recliner.

“You’re neglecting your duties,” Vaquel said accusingly to herself. Her tone was strict and firm. “You are disobeying the Queen by taking time off. You are shaming the memory of the Royal Navy with your laziness.”

Vaquel shuddered from the dirty talk. Her knees pushed down and her ass rose before falling back down. She shifted her pelvis to trick her finger into entering her but Vaquel’s finger wasn’t cooperating. It knew all her tricks.

“Please,” Vaquel whispered. Now her tone was soft and pliable. “I promise to be good. Just one orgasm and I’ll get back to work. Well, maybe after a nice swim in the ocean too.”

“No,” Vaquel replied to herself with her cold voice.

Vaquel pinched her pussy lip. Pain radiated from her sensitive flesh. She cried out and then whimpered as she twisted the lip.

“Please, please, please,” Vaquel begged. “I’ll do anything! Just let me come! I’ll suck you off if that is what you want!”

“You’ll suck my finger?” Vaquel replied. Her voice was a little less strict. “You’ll suck it clean like the little bed-slave that you are?”

“Yes,” Vaquel moaned.

Vaquel plunged her finger into her pussy. Warm wet heat gripped her finger. Because she was a sadist, she pushed as deep and as hard as she could. Because she was a masochist, she loved it.

One finger wasn’t enough, so Vaquel added a second and a third. Up and down her ass rose and fell as she humped her fingers. The wood recliner was hard on her knees but the pain just added to her arousal.

Vaquel stared out at the ocean as she fucked herself. The waves crashed together with a passion that equaled what was happening between her legs. Another fish leapt from the water, hanging in the air almost as if they were enjoying the sight of Vaquel’s nude body.

She was close. That won’t do. Vaquel pulled her fingers out of her wet sex. As she moaned in disappointment, she brought her fingers to her mouth. She shoved her slick fingers between her lips and fucked her own face.

There was something wrong with the waves. Fingers jammed in her mouth, Vaquel squinted at the water. Instead of two waves coming together, there seemed to be three. Is it some sort of fluke of the current?

Vaquel pulled her fingers out of her mouth and slid them between her thighs. She gasped as she re-penetrated herself. The walls of her sex clenched tightly around her fingers. Her buttocks clenched as she humped her fingers.

The three waves came together and formed one wave. There was a bluish tint to this new wave. Wait, it also moved slower than it should. The blue-green wave was also growing in mass as it came closer.

“Queen’s tit,” Vaquel swore. She sat up on the recliner. Her fingers were still buried in her pussy. Instinct told her to go for her equipment, but her needs told her that maybe she could reach orgasm before that was necessary.

A creature rose from the wave. It was three meters in height at least. The shape was weird, more like a mound than anything else. It shambled towards her as the water broke around it. With every step, the mound shrunk and assumed a more bipedal form.

Vaquel kept stroking. The creature was getting close, but her climax was closer. She grabbed a nipple and pulled on it to hasten her orgasm.

The creature changed color. It went from a murky blue-green to a deep blue. Shimmering gold sparkled along its form.

Vaquel pulled her breast to her mouth and bit down. The pain sent a jolt of desire to her pussy. She stroked faster, racing the creature as it came closer.

The creature shrunk in size to a little over two meters. It thinned as well, reducing to a shape similar in mass, though still larger, to Vaquel. A face formed, with two eyes, a nose and a mouth. Arms ended in hands with five fingers. With every step, it appeared to become more and more Euphorian.

Between the creature’s legs was the most important change. A phallus appeared and became more defined. It stretched half down the thighs and swung with a heavy weight.

Vaquel stopped masturbating. Her breast fell from her mouth. She stared in awe at the blue stud that was approaching her.

The being came to a stop in front of Vaquel. She was close enough to see that the phallus now had veins. As she watched, small blue hairs grew around the base of the cock.

“Welcome visitor,” the being said. No wait, the sound was coming from Vaquel’s ear!

“Do not be alarmed!” the being added. “One of my microbes has attached to your ear canal. It is translating my thoughts for your comprehension. My name is Ciremtu, Welcome to our planet!”

“My name is Vaquel,” she said. “I come from the planet, Euphoria, on a mission of exploration. I thought this planet was devoid of intelligent life.”

Ciremtu laughed. “If anything, this planet is suffused with intelligence. We used to be an inert race like yourself but many years ago, our people developed a way for us to decentralize our consciousness into algae colonies. As you can see, this gave us superior flexibility in how we wish to interact with our environment.

Vaquel stared at his cock. It was now pulsing. “Superior is one way to describe it. So, you are all a bunch of algae now? Is that, good?”

“It is fantastic!” Ciremtu says. A set of balls grows from the base of his cock. “Algae is just the building block for the more complex life forms we can assume! I spent last year as a crab, scuttling along the bottom of the ocean. Before that, I was a bird, skimming the waters and riding the air currents! I have lurked in the water as a behemoth mammal and I have spent decades growing as a tree on a beach like this. Life is so much more than having one shape, you know?”

“Hmm,” Vaquel said. She was staring at Ciremtu’s balls, which were now the perfect size to drop into her mouth. “Some shapes are better than others. So where is the rest of your kind?”

“Oh, they are around,” Ciremtu said. “You’re sitting on Aegma right now.”

Vaquel looked down at the recliner she had made. “Oh shit, did I kill them?”

“No, we’re pretty indestructible,” Ciremtu said. “If Aegma wanted to, they would just shift into a new form. They must be enjoying the novelty of being chopped up and reassembled. Or maybe they just liked having your naked body on them.”

Vaquel glanced back at Ciremtu. His phallus hardening and beginning to point upwards. “What about you? Would you like my naked body on you? Or does your superior species no longer care for sex?”

“Ha, we frequently fuck each other,” Ciremtu said. “We’re shapeshifters and masters of countless biological forms. We have engaged in forms of sex that I doubt you can comprehend.”

Vaquel reached for his cock. It was warm in her hand. She squeezed and it throbbed in response.

“Oh, then you would probably be bored with my simple, inert body?” she said.
“Most of my kind are,” Ciremtu said. “But I have always been the weird one with the fetish of non-adaptable body shapes.”

“Oh really?” Vaquel said. “So, you’re the pervert of your kind.”

“Well, technically-whoa!”

Vaquel pulled Ciremtu’s cock to her mouth and opened wide. She closed her lips around the head of the phallus and ran her tongue over it. The phallus pulsed against her tongue.

It tasted a little salty. Vaquel liked it.

Ciremtu grabbed the back of her head. He pulled her deeper onto his cock. The large phallus filled her mouth and hit the back of her throat.

Vaquel reached for his balls. She cupped them in her hand. There was two of them. She wondered where this bipedal from came from. Was it his original body or was it something he crafted to be compatible with hers? If she really wanted to know, she would have to take his cock out of her mouth to ask him.

Fuck that. Vaquel ran her tongue over Ciremtu’s wonderfully salty cock. She pulled back with her head and to her surprise, Ciremtu’s hand relented. She slid back and forth on his phallus, licking every centimeter as she went.

“Great chlorophyll!” Ciremtu cried out. “I love how your tongue doesn’t conform to the shape of my extension! The way your throat can’t expand to take my length turns me on so much! Sweet photosynthesis, I love the imperfect seal your lips are forming!”

Vaquel looked up at him with his cock in her mouth. She couldn’t quite tell if he was insulting her or not. No one had ever mentioned an imperfect seal when she was sucking them before.

Ciremtu reached down and grabbed one of her breasts. He lifted the heavy mass easily and squeezed. Her nipple was trapped between her fingers and the pinch was delicious.

“Huh,” Ciremtu said. “Are you sure that you are not a volatile shape? Because this mammary sack is perfect! I wouldn’t change a thing!”

Vaquel purred. That was more like it.

She relaxed her jaw and took more of him into her mouth. He hit the back of her throat and kept going. Vaquel kept swallowing more and more until his balls were tantalizingly within reach. She stuck her tongue out past her lip, but she still couldn’t reach his balls.

“Great rays of light!” Ciremtu yelled. He shuddered and his balls almost touched her tongue. “How are you doing that? Are you sure that you are not a shapeshifter?

Vaquel pulled back and let his cock escape her lips. She looked up at him and smiled. “I guess us poor inert lifeforms just have to develop skills rather than change shapes.”

Ciremtu shook his head in wonder. “I need to fuck that vaginal orifice and see what skills you possess there.”

“Yes, you do!” Vaquel said.

She stood and grabbed Ciremtu by his broad shoulders. Turning at the waist, she flipped him over her hip and onto the wood recliner. He landed hard, but she wasn’t concerned. His species was indestructible, right?

Ciremtu didn’t seem bothered. He laid on the wooden recliner with his pulsing erection in hand. It looked bigger than it was a second ago.

That was fine with Vaquel. She swung a brown leg over his blue body and squatted down. He held his cock straight up as she lowered her wet sex to him. The thick head pushed apart her nether lips and entered her.

“Queen’s tit!” Vaquel cried. He had grown! She slowly lowered her weight onto him and his cock pushed deep inside of her. The thick phallus spread her apart, pushing her to every limit as it filled her.

When Vaquel settled onto his lap, she sat perfectly still. The thick phallus impaled her so deeply, she was a little afraid to move. Shudders ran up her spine and down each leg. Maybe this was a mistake.

“Should I reduce myself?” Ciremtu asked. “I may have overestimated your capacity for cock.”

“Don’t you dare,” Vaquel whispered.

She began to move. Slow and steady, she rocked back and forth. Her feet dug into the sand to brace herself while her hips did most of the moving. To help, she reached down and stroked the outside of her sex to keep herself well stimulated.

Ciremtu groaned. His eyes bulged. Muscles clenched and bulged along his chest. He reached up and grabbed her brown breasts in each hand. Gently squeezing, he pulled and played with her tits.

Vaquel leaned into Ciremtu’s hands. As they supported her, she grinded a little faster on his enormous cock. Her fingers homed in on her clitoris and rubbed it furiously.

Ciremtu moaned.

Vaquel moaned.

There was a third moan.

“What?” Vaquel gasped. Her hips never broke stride.

“That was Aegma,” Ciremtu whispered.

Vaquel laughed. She had forgotten about the fucking chair. Fine, let it enjoy itself. She didn’t know what kind of pleasure it was getting, but as long it held them up, she didn’t care.

Ciremtu moved one of his hands from her breast to her ass. As his fingers sunk into her ass, he also pulled. He pushed up with his hips, lifting her body on his cock.

“Queen’s tit,” Vaquel whispered. She kept stroking her clitoris as Ciremtu bucked beneath her. The breast that was still held by the alien jiggled wildly while the other one bounced and slammed on her chest.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Take it you inert, solid, primitive evolutionary dead end!” Ciremtu yelled.

Vaquel felt a flash of anger followed by a flush of desire. She had never been insulted as an inert species before. It was a new kind of filthy talk.

“Oh, you want me to take it, do you?” Vaquel said. “Let’s see how you handle this pussy, you blue algae-shifting solid-fucker!”

Vaquel leaned forward and rested both elbows on Ciremtu’s broad chest. His cock still trapped inside of her, Vaquel slammed her pelvis up and down with increasing speed. Her brown ass clenched, writhed and jerked as she savagely rode him.

“Great chlorophyll!” Ciremtu cried. “You’re threatening my structural cohesiveness!”

“Oh, am I too much for you?” Vaquel said. Her heavy breasts pressed against his chest. “Are you not ready for this pussy? Is it too advanced for you? Is it too fucking primitive for your cock?”

Ciremtu didn’t answer. He grabbed Vaquel’s twerking ass with both hands and held on. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and stayed there.

Vaquel showed him no mercy. His cock was still too big and wide, but the alien’s submission kept her lubricated. She slammed her pelvis into his, sending his massive phallus deeper and deeper inside of her tight sex.

“Great rays of light,” Ciremtu whispered. A fissure appeared on his shoulder.

Vaquel added a devious sway to her hips with every hump.

“Sweet photosynthesis,” Ciremtu gasped. Toes fell off his feet.

Vaquel clenched tighter around him with her aching pussy muscles.

“Oh excrement,” Ciremtu said and then his body crumbled into blue-green mold. The next slam of Vaquel’s hips shattered him. Pieces of mold were caught by the wind and blown away.

“No!” Vaquel yelled. She was so damn close!

Wait, Ciremtu’s phallus was still inside of Vaquel. She reached down and grabbed the end. The balls were still attached. She clenched. The cock was still solid.

Vaquel didn’t waste any time. There was no telling how long the phallus would last. She quickly laid down on the wooden recliner and spread her legs. Her knees up, she held onto the phallus by the balls as she fucked herself.

The recliner groaned under her.

“Hey, Aemga!” Vaquel shouted. “You want to take your buddy’s place and fuck me?”

The recliner didn’t answer.

“Your loss!” Vaquel shouted.

She rammed the phallus in and out of her sex. The phallus was still thick, it was still solid and it was still pushing her every limit. The hard pulls bounced into her slick lips like a kiss.

The wind blew across Vaquel’s hard nipples and sent her over the edge. A powerful orgasm exploded between her legs like a fragmentation grenade. Her pussy convulsed and cracked the phallus in three places.

“Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel screamed.

As Vaquel shook and rode her orgasm, the cock crumbled inside of her. Blue-green slime oozed out of her pussy. Something sparkled in the goo, but whether it was some unknown organelle or a piece of Ciremtu’s conscious, she didn’t know.

Vaquel rose from the recliner and stumbled to the water on shaking knees. She squealed when the cool water hit her feet but she kept going. Only when the water reached her breasts did she stop, and that was to make sure her sex was properly washed out.

“That was exhausting,” Vaquel said. Her thighs and ass burned from the fucking. Sweat ran down her face. The inside of her pussy felt wrecked in a good way.

“I’m going to have to take an extra day off to recover from my day off,” Vaquel said.

And who knows? Ciremtu might come back. Or maybe another of his kind will come to visit.

“If all else fails, I can carve Aemga into something more intimate.”

Vaquel floated in the water and began her long hard day of resting.

Sep 032018

My pirate anthology, Tales of the Wild Kiss, is now available for sale on Amazon for Kindle and whatever devices you read. I’m not a technical guy, you might read it through machine telepathy for all I know.

I wrote this back in 2011 and I am pleased to report that I think it holds up well. Each story takes place on a decadent pirate ship during the Golden Age of Piracy in the Caribbean. Most of the sex involves domination of some sort and there is plenty of bondage. There is also sea shanties, snide remarks from parrots and a rather diverse group of nationalities.

I like the anthology format a lot. It lets you explore a group of people and their interests without having to force a central character into every story. I might try it again in the future depending on how well this sells.