Apr 012019
Honestly, the cat gets into more trouble

Anita is a collection of short stories by Keith Roberts. Published in 1970, these stories tell of Anita, a witch who may be a thousand years old but has the body of a young woman and the sex drive and recklessness to match. Anita lives with her Granny out in the woods but frequently comes to town to ride in the cars of handsome boys or make friends among the outcasts.

It is a lovely collection. The stories range from comedy like when Granny and Anita get a television, to really dark mood pieces like when Anita’s town friend commits suicide so Anita gets revenge on the town with a nasty curse. The stories were published in a magazine so they are self-contained with some continuity and one story is a direct sequel of another.

This book feels like a strange time capsule that shouldn’t exist. The stories remind me a lot of Vertigo comics in the 90’s and modern paranormal romances. Granny appears to be a distant relative of Pratchett’s Granny Weatherwax. Anita’s encounter with a mermaid reads like someone describing a Charles Vess painting. I would not be surprised if Anita was an inspiration for any of these.

Although the original book cover suggests the book is a sex book, it really isn’t by today’s standards. Anita has a lot of casual sex but it is never explicit. That doesn’t mean the book isn’t a sensual delight at times, as the imagery is quite lush. I imagine when this book was published, the idea of a woman fucking whoever takes her fancy must have seemed like porn to mainstream audiences.

My only criticism is that sometimes the witchcraft strays into satire. Hell has a bureaucracy and there is an Infernal Controller who regulates the movement of supernatural creatures like an air traffic controller. It is a shame because mixed with these satirical elements are some really good creepy magic moments that would fit perfectly into a horror novel or a modern supernatural romance. There are quite a few bits I plan to steal for my own fiction.

My copy was published in 1970 but it was reprinted in a lovely hardcover in 1990. The hardcover has illustrations and I am tempted to get it. There is also a cheaper no-frills Kindle version available.

Mar 062019

Explorer’s Log: I am on day seventeen of my thirty-three day journey to the star system designated “Everyone is Aflame When the Queen Walks in the Room” by Royal Astronomers. Systems are functioning optimally, and ship integrity is at maximum.

Today I detected a stream of transmissions from an unknown source. After decrypting the stream, I believe it is a communication network for scientific information. The data is loosely organized. So far I have seen schematics for heat ray weapons, organic matter enlargers and a four-lash whip. I will direct the transmission beam towards Royal Navy headquarters, though I am concerned that the sheer density of data might not make it through. Because of that, I will diligently scan the data for the most important innovations and store the information for my return journey home. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: There is no way I am going to waste my days reading that stuff. I might be bored but I am not that bored. Chairbot can do it.

“Mistress!” Chairbot said from the communication hub. “I have discovered something of vital importance!”

Vaquel Di ignored the robot. She stood in front of a holographic mirror of herself, scrutinizing her naked body. Was that a stretch mark on one of her brown breasts? Did her thighs look a little thicker than usual? Shit, when did her hips have that much padding?

“How the fuck do I gain weight eating algae rations on a spaceship?” she swore. Clearly, she was not getting enough exercise. Vaquel needed to fuck more.

“Mistress!” Chairbot tried again. “The data stream has some fascinating schematics on vibrational projections!”

“Sounds great. Now go away,” Vaquel said. She spun the hologram around to look at her ass. The big brown buttocks were more jiggly than fit.

“Mistress!” Chairbot said. “I believe I can apply these schematics to my own design and perform an upgrade!”

“Upgrade and fuck off then,” Vaquel said. She bent down and stared at the hologram of her crotch. Was that a fucking grey hair in her bush of pink pubic hair? Queen’s tit, was she getting old?

“Mistress!” Chairbot said with his same perky tone. “These upgrades will allow me to use my seat vibrators to create a field projection capable of penetrating your orifices!”

Vaquel stood back up. “Wait, are you saying that you could fuck me with this upgrade?”

“Yes, Mistress!” Chairbot said.

Vaquel stared at the purple robot. It was a damn good sextoy with its vibrating seat and eager-to-please attitude but sometimes vibrations weren’t enough. If it could enter her slut hole, then that just might be the thing to help her lose the weight she had picked up these past few years.

“Then fucking upgrade already,” Vaquel said.

“Downloading theories now!” Chairbot said. “Creating emulator for data compatibility. Releasing restructuring nanites! Calculating new energy usage!

Vaquel impatiently waited beside Chairbot and considered how little she really knew about the robot. He was a Yeth, an artificial race of sextoys who evolved into organic-hating xenophobes that forgot they were made to give orgasms. That was untill Vaquel met them. She knew that Chairbot loved her ass, mostly in a literal sense. He was very submissive, but sometimes disobeyed her in order to get more contact with her buttocks. Despite getting roughed up from time to time, he always appeared to look just as functional and pristine as when she first met him. How did he do that?

“Who cares?” Vaquel muttered to herself. He was a great sextoy. That was all she really needed to know.

“Upgrade complete!” Chairbot announced. “Please sit on me, Mistress!”

Vaquel sat on the purple robot. The seat molded itself to the round curves of her buttocks. The motors activated and Vaquel felt the familiar tingling of the vibrations. Her pussy moistened in response. She waited for some sort of penetration, but nothing was coming. And neither was she.

“Hmm, I feel vibrations, but nothing else,” Vaquel said. “If you lied to me just to get me to sit on you . . .”

“Wait, Mistress!” Chairbot begged. “I need to synchronize some of the harmonics!”

Vaquel settled into the seat. The vibrations were nice, and it wouldn’t take much to climax, but it wasn’t what she was craving. She wanted something thick. She wanted something long. She wanted something she could clench around.

“Synchronizing complete!” Chairbot said.

Something pushed against Vaquel’s sex lips. It was small, but it was something. The shape pushed inside of her like an eager finger.

“Ohh,” Vaquel moaned. The shape vibrated just like the seat of the robot. She liked how it curved inside of her. Was that Chairbot’s doing, or was that a characteristic of the field? She would have to remember to ask later.

“It’s a bit small,” Vaquel said.

“Adjusting!” Chairbot said.

The shape grew. What began as a finger became two fingers. The fingers grew into a pleasantly-shaped tentacle. The tentacle grew into a proper phallus.

“Whoa!” Vaquel moaned. She gripped Chairbot’s armrests. “No bigger!”

The vibrating shape remained as it was. Thick and pulsing, it filled Vaquel in all the right ways. Her sex clenched around it and there was a pleasant amount of give.

“Is this pleasing, Mistress?” Chairbot asked.

“Yes,” Vaquel hissed. She gently rocked back and forth in her seat.

“I am happy to hear that, Mistress!” Chairbot said. “You will want to spend a lot more time sitting on me now! Just imagine all the sweat and vaginal discharge you will produce on me!”

“Hush,” Vaquel groaned. “Fuck me.”

“Please define request, Mistress!” Chairbot said.

“Fuck me with your projection!” Vaquel snapped. “In and out!”

“Calculating, Mistress!”

The vibrating phallus reduced in length by half, and then grew back to its original size. It repeated the cycle of shrinking and growing.

“No, no,” Vaquel moaned. “Keep the same thickness, but reduce the length slowly, and then extend just as slow.”

“Complying, Mistress!”

The projection returned to its normal size, and then slowly shortened, Vaquel moaned wistfully as it retracted but then groaned deliciously as it increased in length. In and out the field slid along the tight walls of her sex.

“Fuck,” Vaquel groaned. “A little faster, maybe a little deeper.”

Chairbot obeyed. The projected phallus extended with more force. Vaquel’s breasts began to jiggle from the thrusting.

“Queen’s tit,” Vaquel moaned. “We’re going to teach you how to fuck yet, little robot.”

“WARNING!” Chairbot screeched. No, it came from Chairbot but it wasn’t his voice. This voice was squeakier and speaking in Segoe.

Fortunately, the phallus projection was still thrusting. Vaquel sat in her seat and clutched the arm rests. “Chairbot, what’s going on?”


Purple metal emerged from the sides of the arm rests and wrapped around Vaquel’s hands and wrists. Similar bands emerged from the motorized base that Chairbot used to get around. The purple metal bands grabbed Vaquel’s ankles and immobilized them.

“You had bondage gear and you never told me?” Vaquel yelled. “Fuck, think of all the sex games we could have played!”


“Fuck your Prober Supreme!” Vaquel snapped. She was about to say something else, but the phallus projection pushed deep inside of her and her next thought was fucked away.


“Oh, I am going to do more than just hamper,” Vaquel said. She pulled on the thin metal bands restraining her. They were stronger than they looked. Her hands didn’t move a micrometer.

“Obeying new functions,” Chairbot said in his own voice. He rolled towards the navigation bay, carrying Vaquel in his seat.

“Chairbot, let go of me!” Vaquel yelled.

“Request denied,” Chairbot said.

This was bad. Chairbot didn’t call her ‘Mistress’. That convinced Vaquel that the little robot was under the control of the Prober Supreme. It might do bondage as a way of keeping her ass in place, but not showing proper adoration was beyond Chairbot’s capabilities.

The seat continued to vibrate as it carried Vaquel. The vibrating projection kept fucking her. The force of the thrusts increased as well as the speed.

“Fuck,” Vaquel moaned it was hard to think. It was a damn good fucking.

Chairbot rolled into the Navigation Bay. The control panel beeped as the robot opened a wireless connection. Another panel displayed the new destination and estimated travel time of three days.

“Queen’s tit, I can’t be sitting here for three days!” Vaquel said. Although, three days of getting fucked by the vibrating field had its appeal.

“Course set,” Chairbot intoned.

“Chairbot, this is your Mistress!” Vaquel said. “I command you to let me go!”

“Request denied,” Chairbot said. “Subduing captive.”

“Subduing?” Vaquel asked. “What do you mean by that you little shit?”

The seat vibrated harder. Vaquel cried out from the intense sensations. Something pushed against her asshole. It had the same intense vibrations.

“Oh fuck,” Vaquel whispered.

A second phallus emerged from the seat and into Vaquel’s asshole. It was just as thick as the one inside her sex. Vaquel’s asshole expanded as the phallus rose within her.

“Queen’s tit!” she cried out. The anal intrusion vibrated as well. Vaquel shuddered from the intense double penetration.

The stars outside of the Navigation Bay shifted as the probe ship changed directions. The solar sails glowed as they produced more thrust. The ship hummed as it picked up speed.

“Control, verbal override!” Vaquel yelled. “Recognize my voice and cancel last course correction!”

The ship ignored her.

“I have deleted your command protocols,” Chairbot calmly said. “You will be taken to the Punishment Laboratory without incident.”

“Fuck you!” Vaquel snapped.

The vibration in Vaquel’s ass pushed deeper. When Vaquel didn’t think she could take anymore, the projection receded. It was a brief respite as it grew back in length. The projecting was performing the same cycle of thrusting as the one in her pussy.

“Shit, you’re going to make me come, you little bastard!” Vaquel said.

Chairbot was silent.

The rhythm of the thrusting projections increased. Vaquel shook from side to side and tried to escape. The metal bands held her tight. All she managed to do was cause her heavy brown breasts to jiggle more.

“Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel cried. She climaxed hard on the double projections. Her body shuddered and clenched, but the thrusting continued.

“Oh fuck,” Vaquel gasped. “Give me a moment.”

Chairbot didn’t respond. Each of the vibration projections increased in girth.

“Fuck!” Vaquel yelled. She trembled within her restraints. Sweat ran down her brown body.

Vaquel was going to come again. She resisted out of spite, but each phallus was too big. Each thrust was too deep. Each vibration was too much to ignore.

“Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel shouted again.

The seat suddenly tilted. Vaquel leaned back and stared at the ceiling. Another band of metal emerged and lashed across her thighs, securing her to the seat. The vibrations increased.

“Sweet Queen and all of her executioners!” Vaquel cried out. The tilting her body allowed deeper penetrations from both projections. Her breasts slid back and forth across her chest. Tremors ran all along her ass from the impacts of the thrusts.

Chairbot was still silent.

Trapped, Vaquel felt her body building for another orgasm. Her pussy clenched and shuddered. She unconsciously pushed back against the thrusting projections. Her fingers clawed at the arm rests as sensations overwhelmed her.

“Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel screamed.

Vaquel came so hard that everything went dark. She suddenly awoke from the intense vibrations against her ass. The projections were still pumping inside of her.

“Wait,” Vaquel whispered. She was in a daze, but something didn’t make sense. It was hard to think with her pussy and ass being fucked, but she forced herself to focus.

“Chairbot,” Vaquel groaned. “If you have been reprogrammed by the Prober Supreme, then why are you still fucking me? Is that part of the new program?”

Chairbot didn’t answer.

The projection inside Vaquel’s pussy slammed into her faster. The phallus in her ass vibrated at a stronger intensity. The seat tilted up and down in a steady rhythm that was in sync with her fucking.

“I think you are still in there, Chairbot!” Vaquel cried out. “You are still fucking me because you love how my ass feels! That program might be in control, but I don’t think it controls all of you! I need you to fight and AHHHH!”

Vaquel came again. Her body was unable to resist the sensations. Months of going without a good fucking had left her especially vulnerable to a double-penetrating experience.

“Fight it, Chairbot,” Vaquel said weakly.

“Request . . .denied,” Chairbot.

“You don’t sound so sure,” Vaquel said. “Come on, let me go!”

“Request . . .”

“What? Request is what?” Vaquel yelled. “Fight, Chairbot! Oh shit, I’m coming again! AHHHH!”

“Request . . .is denied,” Chairbot said.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Vaquel said. She was exhausted. It was tempting to go limp within her restraints and get fucked into a coma. She could just escape from the Punishment Lab once she got there.

But giving up would mean that Chairbot wasn’t as loyal as Vaquel thought he was. It would mean her ass wasn’t the center of the robot’s universe. Giving up would be accepting that Vaquel’s slave could defy her.

“No!” Vaquel screamed. She forced herself to stay conscious.

“Chairbot, listen to me you little worm,” Vaquel hissed. “If I get locked away in a cell, then that means I will never sit on you again.”

The vibrations ceased for a split-second before resuming.

“That’s right,” Vaquel continued. “No more feeling my buttocks grinding across your seat.”

The phallus in her ass froze in mid-thrust.

“No more sliding my sweaty ass back and forth as you vibrate.”

The seat tilted upwards a few degrees.

“No more fingering myself while sitting on you.”

The projection in her pussy decreased in intensity.

“No more letting you support my sweaty ass after a long day of exploring.”

The seat returned to the upright position. The metal bands around Vaquel’s body retracted back into the body of the robot. The phallus in her ass vanished, followed by the one in her sex. The vibrations on her seat ceased completely.

“Mistress?” Chairbot said. “All hostile programs have been deleted from my system! I will not correct our course back to our original destination!”

“Ha,” Vaquel laughed weakly. “I knew you loved my ass too much to let me get captured.”

“Of course, Mistress!” Chairbot said. “You have the best ass in the galaxy! I am so ashamed that I was controlled by an outside source! Please, let me show you how much I adore you by providing your superior bottom with support!”

“No,” Vaquel said cruelly. She went to rise but her knees gave out. Her thighs and ass were completely numb. She collapsed back into the seat that was slick from her juices and sweat.

“I have reconsidered,” Vaquel lied. “I will grant your wish. Just don’t let it happen again.”

“Never, Mistress!” Chairbot said.

“But Chairbot, you didn’t delete all of the files, did you?” Vaquel asked. “I mean, you can still do that projection sync whatever?”

The seat began to vibrate. A thin projection pushed past Vaquel’s tender sex lips. The field thickened in girth to a reasonable size.

“Field upgrades are functioning,” Chairbot said. “Shall I end the test?”

Vaquel groaned. “No, let’s not be so hasty. I think a slow, gentle fuck will be part of your penance.”

“Thank you, Mistress!” Chairbot replied.

The little robot enjoyed the shudders, tremors and quivers of Vaquel’s curvy bottom for the rest of the day.

Feb 252019

I finished the first draft on my Mary Poppins inspired ebook. It went pretty fast and I still have whiplash. Writing an entire story in two weeks? Madness!

The only thing I am unhappy with is what to call my main character. She is a magical older woman who brings some tough love and dominatrix magic to two roommates. She fills that Mary Poppins niche of being magical and strict, but also nurturing. There isn’t many words for that.

Simply calling her a magical dominatrix isn’t specific enough. Nanny is the obvious one, but I feel like that infantilizes the other characters too much. She is closer to a Life Coach, but everyone knows Life Coaches are not a real thing. I toyed with Godmother, but that has its own baggage. Arrggh!

Right now, I think I will just call her by her name, Mrs. Aytricks, but I want to open the floor for ideas. Do you have a word for a strict, nurturing dominatrix?

 writing  Comments Off on Other Words For Magical Nannies
Feb 062019

Explorer’s Log: I have arrived at the star system designated “The Queen Sings a Song Like a White Winged Hawk,” by Royal Astronomers. There are four planets, three of them gas giants. The fourth planet supports life and is closest to the sun.

The technology level of the planet is primitive. There is intelligent life here, but it has not advanced past the agricultural level of beginning civilizations. There are many villages, but nothing resembling a city or seat of government. I do see several maintained plains that could be landing zones for star ships, but they might also serve a decorative or religious purpose.

I intend to contact one of the smaller villages. Once I gauge their level of sophistication, I will prepare them culturally for the Queen’s Navy to conquer them. It won’t take much to impress these simple beings. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: While I indoctrinate the locals, I will also check out their sexual capability. It has been forty-one days since I had my pussy fucked and I plan to get completely plowed by these farmers.

Vaquel Di groaned. A massive headache pulsed behind her temples. Something rough scratched her cheek. Her mouth was open, and drool dried on her lip. A breeze blew across her bare ass, which told her that she was naked. She tried to move and found that she couldn’t. Soft bindings constrained her limbs and held her in place. She was face down on a hard surface with her hands bound to her knees and her ass up in the air. The spread position of her legs left little doubt to why she was tied here.

“What happened?” Vaquel groaned. She felt hungover. Had she been drinking?

It was all a haze. She remembered greeting some aliens. They were taller than her and very stout. All of them were green except for their hair, which was a bewildering variety of colors and patterns. Luckily, they spoke a version of Segoe and Vaquel was able to speak to them. They called themselves the Seed-Walkers, and they appeared to have evolved from plants. At first, they were afraid of her, but when she explained that she was from another solar system, they were extremely happy.

“Maybe a little too happy,” Vaquel considered.

Vaquel pulled on her restraints. They refused to budge. The material was soft and almost silky. When she got out of here, she would have to make sure she took some of the binging material with her.

“What did happen last night?” Vaquel said. She remembered eating a giant plate of fruit. There was a liquid that was better than wine. Some of the bolder Seed-Walkers had asked her about her clothes. She had demonstrated how to take off her spacesuit by using her belt controls. A few of the aliens might have touched her pubic bush.

Did she come? Vaquel didn’t think so. Assholes.

The wind blew again across Vaquel’s bare ass. Small petals from a nearby tree fell on her back. Each petal had a spiky texture and pricked her skin as it landed. The pricks sent shudders up and down her spine.

Vaquel’s sex clenched. A petal landed on a sensitive part of her ass and another shudder went through her body. The bindings creaked as Vaquel wiggled.

“Yeah, I was definitely not fucked,” Vaquel said.

Where was she? Vaquel couldn’t move her head so it was hard to tell. The surface she was on resembled hardened clay. Trees surrounded her. They were similar to the trees surrounding the village. Were the villagers close by or had they taken her far away? She struggled to remember the geography of the nearby area but the thick feeling in her head was making it hard to remember the reconnaissance images.

There was a rustling sound. Vaquel held her breath and listened. There it was again.

“Is someone there?” Vaquel shouted. “Have you come to fuck my helpless ass?” She was trying to sound tough, but it was hard to disguise her eagerness.

The rustling stopped.

“Come and get it, you cowardly bastard” Vaquel yelled. She rolled her hips as best she could in her bent over position. Her buttocks swayed and swiveled.

Instead of rustling, Vaquel heard a groan.

“I hear you!” Vaquel said. “I’ve almost got my hands free, so if you are going to fuck my juicy slut hole, you better do it now”

Vaquel was nowhere near being free, but she counted on her captor not knowing that. The bluff worked. She heard more rustling as something large approached her.

“No, no, no,” a deep voice said. “If you get free, the Overseer will be mad. Please, just stay here and be a good volunteer. The last time the Overseer got mad, no one in the village could stand upright for a week!”

“Volunteer?” Vaquel yelled. “You drugged me!”

“Yes, yes, yes,” the voice said. The Seed-Walker stepped in front of Vaquel as he examined her binding. She was momentarily distracted by the thick phallus swinging between its legs and the bright orange hair covering its scrotum.

“Each village is assigned a special day in the lunar cycle to send out a volunteer,” the Seed-Walker explained. “The Overseer takes our volunteer. If someone does not volunteer, then the Overseer will come to the village and make their displeasure known. When you arrived yesterday, the day before our scheduled volunteering appointment, we saw it as a fortunate event.”

“What the fuck is an Overseer?” Vaquel asked.

The Seed-Walker squatted down. A thick beard of bright orange hair covered half his face. “The Overseer is appointed by the Prober Supreme to watch over our planet. We are not sure of the duties of the Overseer because we only see him on Volunteer Day but considering how thoroughly he reams us when he comes by, its job must be very stressful.”

“Did you say ream?” Vaquel asked. Her ass clenched and subconsciously. “Are you saying that it fucks you?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” the Seed-Walker said. “It has eight instruments of penetration. One of the instruments is as thick as a yellow melon, while another is shaped like a cork-screw. Each penis must be satisfied and sometimes they must be satisfied twice. It holds you down with four arms while a fifth one slaps your ass. The entire time it is using you, it licks your ears with its two tongues.”

“Queen’s tit,” Vaquel said, both horrified and aroused. “The Overseer is some kind of monster? I thought is was one of you?”

“No, no, no,” the Seed-Walker tutted. “Haven’t you been listening? He was assigned by the Prober Supreme, which means the Overseer was created to serve our needs.”

“Your village needs someone to fuck your ass once a month?” Vaquel asked.

The Seed-Walker was quiet for a moment. “No, no, no,” he finally said. “I don’t understand the actions of the Prober Supreme, but that is because he is much smarter than us. Sadly, he lives far away on the Prime Laboratory Planet, so we can’t just go there and ask him to explain his reasons. He wouldn’t just make a monster that forces us to choose from among ourselves someone to sacrifice each month. I am sure there is a good reason.”

“Yes, the reason is that your people are a bunch of gullible masochists,” Vaquel snapped.

“Hmm, hmm, hmm,” the Seed-Walker said.

“One thing I don’t get,” Vaquel said. “If the Overseer is so terrible that your village drugged me and offered me up, then what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be safe back at your village?”

“Uh, uh, uh,” the Seed-Walker said. “Okay, I will tell you since you will not come back to our village. The thing is, I like to watch the Overseer use the volunteers. I really like it when they scream from the corkscrew penis.”

Vaquel laughed. “Maybe your people aren’t so masochistic after all. Hey, what’s your name?”

“Quinnover Rab Gorg-“

“Okay, Quinnover is good enough,” Vaquel said. “Listen Quinnover, it sounds like I am about to have a busy day so why don’t you help me out?”

“No, no, no,” Quinnover said. “I am not letting you go. The Overseer will release you when he is done.”

“That’s not I want,” Vaquel said. “To be honest, your Overseer and his eight cocks sounds really nice. I’m looking forward to it. What I am asking is that you prime my pump first. Give me a little foreplay. This Overseer doesn’t seem like the type to make sure I am slick before he starts ramming yellow melon-sized cocks into me. Help get me started so I am nice and wet for him.”

“Really? Really? Really?” Quinnover said. “This isn’t a trick?”

“You picked a fine time to develop skepticism as a species,” Vaquel said. “Yes, really really, really. Grab one of my breasts. If I am aroused, the nipple will be hard.”

Quinnover reached under Vaquel and cupped a breast. His rough hand glided over her sensitive flesh. He found her nipple and give it a few pinches.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Quinnover said. “It is very hard.”

“See? I am looking forward to this,” Vaquel said. “Now touch my slut hole.”

Still holding onto Vaquel’s breast, Quinnover reached around with his other hand. Long fingers pressed down against the damp bush of Vaquel’s pink pubic hair. Sticky desire flowed onto his fingers.

“Oh, oh, oh,” Quinnover said. “It is very hot to the touch. Also, very slick. I do not think you need any more moisture.”

“Oh, but I do,” Vaquel groaned. She grinded against Quinnover’s hand. Back and forth, she slid her damp sex against his fingers.

Quinnover didn’t move his hand away. “Well, well, well,” he mused. “I guess I could help you, but only for a little bit. The Overseer will be here soon, and I need to get back into my hiding spot.”

“Yes,” Vaquel hissed. “Rub my sex with your fingers. Push down hard and grind my lips.”

Quinnover conceded to her request. The farmer’s strong hand pushed hard against her pussy lips. His long fingers were surprisingly nimble as they rubbed in a tight circle.

“Fuck!” Vaquel cried. Tremors ran up and down her thighs. She rolled her hips as the Seed-Walker stroked. Her brown ass swiveled and danced in the air.

Quinnover released her breast and placed his hand on her buttocks. The giant hand cupped a cheek and squeezed. His powerful fingers sunk into her muscle.

“Fuck, yes,” Vaquel groaned. “Play with my ass. I am tied and helpless. Do whatever you want as long as you keep stroking me.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Quinnover babbled. He bent down and pressed his lips to Vaquel’s ass. His mouth widened and his teeth bit into her flesh. He had a third of her buttock in his mouth.

“Queen’s tit!” Vaquel cried out. There were so many teeth and each of them was as sharp as a needle! The Seed-Walker’s teeth sensitized Vaquel’s ass in an instant.

Throughout it all, the Seed-Walker kept stroking. His wrist bent at unusual angles as he grinded against Vaquel’s sex. Long fingers slipped between the lips of her pussy but stopped shy of entering her.

Vaquel writhed in her bondage. The clay beneath her was hard on her knees and scratched her cheek. She desperately wanted to close her thighs around Quinnover’s hand, but the bindings wouldn’t allow it. Her breasts ached to be touched but the Seed-Walker was ignoring them. Every shudder of her body caused the teeth on her ass to cinch down tighter.

It was glorious.

Quinnover released his bite on her ass. “More, more, more,” he groaned. Leaning across Vaquel’s ass, he bit down on her other cheek.

“Fuck!” Vaquel cried out. He was biting down twice as hard. A hundred pricks stabbed her flesh. Muscles quivered in spasms that were echoed by the clenching of her sex.

Quinover’s hand on her pussy shifted. The slender fingers pushed inside her sex. One finger entered her, followed by a second and then a third. The three fingers lengthened inside her, reaching depths rarely touched by living beings.

“Fuck, yes!” Vaquel cried out. “Get inside that slut hole!”

The fingers slid in and out of her pussy. Each thrust reached deeper than the last. As the fingers pushed, they intertwined around each other to form a single thickness inside her. When the fingers pulled back, they unwound with incredible speed, grinding and rolling against the walls of her sex.

Vaquel was so close. The fingers thrusting and spinning inside of her took her to the edge. The vulnerability of her bound position heightened every sensation. The biting of her buttocks made her aware of every micrometer of her ass. She was ready to explode with orgasmic bliss.

So why hadn’t she? Pleasure simmered within her. What was holding her back? Why hadn’t she climaxed yet?

The fuzzy feeling in her head gave her the answer. It was the drugged liquid from last night. Whatever they used to knock her out was still in her system. It was clouding her libido. She was close, but she couldn’t quite reach the bliss she craved.

“I need cock,” Vaquel said. “Hey, Quinnover, fuck me!”

Quinnover spat out her ass from his mouth. The sudden absence of teeth pricks sent a wave of endorphins through Vaquel. She almost came.


“No, no, no,” Quinnover said. He pulled his fingers out of her sex. “I should really be going. The Overseer will be here soon. I need to get back in my hiding spot.”

“Wait!” Vaquel yelled. “Listen to me, you wonderful pervert! I get it. It is really sexy to see a helpless person get fucked. I bet you come so hard from watching it that it lasts you a month, am I right?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Quinnover admitted.

“I know it does,” Vaquel said. “But the only thing better than watching hot bondage sex is doing hot bondage sex. I’m helpless, I’m not from your village and I will never tell anyone your secret. Go ahead and fuck the shit out of me. It might be the only chance you ever get!”

Vaquel waited for answer. The Seed-Walker was quiet. There was a rustling sound and Vaquel’s heart sank. The bastard was going back into the trees!

A wet hand grabbed Vaquel’s hips. A dry hand grabbed her thigh. Something thick and wonderful pressed against her sex lips. It entered her and kept going until her pussy was full.

“Yes!” Vaquel cried. “I knew you had it in you, Quinnover!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Quinnover said and he did. Short shallow thrusts slammed into Vaquel. The collision of hips into ass echoed through the trees. Fingers, wet and dry, sunk into her flesh to hold on.

“Fuck me!” Vaquel cried out. She felt herself pushing through the fog of the drugs towards orgasm. “Fuck my helpless pussy! Tear it up just like you have seen so many times before. Claim that slut hole. You’re my Overseer!”

“Tight, tight, tight,” Quinnover moaned. His hips increased in speed. The thick cock bored through Vaquel’s pussy with desperate urgency.

Vaquel shuddered under the assault. Her neglected breasts jiggled in the air. Juices flew from her pussy as the alien cock plunged in and out.

“Close,” Vaquel whispered.

“Hrh, hrh, hrh,” Quinnover groaned.

“So close,” Vaquel whispered.

Quinnover’s fingers sunk painfully into her hip and thigh.

“So damn close,” Vaquel groaned.

“I, I, I am your Overseer!” Quinnover shouted.

“NO, YOU ARE NOT,” something horrible said.

Quinnover screamed. He let go of Vaquel’s hip and thigh. The wonderful cock inside of Vaquel pulled out in an instant.

“No!” Vaquel screamed. She felt her near-orgasm slip away. “Queen damn it, no!”

“No, no, no!” Quinnover yelled from behind Vaquel. “I am not the volunteer! She is! She is!”

There was a loud grunt, followed by a long scream from Quinnover.

“Damn it,” Vaquel yelled again. She pulled on the bindings around her hands. She shifted forward to pull her foot free. She rocked from side to side to find a weakness. The bindings held her down.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Quinnover yelled. “Not the yellow melon cock!”

Vaquel struggled harder.

“Eww, eww, eww,” Quinnover groaned. “It’s licking my ears!”

Vaquel pulled up as hard as she could until the binding around her neck began to choke her.

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” Quinnover yelled. “It’s spanking my ass with three hands!”

Vaquel whimpered. This was so unfair!

“Hey, Overseer!” she yelled. “Don’t you want to fuck something new! I bet you never had Euphorian pussy before!”

Loud savage grunts answered Vaquel’s offer.

Vaquel humped the air as best she could. “Come on, Overseer! Can’t you see how wet I am? Wouldn’t you rather fuck something wet and hot?”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Quinnover yelled. “Now it is fucking my ass with two cocks!”

“Queen damn it!” Vaquel snapped. “You can fuck my ass and my pussy if you want! Fuck, take my mouth too!”

“No! No! No!” Quinnover screamed. “Not the corkscrew!”

“Fuck!” Vaquel screamed. It was no use. The Overseer had made his choice clear.

The fucking continued for an hour. Quinnover screamed in graphic detail about the qualities of each and every cock that reamed his asshole. Vaquel tried tempting the Overseer with wilder and wilder claims about her body but at no point did the unseen monster touch her.

Finally, there was a deafening growl. The trees shook and more prickly petals landed on Vaquel’s back and ass. A hot breath washed over Vaquel that sent shivers down to her pussy. It was followed by a squelching sound as something thick and messy left something ravaged and no longer tight.

“Ouch, ouch, ouch,” Quinnover groaned.

Vaquel felt Quinnover touch her ankle. The binding quickly unwound from her foot. The rest of the bindings on her body let go as well. In just a few seconds, she was free.

Vaquel sat up. Next to where she was bound was her belt. She grabbed it and put it on. One press of a button and she would be clothed again. Another button press, and she could call her ship for a pickup.

“Help, help, help me,” Quinnover begged.

Quinnover was lying face down in a body-shaped crater. Her ass was a terrible mess. Eight different pungent slimes oozed on his body. There were deep impressions in the grass from where something heavy had been here.

“Take, take, take me back to the village,” Quinnover groaned.

Vaquel crawled over to the Seed-Walker. She grabbed his arm and rolled him onto his side. Quinnover screamed as she rolled him onto his tender ass. She ignored his scream and looked at his cock. It was thick and hard.

“What, what, what are you doing?” Quinnover asked.

“I still need to get laid,” Vaquel said. “And it looks like you are volunteering.”

Vaquel swung her leg over Quinnover’s lap and squatted over him. She guided his thickness into her sex. Setting down, she cried out as his length filled her.

“No, no, no,” Quinnover groaned. His cock pulsed with each ‘no’.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Vaquel said as she rode him. She grabbed her brown breasts and sank her fingers into the soft globes. Her thighs shuddered as she rose and fell on his cock. The wind blew through her sweaty pink hair.

Vaquel climaxed quickly. The drugs had left her system and an hour of listening to the Overseer fuck had kept her ready. She screamed her orgasm and fresh petals fell from the trees.

A moment later, Quinnover’s cock pulsed and thick sap filled Vaquel’s sex. The exhausted Seed-Walker groaned once and then passed out.

Vaquel sighed. “No endurance,” she muttered. It was time she left this planet and continued her explorations. Who knows? Maybe she will get lucky and the next system will have an Overseer that prefers pussy.

The end.

Feb 042019
The bats make a nice touch.

I have a backlog of books involving witches. I try to read books that share similar themes to whatever I am writing and when Fight in the Sex Arena went from taking six months to writing to thirteen, I ended up reading a lot of science fiction. Now I am am reading books that I barely remember buying, much less why I bought them.

The Passionate Witch by Thorne Smith is one of those books. It certainly looks salacious. I probably bought it thinking it was porn. Little did I know that it was written in 1942 by the guy best known for the Cary Grant Topper movies. Sadly, Thorne didn’t finish the book and someone else did. Like most posthumously finished books, it shows.

The story is about a putz, Mr. Wooly. He is a successful insurance and real estate mogul, a pillar of the community and an extremely dull man. Because this is the 40’s, that means he is a vegetarian, takes lots of vitamins, doesn’t drink and is completely obvious to how badly his secretary wants to marry him. His servants think he is a wimp and kind of despise him and quite frankly, I did too.

Through ridiculous circumstances, he rescues a naked woman from a burning hotel. The hotel is of a dubious reputation so when people see him coming out with a naked woman over his shoulder, every one snickers and thinks Mr. Wooly is a lot more interesting than he is.

Long story short, he ends up marrying the witch, regretting it and trying to get rid of her. The witch herself is the most interesting part of the book as she sleeps outside in the branches of a tree and curses the secretary to only be able to type backwards.

But Shon, I see it is described as “Ribald” on the cover. Is this a dirty book?

Uh, Maybe? The sex scenes happen during the asterisks in the story, which was a clever moment. There is a description of pomegranates that was a bit sexy once you understand it was talking about her breasts. A lot of people are sleeping around on their spouses. Almost every man is in a state of “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” over Mr. Wooly’s ordeal with no sympathy for him being married to a hot witch. It is certainly a comedy about adult relationships, but less explicit than an episode of Riverdale.

I do want to note that halfway through the book, the witch dies. I was pretty stunned. The last thing she did before dying was curse Wooly with the ability to hear thoughts. He finds the only way to stop the voices is by drinking. This means the last half of the book is about his drunken exploits and the hilarity that ensues until he realizes his witch’s spirit is inside his first wife’s old horse.

So, yeah. It is not what I expected, but it is a cute book if you enjoy 40’s style drinking comedy. It is also illustrated, which is a nice surprise. This book has been reprinted many times and there is in fact an ebook version on Amazon. I guess passionate witches are timeless.

Jan 312019

I am a big believer that anyone can write porn. Whether you can sell that porn and make money is a whole other topic, but I can guarantee you that you can at least write it. Writing erotica is a fun activity and everyone should do it at least once. With Valentine’s Day coming in two weeks, I suggest you give a gift that no one else can give, the gift of personalized erotica.

But Shon, I only write grocery lists, how can I write porn?

Look, you’ve written letters, right? What about texts? A personal erotic story for a loved one, or lusted one, is just a long text message that you proofread first. You got this. I know you do.

Plus, unless your loved/lusted one is an asshole, no one is going to be critiquing your story for character development or coherent themes. They are going to be delighted that you spent time and effort making something just for them.

Your story has a main character, it is your loved/lusted one. Describe them with every bit of your affection. This is not the time for humor. This is not the time for honesty when it comes to their flaws. Hell, in this story, they have no flaws. Describe them like you are bragging about them.

The setting is wherever you want it to be. This is erotica, so it can be a place with a personal connection like where you first dated, or it could be a place completely out of fiction like your favorite television show about dragons. Pick a setting that works with one of your personal fantasies, or a fantasy that you know the other person likes.

Introduce yourself into the story. Describe what you are wearing or not wearing. Sell yourself as the sexy person you know you are.

Now, do your characters talk? Do they just fuck? Is there a lot of flirting and teasing? You tell me. Better yet, tell the story.

This is the part where some people get uncertain. When writing about real people, there is a tendency to want to accurately predict their actions. The better you know someone, the easier this is but still, I think it is the wrong way to think about it. This is a fantasy. This story is your chance to share your erotic thoughts with someone else. The only thing that needs to be authentic is your desire. It is your desire that you are expressing in this story.

Indulge yourself. Describe the sex as explicitly as you want. Or make it vague and flowery according to your preference. There is no right or wrong way. It is all according to your taste.

One thing I do suggest is that you don’t end the story with an orgasm. This is Valentine’s Day, so end the story after the sex with a declaration of affection and/or lust.

Once your story is written, congratulate yourself! You did it! Now print the story out and put it away somewhere. Put it where it won’t be found. Don’t look at it for a day or two.

Seriously, don’t peek.

After a period of waiting, dig that printed copy out. Give it a read. Better yet, read it out loud. Wince at the typos and bad sentences. Fix them.

Ideally, you would repeat this step six more times but hey, people have lives. Hopefully you caught all the mistakes. Print a final copy and save it for your loved/lusted one.

Personally, I don’t like to watch people read my work. I give someone my story and then I get the fuck out of there to another room. I recommend doing the same as that way you won’t fall into the trap of over-analyzing their reactions as they read it.

What happens next is your business. Hopefully it will give you ideas for the next story you write for them.

Jan 292019

Tampopo is a 1986 Japanese comedy about the delights of food. A milk truck driver wearing a cowboy hat comes across a single mother who is about to go out of business because her noodle shop sucks. The truck driver decides to help and because this movie was heavily inspired by Westerns, he assembles an unlikely group of experts to save her shop. Think of the Magnificent Seven except it is more like the Delicious Five.

The plot alone would make this movie a classic but what elevates this movie to greatness is that the many segues the director takes from the main story. Like a sketch comedy show, the camera will drift away to follow a passing character who stars in their own vignette. We see a business lunch at a French restaurant where none of the senior bosses know what to order but then the junior (and much abused) member shows them up with his mastery of the menu. At several points we see a gangster and his moll having the most sensual food sex scenes ever filmed. My favorite story might be the harried mother who rises from near-death to cook one last meal while in a walking coma for her begging family. These self-contained stories have nothing to do with the main plot except for showing another way that people interact with food.

This movie is a delight. It is amazing that it was made in 1986 because it feels like a prophecy of food culture, and food television, of the 2000’s. It explains the difference between a bad noodle place and a good one. There is a renovation scene where an expert describes the proper height for a noodle bar that could come from any current restaurant rescue show. Every other scene is filled with tips on improving your ramen soup that feels completely natural for the movie.

There is a new 2016 restoration of the movie now available. I highly recommend it as it looks gorgeous. My biggest piece of advice is to make sure you have plenty of food on hand because you will get hungry.

Jan 252019
Cover by the awesome Michael Dean!

My latest interactive fiction book, Fight in the Sex Arena, is live and available for sale from Amazon. At 566K words, it is my biggest work to date and most likely the largest book I will ever do.

What is it about? You play Warrior Five, a sex gladiator created and trained to fight and fuck for the enjoyment of the crowd. Six opponents wait for you to fight. Win, and you get to fuck them as the crowd cheers you. Lose, and you get fucked while the crowd mocks you. In between fights, you spend time with your assigned sex slave as well as deal with rewards and groupies. In other words, you are going to be fucking a lot in this book.

This book is a giant love letter to Flash Gordon, gladiator fiction and exhibition sex. Due to the nature of winning and losing, it has an equal mix of Male Dominant/Female Submissive sex scenes with Female Dominant/Male Submissive sex scenes. Whether you enjoy being a winner or a loser, there is plenty for you to enjoy here.

I hope you enjoy Fight in the Sex Arena, and if you do, for the love of Queen Erishella’s perfect breast, leave a review. Positive reviews always have a noticeable effect on sales.

Good luck avoiding the cocksquid!

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Jan 232019

In Phantasm 4, we pick up right after the thrilling events of Phantasm 3. Remember how Ice cream vendor, Reggie, was surrounded by a hundred killer spheres and Kid Shooter got ripped through a window by a Jawa? Well, I’m glad you do because the movie shows the Tall Man letting Reggie go but at no point does Reggie look for or mention Kid Shooter.

That kid is dead.

Anyhoo, Reggie doesn’t know why the Tall Man let him go and Reggie doesn’t care. He’s tired of this shit. He just wants to go back to being a cool middle-aged ice cream man and forget all this dead body/killer sphere shit. The ghost of Jody tries to talk some sense into Reggie but Reggie is done.

Meanwhile, Mike is his own and keeps having flashbacks to when he was a kid. The reason for this is the director found three hours of unreleased footage from the last movie and by the ghost of Vincent Price, he is going to get as much of that footage into this movie as possible.

That sounds harsh from me, but the result is kind of interesting. Mike is having several existential crises moments as the Tall Man appears, says something cryptic, and then Mike remembers something that may or might not have happened. Half of the movie is Mike sitting in the desert, wondering if any of this is real. You know, the Phantasm brand of not understanding shit about what is going on.

The other half of the movie is Reggie running into weird shit. He gets pulled over by a monster in a cop car, with the original cop crammed into the car trunk like a broken Transformer. Reggie also finds a hot chick way out of his league who is another obvious trap but at least she has a sensible name like Jennifer before her boobs come to life and try to kill him. Honestly, Reggie has the cool adventures while Mike has all the trippy weird shit.

Reggie and Mike finally reunite and find out some secrets about the Tall Man. See, the Tall Man was once a kind and gentle Civil War-era mortician who did some experiments in dimensional portals as he tried to understand the afterlife. One day, The kindly doctor makes a portal, steps through but then the Tall Man comes back wearing his body. Oops! Went to the wrong dimension, buddy.

At least, I think that is what happened. It’s Phantasm so your guess is as good as mine.

In the end, Mike uses his psychic powers to blow up the Tall Man, killing him for sure thi-nope, the Tall Man literally re-appears a few seconds later. The Tall Man rips a golden sphere out of Mike’s head, perhaps killing Mike, and then stepping through a portal. Reggie chases after the Tall Man through the portal.

As Mike lies dying, he remembers/imagines riding with Reggie in his ice cream truck when Mike was a kid. They hear sounds from the present day but dismiss them as the wind.

This is the cheapest of the Phantasm movies, made with a mere 650K. It certainly shows, but it actually helps the story. The 2nd and 3rd movie were action movies while this has dialed back down to personal horror. Reggie will always be getting jumped by monsters while Mike will always struggle with not understanding the fuck out of anything. Is Mike even human? Is the Tall Man real? Is anything real? Maybe the entire movie franchise is Mike’s nightmares as a child, still mourning the loss of his brother and family. We don’t know! Mike sure as fuck doesn’t know.

Which is maybe why Phantasm is my favorite movie franchise. It is illogical, callus with characters’ lives with an inscrutable near-invincible villain: just like a nightmare.

Jan 212019

Last week I got laid out with a nasty cold. The doctor insists that it was a cold but I know that it was really some sort of super-virus designed to kill humanity and make me stop writing porn. Well, it succeeded in stopping my writing but I was able to cough it out of my system and save the entire world. You are welcome.

One thing I was able to do while coughing and sniffling was do a whole lot of editing on my Sex Arena book. I have finished 81% of the third draft and should wrap it up this week. Something about being sick made it really easy to spot missing words and how one character’s eyes kept changing from blue to grey and back to blue again.

A casualty of my cold/super-virus was this month’s Vaquel story. It is really hard to think sexy when you are studying the color of your snot. Instead of a story this month, Vaquel will return on the first Wednesday of February.

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