Ladies, gentlemen and podcast subscribers, this is Professor Rios reporting from the frozen land of Antarctica! We have been traveling over land for quite some time and we have so much to report.
First of all, did you know it was fucking cold in Antarctica? I knew it would be cold but this is really cold. Really, really, really fucking cold. Oh sweet Jesus, is it cold.
So fucking cold.
My nuts are somewhere in my esophagus. That’s how fucking cold it is.
(Sound of weeping followed by drinking and a burp)
I’m sorry for that breakdown. I had hoped to broadcast this with the young sex blogger, Journey of the Heart, but she has sworn off contact with human beings. She has been the nightly lover of our expedition leader, Ian Xavier, for the past few weeks. Her screams of pleasure have kept many of us awake at night.
Last night Ian decided to shake things up a bit and he fucked her ass. He climaxed in her ass and the fucking cold temperatures around here froze the semen inside her ass. We all had to assist in warming her asshole enough so that the semen would melt. I can safely report that our blogger has quite a nice ass.
After her ass spunk thawed, the blogger made a vow of abstinence. She now calls herself Born Again Virgin Slut. I understand that she already has three sex advice column offers from internet porn sites.
Enough about her. The expedition proceeds along at a good pace. According to my translation of the slabs, we should be near the secret lair of the Cat-Women. Or we could be a hundred miles away. There is a margin of error with translating unknown languages but I am fairly confident we will discover them in due time.
Did I mention it was fucking cold in Antarctica? Because it is. It is fucking cold here.
I am a bit concerned for the health of Ulysses Cameron. His famed survival skills on reality shows have not translated well to this frozen hellscape. He tried to make a shelter using only his frozen underwear but only creating a rather leaky latrine. His frequent cursing and crying for his mother is demoralizing to the rest of us.
The dominatrices however appear to be thriving. Both Mistress Volkov and Mistress Violence have been keeping warm by sandwiching Professor Banwitz between them in their sleeping bag. I was jealous of the Professor until I discovered that he is mummy wrapped each night in duct tape before they let him slide between them. It sounds most frustrating.
I tried to arrange a similar situation with Dr. Vette and Doctor Nagi, minus the duct tape, but both declined.
Have I mentioned how fucking cold it was?
It is so damn cold.
The transmitter is freezing solid again so I must end my transmission. It is so damn fuc—-