Nov 192014

I pushed deeper into my cabinwoman’s ass. She groaned as my cock penetrated deeper into her tight little hole. I yanked her red hair back. She cried out while I slowly opened her.

“Take it all!” Venda, my cyborg parrot said from her perch on my shoulder.

The cabinwoman whimpered as I buried my cock inside her ass.

“Captain Blastpants, I did it!” Three-Legs said. He stood by a flashing panel in the cave wall. A tremor ran through the cave, causing the cabinwoman’s ass to jiggle around my cock.

I pulled out of her and my intelligent pants zipped me up. “Good job, Three-Legs,” I said. “We’re one step closed to Captain Facepounder’s lost treasure.”

“Bad news, Captain,” Jen-4 said. Her eyes had been replaced with a video display and right now a holographic skull floating over her long black hair. “Bowling Bob died. That razor boulder must have been poisoned.”

Damn, that just left three of us left. Well, four if you count my cabinwoman but she was just a pretty redhead with a tight ass.

“Dead men don’t get a share!” Venda said.

“You’re a cruel Parborg,” I said to Venda. That is why I liked her.

The cave wall slid aside to reveal a secret door. Stairs lead down to who knows what.

“Alright, Three-Legs, take the lead. Jen-4, cover our backs. Me and umm, what’s your name again?”

My cabinwoman pouted. “Aja, remember?”

“Nope. Aja and I will take the middle. Let’s be careful. Captain Facepounder might have more traps ready.”

We went down the stairs. Three-Legs was an old hand at stealing things. He had us step over three normal looking steps and I didn’t question him. His knowledge about traps was almost as large as his cock.

The bottom of the stairs was brightly lit. It opened into a large cavern. Atomic lamps hung from the ceiling and bathed the place in perpetual light.

“Space Buddha!” Jen-4 swore. A holographic glyph of WTF floated above her head.

I couldn’t disagree. We had found the treasure of Captain Facepounder and it was bigger than I had imagined. Open chests filled with solid platinum credits bars were laid out in neat rows. Bags filled with gems spilled everywhere. Not one, not two but three gold thrones were stacked in the corner.

And all that was the obvious stuff. Leaning on a chest was a nude painting of Empress Elit. Resting on the ground was one of the six Obsidian Monoliths. Sitting on a shelf was a complete collection of Lady Neyonce’s Diamond Albums. The cavern was filled from wall to wall with treasures that could buy small planetoids.

“Lords of Space,” my cabinwoman said. She ran forward and grabbed a ruby necklace. She held it to the light and was dazzled by the sparkles.

“Jen-4, contact the Savage Thrust and let them know we found it. Give them coordinates so we can begin the looting.”

“Sorry, Captain,” Jen-4 said. An empty green bar floated above her head. “There is no signal down here. I’ll have to get back up to the top of the stairs.”

“No one leaves,” a voice boomed.

Someone stood up near my cabinwoman. It was a curvy gold woman. Gold braids fell from her head and fell on plump breasts. Even though she was facing us, I was impressed by the obvious size of her plump ass.

My cabinwoman screamed. She ran towards us and I stepped out of her way. She hit the first step and a white light shot from the gold woman’s hands. My cabinwoman turned to ash instantly while the ruby necklace fell to the floor.

“Ass to ashes!” Venda said.

“No one leaves,” the gold woman said. “Congratulations on finding Captain Facepounder’s treasure. You will spend the rest of your life here and I will add your corpses to the generator for future power needs. Leave and you will be granted a quick death.”

“Uh, Three-Legs?” I said. “This counts as a trap I think. Go turn it off?”

Three-Legs looked at me. His dark brown face split into a grin. “Looks more like a robot to me. That falls under Jen-4’s expertise.”

“Jen-4?” I asked.

The cyberdyne frowned and toyed with her black hair. ? floated above her head.

“Well, I am pretty sure it is a modified Spencari,” Jen-4 said. “They are a line of highly durable sex robot with an emphasis on ass. They also were known to be programmed to enjoy sex. The weapon is a new thing, but what we really need to worry about is their durability. None of our weapons is going to affect it.”

“Well shit,” I said. I stepped closer to the robot woman. “So we are free to stay here as long as we live?”

“Correct,” the robot said. Up close I realized her tits were pretty big too, they were just eclipsed by that ass.

“Is there any food here?” I asked. “How about water?”

“Negative,” the gold robot woman said. “Most go mad with thirst in three days and then they commit suicide by trying to escape.”

“Fuck that,” Three-Legs said. “Come on, Captain, let’s run for it! She can’t kill all three of us at the same time!”

A hint of a smile came to the robot’s lips. “I am pretty sure she can, Three-Legs.,” I said. “Do you have a name, robot?”

Those white eyes focused on me. “Captain Facepounder called me Oco.”

“Do you like it here, Oco?” I asked.

“I serve my function,” she said.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” I said.

Oco frowned. “I tire of standing guard and slaying intruders but my programming will not allow for any deviation. I was designed for more than this.”

“Made for fucking!” Venda chirped and I agreed.

“Captain, I have an idea,” Jen-4 said.  floated above her head. “Spencari models weren’t known for their endurance. We might be able to exhaust her internal power supply.”

Oco shook her head. “Obeying my function as a guard will require minimum resources. I merely need to observe you and slay you as necessary.”

“What about your other functions?” I asked. My hand went to her breast. My fingers squeezed synthetic flesh indistinguishable from the real thing. Her nipple hardened in my hand.

“My other functions are functional,” Oco said. A huskiness came to her voice.

“Ahhhh,” Three-Legs said, understanding my plan. “Does anything in your programming prevent you from giving your prisoners a good fuck?”

Oco took a deep breath even though she had no need to breathe. It made her breasts rise and fall in an alluring manner. “It does not. I must warn you that my programming requires me to bring you complete satisfaction as quickly as possible. I doubt you will be able to outlast me.”

It was my turn to smile. “Oco, we’re space pirates in a room full of treasure with a woman with a great booty. You’d be surprised by what we would do for both.”

“Great booty!” Venda repeated.

My intelligent pants unzipped. My cock stood firm and Oco reached for it. Her fingers secreted lubricant as they tightened around me. I groaned out loud with her first stroke.

“The rest of you, get in here!” I yelled.

Three-Legs already had his pants off and his monstrous cock swung between his legs. He went straight for Oco’s back and she bent over for him. Her legs braced themselves while he bit her ass.

Oco groaned her white eyes flashed.

“The more pleasure I experience, the more power I consume,” she said.

Jen-4 crawled onto the ground. She opened her mouth and took one of Oco’s hanging breasts in her mouth. Jen-4 sucked on her nipple with the enthusiasm I have come to expect from our technical expert.

“What gives you more pleasure, jacking my cock or sucking it?” I asked Oco.

“Sucking, but I will make you come,” she said.

“Try it,” I told her.

“Suck it down!” Venda chirped. My Parborg was the best wingman.

She fell forward onto my cock. Her mouth took all my girth between her lips. A nimble tongue flicked over my length as I slid into her throat.

Lords of Space, she was good! Her mouth felt real. No, it felt better than real. Oco’s mouth was warm, wet and hungry. She sucked on my cock like a woman in need. I wondered if she tasted Aja’s ass and I hoped that it added to her pleasure.

“Coming aboard!” Three-Legs said. He stood up and slipped his cock into Oco. He grabbed handfuls of Oco’s plump ass as he entered her. Oco moaned on my cock as Three-Legs filled her robotic pussy with his own unnatural monstrosity.

“She is tighter than a cask of rum!” Three-Legs yelled.

“Pace yourself!” I yelled. “We got to wear her out!”

Three-Legs nodded and he fucked her from behind, nice and slow. I grabbed her braids in my hand and tried to do the same. I fucked her mouth with deliberate caution as I fought the urge to slam her face. If her pussy was anywhere as good as her mouth, this was going to be quite the challenge.

Jen-4 played her part too. As she sucked on a breast, she also reached for Oco’s sex. Jen-4’s fingers stroked the robot’s pussy while Three-Legs fucked it.

I reached down and grabbed the breast that Jen-4 wasn’t sucking. I squeezed the pliant flesh and pulled on the nipple. It was hard to do without further arousing myself. With each thrust into Oco’s lips, I found myself closer to coming.

“It is too tight, Captain!” Three-Legs said. “I am about to burst!”

“Pull out!” I yelled. “Take a break!”

Three-Legs stepped away from her. His black cock glistened with her juices. He gripped his cock tightly as he willed himself not to come.

I pulled out of Oco’s mouth. The suction on my cock was powerful as I left her lips. She smiled at me as I stepped away from her. A line of spit connected my cock to her lips. It broke as I took another step back.

“Lie down,” I told Oco.

She nodded and stood upright. Jen-4 kept stroking the robot’s pussy as the Oco got down on the ground. She kept stroking as Ococ laid back and spread her thick thighs.

“Spread them like a nun!” Venda chirped. My Parborg must have had quite the life experience.

I climbed between Oco’s legs. Jen-4’s fingers left Oco’s pussy and smeared pussy juices onto Oco’s breasts. The robot moaned and her thighs quivered.

I guided my cock to Oco’s pussy. Fuck, it was as tight as her hand. I pushed into slick walls that gripped me tightly.

“Fuck,” I moaned. Oco looked at me with half closed eyes.

“Give me some support,” I told Jen-4. <3 flashed above her head. She reached for Oco’s clitoris and rubbed it furiously while I slid my cock in and out.

Venda hopped down from my shoulder. The Parborg went straight for one of Oco’s nipples and clamped down with her steel beak. Oco cried out but she didn’t stop the Parborg. I guess she took pain as well as pleasure.

“Get back in here,” I told Three-Legs. He crawled back over to us. Oco reached for his cock but I held up my hand.

“No, kiss her,” I commanded.

Three-Legs sighed with relief and did as I commanded. He bent down and kissed the golden woman. Her pussy tightened around my cock as she pulled Three-Legs down to her.

They kissed with wild abandon. Three-Legs groped a plump tit as they kissed while Oco grabbed his ass. Both of them groaned with mutual pleasure.

I kept fucking Oco. Jen-4 kept stroking her clitoris. She switched hands as one got sore. It wasn’t long before that hand got sore too.

I grabbed Jen-4’s head and pulled her down to Oco’s sex. Mmmm flashed above Jen-4 head’s and I heard her loud licking.

Sometimes her mouth would touch me and I felt her tongue on my cock. I tried to ignore it and keep thrusting. Normally I would welcome her mouth but today we were fucking for our lives.

Venda kept clamping down on Oco’s nipple. The cyborg bird would walk back and forth around Oco’s plump breast, kneading her flesh with kneading talons.

Oco and Three-Legs broke their kiss. Both of them were breathless which was quite a feat for a robot.

“Give me your cock,” Oco demanded. She grabbed Three-Leg’s ass and pulled his groin to her mouth.

“Whoa!” I said but it was too late. Oco took all of Three-Legs into her lips. His giant black cock disappeared into her golden mouth. His balls pressed against her cheeks as she sucked down on him.

“Lords of Space!” Three-Legs groaned. He came and there was nothing we can do to stop it.

“Fuck,” I said and I pulled out of Oco’s pussy. It was too much. I was near my bursting point too.

Jen-4 took my place. She climbed between Oco’s legs and dived into the robot’s pussy as she swallowed Three-Legs’ seed.

Three-Legs fell back when Oco had drained him. The cock of legends was now a shriveled short story. He looked slightly embarrassed but also very sated.

“Get to sucking one of those tits,” I commanded and Three-Legs did. He grabbed a breast and suckled on it with tender affection. Venda watched Three-Legs from the other breast.

How close were we? I had no idea. We just had to keep going.

“Give me the woman’s pussy,” Oco said. “I will drain more energy eating her than I will being eaten.”

I slapped Jen-4’s ass. “You heard the lady.”

AFT floated above Jen-4’s head. She stood up and shimmied out of her shorts. Her bare sex glistened with arousal. She climbed over Oco’s body and sat on the robot’s face.

OMGWTF floated above Jen-4’s head instantly. Oco’s mouth was just as functional with women as it was with men. I doubted Jen’4 would last long.

I got down between Oco’s thighs. Three fingers slid into her pussy while my mouth went to work. She tasted like tropical berries. That was a nice surprise. My tongue eagerly licked her at pseudo flesh.

“Captain!” Three-Legs yelled. “She’s jack my cock!”

I looked up. Oco was good at multitasking. She had a grip on Three-Leg’s cock and she was bringing it back to life.

“Keep sucking her tits!” I commanded and then I went back to eating the robot’s pussy.

“Suck them titties!” Venda chirped, a nipple still between her beak.

Jen-4 screamed with pleasure. Oco’s thick thighs quaked around me with pleasure.

Three-Legs kept biting Oco’s tits while she stroked his newly rejuvenated cock.

I kept licking and stroking the pussy in front of me. It helped that she was delicious. I felt Oco climax and I kept licking.

Jen-4 screamed another orgasm. W00T appeared above her head. “It’s too much! I have to stop!”

“You stay on her fucking face!” I yelled, my own face soaked with Oco’s juices.

Jen-4 whimpered but she stayed where she was. Her long black hair shook as her body writhed on the robot’s face.

“Shit,” Three-Legs groaned and I knew he had come again. He emptied himself onto Oco’s hand and he pulled away. Guy might have a monster cock but his self control was shit.

“Lords of Space!” Jen-4 screamed and she came again. I watched her back arch and then she fell off of Oco’s face. AFK floated above her head as she collapsed onto a pile of platinum bars.

“Fuck me,” Oco said. “Power Supply is dwindling.”

Fuck, now it was time to test my own endurance. I climbed on top of her body. Venda flapped away from her breast and climbed back on my shoulder. My cock slid back into Oco. Hot slick tightness gripped my cock.

I fucked her plump body. I ignored how her flesh shook. I looked away from her moaning mouth. I thought about escape velocities instead of her bouncing tits.

It was too much. She was too much. I came.

“Fuck!” I yelled in a mix of pleasure and anger. My seed pumped into her body while her pussy milked me for every drop. My cock withered inside of her.

Oco’s face was flushed which was an odd thing to see on gold skin. “Near critical levels,” she whispered.

“Damn it, we’re not done yet,” I said. “Roll over. Three-Legs, slap her ass. Jen-4, get over here.”

Oco rolled over and got on her hands and knees. The full glory of her giant ass was on display. There was a reason I had been saving her ass for last. My cock was already stubbornly throbbing.

“Booty for days, booty for days!” Venda said.

“Damn right,” I said.

Three-Legs got up on two shaky two legs. He brought his hand down on the robot’s gold ass and it jiggled wonderfully. She cried out in a good imitation of pained pleasure.

“Spanking me burns minimal energy,” Oco said.

“This isn’t for you,” I groaned.

“Not for you!” Venda repeated.

“What do I do?” Jen-4 asked.

I grabbed her by her hair and pulled her face down to my cock. She opened her mouth and took me inside. NFW floated above her head.

I watched Three-Legs slap Oco’s ass while Jen-4 sucked on my exhausted cock. Every slap sent shockwaves through Oco’s gorgeous golden ass. Jen-4’s licked my spent cock as it slowly rejuvenated.

Five minutes of ass slapping later, my cock was hard again. Jen-4 choked on my cock and I released her. I was ready again.

“So . . .close . . “ Oco said. Her golden ass was now a bright red.

I guided my cock to her asshole. It wasn’t surprising to see that it too was self-lubricating. The tip of my cock pushed inside her and the most amazing tightness gripped me back.

“Nice and slow, captain,” Three-Legs said.

“Put your cock back in her mouth,” I ordered him.

“Aw, Captain. I got nothing left!” Three-Legs said.

He obeyed though. I watched him wince as Oco’s greedy mouth took him. He was too sensitive to enjoy it but damn it, we were going to exhaust this robot if it killed him.

I fucked Oco’s round ass as slowly as I could. I was trying to conserve my strength and not unleash another load into her ass. It was damn hard. Her ass was tight, as tight as I had ever fucked. Her plump beautiful ass felt good against my thighs and I felt the heat radiate off of them from the spanking. It was a damn sexy ass to fuck.

Jen-4 massaged her jaw. She leaned against a bag filled with emeralds. I knew she was tired from the lack of holograms above her head.

Three-Legs grimaced. Oco’s head was bobbing on his monster cock. Somehow she was going to pull another orgasm out of him.

“Shit!” Three-Legs yelled. He came and the pain of a third orgasm contorted his face. He pulled out and fell backwards into a pile of rare rugs.

It was up to me. I kept fucking Oco’s ass.

“Fuck that ass!” Venda chirped.

If we were going to escape Captain Facepounder’s treasure vault, I had to keep sliding in and out of this tight hole.

If we were to ever spend any of those platinum credit bars, I had to keep ramming this round golden ass.

If we were to ever fucking brag about how rich we were then I had to pounding this soft big ass until I wore it out.

I felt my orgasm coming. Even I had my limits. I fucked faster.

Oco cried out. She pushed back onto my cock. She reached between her legs and stroked her sex as I fucked her ass.

I came. My cock erupted inside her ass. I kept fucking and pumped every bit of my load inside her.

“Fuuucccccceeeeee…..” Oco said and then she fell to the ground. I fell on top of her, my cock still deep in her ass.

“Thank the Lords of Space!” Three-Legs said. “You did it, Captain! You fucked her out!”

I pulled out of her ass. My cock felt drained. It would be weeks until I had sex again.

Okay, maybe days.

“I have a signal now!” Jen-4 said. “The jamming device must have been in her. Shall I call the ship now?”

“Yeah,” I said. I leaned against Oco’s abundant ass. “Tell them to send a looting party and let them now about the traps we found.”

“What about the robot?” Three-Legs said. “Should we destroy her in case she re-activates?”

“Fuck her and loot her!” Venda said.

“No,” I said. “Jen-4, have Oco taken aboard and upload a free-will program into her. If she wants to leave us, fine, but make sure she knows she has a place in our crew if she wants it.”

“A booty like this, belongs with pirates.”

Nov 102014

Wanted vigilante and spacenet pirate, Jen-4, has been identified to be in this Omigon sanctioned commerce zone! It is a Class Five Fine to protect or aid this criminal. It is a Class Four Fine to withhold knowledge of this criminal. It is a Class Three Fine to produce merchandise with this criminal’s likeness without Omigon Corporation Approval.

Jen-4 has been charged with eight thousand counts of spacenet piracy by the Omigon Corporation. She has also been found guilty of updating starship combat programs without paying licensing fees to the amount of ninety thousand credits. She is the prime suspect in the theft of three hundred wage slaves from the Omigon Corporation Human Enslavement Department. She has taken credit for the Great Pornography Flood that slowed down our judicial system with repeated holographic sex acts in our court rooms. Finally, she has been charged with being in violation of the Omigon End-User-License-Agreement for her engineering brain enhancement programs.

Jen-4 is a cyberdyne with all of the calculating prowess and interface capabilities of that race. She has pale skin, long black hair and a Mark VII video display instead of eyes. The Mark VII video display is not on the Omigon network and is capable of displaying rude images. The chance of a rude image being displayed by Jen-4 is quite high.

This criminal’s current employment is with the bad credit risk, Captain Blastpants. Please consult the Omigon Corporation’s List of Top Ten Opportunities for Beneficial Executions for more information on this pirate.

Jen-4 is considered armed and hazardous to information systems. If seen, do not attempt an arrest but call your nearest Omigon Corporation Security Associate. If seen, turn off all of your information systems after deleting any pornography that you shouldn’t have been owning in the first place.

A reward of Forty Vacation Days will be given for information leading to Jen-4’s arrest.

Sep 242014

This was bad. I was stuck in a restraining chair with my shirt torn off. My hands and ankles were bound with solid vilimium metal. My head was still ringing from the beatdown I took. The only good thing was that my intelligent pants refused to come off so my captors couldn’t strip me completely naked.

The prison cell opened. In walked a big tough looking guy. You learn to recognize the type. He had dead eyes, a slight gut and thick wrists from sending threatening messages to women over social media. This guy was the torturer.

The guy behind him was worse. He had the dashing face of a space pirate. A trimmed goatee decorated a cruel face while a flattering scar accented his left dead eye. He flexed his metal hand that had probably been up some cabinwoman’s ass moments ago. He also had a parrot, some sort of cybernetic bird and that was new. Anyway, he was much worse because he was an asshole.

“Captain Blastpants, I can’t believe you were foolish enough to sneak aboard my ship,” my long time enemy said.

“Foolish!” the bird said. A robotic eye glared at me.

“Captain Assfucker,” I said in return. “Is that a Mark Four Parborg? I hadn’t seen one of those before

Pow. Assfucker punched me. He was pretty strong and the metal hand made it worse. My head snapped and stars danced in front of me. Shit, that fucking hurt.

“You know,” Assfucker said, “when I downloaded the entire contents of the internet cloud of Kolos Five, I just thought I would make a fortune selling it back to the poor citizens and maybe jack off to some of their homemade porn. I had no idea that the idiot Captain Blastpants would be stupid enough to sneak on board and try to steal files. Did you plan to sell them yourself?”

“Nope,” I said, spitting out some blood. “I steal money and valuables. Stealing people’s personal pictures, letters and videos? That’s just being a dick.”

Assfucker punched me again. The room spun.

“Correction, that’s being an asshole dick,” I said.

I wasn’t sure what that meant but he punched me again. My left eye closed and stayed that way.

“Keep an eye on him, Gog” Assfucker said to the brute. “Don’t let anyone in. Blastpants is a tricky bastard so don’t take your eyes off him fro a second.

The brute grunted.

“Fuck his ass!” the Parborg said.

“Much later,” Assfucker replied. “I want to get the cargo hold ready and prepare the recording devices. I’m going to take Blastpants there so the entire crew can watch us find out how many fists we can cram in his ass.”

I laughed. “Never as many as you can, Assfucker,” I said.

“Assfucker takes three!” the bird croaked. Assfucker gave his bird a dirty look. He turned away and headed for the cell door but I called out to him.

“Hey Assfucker!”

“What?” Assfucker said.

“Give me the bird and let me go, that’s my final offer,” I said.

Assfucker smiled. “And what would I get?”

“Your get to keep your nose,” I said.

Assfucker blinked at me. “I’ll be back later.”

The door closed and it was just me and Gog. The thug stood in front of me, his brow furrowed with the stress of not hurting something. He didn’t blink as he looked at me.

It was damn creepy.

The cell door opened. Gog kept looking at me because that was what he was told. He didn’t see the two women enter and raise stun pistols.

Gog glowed and I saw his skeleton. When the glow faded he slumped to the ground. Smoke rose from his ears. What passed for a brain was most likely vapor.

“About time you ladies- hey, you’re not my crew,” I said.

“We certainly aren’t,” one of them said. The other dragged Gog off to the side while the first one sealed the door behind them. That gave me time to study them.

The one who talked was my age with the scars to match. She had a strong body that came from countless fights. Ragged jeans covered an ass that promised bountiful treasures. Straight blond hair was pulled into a sensible ponytail that also revealed a missing right ear. Heavy breasts were suspended by a gravity reducing black demicup bra.

Her companion had the darker color of one that lived on a desert planet. Short kinky black hair crowned her head. A stolen Pik Navy jacket covered small breasts while stolen Qwer Army pants covered long legs. She was the youngest of all of us and had that happy deluded look of a newbie pirate who thought they could get away with anything.

“Well ladies,” I said. “I am grateful for the rescue. Untie me and I will gladly accept you into my crew.”

The younger one giggled and the older one just smiled.

I kept smiling because when you’re tied up, it is always good to appear confident.

“Get his pants off, Farine,” the older one said.

“You’ll find that hard,” I said. “My intelligent pants only open in my best interest.”

Farah knelt before me. She kissed my crotch. My intelligent pants betrayed me and unzipped.

“Got them, Venda,” Farine said. She pulled them down and my cock stood at attention. Farine smiled and then smirked.

“Not that big after all,” Farine said.

“Hey!” I snapped. “It is quite big enough. What do you two want?”

Venda came over and pointed the stun rifle at my cock. To my credit, my erection didn’t waver.

“We wanted to fuck the famous Captain Blastpants before he had his cock ripped off and shoved up his ass,” Venda said.

My erection may have shrunk a little then.

“He doesn’t look like he likes us,” Farine said, pointing to my unsure member.

“Nonsense,” Venda said. “Give him a kiss.”

Farine saluted and grabbed my cock. Instead of a dainty kiss, she opened her mouth and took me inside her.

“Whoa!” I groaned. I pulled against my bonds but the vilimium kept me pinned.

“This is against the Space Pirate’s Code,” I told Venda.

She laughed. “Are you claiming duress?”

Farine looked up at me with her bright eyes. The side of her cheek bulged from where my cock pressed. Drool dripped from her lips and down onto my balls.

“No, I don’t think I am,” I said.

Venda smiled and put the stun rifle down. She sat on the arm of the chair I was bound to. Her leg pressed against my arm but I couldn’t grope it like I wanted to.

She smelled nice. Like lasers shots and flowers.

“Go deep, Farine,” Venda commanded. “Like I showed you.”

Farine saluted with my cock in her mouth and then swallowed more of me. My back arched as her lips took inch after inch. She struggled with the last inch or two, her nostrils flaring but she kept at it. Her lips finally met my balls and she gave me a lick at the base of my cock.

“Lords of Space,” I groaned.

“She’s a quick learner,” Venda said. “She was the hundredth and third daughter of a Governor-Caliph. He paid the ransom for the first hundred but wasn’t willing to pay for the other thirty. We put them to work around the ship. I think they like it better with us.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Farine groaned, nodding her head in agreement. I shuddered as my cock moved with her head.

“What about you?” I asked. “What’s your story?”

Venda looked down at me. She grabbed the back of my head and pulled my head back. A sharp fingernail pressed against my throat. “I’m the bad girl who grew up to be a bad bitch pirate.”

“Good enough,” I said.

She let go of my head. I guess I should have been mad but my cock was still deep in Farine’s throat. It made me a little mellow.

Farine withdrew her mouth. My cock was shiny with her spit. She grabbed the base of my cock and slapped it against her cheek. It left a wet spot on her dark skin.

“It is much nicer now,” Farine said.

“Well then, let’s fuck,” Venda said.

Farine stood up and grabbed her pants. They were a size too small for her and she had to wiggle to get out of it. Watching her hips and long legs move side to side was the best part of my captivity so far. Her sex was unnaturally bare and looked like it may have never grown hair.

Next was her jacket. She looked me in the eyes as she slowly unbuttoned the Pik uniform. Only the military would still use buttons. One by one, she slowly unfastened her jacket to reveal the small proud brown breasts beneath.

When she took off her jacket, I saw a red tattoo of a foreign language written across her breasts. She must have seen the confusion on my face because she laughed.

“It is my birth number,” Farine said. “It is how they told us apart.”

Venda had gotten undressed while I had been leering at Farine. There had been no performance on her part. She stripped off everything except her gravity reducing bra. It kept her heavy breasts floating forward with eternal perkiness.

My eyes drank in her body. There were a dozen stories written on her pale flesh. A laser scar on her leg, a burn on her ass and cut on her ribs told me of the fights she had been in. The tattoo of a black hole on her thigh told me about her time with the Singularity Gang and a name on her shoulder told me that she had once loved. There was beauty in her story.

“Senior officers always go first,” Farine said.

“She is a good learner,” I added.

“Yes, she is,” Venda said with fondness.

There wasn’t a trace of fondness in the way Venda grabbed my cock. It was too tight and she pulled too hard. I gritted my teeth and didn’t complain. I was a fucking Captain; I had an image to maintain.

Venda mounted me facing away from me. I watched her plump ass lower towards my lap. My cock pressed against a furry sex before being engulfed in liquid heat. Down, down, down she went to impale me deep inside her.

Farine knelt down in front of me. I couldn’t see her but I felt her hands on my thighs. She was in front of Venda’s sex, watching from the most intimate place possible.

Venda rode me. The vilimium bonds rendered me helpless as the space pirate fucked me. She went at her own speed, moving in ways that pleased her and taking what she needed from my cock.

All I could do was watch and feel. I watched her plump ass rise and fall just out of my reach. I felt her warm sex wash me with her plentiful desire. I watched her ponytail bounce in front of me. I felt her ass as she grinded on my lap.

Farine leaned forward and I heard her lick. I moaned as I realized it wasn’t me. She was eating her fellow pirate, her teacher and her senior officer. I couldn’t feel Farine’s mouth but I knew her work ethic. She was eating the hell out of Venda.

I groaned and pulled at my restraints. Fuck, I couldn’t do shit. I could barely move my hips. All I could do was sit there and take Venda’s grinding.

Venda groaned. She grinded faster. Her ass slammed into my lap as she took her pleasure. She was close.

I felt Farine’s tongue. She licked my balls as Venda rode me. Venda must have been moving too fast for her to lick. My balls were grateful for her attention. The Governor-Caliph’s one hundred and third daughter had a talented tongue.

“Yes, yes, yes, blast off!” Venda yelled.

I felt a surge of fluid dampen my cock. Farine’s tongue moved up and licked Venda’s juices as they sprayed onto my cock. I shuddered and gritted my teeth. Fuck, I would have given anything to slam Venda downand fuck her pussy right.

Instead I was stuck in the chair.

“Your turn,” Venda said. She climbed off my cock. It looked like someone had dumped a bucket of pussy juice on my lap.

Farine smiled from between my legs. Her face was splattered with pussy juice. She climbed onto the restraint chair and mounted me while facing me. My cock was gripped by your young tight pussy.

“Whoa,” I said.

Venda grunted as she sat beside me. “Men don’t last long inside of Farine.”

“Yeah,” I whispered. Farine was tight but other factors were at play. She had muscles down there. She a certain kind of heat like a laser shot. If this talent was genetic, I can see why her mom had over a hundred children.

Farine rode me. The chair kept me from grabbing her and pounding her. I watched her small pert breasts bounce. Pussy juice ran down her small brown body.

Venda watched as she sat beside me. She was smiling. A rosy color had warmed her pale cheeks. Her breasts floated before me.

“Please,” I whispered to Venda.

I saw a flash of cruelty in her eyes. Yes, any pirate would be happy to deny any request. It was nothing less than I would expect but her eyes softened. She took pity.

Venda leaned forward and guided a breast to my mouth. I opened my lips and sucked on her pale pink nipple. I couldn’t move but at least I had this breast. I was being used but at least my lips were kissing this lovely breast. I was going to die but at least my tongue was licking one last nipple. It was a beautiful mercy.

Farine started to squeak. It was adorable. She did things with her hips that were taught on some distant desert planet. My cock was trapped within a wild spin of pussy muscles. My cock was slick from the pussies of two wanton pirates.

I sucked harder on Venda’s breast. I bit down a little. Venda winced but she didn’t stop me. All of my frustrations went into my biting suckling mouth.

Farine suddenly stopped in mid hump and let out a long squeak. She climaxed on my cock and I felt the spasm of a hundred muscles within her pussy.

Venda stood up, her nipple escaping from my lips. Farine dismounted and my cock was a shiny throbbing mess. Venda helped Farine stand as the younger pirate wobbled on shaky legs.

“We should go,” Farine said. “Before the Captain gets here.”

“Finish him first,” Venda said, pointing at my cock.

Farine made a questioning face.

“He is an enemy Captain, but still a senior officer,” Venda said. “He deserves our respect.”

I suppressed the smile coming to my lips.

Farine nodded and knelt before me. She grabbed my cock and stroked me towards her mouth. Her dark lips opened and dusky eyes looked up at me.

Venda stood behind her, touching herself idly as she watched.

I came immediately. It was a wonder I had lasted as long as I had. My cock released its payload into the waiting mouth of Farine. She smiled with the first load, was surprised at the second load and became concerned with the third load. She sputtered a little and my cock kept erupting. My seed joined the pussy juice that had dried on her dark face.

“By the souls of my Fathers!” Farine cried when I was done. “That is why they call him Blastpants!”

“Told you,” Venda said. “Captains always earn their names.”

The cell door popped open. Deepthroat Sadie and One-Eye Peter rushed in; plasma rifles ready. Old Nathan followed behind them, wielding two laser swords in his gnarled hands.

“Anyone make a move and we’ll cut your tits off!” Old Nathan said.

Farine squealed but Venda just glared at them. Even naked she was a bit scary.

“About time, assholes!” I yelled. “Leave the girls alone and get me out of here!”

One-Eye Peter went to the restraint chair and released me. My intelligent pants bashfully crawled up my legs and zipped up.

“Are you sure, Captain?” Deepthroat Sadie said. A cruel gleam came to his/her eye as she looked at Farine and Venda.

“Of course,” I said. Venda looked a little surprised. “They were just showing me some hospitality. Leave them here and I’m sure they will wait at least ten minutes before sounding the alarm, correct?”

Farine looked to Venda. Venda nodded. “I think I read that in the Space Pirate Code.”

“Good,” I said. “See, even pirates can come to agreements.”

I took a plasma pistol from Old Nathan and saluted them. We left the cell and headed to the shuttle bay.

“Did you get the files?” I asked in the hall.

“Aye, Captain,” Old Nathan said. “Clever plan getting caught like that. The old ship is setting up for your public ass fucking and left next to no security anywhere else. We raided the data banks, stole the files back and got you.”

“I may have left some farm bovine porn in their data banks,” Deepthroat Sadie said. “And in their navigation computers, weapon systems and life support computers.”

“Of course you did,” I said. You don’t bring Deepthroat Sadie unless you wanted bovine porn everywhere.

We were almost at the shuttle bay when we ran into a complication. Captain Assfucker and two of his men came around the corner.

“Motherfuckers!” the cybernetic parrot squawked.

Everything happened at once.

Old Nathan skewered one of Assfucker’s men. Deepthroat Sadie castrated him once he was on the ground.

One Eye Peter shot the other pirate in the face.

I kicked Assfucker in the nuts. As he headed down to the ground, I upper-cutted his falling face. He slammed into the deck wall and was out cold.

“Tits and dicks!” the Parborg said.

I held out my hand to the bird. It hopped on my fingers and I guided him to my shoulder. Suction grips attached to my bare skin.

“You’re my bird now,” I said.

The bird looked at me. It scanned my face and blue lights lit up behind its eyes.

“Pieces of ass!” it squawked. It was mine. Parbogs of his model were highly idiosyncratic. He would only stay as long as he wanted but even a cybernetic bird knew Assfucker was a loser.

“I’m going to call you, Venda, cause you remind me of a tough girl I know.”

“Captain, we should be going,” Old Nathan said.

“Yep,” I said. I turned to the shuttle bay.

“Take his nose, take his nose!” Venda said.

“Oh yeah,” I said. I turned and reached down to Assfucker’s unconscious body. One finger hooked inside Assfucker’s nose while the rest gripped as much as I could. I pulled up with all I had.

The sound was awful. One Eye Peter got sick. Deepthroat Sadie looked turned on. Old Nathan gave me that look that said I was showing off, which I was.

I fed the nose to Venda. She gobbled it up.

Sep 152014

Attention Citizen-Serfs of the Prosperity Caliphate!

The space pirate, Deepthroat Sadie, has been spotted in our system. Deepthroat Sadie is a known molester of mummies, ancient and living. This deviant is also wanted for eight hundred counts of desecration of Sacred Harems. Charges had also been filed against Deepthroat Sadie for repeated manufacturing and distribution of farm animal pornography.

Deepthroat Sadie refuses to adhere to the Gender Normative Decree and may be male or female, or both. It’s complicated and also blasphemous to understand. If you do understand, report to your nearest Temple for de-education.

It is known that Deepthroat Sadie serves in the crew of the infamous Captain Blastpants, may the Supreme Judge strike them both dead.

Deepthroat Sadie is considered armed, dangerous and tempting. Resist any attempts to arrest this degenerate yourself and instead call the nearest law enforcement temple.

A reward of a five second glance from our Holy Governor Caliph will be given for any information leading to Deepthroat Sadie’s arrest and purification.

Aug 272014

The cabinwoman pumped my cock with her small hands. The lube was making everything slick but her grip was too tight. It was hard to climax when she kept squeezing the life out of me.

“Not so damn tight,” I snapped.

“Sorry!” she said. She loosened her grip but I knew it wouldn’t last. Giving me a handjob on the bridge was too distracting for her. She wasn’t used to doing a filthy act in front of so many people.

“We’ve reached New Fortune!” the helm announced.

“Hurry up,” I told the cabinwoman. “I want to shoot my payload at least once before I fuck Zian.” Zian was a brothel owner and my favorite pussy to fuck. It helps to come before fucking her so I don’t fire my torpedoes too fast.

The cabinwoman pouted but she stroked me faster. Great, bad handjobs and she gets jealous? This wasn’t going to work out.

“Lords of Space!” Morella, my First Mate said.

I looked up at the viewscreen. A hundred small ships were attacking the planet. They were ugly ships and no two looked alike. They swarmed and attacked all the pirate ships in the area.

“What the fuck?” I yelled. I shoved the cabinwoman away. My intelligent pants managed to zip themselves up over my massive bulge.

“They identify as the Jort!” comms reported. “They claim this planet as their prey. They claim all people on the surface as their meal! They claim the ships in the sky as their personal shooting targets.”

“I know these guys,” Morella said. “They are a nasty race, kind of a cross between a giant lizard and drunken sports player. They consider their enemies’ faces to be a delicacy. We should leave now and find another port to sell our loot.”

“Fuck that,” I said. “Zian is down there. She is the best whore in the galaxy.”

“She is their whore now,” Morella said.

I snarled. “That is my whore. Morella, you have command. Fight as long as you want. I am going to take a shuttle down there and get Zian. No lizard beast is going to eat her ass!”

“Captain, you can’t be serious!” Morella said. “You are going to get yourself killed over some pretty tits?”

“That’s three pretty tits!” I said and I left the bridge.

The cool thing about being a space pirate is you don’t have to go to your quarters to get your weapons, you can just grab them from other pirates you pass by. I grabbed a laser sword, a plasma rifle and enough grenades to choke a deepthroater. I heard that the Jort was tough but I never minded shooting something twice.

“Wait up! I’m fucking coming!” a snarling voice said behind me. It was Angry. No one knew what race she was and she never shared. She was a half a meter tall, furry and had really sharp teeth. She looked like a cute pet except for her perpetual cursing and her tendency to set things on fire. She had a flamethrower with her that she had designed herself.

“What do you want, Angry?” I said as I kept walking.

“You’re fighting fucking Jort so I want to come along and shit on them,” Angry said. “Jort killed me mother!”

“Really?” I said.

“Who the fuck knows?” Angry said. “Lot of people hated my mom.”

“Alright, sure,” I said. “I could use another hand.”

Pious Pam came running up. “I heard you’ve fighting Jort. Can I come?”

“What the fuck do you want with the Jort?” I asked the former nun. I saw she was carrying a laser rifle, six knives and her old nun’s veil. The rest of her body was covered in transparent mesh to show off her tattoos.

“I heard their blood is one of the best highs in the galaxy!” Pious Pam said.

I laughed. “You’re the worse nun I have ever met, you’re in.”

We got to the shuttle bay and Warbot-65 was waiting for us. Someone had painted the menacing war machine pink and attached balloon to his chassis to serve as faux breasts.

“Captain, I have been assigned by the First Mate to protect you,” Warbot-65 said.

A smile crosses my lips. Morella does care after all. Well, I had an angry short furry thing, a filthy nun and a warbot, what could go wrong?


Everything was going wrong. The shuttle was a smoking ruin behind us. Half of New Fortune was in flames. Angry was limping from when a Jort tried to bite her leg. Pious Pam had her veil and half her hair ripped out by a Jort. Warbot-65 had both balloon tits shot and his targeting array was damaged.

We had been on the planet for only five minutes.

These Jort were bad news. They were taller than me and covered in red scales. They didn’t have necks because their shoulders were so muscular. Some of them had weapons but most of them just used their nasty sharp claws. I guess it made it easier to eat someone’s face.

Weirdest of all, they wore these tight white shorts that were too long to be shorts and too short to be pants. I wasn’t sure why they wore them because the shorts were so tight I could see they didn’t have genitalia. What alien modestly compelled that strange fashion choice?

“Keep going!” I screamed. I fired my plasma rifle at a snarling Jort and melted his face. Another Jort leaped at me and my laser sword cut his hands off before my boot caved in his face. A third Jort didn’t even hesitate as it ran right at me before Warbot-65 blew his knees off.

“Targeting array fixed?” I asked Warbot-65.

“I was aiming for a headshot,” the Warbot replied.

“Die, you mother humping spawn of piss eggs!” Angry screamed as she set fire to a group of Jort that were looting a shop. Pious Pam threw a knife into the eye of one of the Jort that had escaped the flames. The Jort was dying but Angry made sure to set it on fire too.

“Moons of Zian is right around the corner!” I yelled. “Keep moving!”

Reluctantly my team moved. The Jort were busy looting until they caught sight of us and then they tried to eat us. We shot them, stabbed them, set them on fire and they kept coming. There were a damn lot of them.

You would think a haven for pirates would put up a better fight when invaded by ravaging lizard things, but nope, the citizens of New fortune did what they always did which was lift their skirts, drop their pants and ask that you don’t take too long fucking their ass. Me and my pirates were the only real opposition the Jorts had on this whole fucking planet.

I saw Moons of Zian. A small army of Jorts were ripping open a wheel transport in the middle of the street. People were screaming as the Jorts ate them alive. Those folks needed one hell of a rescue.

Warbot-65 let loose with his missile launcher. Even he couldn’t miss a target that big. Thirty warheads smashed into the transport and sent it flying high into the air. Jort and citizens went flying. Pious Pam and I shot the Jort out of the sky before they thudded into the ground. Whomever we missed, Angry ran up to and set on fire. As for the citizens, I don’t think any of them were moving.

Pirates don’t do rescues.

“Into the brothel!” I yelled and Angry kicked in the front door which is impressive considering her size. We followed behind him and Pious Pam went to work barricading the door.

“Zian, where the fuck are?” I yelled.

A blue head with long green hair poked up from the other side of the bar. “Blaspants, what are you doing here?”

I dropped my plasma rifle and walked over to her. Her yellow eyes sparkled as I pull her head towards mine. Her lips opened as I kissed her and her eight inch tongue wrapped around my tongue.

When I had trouble breathing, I broke the kiss. “Where are the rest of your sluts?” I asked Zian.

“They ran away through the secret passage,” she said. “They are miles away in the tunnels by now.”

“Shit, why didn’t you go?” I asked.

Her beautiful blue face frowned. “And let some assholes destroy my place? Fuck that!”

I laughed and kissed her again. I placed one hand on her shirt and groped her left breast, before moving on to her middle breast and then her right. I groped all three tits as we kept kissing.

Something heavy slammed into the brothel door. We kept kissing.

“Captain!” Angry yelled.

“What?!” I yelled. I broke our kiss but I lifted Zian up and pulled her across the bar to be with me.

“The fatherless Jort are gathering outside like a bunch of peckers,” Angry yelled. “They know we’re in here!”

“Lords of Space, haven’t we killed enough of them?” I asked. “Warbot-65, go into mass termination mode. Pious Pam, where’s Pious Pam?”

The nun was sitting on a table, snorting the blood off her knife. Euphoria swept over her face. “Fucking hell, this is good shit.”

“Pious Pam, get your sorry ass to the barricade and prepare to repel assholes!” I yelled.

Zian rubbed against me. I pulled her shirt off so I could access all three of her tits. She was trying to unzip my intelligent pants and my pants were resisting. I felt her do something subtle and my pants unzipped on their own.

“Incoming!” Warbot-65 said.

A window exploded. A Jort jumped in and Angry set it on fire. It stumbled around until Warbot-65 knocked its head off. A second Jort jumped in and Pious Pam shot it. A third jumped in and Warbot-65 kicked it back out through the window.

“I can’t believe you came for me,” Zian moaned. Her fingers wrapped around my cock. I groaned, now that was the right grip.

“You’re my slut,” I said.

She shuddered. Her eyes turned to gold and I knew she was as horny as I was. “I’m your slut,” she agreed.

“Then get to work, slut,” I said.

Zian smiled and dropped to her knees. She grabbed my cock in one hand and one of her tits in the other. Her impossibly long tongue flicked out from her blue lips and licked my balls.

I pulled out both my laser pistols and aimed at the entire room.

The front door shuddered but held.

A different window crashed and a Jort jumped in. Pious Pam tackled him and stabbed him multiple times before burying her nose in one of his wounds. She let out a howl of delight as the stimulant ripped through her body.

Zian pumped my cock with her hand. She pressed the tip of my cock against one nipple, then another and then another.

A Jort jumped through a broken window and shot a laser at Warbot-65. It bounced off his armor and destroyed a gambling machine. Warbot-65 fired back at the Jort and blasted both knees off. I guess he was aiming for the head again.

Zian’s long tongue wrapped around my cock; snaking around with an intoxicating loose grip. When her tongue pulled away, my cock was covered in spit.

Angry threw a glass of alcohol at a Jort in the window. It sputtered with indignation before Angry set it on fire. Angry ran and did a jump kick to push the Jort back outside.

Zian took my wet cock and embraced it with her breasts. It was her right breast and her middle breast. Her left breast jiggled as she titfucked my cock.

A third window exploded and two Jorts climbed in. Pious Pam stabbed one in a drug induced frenzy. She didn’t even see the second Jort. That was fine because I did and I sent a laser shot right through its eyes.

Zian squeezed her plump tits tighter around my cock. She spat onto my cock to keep things slippery. I felt her tongue flick the tip of my cock every time it emerged out from between her tits.

The door shuddered and the bottom half broke. A Jort crawled inside and Warbot-65 stepped on it. The sound of crunching ribs didn’t stop the Jort behind it from crawling in. Warbot-65 fired a round at him and missed completely with the first five shots but the sixth killed it. Quantity beats accuracy any day.

Zian moved my cock to between her middle and left tit. I let out a groan. It was like sliding into a new warm pussy. My hips bucked against Zian’s chest as I continued to shoot stray Jort that made it past my crew.

“We could use some fucking help, asshole!” Angry yelled. She snapped a fresh fuel container into her flamer and stuffed the empty container down a Jort’s gasping throat. It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me.

“I’m busy,” I yelled back at her. Zian giggled as she fucked my slick cock with her tits. Her tongue licked the head of my cock and tried to coax my orgasm.

Something huge rammed into the door from outside. The door flew and bounced off of Warbot-65. The front end of a wheeled vehicle pulled away from the hole that used to be the entrance. Jort poured in through the large opening.

Zian dipped her head down and took my cock into her mouth. I gasped and kept firing.

Angry let loose with the flamer. She burned the first wave of Jort but the second wave just trampled their burning comrades and rushed in.

Warbot-65 raised both arms and released a torrent of lasers. Jort heads exploded, arms were severed and cauterized and chests were perforated. Still, the Jort came running in.

Pious Pam slashed two Jort throats with one swing of her knife. She grabbed another Jort and broke his back over her knee. With a savage scream, she jumped up and bit one Jort’s neck and ripped out his throat with her teeth.

I kept shooting. I shot a Jort sneaking in through a window. I shot another crawling out from the burning pile of bodies. One to the right, two to the left, one in the center and three more to the right; I fired without thinking.

Zian sucked harder. Her ass was facing the battle but she didn’t care. Tight lips stroked my cock. Green hair flew as her head bobbed faster and faster. All three tits slapped against my thighs. Her long tongue escaped her lips, reached under my balls and flicked at my ass.

A Jort leaped on Warbot-65’s head and ripped off another sensor. Another Jort grabbed Warbot-65’s right arm and his weight forced the robot’s gun to point at the ground. Warbot-65 shuddered as Jort fired repeatedly at its chest.

Angry ran out of flamer fuel and pulled out a laser knife. She took a cut to the arm from a Jort before gutting it. Another Jort sliced her leg and Angry dropped to one knee. She killed the Jort but she didn’t look like she could stand up.

Pious Pam got more erratic. Her face was smeared with Jort blood and her eyes were about to bug out. She sliced at the Jort until they got smart and gang jumped her. I saw her go down under a pile or red lizard bodies.

Zian moaned. Her mouth vibrated around my cock. My self control vanished. My cock unleashed a flood of seed into her mouth. Her head stopped bobbing and her cheeks caved in around my cock. An immense load of seed filled her mouth and she swallowed it all.

My thumb clicked my laser pistols into rapid mode. A rain of laser shots burned the pile of Jort off of Pious Pam’s buried body. A volley of shots cleared an area around Angry so she could grab a fallen gun and use it. A flurry of lasers took out the Jort hanging on Warbot-65’s arm so he could return fire on the Jort shooting at him.

And then suddenly, there was no more Jort to fight. The ones inside were all dead and no new Jort were coming in. My pirates looked at me but I had no answers.

Zian sighed as she realized my balls were empty. She went to work cleaning my cock with her lips.

My communicator beeped. “Captain, are you alive?”

“Morella!” I said. “What haven’t you left the system yet?”

My First Mate smirked. “I tried but when the other pirates saw us providing your shuttle with cover fire, they came back to fight. The Jort couldn’t handle all of us so they are fleeing. The last of the Jort ground troops just left. The New Fortune mayor just sent us a message thanking us for saving the entire planet. They want to put a statue up in your honor. They’re calling you the Hero of New Fortune.”

“Who to the what now?” I said. Zian gave my cock a final lick before standing up. She slipped my arm over her shoulders and her three tits pressed against me.

“Yeah, you’re a fucking hero now,” Morella said. “I’m bringing the ship in so the crew can fuck and drink whatever is still there. Savage Thrust out.”

I looked at my crew. Pious Pam was snorting blood from a Jort’s gushing neck. Warbot-65 was scraping Jort flesh from its giant foot. Angry was looking outside, probably for something to set on fire. I still had my cock out with my three breasted blue slut next to me. We didn’t look much like heroes.

“What now, Hero?” Zian asked. Her gold eyes had turned silver with mockery.

“How about you ride my cock while I get drunk?” I said.

“Get on the bar and let me give you a hero’s fucking,” she agreed.

Aug 112014

This is an official message from the Pik Collective. You are required by law to download this announcement and read it. You are required by law to answer a verbal quiz on the contents of this announcement by any Pik Collective Government Official. You are required by law to score at least a eighty percentile on this quiz.

This is a notice that Pamela Lobby, AKA Pious Pam, is wanted for crimes by the Pik Collective and the Church of the Lady of Perpetual Condemnation. She is accused of Space Piracy, Drug Smuggling with Intent to Consume, Murder, as well as being in violation of her Vows of Chastity, her Vows of Purity, her Vows of Tithing and Unlawful Use of Nun’s Clothing in the Commission of a Crime. Despite what she may tell you, she has been expelled from the Church of the Lady of Perpetual Condemnation and can not perform absolution on you if you give her your drugs or participate in deviant sex.

She is considered to be Patient Zero in the Galactic Herpes Outbreak of Cakkerty Prime. She has been sighted performing certain lewd acts in defiance of the Universal Decency Act. Her blood chemistry has been officially classified as a controlled substance.

Pious Pam currently serves in the crew of the notorious Space Pirate, Captain Blastpants.

Pious Pam is considered armed and dangerous and has been known to commit murder in her pursuit of consuming intoxicants. She is also known to be highly promiscuous and has no regard for the laws of man or divine constructs. If spotted, alert your local authorities and do NOT engage.

Any information leading to the arrest of Pious Pam will make you eligible for a random drawing of a Luxury Good or Service in the Government Rewards Lottery. In addition, the Church of the Lady of Perpetual Condemnation will grant you one blessing or absolution of a sin free of charge.

Jul 232014

The airlock was crammed with pirates. We simmered with quiet excitement. I checked my weapons for the hundredth time. I was eager to leap through that airlock and start killing security guards. A luxury spaceship full of the rich and famous was waiting to be robbed but first we had to slaughter their defenses.

I had the biggest erection inside my smart pants. There was nothing like a battle in close quarters followed by loot and screaming prissy women.

Morella, my First Mate, checked her communicator. “We’ve disabled the engines of The Pampered Dolphin. Estimated Navy arrival will be in two hours.”

I checked my needle pistol again. “All right crew, prepare to board! Take what you want and leave nothing behind!”

The airlock shook as we made contact with The Pampered Dolphin. Automatic locks engaged and bound our two ships together. The airlock opened and I waited a split second so some other pirate went through first. People who go in first tended to get shot.

“Arrrrrrr-heyyyyyyy. What the fuck is this?” the first pirate yelled.

I jumped in behind him. Instead of a corridor crammed with ship security, it was just a bunch of floating cameras. There was one guy and he jumped up and down when he saw me. My pirate eye instantly noticed his rich clothes, expensive shoes and ridiculously long mustache.

“Captain Blastpants! By the Lords of Space, it is true!” the man said. “You are a gift from the Gods of Wealth, let me tell you!” The ends of his mustache shook as he talked.

I stuck my needle pistol in his face. “Give me your money and tell me where the security is!”

He pushed my needle pistol away. “Oh I sent them away. I didn’t want them harming my savior. Oh wait, I should tell you who I am. I’m Alfon Zapri, of course you have heard of me.”

I put my needle pistol back in his face. “Nope.”

That bothered him more than my weapon. “I am the executive producer of Rich Bitches.”

I shrugged.

“I also created The Filthy Wealthy Life?”

I shook my head.

“Here Comes The Tallians?”

I pressed my needle pistol against his mustache.

“We are currently producing Keeping Up with Jen Valasha!”

I lowered my pistol. “Wait, is she the heiress with the big ass and long legs? What does her family’s company make?”

“Yes, she’s the one!” Alfon yelled. His mustache vibrated with excitement. “They make consoles controls for starships! We are filming her honeymoon episode on this ship and it has been a disaster!”

Morella cleared her throat. “Captain, we have less than two hours before rescue arrives. Maybe less.”

“Right,” I said. “Pirates, start robbing people. If you see that Jen woman, give me a yell. I want to see if that ass is for real.”

“Wait!” Alfon yelled. He jumped in front of me and I nearly shot him. “Listen, if you help us out, I can have a thousand MegaCreds transferred to the bank system of your choice.”

Lords of Space! If we ransomed this entire ship and everyone on it, we might not make a half of that!

“Pirates, hold up!” I yelled. “You, producer guy, talk fast.”

“Sure,” Alfon said. “Look, Jen married a musician, Que Tasa, and that was a big ratings coup for us. The thing is, the guy shoots his load in less than two minutes and then spends ten hours writing a song about what a stud he is. The network was expecting thirty minutes minimum for wedding night sex and we already have sponsors lined up. We’re at the end of the voyage and even if we loop all the times Jen and Que had sex, we’re short twenty minutes.”

Morella started to laugh. She saw where this was going.

“But now that we have a famous space pirate,” Alfon continued, “we can go with a new direction. We can film you assaulting Jen and I am sure a man of your stamina can last thirty minutes. We’ll surprise everyone and our ratings will go through the roof.”

“You want me to rape your reality star?” I asked. “I’m a space pirate but damn, you disgust me.”

“I’m not the one who came up with the idea!” Alfon snapped. “This is Jen’s idea. She knows what her audience wants and her audience wants to see hot pirate-on-heiress action.”

“This is ridiculous,” I said. “I am not going to fuck someone just so you can make a reality show!”

“Not for a thousand MegaCreds,” Morella said. “He will need at least five hundred more.”

Alfon and I looked at her in shock at the same time.

“That is too much!” Alfon said. “We can’t afford that!”

“You’ll make twice that in the memorabilia sales,” Morella said. She stared at the producer with the icy calm of an accountant turned pirate.

“Fine, fifteen hundred MegaCreds. Half now and half after we film it,” Alfon said.

I just got pimped by my First Mate.

“Alright, let’s go fuck,” I said. “Crew, go grab something to eat and socialize. No robbing but feel free to scare some people.”

I followed Alfon as he led me through the cruise ship. Morella followed behind me for moral support and to check our bank account online. It felt wrong to walk through a luxury ship without shooting things or hearing people scream. I didn’t like it.

“Some ground rules,” Alfon said. “Her ass is insured by the network so absolutely no anal sex. Don’t touch her hair or pinch her tits. Jen also wants to make sure that you don’t call her a slut because she hates that word. Also, her safeword is ‘discount’.”

“What the fuck is a safeword?” I said. I was cranky because a security guard snapped a picture of me with his communicator instead of pissing himself with fear.

“That is in case she needs to terminate the sex scene,” Alfon said. “She’ll say ‘discount’ and you pretend that you finished and walk away.”

“Rich people fuck weird,” I said.

We reached the premium suites. Grand doors the size of cargo bays stood before them. I was disappointed that we wouldn’t be blowing them up.

“Jen is waiting for you inside,” Alfon said. “Remember, this is a brutal violation on her honeymoon so she has to pretend to resist for the viewers. Just don’t touch her hair, pinch her tits or fuck her ass. Don’t say the word, slut. The safeword is ‘discount’! Oh, and absolutely no facials!”

I smiled. “I got it.”

I took out a demolition charge and placed it against the door. Alfon’s eyes bulged.

“I have to get some fun out of this,” I said.

The door vaporized in an explosion of light and sound but no debris. A smoking hole appeared and I stepped through it. The floating cameras followed me.

“Where’s this rich slut I’ve heard about?” I yelled.

“That’s Mrs. Valasha-Tasa to you, asshole!” a voice called out from a circular bed.

I got a little starstruck. Jen was gorgeous. A transparent gold robe was draped over her dark brown body. Legs as long as a planetary orbit stretched out on the bed. The robe fell open to reveal a plunging cleavage that promised riches within. Her face was a flawless mixture of genetic manipulation and dermatologist expertise. Long black hair shimmered and caught the light.

“Ahem,” Alfron said behind me.

“Oh yeah,” I said. “Hey Jen, I’m uhh, a pirate.”

Jen’s beautiful eyes bored into me and found me wanting. “Out of my room! You better leave before my husband finds you and kills you!”

She stood up from the bed. The robe fell open in what I knew was a calculated measure. Her fit body stood proud and defiant while the dark bush of her sex drew in my eyes. Fuck, she was hot. I mean, I had seen hot women before but this was different. This was a woman who had been bred, trained and cultivated to sell merchandise through the power of looking hot. This was weaponized sexiness.

I stood there like an idiot.

The cameras spun around me. Jen looked at me with utter contempt. Alfron’s mustache shook with fear as he realized I might be worse than the husband.

“Captain, if you are going to fuck the bitch, do it now before the Navy shows up!” Morella shouted.

“Right!” I snapped. This wasn’t about fucking. This was about stealing loot and making a profit. If there was one thing I knew how to do was to take something that didn’t belong me.

I walked over to Jen. My intelligent pants unzipped themselves and my cock sprung free. I tossed my needle pistol to the bed and I reached out for the impossible hot heiress.

The look in Jen’s eyes changed. The contempt was gone. Desire took its place.

Then I grabbed her hair and the desire turned to fury. Her hair was so soft in my hands and I yanked her head towards me.

“Don’t touch the hair, asshole!” Jen yelled.

“I’m the pirate here, slut,” I snapped. I twisted her hair to prove my point.

“Ow!” she yelled. She tried to push against me but I wasn’t some weak singer. I was too strong for her. In the struggle, her robe fell off. Wow, these reality stars were better at getting naked than most courtesans.

“Nice treasure chest,” I said as I grabbed a tit. It was plump and perfectly shaped for my hand.

Cameras hovered closer to observe the tit grabbing. One camera focused on my hand in her hair. One camera went to my standing erection. Two cameras zoomed in on the rage building in Jen’s face.

“You can’t do this!” Jen yelled. “I’m Jen fucking Valasha-Tasa and you’re a nobody!”

“You’re just another slut for my cock,” I told her. My hand released her tit and went straight for her nipple. A pinch and a twist and she almost fell to her knees. My hand in her hair kept her standing.

“ASSHOLE!” Jen yelled. “No nipple pinching!” She glared an angry look at Alfron who simply shrugged.

“You got a lot of rules for a victim,” I said. I twisted her nipple harder.

“FUCK!” she yelled. She stared at me with hatred and I saw her lips clench together. I could see the beginning of her safeword forming on her lips.

“Need to say something?” I asked her. I twist her nipple the other way. Her breast contorted under the force of my twisting.

She drew in a sharp breath and clenched her lips tighter.

“Are you sure?” I asked her again. I pulled hard on her nipple and her breast stretched with my fingers.

Jen shook her head and then she spat on my face. “Fuck you!” she snapped.

“Your choice,” I said. I let go of her nipple and reached into my pockets. I pulled out the gravity cuffs and slapped one on each of her wrists. I was saving them for if I met a frisky robbery victim but they were good for spoiled bitches too.

I spoke a command and the gravity cuffs pulled Jen’s hands into the air. She squealed as she was lifted into the air until her feet were off the ground. Jen twisted and screamed but the gravity cuffs didn’t budge.

She kicked me with her beautiful long leg. I grunted as she hit my stomach but I was glad she didn’t get my cock. I grabbed her leg by the ankle and pulled it to the side. Jen cried out as I grabbed her other leg by the thigh and pulled her apart.

The cameras moved in to get a better look at her sex. Millions of Jen’s fans across the galaxy would never forget this moment. They had me to thank for it.

“Anything you want to say before I fuck you?” I told the struggling heiress.

Jen spat at me again. She glared at Alfron and the cameras before spitting at me again. I laughed. I wasn’t hearing any safewords.

“Thought so,” I said as I slipped inside her.

Lords of Space! Her vagina was perfect. Her pussy must have had a flesh-shifting implant because after three thrusts, it was the perfect shape for me. It was the perfect wetness, the perfect level of heat and the perfect grip. Fuck, no wonder her husband couldn’t last inside her!

“Fucking loser!” the heiress yelled at me as I fucked her suspended body.

“Nobody pirate!” the reality star cursed as I pounded her perfect pussy.

“Piece of shit thief!” the mega-celebrity swore as her tits bounced with every thrust.

“You don’t even have an endorsement deal!” the beautiful bitch screamed as she twisted on my cock.

It only made me fuck her harder. The cameras zooming around us trying to get a good angle were distracting but her insults kept me focused. Her bouncing tits and struggling legs in my hands brought me closer to climax but I was motivated by animosity. I was fucking the shit out of her purely for spite and man, she made sure I had plenty of spite to go.

Still, her pussy was too damn good. All the contempt in the world can’t stop you from shooting your load into a hot spoiled slut. I was going to come soon and the thought of Jen triumphing in even the smallest way was too much to bear.

I pulled out of her pussy. Leaving that kind of perfect fit might have been the most heartbreaking thing I had ever done.

Jen smiled as I pulled out. “Too much woman for you?” she asked.

“Nope,” I said. “Just wanting to see if your ass is real.”

I walked behind her. Jen started screaming. “If you touch my ass, I will kill you, your crew and your entire family!”

I slapped another gravity cuff on her ankle. It pulled her leg out to the side and once the other gravity cuff went on, she was spread eagle and floating before me. She could twist and struggle but she wasn’t going to be kicking or escaping.

“I will find all of your loved ones and wear their skins!” jen screamed.

I believed her. She certainly had the power and the evil. She might be the worse enemy one could every make.

On the other hand, her ass was fantastic. Round and brown, it was an ass that launched a thousand holovids. It was an ass designed for fucking. It was an ass made breast men into ass men. It was a true booty worth dying for.

I pulled her ass cheeks apart.

“I will buy your home planet, enslave the population and make them into medical test subjects!!” Jen screamed.

My cock was slick with her pussy juices. I pressed the tip of my cock against her tight little brown hole.

“I will do a biography video of you that will claim you invented cancer!” Jen howled.
The cameras floated closer. One camera was right over my shoulder so it could see my cock enter her. Another camera floated before Jen’s face so the moment of penetration could be recorded.

I heard a lot of threats, but no safeword.

I pushed in. Her ass resisted only briefly before taking me in. My cock invaded her ass completely.

“Lords of Space,” Jen moaned.

“Lords of Space,” I agreed. Her ass was tighter than a singularity. She shuddered and my cock throbbed inside her. I was embedded inside her and our bodies fused together in symbiotic pleasure.

I fucked her ass. I started slow but soon speed up. Her magnificent ass could take it. No, an ass that wonderful demanded it.

I grabbed her hair and yanked her head back. She screamed and shuddered some more.

I reached around and grabbed a tit. The cameras captured my hand marauding her breasts. Jen screamed clenched around my ass.

I assaulted her ass. I took it with all the force and savagery of piracy. I ravished her ass not for the money, the fame or even spite. I claimed her ass with my cock because it was made for fucking.

Morella stepped into my line of vision. She tapped her communicator. It was time.

I let go of self control. I felt my orgasm building inside me. I couldn’t wait to release myself inside her ass.

That was when I remembered Jen’s last rule.

I pulled out of her ass. I snapped a command and the gravity-cuffs deactivated. Jen fell hard to the ground. She looked up at me and I didn’t recognize her. All of the hostility was gone. Her face had transformed into lust and happiness.

I grabbed her hair and my cock. She smiled before she realized what I was doing. As she started to scream, my cock erupted.

I blasted her face with my seed. A solid stream flew into her mouth and she started to choke. The rest of my seed splattered against her cheeks and lips. An errant stream coated her hair. I kept pumping until I was empty.

The cameras caught it all.

“And cut!” Alfron yelled. “We got enough for the special!”

“The bastard broke every rule!” Jen yelled. She tried to wipe my seed from her face but she just smeared it around.

“That’s reality programming for you!” Alfron said. “Don’t worry, baby. This video is going to break all the sales records! We’re going to sell more than even Oris Mal’s wedding!”

“Really?” Jen said. She stood up and her demeanor changed. Now instead of outrage or lust it was all greed. “Maybe we should sell commemorative gravity cuffs to go with the video.”

“You’re a genius!” Alfron said.

“We really need to leave,” Morella said.

My intelligent pants zipped me back up. I recovered my gravity cuffs and needle pistol. Jen went to the showers with Alfron, still talking business plans. I wasn’t expecting her to say goodbye but hey, I wasn’t used to ravishing women and having them forget me so soon.

“All fifteen hundred MegaCreds have been wired to our accounts,” Morella said. “Not a bad haul.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “It might pay more than piracy but reality shows just make me feel dirty.”

Jul 142014

Hello, I am Vix Plaser for GNC, with an update to last week’s holostation hijacking.

Military sources can now confirm that the Savage Thrust, commanded by notorious space pirate, Captain Blastpants, was responsible for taking over the entertainment holostation, Prayer-Wheel-5, in the Chastity System. His motive for replacing the normal religious channels with hardcore Foglian Pornography was the apparent disruption of patrol ships and merchant vessels. Captain Blastpants is alleged to have attacked a record breaking forty-two merchants ships during the twenty hour broadcast of porn.

For more on this story, we turn to our senior pirate correspondent, Cassie Neemix, who is reporting live from the Chastity System Temple of Defense. Cassie, what have your sources told you?

“Thank you Vic. Sources here have told me that the onslaught of vivid porn and graphic depictions of sexual genitals crippled the infrastructure of the Chastity Defense Navy. Military personnel were so disgusted by what they saw that they were unable to turn away and carry on their duties when merchant vessels sent distress calls. Those who did respond were slow and uninterested in performing their duties. Four hundred and sixty eight cases of exhaustion were reported as members of the military attempted masturbation for the first time.”

That is awful, Cassie. What about the civilian population? How did it affect them?

“That is a good question, Vic. Even though control of Prayer-Wheel-5 is back under the Temple of Prayer, rioting continues all across the Chastity System. Civilians are demanding equal orgasms, freedom to kiss and access to all sorts of phallic fruits and vegetables. The Temple of the High Priest insists everything is under control but planets all across the system are staging protests where the High Priest is being fucked in effigy.”

Cassie, is it true that the Temple of Defense is now enforcing a blockade around their own planet?”

“That is correct, Vic. After tasting pornography for the first time, the citizens of Chastity System are now demanding more of it. There is a thriving black market profiting off the smuggling of sexual materials into the system. Allegedly, the most successful smuggler is Captain Blastpant himself.”

Shocking news, Cassie. We will now take a commercial break but when we return, our financial experts will tell you which pornography companies you should invest in during this boom in demand. I’m Vic Plaser and you’re watching Galactic News Channel.

May 142014

The Cabin Woman jacked my cock. Her cybernetic hand vibrated at a rather pleasant speed. She licked her lips and leaned in close to suck me. I grabbed her hair and stopped her. Halla’s handjobs were awesome but her cocksucking was mediocre.

“How much longer are we going to wait here?” Pious Pam asked. She was getting antsy because she had already snorted all her drugs and finished off the rum bottle.

“As long as it takes,” I growled.

A cool wind blew through the woods. Halla kept stroking my cock and kept the chill off my balls.

My space pirates were getting cranky. This planet was a primitive backwater without a decent bar for miles. We had been waiting for an hour and there was still no sign of our appointment. Hell, I was getting cranky but sometimes being a space pirate means having to sit on your ass for a while. That was what Cabin Women were for.

“Everyone put your weapons down in the name of the Pik Collective!” a voice cried out.

I shoved Halla away from my cock and stood up. My intelligent pants zipped themselves up. My hands went to my laser but five blue targeting dots appeared on my chest. I looked at my fellow pirates and saw similar blue dots on their bodies.

All around us, soldiers came out of the forest. They outnumbered us two to one. I made a promise to kill the pirates I put on watch duty if they were not dead already.

“Captain Blastpants, I am Captain Kianna Gan of the Pik Collective,” a familiar voice said.

I smiled as Kianna stepped out from behind a tree. The Asiatic beauty was always a pleasant sight but also a pleasant sight was her enormous cleavage that looked like it was about to burst from her tight blue uniform. A pleasant shiver went through me as I remembered the last time I saw these lovely giant tits.

“I am informing you, Captain Blastpants, that you and your associates are under arrest,” Kianna said. “You have been accused of thirty-eight acts of piracy as well as one act of sexual molestation of a Pik Collective Officer.”

My cock throbbed at the memory of the molestation. I called it more of a rescue. Kianna had surrendered to me to save her crew but then she insulted me. I had to do something to keep the respect of my crew or else they would have demanded her death. I choose fucking her tits and coming on her chest while both our crews watched. My crew loved it but apparently she held a grudge. Some people are never grateful.

“Captain Gan, I am going to give you some friendly advice,” I said.

She pointed her hand laser at my crotch. “And what would that be?” she asked.

“I suggest you take your men and leave her immediately,” I said. “Also forget that you ever saw me on this planet.”

Her crew laughed. Kianna didn’t even crack a smile. She was all business. “Ridiculous. I am taking you into custody now so that you may be tried for your crimes under Pik Collective law.”

I almost said something but I stopped. A red light appeared on the pale abundant flesh of her cleavage. Other red lights appeared by the dozens on her crew as well as my pirates.

“Too late,” I whispered.

“By the Lords of Space, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?” a voice thundered.

Out of the woods came scarred pirates with nasty needle weapons. They outnumbered my crew and Kianna’s crew by two to one. I was starting to experience some feelings of inadequacy.

“Hey Captain Spikeballs,” I said. “You’re late but at least you are here.”

“FUCK YOU!” Captain Spikeballs said. He was the last to come out of the woods. He was an uncouth bastard even by space pirate standards. The smell of filth was strong on him as well as the smell of dried blood on his clothes. He had a lazy eye that seeped constantly down his face and into his ragged beard. He was a sadist and a psychopath. He had such a nasty reputation that not even space pirate havens would have him which is why we were meeting in the middle of nowhere. Worse of all, he shouted all the fucking time.

“Everyone drop your FUCKING weapons!” Captain Spikeballs said. I dropped my laser and so did my crew. Kianna took a deep breath and her cleavage expanded delightfully before she too dropped her weapons. Her crew disarmed as well.

“I told you come by yourself and you bring a bunch of crew AND the FUCKING Pik Collective!” Captain Spikeballs said. “You told me that you wanted to buy my Wormhole Torpedoes but this looks like a trap! I should kill you now!”

“Yeah, I do want your torpedoes and you’re the only crazy bastard willing to sell me some,” I snapped. “But even then I am not stupid enough to come by myself. As for this Pik bitch-“

“Hey!” Kianna interrupted.

“I knew how much you hate the Pik Collective so I brought you a prize,” I finished.

“You bastard!” Kianna said. “I am no one’s prize!”

I spun around and grabbed Kianna by the back of her bun. She gasped and her cleavage stressed the structural stability of her uniform.

“Shut up,” I whispered. “I’m trying to save your life.”

Her eyes narrowed at that but she closed her lips.

“I haven’t tortured a Pik officer in DAYS!” Captain Spikeballs said. He came closer and smelled worse.

“That’s what I plan to do,” I said as I desperately tried to think of a plan.

“Are you we going to FLAY her skin and FEED IT TO HER?” Captain Spikeballs said.

I fought back a gag. “Oh no, that isn’t how you torture a Pik officer.”

Captain Spikeballs snarled. “It ISN’T?”

“Oh no,” I said. “Members of the Pik Collective deal with physical discomfort all their lives from the sticks up their asses. The only pain they truly feel is psychological.”

Captain Spikeballs frowned. “We’re going to crack open her skull and eat her BRAIN slowly?”

Kianna tensed and I felt that she might do something stupid. I twisted her bun in my grip and she cried out.

“Here, I’ll be happy to show you,” I said. “That is if you will permit me to torture her?”

A moment passed. Captain Spikeballs stared at me with his good eye. His bad eye seeped a little bit. His fingers gripped his needle gun tightly.

“All right, TORTURE the bitch,” Captain Spikeballs said.

“First thing we do is strip her pants,” I said.

“What?!” Kianna said.

I yanked her by the bun and nearly took her off her feet. Kianna leaned against me and I whispered into her ear.

“Take off your pants if you and your crew want to live,” I said.

Kianna stood back up and glared at me. She wasn’t going to do it. I saw my pirate career and most of my internal organs coming to an end at the hands of Captain Spikeballs.

She hooked her fingers into her pants. A button was pressed and the billions of sentient threads that made up her pants slid off her legs. In seconds she was naked from the waist down.

I glanced at her ass and did a double take. By the Lords of Space, her ass was almost as curvy as her tits! I had never noticed that before. Probably because when I looked at her through the viewscreen of the bridge all I saw was her face and her tits. Who knew that all this time I was missing out on the second natural wonder of the galaxy?

“Ah, do we use hot KNIVES on her RECTAL hole?” Captain Spikeballs asked.

“No, and second of all, I can’t believe you know the word, rectal,” I said. I pulled Kianna over to a fallen tree and sat down. My hand pulled Kianna across my lap and she cried out in indigent outrage.

There was grumbling from her soldiers. I was worried that they might try to stop us but no, they just came closer to get a better look. Captain Spikeballs’ men came closer too. I hoped that my crew would hang back and gain a tactical advantage but nope, those assholes gathered around too. We had a full audience.

“So what do we DO?” Captain Spikeballs demanded.

I rubbed my hand over Kianna’s ass. She began to squirm wonderfully. I grabbed one of her arms and forced it behind her back.

“First, we begin with groping to begin her humiliation,” I said. We squeeze her plump ass and appreciate just how fucking curvy this ass is. Damn, baby has got aft!”

Captain Spikeballs didn’t look like he was buying it at first but then his eyes widened. “Why is her face TURNING RED?”

I took a quick glance. “That is called blushing. It is umm, blood rushing to her face as brain cells writhe in agony from her humiliation.”

My crew and the Pik soldiers looked at each other. Thankfully, none of them said anything.

“Then WHAT? Captain Spikeballs said.

“Once you have groped, fondled and maybe pinched every curve of her ass,” I said as Kianna let out a squeak of protest. “Then you spank her.”

Whap! I brought my hand down on her ass. Kianna’s round buttocks quivered from the force of my slap. All three crews let out a sigh of appreciation.

“Bastard!” Kianna shouted. She wiggled across my lap and my intelligent pants wanted to unzip.

“Shouldn’t you hit her HARDER?” Captain Spikeballs said. “”You’re not even BREAKING THE SKIN!”

“You have to be careful,” I said. “If you cause too much physical harm, the Pik body will just shut down to block out the pain.”

“That explains why so many Pik soldiers pass out after I BITE OFF THEIR EARS,” Captain Spikeballs said.

Kianna shuddered on my lap. I slapped her ass again. Whap!

“Now once her ass has been slapped a few times, you can go faster,” I said.

“What?” Kianna cried.

I showed her. Whap! Whap! Whap! I slapped her ass in a nice tight little barrage of hits. I focused on the bottom curves of her ass for maximum jiggling of her butt. I had a bullshit reason for doing that which I was going to say to Spikeballs but I forgot it as soon as I saw the hypnotic bouncing of her ass cheeks.

“And this HURTS?” Captain Spikeballs asked. He looked doubtful.

I had a little extra pep to my slap. WHAP! Kianna screamed and kicked her legs.

“Asshole!” Kianna screamed.

“I GUESS SO,” Captain Spikeballs admitted.

WHAP! WHAP! I kept slapping Kianna’s ass. The bottom of her ass was turning pink so I moved to striking the top of her ass. There was a lot of fucking ass to spank. That was a good thing; it gave me time to think of how I was going to get out of this.

“You’ll pay for this, Blastpants!” Kianna yelled.

Captain Spikeballs laughed. “She really DOES hate this. Do you want to use a PAIN GLOVE?”

“No, remember, light and slow,” I said. WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! I slapped the sides of her ass in my almost futile quest to transform her giant ass from pale to pink.

“Marines, stop this!” Kianna ordered her crew.

None of her men moved to help her although quite a few of them moved their hands to hide their growing erections.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Kianna yelled. The normally proper and composed Captain was losing it. She wiggled on my lap as she tried to escape but with her arm pinned behind her back she couldn’t get any leverage. Her heavy tits bounced against my leg as she squirmed on top of my bulge trapped within my pants.

“What is that leaking down her leg?” Captain Spikeballs asked.

I looked and damn, Kianna’s sex was flowing with desire.

“Seriously?” I asked Captain Spikeballs. My hand paused in spanking Kianna. “You’ve never seen a wet pussy before?”

The savage pirate shrugged. “Usually they are covered in FIRE when I see a naked woman.”

“Lords of Space,” Kianna groaned. I agreed. I also returned to spanking her.


“Asshole!” Kianna screamed.

My hand kept spanking her plump ass. All three crews watched as I put in the time and effort to hit every part of her ass. My hand started to sting but I kept going. I slapped her ass from top to bottom and bottom to top. I spanked the sides of her ass until they were as pink as the rest of her. I spanked the dead center of her ass until she screamed in outrage.

Throughout it all, Kianna kept fighting me. She wiggled on my lap and grinded against my poor cock. Her hair came loose from her bun and the long black hair whipped around me as she shook her head. She kicked her legs but I never stopped spanking her ass.

“Bastard! Fucker! Asshole! Degenerate! Criminal! Molester!” Kianna screamed. She found new insults with every slap of her ass.

I stopped spanking her and moved my finger to her wet sex. Her pussy lips were shaved clean in accordance with Pik Collective dress codes and my fingers slipped right in. Kianna stopped wiggling and froze. A ragged gasp escaped from her lips.

Captain Spikeballs got suspicious. “That sounds like she FUCKING ENJOYS IT!”

“Of course not,” I said. “It was a moan of pure horror.”


Captain Spikeballs laughed. “You’re RIGHT! You are torturing the SHIT OUT OF HER!”

“That’s right,” I said. I slammed my fingers into her wet pussy. Her ass and tit were enormous but Kianna’s pussy was as tight as a singularity. As I stroked her slick sex, her pink ass clenched and squirmed.

“I will see you executed twice for this!” Kianna screamed.

“Wow, that is MUCH angrier than when I cut their toes off,” Captain Spikeballs said.

“It is all about knowing the Pik body,” I said. I pulled my fingers out of Kianna and I swore she shuddered in disappointment. My fingers were sticky and wet and I gave her ass a wet slap. WHAP!

“FUCKER!” Kianna yelled.

I lifted her as I stood up. Kianna winced as her tender ass was forced to move. I put her over the log I had been sitting on facedown so that her ass was on display to everyone. All three crews drew closer to admire the pink glow of her plentiful ass.

“I don’t see the big deal,” Halla, my Cabin Woman said.

“Now WHAT?” Captain Spikeballs said.

My intelligent pants unzipped themselves. I gripped my hard cock with my fingers that were still slick from Kianna’s pussy.

“Now we do the final humiliation,” I said. I gave my cock a few strong strokes.

Normally it would be hard for me to climax in an alien forest with hostile men surrounding me but Kianna’s ass was good inspiration. My hand prints were bright and visible on her plump ass. Her ass quivered in humiliation. The ample curves of her ass begged for another slap or a bite or even just to lay your face on it.

“Fuck!” I yelled as I climaxed. My cock released a heavy stream that arced through the cool air and landed on her tender ass.

“FUCKING SHIT!” Kianna screamed. Hot semen burned her sensitive ass.

I wasn’t done. My cock kept coming and I kept splattering Kianna’s ass. Seed landed on both of her buttocks. Sticky loads slid into her crack. Arcs of seed splashed her thighs and the bottom of her shirt. It was quite the mess.

“Now do we KILL HER?” Captain Spikeballs said. “And HER CREW?”

Here came the tricky part. “No, killing would bring her torture to an end. It is better to let her live so she will remember this torment for the rest of her life. Let her men live too so they can remember the horror they witnessed.”

Everyone grew silent. Captain Spikeballs narrowed his one good eye at me while his bad eye seeped. A growl grew in his lips. Fuck, I was going to die after all.

“I will take you to Hell MYSELF!” Kianna screamed. My seed dripped slowly from her ass.

Captain Spikeballs let out a loud laugh. “By the Lords of Space! You are a CRUEL BASTARD!”

I laughed and hoped it didn’t sound as nervous as I felt. “That’s me. I’m a cruel bastard.”

“I can do business with you,” Captain Spikeballs said. He passed me a datachip. “I have my prices listed here as well as the coordinates for our next rendezvous. Meet me there in THREE days! Bring another Pik prisoner IF YOU GOT THEM!”

“Will do!” I said.

Captain Spikeballs and his men faded into the woods. My pirates rounded up the Pik soldiers and started tying them up.

I sat down next to Kianna. “You can put your pants back on, Captain Gan. I’ll contact your ship once I leave orbit and let them know where you are.”

Kianna tried to stand and winced. Her ass was on fire and my hot seed hadn’t cooled it at all.

“I will report this new atrocity to my superiors!” Kianna said. “I will hunt you across the galaxy for this degradation!”

I sighed. “You’re welcome,” I said. People are never grateful for saving their lives.

Apr 162014

The Cabin Woman grinded on my cock. I was sitting upright and she was humping the hell out of me. Her pussy was a clamp around my cock and her hips were in constant motion. Long blonde hair bounced in my face as her mouth moaned an orgasm.

I was looking over her shoulder. The view screen for the bridge showed the freighter that we were attacking. One of the freighter’s shields flickered and failed. Plasma shots tore into the freighter’s weapons array. It was a mess of fire and shrapnel.

“Captain Blastpants, they still won’t surrender,” a crewman called out.

“Fuck them,” I said. The Cabin Woman groaned as she humped me. Profanity turned her on. “They had their chance to surrender. Activate the Blade Beam and expose their hull to space.”

The Blade Beam was an awesome weapon. It creates this large solid beam that shears through metal and bisects warships. With this in mind, you can imagine my surprise when instead of a large yellow beam of death; a rapid flickering of yellow light danced over the hull of the freighter and did no damage whatsoever.

“What the hell was that?” I asked. I pushed the Cabin Woman off of my lap. She started humping my foot as my intelligent pants zipped back up.

“I think we carved something onto their hull,” Old Nathan said. “I’m zooming in now.”

“The freighter surrendered,” Pious Pam said.

“Yeah, they probably shit themselves when the Blade Beam activated. Accept their surrender and tell them to change their underwear.”

The viewscreen zoomed in on what the Blade Beam did to the freighter. Old Nathan was right; the Beam Blade had performed an act of graffiti. It was quite legible. It said, “Captain Shitpants was here”.

The bridge was deathly quiet except for the moans of the Cabin Woman humping my leg. The bridge crew knew that all hell was about to be unleashed.

I stood up and kicked the Cabin woman off my foot. Geena, or was it Gia, looked up at me with disappointment in her lusty eyes. Cabin Women could be so needy.

“Morella, you have the bridge,” I said.

“Aye Captain,” Morella said. “May I ask where you are going?”

“I’ll be in the IT bay,” I told her.

I stormed off the bridge and headed for my quarters. My pulse was pounding in my ears. Captain Shitpants! The nerds in the IT department had gone too far this time! I had no doubt that the jokers there thought it would be funny to manipulate the Blade Beam firing sequence. I knew for a fact that they were giggling at this very moment. I was absolutely certain that they were dying to see the look on my face.

It was my own damn fault. It started when they had misprogrammed the shields and I ass fucked each of them as punishment. After that incident, the “accidental programming mistakes” had been escalating and after each occasion, my sexual punishment has escalated as well. It had turned into a process of fuck up and be fucked. They had just gone too far this time.

I went into my quarters and went for my personal treasure box. A dark mood had taken me. I prepared myself for revenge.

Wrist lasers? Check.

Nipple Drones? Check.

Lust Web? Check.

Pain Glove? Check.

Fury? Check.

I marched out of my quarters and towards the IT Bay. Pirates back in the days of ocean ships never had this problem. All they needed were sailors. Spaceships required all sorts of people to keep it functioning. We needed people who could fight, people who could maintain a space engine, people who understood life support systems, people who could repair metal and people who could do the math necessary for space travel. Most of all we needed nerds who could fix computer systems that ran almost all of this shit.

Sometimes nerds needed to be fucked back into their place.

I kicked open the door to the IT Bay. A music box blasted a song. I think it was “Females of All Species Greatly Prefer Recreational Activities”. The IT girls were sitting around the music player and yep, they were laughing.

I shot the music player with my wrist laser. It exploded nicely.

“Space Buddha!!” Jen-4 said. She was their leader. She was also a cyberdyne with long black hair and a video display instead of eyes. The holographic glyph of LOL that floated above her head changed to WTF.

“Lords of Space!” Mauna said. She was a tall girl with dark red skin, messy brown hair and glasses.

“We’re sorry, we’re sorry!” Ro yelled. She was the coward of the group but she also had huge tits which often saved her.

Not today they won’t.

I tossed the Lust Web grenade at Ro. It exploded in front of her and wrapped her in hundreds of white bands. The web bands dissolved her clothes in an instant with fast acting acids. She fell off her chair and struggled to stand. The web strands made sure that was never going to happen.

I pointed at Mauna. “Take your shirt off, now!”

Mauna obeyed. She whipped her shirt off in record time to reveal dark red breasts the color of Tharkan sand.

I tossed the Nipple Drones at her. They activated and flew straight at her tits. Each drone latched onto a nipple and bit down hard. Mauna cried out as the Nipple Drones bit down with unforgiving sharpness.

“Fuck!” Mauna yelled. She tried to pull the Nipple Drones off but they had anti-gravity engines and teeth that would hold onto an open airlock.

“It was just a joke!” Jen-4 said. A hologram glyph of J/K hovered above her.

“This isn’t,” I said as I raised my right hand. The Pain Glove activated and little arcs of neural-stimulating energy danced along my fingers.

“Oh shit,” Jen-4 whispered. SOL hovered above her.

I grabbed her hair with my ungloved hand. I yanked her to her feet and then threw her over her desk. Her monitor crashed to the ground. Out of spite, I shot the monitor with my wrist laser.

My gloved hand pulled down her shorts. Her pale naked ass clenched in front of me. I brought the Pain Glove down lightly on her ass for a light smack.

“HOLY SHIT!” Jen-4 screamed. The Pain Glove had stimulated the nerve endings in her ass to magnify my light slap into a full roundhouse swing of unimaginable force. !!! floated above her head.
I held her head down as she jumped and squirmed. I wanted to give her a second to process the small taste of what was coming. I also just liked watching her ass wiggle.

“Lords of Space, Lords of Space!” Ro moaned. The aphrodisiacs in the Lust Web were kicking in. Everywhere that the web touched her skin was stimulating her sexual urges. She desperately wanted to fuck or hump something. It was too bad that the web prevented from doing anything but rolling around helplessly.

“Ow, ow, ow!” Mauna screamed. The Nipple Drones were pulling at her nipples as far as her breasts could go. They were also twisting in the air, twisting her nipples as well.

“How dare you sabotage my weapons,” growled at Jen-4. I lightly tapped her ass again. The Pain Glove made it feel like I had hit her with a paddle going the speed of sound.

Jen-4 screamed. :( appeared above her head. “We weren’t in danger!” she yelled. “We programmed it only to do it if it detected no functioning weapons on enemy ships!”

I slapped her ass again, this time as hard as I could. I forgot that I was wearing the Pain Glove. Jen-4 screamed as she struggled to escape my grasp.

“And what if the sensors were down? Or you made a mistake?” I yelled. “What if we fucking needed the Blade Beam to save our lives and instead it was making smart ass jokes?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Jen-4 yelled. “We thought it was funny and you would fuck the shit out of us!”

A little of my anger faded. It was a little funny. It was also a little flattering to know that they just wanted to fuck me. I mean, I am Captain Blastpants, everyone wants to fuck me, but it is nice to see some people risk mutilation and death to tell me.

Ro let out a howl of sexual frustration. She struggled against the Lust Web but it wasn’t letting her go. Her giant breasts were being squeezed tighter and tighter with each futile effort she made.

Mauna was biting down hard on her lip. She was gripping the arms of her chair as the Nipple Drones increased their clamping strength and added more violent twists to their flight paths.

I looked down at Jen-4’s ass. Her ivory bottom had three very distinct handprints from where the pain Glove had tapped her. I also noticed that her thighs were soaking wet from her pussy.

“Are you nerds, sorry?” I asked.

“Yes!” all three of them yelled at the same time. SRY floated above Jen-4’s head.

I tossed a solvent bomb at Ro. It coated her in white foam that dissolved the Lust Web. Her hands free, she immediately started masturbating.

I pressed a button on my communicator. The Nipple Drones released Mauna’s nipples and she gasped with relief. Both of her nipples were now a bright white color from the clamping. She too started masturbating.

I turned off my Pain Glove and reached between Jen-4’s thighs. My gloved fingers went into her pussy and slid right in. She moaned with pleasure and :D appeared above her.

“Fucking nerds,” I said. “Next time prank my shower, but don’t fuck with the ship weapons.”

The IT women just moaned as they enjoyed their personal pleasure.

“You two, get over here,” I snapped. I pulled my fingers out of Jen-4 and grabbed her by the hair. I yanked her down to her knees. She grabbed my thighs and looked up at me with her video display. 8==> flashed above her.

My intelligent pants unzipped themselves and my cock sprang out. Jen-4 opened her mouth and sucked the head of my cock. She wrinkled her nose when she tasted my Cabin Woman’s pussy but she kept sucking.

I pulled my cock out of her mouth. “No, it was probably your idea, so you get something more special,” I said.

? floated above Jen-4’s head.

I turned around so that my ass was in front of her. I reached behind me and grabbed her head. Jen-4 didn’t fight as I pushed her face into my ass. Her mouth opened and I felt her tongue licking my asshole.

FML appeared above her head and I laughed. Cyberdynes have highly sensitive sensory organs. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she tasted right now. Considering the groans I heard, it was pretty interesting.

The other two IT women crawled up to me. They were on their knees and they leaned forward to lick my cock. I felt Ro’s heavy breasts press against my thighs as Mauna’s curly hair brushed my other thigh. Ro sucked the head of my cock while Mauna licked the shaft.

I moaned happily. This was almost worth having “Captain Shitpants” burned into a freighter hull. I am sure it will prompt a lot of speculation when they get to port.

In the meantime, I was enjoying the three mouths on me. I thrust into Ro’s mouth as Mauna sucked on the side of my cock. I shivered as Jen-4’s tongue played with my asshole. I stood tall among the IT women as they paid for their mischief with their mouths. It felt pretty damn good.

The nerds were enjoying it too. Ro stroked herself so fast that when she climaxed, I felt her moans around my cock. Mauna took my cock from her and swallowed me completely as she played with herself. Her red hands were buried in her pussy as she choked on my cock.

Even Jen-4 was masturbating as she licked my ass. It is probably what kept her licking despite her disgust with the task. I reached behind and smothered her face in my ass. I wanted her to get as deep as she could.

Mauna and Ro took turns with my cock. Ro was a hungry suck on the tip of my cock while Mauna took me all the way down her throat. When one sucked, the other licked what they could. Mauna licked the base of my cock while Ro went for my balls.

As for Jen-4, all she licked was my ass and it felt fantastic. It wasn’t that her tongue was nimble and pushing against my ass. It felt great simply because the next time she thinks about pranking me, she’ll remember the taste of my ass.

My balls tightened and I took mercy on Jen-4. I pulled her off my ass and took my cock out of Ro’s mouth. I stroked my cock as I pulled Jen-4 around to join her fellow IT nerds.

I pumped my cock in front of all three of them. “No more sabotaging weapons, right?”

All three of them nodded. Their faces were flushed from their orgasms and their punishments. Jen-4 kept rubbing her tongue with her fingers.

I stroked myself faster. “And no more Shitpants jokes,” I added.

They all leaned in closer. Ro opened her mouth first but the others followed her lead. :P appeared above Jen-4.

I climaxed. Being a fair space pirate captain, I gave them all an equal share. My seed splashed on Jen-4’s optical screen, Ro’s waiting mouth and Mauna’s cheeks. I also got come into their hair because I can be a bastard that way. I kept stroking and coming until all three of them were splattered with come.

“And let that be a lesson to you!” I said.

“Yes, Captain!” they said in unison. <3 floated above Jen-4’s head.

My intelligent pants zipped up and I turned around to leave. I stopped and turned back to face them.

I turned back around and aimed my Wrist Laser. ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! I blasted all three of their work stations. The nerds crawled away from the burning wreckage as fast as they could.

“That should keep you busy,” I said. Fucking nerds were insatiable.