Nov 212011

Phone rings.

Me: Ahoy?

Lady: Hello Mr. Richards, I am hear to talk you about (Audio gets too quiet to hear)

Me: Say again? You got really quiet.

Lady: I am calling from MoneyBuddy (Not the real company name) and I was calling to (audio gets too quiet to hear)

Me: Yeah, your voice got really quiet again.

Lady: I am calling to let you know that there is a problem with your account because of the blog you have.

Internal Me Dialogue: Aha! The evil anti-porn fascists have finally noticed my little bastion of sexual freedom and are trying to shut me down!

Lady: The blog is called “Erotiterrorist”, did I say that right?

Me: Sure. (Hell, I came up with the name and I don’t feel that I have any right to dispute how it sounds)

Lady: Well sir, you have material relating to (audio gets too quiet to hear)

Me: Say that again.

Lady: (audio gets too quiet to hear) concerning rape.

Me: Did you say rape?

Lady: Yes, you have a review concerning rape.

Internal Me Dialogue: Are you shitting me? I recently reviewed a dirty book where I said that I was put off by a rape scene. Am I being censored for even stating that a rape existed? What kind of Orwellian nightmare is MoneyBuddy running here?

Besides, I am very anti-rape. I wouldn’t have anything promoting rape, except maybe Erishella who to be honest is a bad girl but all of her victims like it so I would think that is a fuzzy line especially when it comes to the campy space opera fiction that I write.

Me: So you are saying that I have a review concerning rape?

Lady (audio gets too quiet to hear)

Me: Again, I really can’t hear you.

Lady: You also have a few articles about rape.

Me: Really? (In a terribly skeptical and disdainful tone. I haven’t had a good sexual freedom argument in ages)

Lady: You have an article called, Rape Dogs of Sharpbaldes Island

Me: ….

Internal Me Dialogue: Oh snap. She got me there.

Lady: Did I pronounce that right?

Me: Yep, so what does Moneybuddy want me to do?

Lady: In order to comply with our Acceptable Use Policy and avoid the limitation
of your account, you will need to remove those items from …

Internal Me Dialogue: Remove a story about freaky nasty dogs that were imported as a punishment and were later turned into a protected species? Hell no, that shit was funny.

Lady: . . . that violate MoneyBuddy’s Acceptable Use Policy. Example/s: rape themed blogs and reviews as well as remove MoneyBuddy as a payment option, as well as all references to MoneyBuddy, including the MoneyBuddy logo and/or shopping cart, from

Me: (click, click) Okay, I just did it.

Lady: Oh. Well, we’ll do a review and everything will be restored.

Me: And the money in my MoneyBuddy account is still there?

Lady: Yes, you can still access it. You just can’t close the account until we unfreeze it.

Me: All righty. (Hang up)

So yeah, no more MoneyBuddy donation button but hey, I got to hear someone else say the words, “Rape Dogs of Sharpblades Island” in a very serious tone of voice, so that is a win.