May 092011

The planet Euphoria has an extensive media network for the entertainment and indoctrination of the masses. The criminal justice system is broadcast to the masses so that the population can bet on the survival rates of traitors, killers and people who believe in voting for elected officials. Different sports programs are shown as well as over eight hundred programs to teach sexual proficiency and self improvement for sex workers. No subject is forbidden, except criticism of the Queen.

The most popular show is called “Between Her Thighs”, a weekly update on the lovers of Queen Erishella. Lovers is a term that can apply to people she deign to let kiss her nipple, to people who willing have intercourse with her to prisoners of war who will be used for her amusement.

The show is hosted by the Court Pornographer, a man whose name was burned from historical records as well as his own mind. His job is to monitor and record every sexual encounter of the Queen for future generations to appreciate. The job was created by King Fong who desired murals to be painted of his more spectacular orgies. The current Court Pornographer has been trained on Queen Erishella’s command to have great stage presence and generate high media ratings on his weekly broadcast.

The Court Pornographer witnesses every sexual act of the Queen through his hundreds of robot insects which monitor the Queen at all times. The footage is then processed to sort out state secrets and men with small cocks. Highlights are spliced together and sometimes inspirational music is added. The final product is broadcast for the enjoyment and gratification of the people of Euphoria.

Cultural critics are divided over why ‘Between Her Thighs’ is so popular. Erotica critics say it is because Queen Erishella is the most desirable person on the planet, and video of her face-fucking an enemy of the state is the closest that a citizen will get to fucking the Queen. Educational critics say it is because the cruelty and passion of the Queen is an inspiration to everyone. Political observers say that citizens watch the show in hopes of seeing a missing loved one who has vanished since making treasonous statements. All critics agree that the show improved greatly with the addition of the ‘Queen’s Climax of the Week’ feature.

“Between Her Thighs” airs weekly on Royal Media Channel 6 on Queen’s Day at nightfall with a second airing at midnight.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Jan 142011

The planet of Euphoria has many unique animals and vegetation but by far the most profitable export is a tiny pink pepper the size of a man’s little finger. Called the Boom Pepper, it has a salty taste that connoisseurs say is reminiscent of sweaty cock.

It also has the ability to induce an orgasm in a humanoid species within fifty seconds of being consumed.

Many foods in the galaxy claim to be an aphrodisiac but only the Boom Pepper has been proven to create a climax. It is enjoyed by the elderly as a way of reliving former sexual glories while the young have been known to eat the pepper has a way of experiencing the glow of sex without the messy consequences of sexual experimentation. It is a traditional ingredient added to meals at wedding parties, graduation ceremonies and the funerals of unpopular relatives.

During the reign of King Fong, the Boom Pepper was declared a controlled substance that could only be sold to members of nobility. The peasantry created an underground market of inferior Boom Peppers such as the dangerous subtype known as the Bang Popper. The Bang Popper induced four to six orgasms in those who ate it, but also carried to risk of inducing a stroke. A weaker pepper known as the Blast Chili would induce in an orgasm but only after a teasing five minutes of sensation. It also induced uncontrolled bowel movements.

When Queen Erishella came into power, she declared the Boom Pepper available to everyone. The inferior kinds of Boom Peppers became less popular and are now only used by chefs who specialize in creating poverty cuisine for the rich and famous.

A popular pastime in Euphoria society is to slip a Boom Pepper into the meal of guests, family or unrequited sexual crushes. The sight of people suddenly orgasming at the dinner table has been credited with the creation of a new generation of foodysexuals.

If visiting Euphoria during the harvesting season, be sure to visit the Grand Boom Pepper Cooking Festival held in the royal courtyards. Chefs from around the planet bring their latest recipes to show off their climaxing dishes. Boom Pepper King and Queen titles are rewarded to the man and woman that can eat the most Boom Peppers without stopping. It is a sensual delight for the entire family.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Oct 152010

One of the keys to the Euphorians’ success in conquering other planets is their amazing immune systems. While other wold-be intergalactic conquerors have been stopped by the colds and flus of other worlds, Euphorians tend to handle terrible skin eating diseases with nothing to show for it except a slight stomach ache. Historians often write that the Euphorians’ ability to survive any germ is a greater asset than their military technology or their willingness to subjugate anything that moves.

Because of their immune system, sexually transmitted diseases are virtually unknown. This has encouraged the Euphorians to indulge in multiple sexual contacts that would horrify the disease specialists of other worlds. In fact, the Euphorian immune system is so strong, it has been known to cure diseases carried by the sexual partners of Euphorians. This amazing quality is an important part of the prostitution/medical industry that is so strong on Euphoria.

The appearance of the Frigidity Plague during the reign of King Zarn defied all medical and tourist expectations. It was a curious disease that inflicted a lack of sexual interest in its victims, yet curiously, it was sexually transmitted. Technically the plague shouldn’t have spread very well but Euphorians have a tendency to fuck the unwilling which results in an epidemic.

No cure was found but King Zarn instituted a rigorous identification and quarantine program. The infected were exiled to a polar region where no healthy Euphorians could fuck them. Some have wondered why King Zarn did not simply execute all of the infected and this curious bit of mercy is one of the great mysteries of his reign.

New victims of the plague appeared from time to time and were shipped off to the polar camps. This changed when Queen Erishella assumed the Skull Throne. She has the infected tattooed with warning labels on their foreheads, asses and sexual organs and then had them reintegrated back into society. Now that they are clearly labeled, even the most hardened violator is hesitant to fuck something that may kill their libido.

Frigidity Plague victims now serve many important roles in Euphorian Society. Some serve in sanitation, while others are hired specifically for the care of children. It has become very fashionable to have the infected serve as guards for Harems, Brothels and rich heiresses. Queen Erishella herself is known to have an infected who serves as her personal pubic hair stylist.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Sep 202010

Hovering high in the air above the people of Euphoria, the Flying Arena is the greatest stadium ever created. Great antigravity engines keep this magnificent engineering feat suspended above the sprawling cities beneath it. A full fleet of airships patrol the sky and shoot down any unauthorized observers of the games held within. It is the most exclusive arena in the world and Euphorians sell their children into slavery for season tickets.

King Zarn created the most popular sport, Ass-Fighting. There are many permutations but he core rules are simple. Two men battle each other in the nude. The first male to climax inside the ass of the other wins. The winner is cheered in glory while the loser, with seed packed tightly into his ass, does the loser’s hobble of shame back to the showers.

Some losses were so humiliating that King Zarn ordered that mercy be given. The floor of the Flying Arena would open and the loser would plummet to his death. The King reserved the right to allow some of the winners fall to their death as well. King Zarn could be a fickle sports fan.

Ass-Fighting quickly became the most popular sport, even more so than the Slave Races. Champions have come from former soldiers, convicted slaves and in one amusing case, a retired performance dancer who had a particularly wicked talent when it came to penetrating the asses of his opponents.

Champions can reap all sorts of wealth from their popularity. Sex toy endorsement deals as the most common though some Ass-Fighters pimp themselves for private matches where they violate the bottoms of wealthy decadents. Zaddox the Thick became ludicrously wealthy when he became involved in making Ass-Fighting videogames that were known for accurately simulating the various strategies and tactics involved in entering unwilling opponent’s ass.

There is even more enthusiasm for Euphoria’s official sport since Queen Erishella came to power. In a controversial move, she allowed female Ass-Fighters for the first time. Previously, King Zarn allowed women to participate as amusements for the crowd. The cruel Euphorians loved to see trained Ass-Fighters molest the weak and unarmed women. Now female Ass-Fighters are equipped with a strap-on belt that directly stimulates their vagina. When they climax, a loud siren is activated so that the entire Arena knows of the loser’s shame.

Mixed matches of Ass-Fighters are now the most popular draw. The current Champion, Kedea the War-Fucker, has impaled over a hundred asses on her ebony pseudo cock. She once anally assaulted ten other Ass-Fighters, seven males and three women, to win the battle royale held for the Queen’s birthday. She is the favorite of the people and is said to have personally enjoyed the bedroom of Queen Erishella herself.

First time visitors to the Flying Arena are encouraged to get there on the first day of the week in order to see Amateur Night.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Aug 302010

The most popular beverage on the planet Euphoria is Ravish. This fizzy drink was invented during the reign of King Fong as a way to help finance the war effort against the Kellian Cluster. The typically cowed populace was getting restless with King Fong’s tendency to declare war against any planet that he could reach with his war fleets.

The real success of Ravish was due to King Fong ordering that the drink be flavored with the sexual juices of captured populations. Males and females were given mind blowing aphrodisiacs and then strapped to terrible fucking machines while intravenous tubes kept their bodies hydrated. The men would have their cocks sucked on by relentless pumps while kept in near constant state of orgasm. Women were strapped by the hundreds to merciless phalluses that would fuck them every hour of the day. The men would produce gallons of semen while the females would have all of their sexual lubrication drained from them.

The soda fuck factories would add the juices and semen to a commemorative edition version of the popular soda. Ravish-S was made from the output of men while Ravish-J was made from the output of women. For the more sexually enlightened, there was Ravish-A which was made from the sexual output of both genders. Cans were decorated with the nude bodies of the nobles that had been conquered for that particular planet.

The population eagerly snatched up cans of Ravish. It allowed the Euphorians to taste the spoils of victory without ever having to leave their home planet. Support for never ending war was never in question again.

Incidentally, working in the soda fuck factories is the most desired job of menial labor classed Euphorians.

Each conquered planet’s population produces a different flavor due to the difference in planetary biospheres. The drinks made from the juices of the women from the planet of Hatoonie were known to have a rather desirable spicy flavor while the men of the planet Ligel IV were known for their deliciously sweet flavor. Blind tasting games are a popular pastime among young ladies of the nobility.

Some editions of the soda become very popular and when the captured slaves set aside for the great soda fuck factories are exhausted, these editions became extremely rare. There is a thriving secondary market of the more popular sodas and in some cases, a six pack of a particular edition has been sold for a large fortune. Euphorians everywhere are always on the look out for forgotten Ravish cans of conquered worlds from long ago.

Currently the great soda factories are busy processing the captured slaves of the war against the Gem Moons. The women of Amethystine have become the most popular flavor with their sweet tangy qualities. Queen Erishella has already another round of enslavement in order to produce larger quantities of the soda.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Jul 302010

Constructed during the reign of King Zarn, the Bone Pleasure Palace was designed to house his two thousand and two bed slaves. The King decided that he wanted the bones of a Space Leviathan to build his den of decandece. It took seven ships of the Royal Space Navy, three of which were destroyed, to kill a Leviathan and harvest the bones. A small brick with the names of the lost ships was added to the construction as a memorial.

For many decades, King Zarn housed his favorite slaves here. The King was a fickle man and would often replace slaves that displeased him with new slaves. Slaves he no longer fancied were killed and their bones were used to interior decorating. Sometimes out of cruelty, King Zarn would hold contests where he would have his pleasure slaves fight each other and the losers were slain.

Although the bones of the Space Leviathan are responsible for the walls, floors, foundation, ceilings and domes, it is estimated that the bones of slaves make up 40% of the palace.

When King Zarn passed away, his successor, Queen Erishella came to the Bone Palace. She presented the slaves with a choice. They could either be freed, or they could join her service as her personal guard.

All of the two thousand and two pleasure slaves signed on as her personal guard. Forced to endure depraved sexual demands and endless cruelty, they were eager for the chance to inflict some themselves.

Clad in red leather that clung to every sensuous curve, the pleasure slaves were given the name of the Queen’s Whips. Each one wears a black mask that covers their faces except for their blood red lips. Their hair is bound into ponytails as befitting executioners of the Queen’s will.

The Queen’s Whips operate as the Queen’s personal touch. Sometimes the Queen’s Whips will descend on a factory that is lagging behind in production and inspire the workers with ruthless punishment. On rare occasions, the Queen’s Whips will administer mind blowing sexual acts for those special subjects who earn the Queen’s approval. They can be both harsh and sensual as their Queen desires.

The Bone Pleasure Palace still serves as their headquarters. Instead of the bones of failed slaves, they now decorate their home with the bones of the Queen’s enemies. It also serves as their training ground for new members. The Queen’s Whips only accept the most beautiful women into training, but they only keep those who display equal amounts of viciousness and sexual prowess.

Tours are available to the public every six days.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Jul 022010

On the planet of Euphoria, the standard of currency is called the Credit. According to ancient lore, the credit was the amount of precious metals required to make use of a young woman’s mouth. The first traders created coins molded to resemble the lips of the concubines in their service.

Thousands of years later, Euphoria has evolved to a paper currency but the Mouth Standard is still the same. Technically any person possessing an Euphorian Credit can go to any treasury on the planet and exchange their credits for oral services. Due to the remarkable open minded evolution of Euphorian society, you can have your oral pleasure from a man or woman, young or old and in some remote parts of the planet, from a human or a Suckfish.

Over the ages, various kings and queens of the Skull Throne have used the paper currency as a means of promoting their own glory. Queen Jahoris dressed in her skintight battle armor for the one thousand credit bill. King Zarn liked to have the innards of his enemies vividly detailed on the one hundred credit bill, circulating a new enemies’ insides every three weeks. Collectors seek out these bills and have been known to murder each other to complete a collection. Euphorians love their art and money.

Recently, the new Queen of Euphoria, Erishella, has ordered the treasury to create a new one credit coin. The Chief Treasurer advised that her that coins were an outdated form of currency and recommended she have a new paper bill created if she was feeling artistic. His skull was crushed and bone fragments were added to the first hundred coins, which incidentally made them collector’s items.

The one credit coin is the same diameter as Queen Erishella’s right aureole. The coin is made from a pink metal with flecks of crystal. On one side of the coin is the Skull Throne, on the other side is a perfect inscription of the Queen’s nipple.

Many Euphorians carry the coin for luck. Soldiers often kiss it before battle while civilians believe that touching the coin to their sexual organs will bring them luck. Women believe that two coins left on their chest will make their breasts grow while young men who have never touched a breast think the coin tastes like a real nipple.

Doctors perhaps hold the strangest belief. They think the size of the coin was designed to fit perfectly down a person’s throat and become stuck. A rash of choked dissidents turning up in planet morgues adds grim support to that theory.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

Jun 212010

Every morning, the Euphorian Army opens fire on Varthik Castle. Batteries of explosive shells send forth their deadly volleys into the thick Invincimatium gates of the castle. A legion of Terror Tanks fire scorching laser beams to chip away minute fragments of the walls. Squadrons of soldiers lay down a day long constant storm of lasers, bullets and the occasional frustrated thrown dagger. Around night fall, the Euphorian Army withdraws to allow an orbital battle cruiser to send down earth scouring ion beams in an attempt to weaken the castle.

The Castle has stood for over five hundred years. It is the only part of the planet of Euphoria that is not under royal control. It has outlasted several Kings and Queens of the Skull Throne. All have tried to crack the walls but none have succeeded.

Ages ago, during the reign of Queen Jahoris, the wealthy family of Count Diop managed their vast wine farms from this castle. Count Diop was known for possessing three things without equal on the planet. One was his mighty fortress of a castle. Second was his great collection of wines and chalices. Last, was the beauty of his twin children. Diama was considered to be fairer than the moon itself, while her brother, Diax, was considered to be more handsome than the sun.

Queen Jahoris asked for Count Diop’s children as a present. She asked for them to be delivered to her so that she could make bed slaves of them. In her infinite mercy, she even vowed to return them when she was bored of them instead of marrying them off to generals or visiting dignitaries. It was a simple request.

In an act of great treason and disrespect, Count Diop refused. He sealed the gates of Castle Varthik while his personal army gathered before him.

The army of the count was destroyed within a month. The vineyards were given to more worthy nobles within a year. The name of Count Diop became a slang term for a frigid bitch within ten years. In fifty years, the last bottle of Diop wine was auctioned for a billion credits. Eighty years later, Queen Jahoris passed away from natural causes when a laser melted her brain inside her skull.

The Castle however, remained sealed.

Succeeding Kings and Queens continued to lay siege to the castle. Defiance is never forgiven. The Skull Throne always remembers those who insult it.

Some say that Castle Varthik must be an empty shell. Some of the soldiers who lay siege to it believe that the inhabitants of Castle Varthik must be dust by now. These same soldiers usually weep with hysteria when great cannons within Castle Varthik fire back and disintegrate unsuspecting battalions. This usually happens once every couple of decades. Something still moves within the castle.

There is hope however. The great Invincimatium gates have been slowly disintegrating over the years. Scientists predict that barely a meter of Invincimatium remains to be destroyed. With constant pressure and unrelenting military abuse, the gates might crack within the decade.

The current holder of the Skull Throne, Queen Erishella, has announced a national holiday when Castle Varthik finally falls. She has announced her plans to personally attend the breaching of the castle. Queen Erishella plans to honor her great grandmother by ordering the construction of gilded cages to house the remains of the Diop twins.

The Skull Throne can never be denied.

May 312010

The island of Sharpesblades on the planet Euphoria has had a long bloody history. The terrible deadly trees here grow leaves that are renowned in the galaxy for their natural sharpness. In the reign of King Fong, a prison was built on the island to hold his political enemies. Even if they escaped from the prison, a good strong wind would dislodge the leaves and shred people to bits.

During the reign of King Fong’s son, King Zarn, The over populated prison population managed to overcame their wardens and take over the prison. Safe within the prison walls, the prisoners issued taunting proclamations of freedom and independent art criticisms. King Zarn was a maniacal despot and a rather uninspired painter with an insecure ego. He could not allow these enemies of his father and his own art to exist.

A plan was made to deploy a dozen Rape Dogs from Tiberon III. Eight feet long from snarling snout to prehensile tail, the Rape Dogs were known for fucking anything that moves. Possessing jaw that could crush microsteel and armored in a hide of the toughest leather, the Rape Dogs were quite capable of overpowering anything that takes their fancy. Their foot long cock capable of seven orgasms meant that whatever they did fuck would be in no shape to escape the rest of the pack.

It only took the Rape Dogs two days to molest every prisoner on the island. The prisoners themselves only survived twelve hours after that before being raped to death. Unfortunately for King Zarn, the trained handlers of the Rape Dogs only lasted three minutes before their horrific beasts broke free of the control.

Rape Dogs oddly enough are vegetarians. They thrived on the island. They posses only one gender and reproduce by raping each other. Within a year, the island was bristling with Rape Dogs desperate for something new to stick their vile cocks in.

King Zarn issued a bounty of a million credits for each Rape Dog cock brought to him. Hunters from all over the galaxy came to collect the astonishing reward. A silent grim hunter dressed in mysterious armor collected four cocks before flying off to parts unknown. He collected the most cocks. Most hunters were not so lucky. The beaches became littered with the broken asses of would be cock collectors.

The population did slowly begin to dwindle. For a million credits, someone was always willing to try and some of them even managed to collect a cock or two before being horribly assaulted themselves. It became a rite of passage among macho men who wished to test their courage against the ultimate predator. By the end of King Zarn’s reign, entire small armies of mercenaries would rampage through the forest looking for just one big score.

When Queen Erishella came to the Skull Throne, she outlawed the hunting of the Rape Dogs. She declared them to be the official royal animal and thereby protected by threat of execution. The small population of monstrous violators is on the road to recovery.

It is said that one of the Rape Dogs was captured and brought to the Queen as her personal pet. It is said that she has tamed the carnal beast and it now serves at her command. Visual depictions of what she may do with the Rape Beast have become quite popular folk art with the masses.

–Euphorian Gazetteer

May 252010

Every year, the youths of Euphoria gather for the great race on the Glass Staircase. Wrapped around the great mountain of Phos, the Glass Staircase coils for six thousand, nine hundred and sixty-nine steps. The only decorations on the Glass Staircase are the black marble statues of past winners. The steps themselves are made of reflective glasscrete, allowing the sun to reflect those who climb the stairs, but yet stay cool to the touch.

This is an important detail for the youths as they must run naked up the steps. Teenage boys and girls of legal age ascend the stairs in a mad dash of devotion to their Queen. The glass reflects their nudity back at them for the enjoyment of the millions of Euphorians who watch the race every year via remote video cameras. Their young flesh jiggle and struggle up the steps and many a youth are often offered careers as concubines by smitten viewers.

Most of the youths pass out on their way up the stairs. Quite a few youths find romance with each other and give up the race to pursue each other. A small number of youths fall from the stairs and their deaths are always cheered by the viewers at home. One youth was struck by a strange beam from outer space and teleported to Gods know where. Only a few ever reach the top.

For those lucky few who reach the top, they must finish the last part of the race. Queen Erishella waits for them on her Skull Throne. Her outfit changes from year to year but what never changes is how open her thighs are and how bare her royal sex is. For this is the last challenge; giving pleasure to the Queen. With their chests panting, their lips trembling with exhaustion and their chests heaving, and their mouths still gasping from the climb they must orally please the Queen.

The Queen can be quite demanding. She wraps her legs around them and pins their mouths to her sex. Boy or girl, the Queen treats them the same. She allows them to attempt to please her until she bores of their attentions. If they fail, their bodies are tossed from the top of the Glass Staircase. If they succeed, the scream of the Queen as she climaxes announces the end of the race.

The winner is granted a million credits. It is enough to enjoy a life of decadence for the talented youth. A title of Baron or Baroness is granted them as well as a sizable tract of land. Their statues are erected along the Glass Staircase to serve as an example to next year’s contestants.

–Euphorian Gazetteer