May 042015
 

WebberWitch 001This May marks the anniversary of surviving my testicular cancer.  It was around this time that my doctor said I had no evidence of the cancer remaining. I still had to go through two years of checking which was necessary but also a weird feeling of being on cancer probation. The closest I can describe it as is like that point in a horror movie where the heroes kill the monster but the credits haven’t rolled yet so you expect the monster to make one last appearance. Three years out I feel like the credits have rolled and the ushers are cleaning the popcorn from the aisles.

I just hope they never make a damn sequel.

Surviving cancer brings two lessons. Lesson one is that after your nut grows to the size of a baseball and chemo makes you sick as a dog for twelve weeks, any other challenge life throws you is easy mode. Seriously, so many things that used to worry me are nothing by comparison. It is almost like a super power. I know that whatever happens, I can deal with it.

The second lesson is much simpler but harder to convey. Enjoy life. Really. After being too queasy to eat, you really appreciate a good hamburger. After feeling like you might never see another summer, you really see the importance of hitting a pool every once in awhile. Enjoy life; that’s what it is there for.

The sketch card is by George Webber. I get a “Fuck Cancer” card every year. My missing nut deserves it.

Jun 102013
 

May was a challenging month for me. It was the one year anniversary of me being cancer free. I thought it would be a more joyous time but instead it was just one long cancer related flashback where I thought about how fucking scary it was. I don’t worry about getting cancer again as much I find it hard to shake the mentality of when I had it. There was also the matter of looking into life insurance and realizing that hey, I can’t get any for another four years because of my cancer. It is like me and my doctor think I am fine, but the odds-makers at the insurance company know something.

May was also the month in which my brother was born. He has been on my mind a lot and death being death, there is no easy way to get closure on the subject.  I am surprised how I appear to spend more time thinking about him now that he is dead than when he was alive.

May was also the month where me and the wife started marriage counseling. We love each other but when you have the same stupid arguments over and over, it is time to get professional help.  I was taken back by how amazed the therapist was that I had gone through cancer and my brother’s death in such a short time. He acted like it was a big deal but to me it was just life.  I mean, I know it is a big deal but deep down I rarely feel like I have a right to complain about it.  Shit happens.

So yeah, May has been a busy emotional time.  As usual when I am depressed, I turn to writing. I have been writing Doom Vagina, which is about a male sub serving as a groupie sex slave for an all female metal demon worshiping band, which has been a nice distraction. I also took a mental vacation and wrote four short stories about summer that I will be posting this month.  I am a firm believer that when your mind and body is trapped, fiction is the best way to escape. For some people it is reading fiction but I am fortunate enough to be able create my own.

*Image is a sketchcard of Superwoman, drawn by the awesome Joe Gravel